#fictional report

Description: the subject is a bird-like mutant who produces a kazoo sound through the blowhole at the top of his head.

Record:

The subject is observed to take in air and heat it up through his blowhole to retain heat.

The subject is sensitive to high and low temperatures and as a result, he is susceptible to fever and chills

The subject seems to prefer seafood

Other Observations:

Occasionally plays the harpsitree

Displays a short temper

Description: The subject is a human bass guitar complete with tuning pegs and a retractable tongue which he uses as a guitar string.

Record:

The subject appears to be chilly and sensitive to taste upon waking up from the electrovival process

Their tongue appears to extend indefinitely

Other Observations:

Can sense two extra flavour profiles (I.e. groovy and jazzy)

Prone to getting tongue-tied

Description: the subject has multicoloured feathery hair and horned limbs with pointed hooves. They wear a unique cyan bird-like mask.

The subject's instrument of choice is the pipe organ, specifically a dance mat operated pipe organ.

Record:

The subject is rather shy and their throat hurts too much to talk after the electrovival process

After recovering, the subject has taken an interest in needlework and obscure rhythm games

Poewk helps Screemu keep the rhythm of the song by the vibrations of the keyboard.

Other Observations:

Is a member of the embroidery club and a competitive keyboarder

Can dance so frantically that it's impossible to keep up with her

Description:

Dwumrohl is a feathered mutant with an indefinite number of retractable arms. Her instrument of choice is a drum set.

Record:

This subject was the most difficult wublin to acquire eggs for so far

It’s impossible to accurately count the amount of arms that the subject has

Other Observations:

Thrives on multitasking

Is polydexterous

Description: the subject has amphibious limbs and furcorn-like headstalks which appear to function as eyes.

Record:

Brump is the first wublin statue to be created. (However, I'm having trouble figuring out how to wake him up, I mean what does a wublin even eat? Cookies? Eggs? Souls? Abstract concepts?)

I've finally figured out how to wake up the wublins. You have to "zap" eggs into the statues. In the subject's case, he needs six furcorn eggs and 2 fwog eggs. (The amount of eggs and the exact type may vary from subjects.)

the subject has been waken up and he has started chanting "wake up the wublins wake up the wublins!"

Other observations:

He's an exaggeration of the weird friend

He's a good listener, despite the lack of visible ears

[CLASSIFIED FILE: INCIDENT REPORT 1A]

LOCATION: Undisclosed Containment Interview Room — Facility G-11, Sub-Level 3 SUBJECT: Agent [REDACTED], formerly assigned to Operation PENDULUM VEIL INTERVIEWER: Internal Affairs, Delta Green Division (code: VELUM) DATE: October 17th TIME: 03:44 AM

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

I asked you to turn the cameras off.

I know that doesn't change anything. I know it's still being recorded somewhere else. I know this is still going in a file that will never reach the surface, buried under a thousand feet of protocol, shredded and retyped until it doesn’t even resemble the truth anymore. That’s fine.

Just let me talk. Just let me burn.

Because I remember it. Because we all did, until we didn’t.

You want to know about the Monocle Man.

No one called him that back then, of course. We didn’t have a name. He was just a marketing glitch, a visual hiccup. Like someone photoshopped history.

When I was a kid, my father had the Monopoly board in the attic. It smelled like dust and books and the kind of mildew that only grows in forgotten rooms. And on the cover of the box was the man himself—top hat, cane, monocle, mustache. You remember the one. Everyone did.

Except now... he never had a monocle. Never.

You pull up the archives, and it's like the monocle never existed. Not in the packaging. Not in the commercials. Not in the print ads. Nowhere. People claim we misremembered. Mass hallucination, they say. The Mandela Effect.

But they don’t know what we did.

See, we found the room. In 2014.

Buried beneath an advertising firm in New Jersey, an old firm that hadn't filed taxes since '92. An entire basement level that wasn’t on any blueprint. Door sealed with a keypad that responded to laughter. Yes. That was the key. Forced mirth.

Inside, we found blueprints. Not for buildings. For memory.

Layers of sketches. Not of products. Of icons.

Mr. Peanut. Pikachu. Curious George. C-3PO. All of them wrong. Each with notes in the margins:

“REMOVE TAIL.” “GOLDEN LEG: RETCON. INITIATE JULY 12.” “NO MONOCLE. SCRUB FROM ALL NODES.”

We thought it was a joke. Some weird art project. Until the bleed started.

People on the street began asking us what changed. Old women described movie scenes that never existed. Kids talked about books with different endings. I met a man—a dentist, clean and sober for twenty years—who swore his daughter used to watch "Interview with a Vampire," not "The Vampire." Small thing, right? Except... we checked.

His VHS copy said "Interview with the Vampire." But he remembered it differently. We all did.

So we asked the wrong question.

We asked: "Why do people misremember?" We should have asked: "Who is changing it?"

That’s when we traced the symbol. Not a logo. A glyph.

A spiral with three cuts.

Found etched into the backs of billboards. Inside cereal boxes. Burned behind the eye in dreams. We found a teenager in Detroit who painted it on his school locker, said the "Monocle Man" told him to. When we interviewed him, he cut his own eyelid open with a fork and whispered,

*"You don't know the real rules."

We called in Delta Green Protocols. Burned the evidence. Sanitized the witnesses. Chalked it up to memetic decay. A failed containment breach. But it didn’t stop.

Every year since, it’s gotten worse. Faster.

Songs change lyrics. Logos morph overnight. People remember events that never happened. And each time, the spiral shows up somewhere. Not always visible. Sometimes just... implied. A pattern in the mold. A number in a receipt. A gap in the film.

You think this is just nostalgia and false memory?

No. It’s a weapon. A surgical tool to cut at reality.

Impossible Landscapes calls it the Un-Place. A trauma that eats context. But we gave it a new name: TAPIR. Temporal-Amnestic Phenomenon Induced Reframing.

But that’s just a euphemism for the same old thing: obliteration.

Because if enough people remember it wrong, it was wrong.

And if no one remembers the monocle, then the Monocle Man never had one.

And if you think that doesn’t matter, ask yourself: what else are you wrong about? What else did they already change?

And who is they?

The man in the room never told me his name. He just said, "You're remembering too much. That’s dangerous."

Then he took my files and left.

But I see the glyph sometimes. In the dust. In the snow. In my coffee. And I remember.

So write that down. Burn it. File it under fiction. Call it Delta Green. Call it paranoia. But if you ever see a man in a top hat with no monocle?

Run.

Because that means it's already rewritten you.

END TRANSCRIPT

The subject is snail hybrid mutant, complete with a shell and eye-stalks with crash cymbals attatched

Record:

Scargo appears to be wound up and restless after the electrovival process.

Her hobbies include baking, cheesemaking and playing JRPGs

The subject appears to display sensory-seeking behaviours such as self induced brain-freezes and running his hand on the railings.

Other Observations:

Is terrified of garlic, butter, and garlic butter

The shell on her back IS her bedroom

Description: the subject is a saxophone playing mutant who resembles a banana, a stack of pancakes and a stack of banana pancakes.

Record:

Gheegur is an asymptomatic carrier of radiation poisoning, so a type of counter is implemented to keep said radiation in check

Three stripes=>10 mins

Two stripes=25 mins

One stripe=50 mins

!=<60 mins(DANGER)

Other observations:

Shed fingernails make great night lights

Refers to it's mandibles as "facehuggers"