#fightingcravings

It was grocery shopping day today and my husband brought 2 dozen chocolate muffins from Costco (we freeze them and cut them in half so they last few weeks). It took some willpower not to have one. So far so good. I want to be able to come back in the evening and say I didn’t have one!

I'm at work and there's Panera sandwiches left over from a lunch meeting, and we also have a work charity event this evening. So I know I'm going to be drinking and having a not quite WW dinner, which hopefully I'll be in a better mood and won't have as hard of a time saying no to things as I am right now.

I had a salad for lunch that was 3 points...and I gave in and had a piece of French baguette that was also left over from lunch. So I'm at 11 points right now and I have 19 points left for the day...which I should save for tonight. I don't need this sandwich but I really want it.

I just went to the kitchen and put it in the fridge and brought out some sugar snap peas. I'll munch on those awhile.

These past few days have been really easy. In fact I've not had a single craving I haven't been able to fight off. And here's why:

I don't take any medications because of the potential health effects I would be facing later in life. I won't even take headache or cold meds either. I think it's because once when I was taking a lot of cold medication and was under a lot of stress, and had just had 2 large cups of coffee, my blood pressure was sky high. It since has never come close to a reading that high again, but all of those things can add to a higher blood pressure reading, not to mention my high fat diet and generally being out of shape. I got scared shitless and so my reaction was to cut out the easiest of those causes and made the subconscious decision to blame that cause for the whole thing, which I know is irrational, but I also subscribe to the notion that as long as you KNOW you're being irrational, it's ok.

So, the easiest thing for me to cut out out of those three things was the cold meds. I'm naturally a stubborn person, so I'm not going to let a cold or a headache beat me - and I don't need medication to do it. And I literally believe in fighting it off on my own - now. I also understand that I tricked myself into this fake battle with modern medicine just because I didn't want to face any of the other causes of that particularly high blood pressure reading. To be fair, I understand all of the research and marvels of modern medicine and understand the concept that we know so much about these medications and they really are better for you than bad. Yet, I won't get the flu shot because aside from my irrational thoughts that would prevent me from getting it anyway, every time I have gotten the flu, I have also had the flu shot in the same year. There's Pavlov working for you - or should I say me? Also, I unfortunately was a minor when the HPV vaccination came out, and my mother forced me to get it, against my will. That truly is something that we don't know for sure what the effects will be years from now because it is so new - and I was not willing to be a guinea pig. That one, I will never let my mother live down. I believe I can be and actually am sexually responsible enough to not contract an STD.

So, that went on a little longer than I anticipated and clearly I decided to reveal the crazy in me - which I acknowledge - so according to my logic, that's ok, right?

Whether you subscribe to that medical nonsense I was going on about is of no concern to me, because I clearly think that I'm being irrational when it comes to meds and who am I to tell anyone else what to do to their bodies...because looking at mine...you could be on more meds than I can count and still look healthier than me. The whole point to discussing my crazy mindset of medication, is it's the idea that I don't put these things into my body because of how they could potentially harm it. So if I care so much about the harm they could do to my body (rationally speaking or not...just go with my crazy here), then why do I put all of this food - mostly high in fat content - into my body daily?

This is the question I ask myself every time I want to eat something bad. Also if I crave something that could be healthy or even relatively so without all of the crap I want to put on it, I tell myself, "That's how a fat person would eat that," and that seems to help stave off some of the extraneous ingredients.

I also have been trying to teach myself to eat only when I'm hungry or if I do want to graze on something to have it be a bag of veggies. I currently just chowed down 3/4 of a bag of those snap peas I started eating at the beginning of this blog. I now am quite full and given how much my stomach has shrunk this week, I couldn't imagine eating that sandwich I was craving at the beginning of this blog - or the mayo that I wanted to put on it.