#fenya scribbles

POV Reader

Your eyes are tired as they take in the time on your computer screen. Past 8pm again. You sigh, burying your head in your hands. “Fuck”, you mutter under your breath, cursing the person who kept you at work this late. Again.

It had been like this ever since he started working with you. Jinho had been hired six weeks ago. You started staying late six weeks ago. To clean up after him, to fix his messes, and to get your own shit done on top of that. “He’s got experience”, your boss had said, “he won’t need much training.” Fuck your boss.

With heavy shoulders, you lift your head again, your unfinished work staring back at you. Just a bit more, maybe 45 minutes, and you’ll be free. The thought of coming home to your boyfriend soothes your frazzled nerves. There is nothing better than curling up in Seungmin’s arms after a day like this. To get the full force of Seungmin’s affection - a privilege only very few people possess.

A chuckle escapes you. It’s so silly how this man can make you smile without even being around. You love him so much. He’s the only reason you’re strong enough to endure Jinho’s incompetence, even if you’re unable to share the burden with him. Determined to finish up quickly, you take a deep breath and get back to work.

♡♥︎♡

The door falls shut behind you as you toe off your shoes. “Minnie?”, you shout, encouraged by the soft warm light streaming from the living room. The sound of fabric shifting fills the quiet, followed by the soft tap-tap-tap of socked feet coming closer. “You’re late”, he says, arms crossed where he stands, “again.” “Sorry”, you mumble, “work was a lot.”

You can’t be more specific. He doesn’t know about Jinho and the extra work he puts on your plate every damn day. It’s not that you don’t trust your boyfriend, it’s just…he has so much to deal with already. Video shoots and dance practice and vocal lessons and magazine interviews and recording sessions. It doesn’t seem fair to you to put your work troubles on top of that. Not when you got it handled.

“Was it?” He sounds skeptical. You nod, hanging up your coat with shaking fingers. You haven’t eaten and it’s coming back to bite you in the ass. “Do we still have leftovers from yesterday?”, you ask when you turn to step towards him. Seungmin shifts on his feet. He seems tense, arms still crossed, eyes wary. “Everything okay, babe?”

He huffs. There’s clearly something he’s not saying, but his eyes wander to your shaking hands. “Go sit down”, he mumbles and stomps off into the kitchen. You end up feeling even more strung out than before you came home. This was supposed to be the antidote to the long, exhausting day you’d just had. What the hell is going on?

Seungmin lets you eat before speaking up again. He’s restless though, shuffling around on the couch beside you, watching you take one bite after an other of the meal he threw in the microwave for you. When you set down your bowl on the coffee table, there’s a strange, charged silence between the two of you. It sends an uncomfortable shiver through your bones.

“So”, he begins, “work?” You try to decipher whatever is going on with him, but his face gives you nothing. “What about it?”, you ask instead. “You’ve been staying late a lot.” “I’ve had a lot to do.” He hums. Pondering. Eyes narrowing.

“It’s like you don’t want to come home anymore.”

The accusation punches the air out of your lungs. How the hell did he come to that conclusion? How could he ever think that you don’t want to be in the only place that brings you peace? Be with the only person that gets your mind to slow down?

“What?!” It’s more of a gasp than a question. He shrugs in a what else am I supposed to think kind of way. “You’re never around anymore, you rarely answer your phone throughout the day. It’s like I’m an afterthought. It’s like your don’t want to be around me anymore.”

Your eyes sting as they meet his. “Minnie”, you whisper, reaching out. He pulls his hand back. “What’s going on, baby?”, you try, confusion and hurt pooling in your stomach. “I feel like you don’t want this anymore”, he says. A beat of heavy silence follows.

And then - “like you don’t want me anymore.”

It takes a moment for you to wrap your mind around what he just said. What he’s implying. The horror of it chills you to the bone. “You think I want to break up?”

It hurts. The realization rips through you like a thunderstorm. There’s sadness at first. How lonely must he have felt with your recent absence? How alienated because you didn’t want to bother him with your troubles? How shut out because you tried to protect him from your issues?

But then the rage comes. Because how dare he think so little of your love for him? Doesn’t he know you at all? How dare he come to conclusions before even talking to you? Haven’t you proven to him time and time again that he’s it for you? How in the hells is it this easy for him to think you’d just cast him aside like that?

“Well, it’s kind of obvious”, he says. He sounds so sad, so broken, but you’re consumed by the unfairness of his assumptions. You can’t do this, can’t feel sympathy for this man in front of you. This man that you love. This man who thinks so little of you - who just decided you’d leave him by pulling away instead of having a conversation. That you’d leave I’m at all.

The insult of it grips you by the throat, heart pumping heavy in your chest. You’ve never felt less seen by anyone, never felt less understood. This was supposed to be the man who knew you better than anyone. The man you opened your heart to, who you showed your scars to, who really knew you. You were supposed to be int his together. But somehow, he decided what your intentions were for you. Without your input, without even asking.

You see red.

“Get out.” Your voice is shaking. It’s a miracle you don’t yell. Hot tears roll down your cheeks as you force yourself to stare him down. “What?” He’s the one confused now, eyebrows raised. “This is my place”, you say, “and if you think I don’t want you anymore, you can get out. You know the way.” You don’t wait for him to move, don’t give him chance to argue either. Instead, you get up, take your bowl to the kitchen and disappear to your room without another word.

The pillow is already soaked, muffling your sobs, when you hear the front door close a few minutes later.

♡♥︎♡

POV Seungmin

You’re not answering.

Not to texts. Not to calls. Not to your front door.

Seungmin’s been trying for 5 days, heart breaking a little more with each failed attempt to talk to you, to explain, to apologize. To make it right. Fix what he broke.

But you’re unavailable to him and he know he’s done that to himself. He came home crying that night, letting Felix hug him until he fell asleep - a situation so rare that Felix alerted Chan, who consequently came over the next day to figure out what had happened. But Seungmin didn’t talk, couldn’t spell it out, couldn’t speak the words. He just cried some more, sobbing into his bed sheets as his worried friends tried to comfort him.

Chan managed to get him a few days off, claiming he’s sick - which in a way, he was. Lovesick. Heartbroken. Locked in his room for 3 days before he showed up at your place, waiting all day for you to not let him in.

And now, 5 days after the fight, he just feels lost. Cursing himself for his own insecurities, for jumping to conclusions, for being too scared to talk about his fears like he should’ve done. He’s out of his depth. All he wants is to be back in your arms, to understand why you’d been so distant lately, because his own assumptions were very obviously wrong.

♡♥︎♡

“Lix?” Seungmin’s fingers play with the hem of his sweater as he stands in his roommate’s bedroom door. The blonde looks up from his phone where he sits on the bed, eyes warm and curious. “What’s up?”, he asks with a soft smile. Seungmin takes a deep breath. “I need your help.” Felix’s eyes light up ever so slightly. “What do you need?”

♡♥︎♡

His hands are sweaty and it’s not because of the steaming cup of tea between his palms. Nervous eyes dart to the clock above the counter of the coffee shop. 3:01pm. You’re late by one minute. They won’t show up, the voice in the back of his head tells him. A shaky breath escapes his lips. He tries to shake it off, the doubt, the fear. Felix said you’d come and he believes it. Or tries to.

At 3:02pm the bell above the door rings. Seungmin’s head snaps up so fast it’s almost dizzying. His heart stops. His mind blanks. There you are, pretty as always, looking around the empty shop. Well, almost empty. Felix sits behind the counter, putting the finishing touches on your favorite drink. He is who your eyes settle on. No words are spoken as Felix pushes the drink over, his signature soft smile on his lips, giving you an encouraging nod before he disappears through the “Staff Only” door in the back.

Seungmin’s eyes track your every move, watching you like a starved man. Like just looking at you can satiate him. He notices the way your fingers curl around the mug, the way you take in the sweet scent of your drink. He watches you brace yourself - deep inhale, long exhale - before your eyes finally meet his. His grip around his own mug tightens, the heat of the porcelain grounding him ever so slightly.

You set down your drink before taking a seat opposite him. The cold weather left a soft blush on your cheeks, along with a cute red nose. Pulling off your beanie leaves your hair just a tad messy. In combination with the warm light from he lamp above your table, it softens up your features in the most mesmerizing way. You’ve never been more beautiful to him.

God, how he’s missed you. He envies your mug when you put your lips to it, taking a careful sip.

The air shifts when you put it back down. “Talk.” Your voice is tight, the hurt still present within. It’s very clear that you only showed up because Felix had begged you to and it’s very nearly impossible to say no to his big round boba eyes. Seungmin was never more thankful to have him as a friend.

“I…”, he starts, but the words die on his tongue. A lump sits in his throat, and he can already feel his eyes sting. No, he has to do this. He needs to do this. Deep breath. “I wanted to apologize.” You just stare at him for a beat, taking another sip of your drink. “Well”, you say eventually, “go ahead then.”

He should’ve know you wouldn’t go easy on him. And you shouldn’t, either. His fingers press against his mug, tips whitening. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you before making assumptions”, he says then, forcing a steady voice and only messing up slightly. “I was clearly wrong, and I wish I could take it all back.” Suddenly, a dry sob escapes him without permission. “I’m so sorry, Y/N”.

You take your time to answer, watching the foam on your drink swirl as you move your mug ever so slightly. “How did you even come up with that?” Your voice is so quiet, yet so loud in the empty café. “How could you think I’d do that to you? Leave you like that?” Seungmin can see your eyes redden and it breaks his heart all over again. “Leave you at all?”, you whisper, finally looking up.

He wants to reach out, wants to hold you, reassure you. But he’s not sure he’s allowed to. If you pulled away, he’s not sure he could take it. “You’re so amazing”, he says instead, “so smart and kind and funny. You’re everything. And I’m just…me. And when you pulled away, I thought you’d finally realized it. That I’m not enough for you. That I could never be enough for someone like you.”

Your eyes widen with his words, tears rolling down your pretty pink cheeks. “Oh Minnie”, you say, and the softness of it rips right through Seungmin’s chest, “you’re such an idiot.” “I know.” You chuckle. It’s the best sound he’s ever heard.

But it only lasts a second.

“Didn’t you trust me?” “No, I did. I do. I just…I got so in my head about it all. I talked myself into a spiral and then…I fucked it all up, Y/N, I’m so sorry.” You hum, contemplating, before taking another sip of your drink. He’s glad he chose to rent out the coffee shop. Glad he gave both of you something to do with your hands. With the silence.

When you set your cup down again, he notices a shift in your posture. Back straight, shoulders relaxing. “You really hurt me, Minnie”, you say, “but I’m also sorry for shutting you out. I had a lot on my plate and I didn’t want to burden you with it.” He nods, turning your words over in his mind. Pondering their deeper meaning. “I’m sorry for pulling away”, you add, eyes honest and soft.

A new silence settles between you. This one is a little lighter, almost hopeful. Not quite there yet, though. “I don’t want to lose you”, he admits. You nod, absentmindedly swirling what’s left of your drink in your cup. “Please”, he whispers when you don’t reply. It’s then that he’s finally unable to keep his hand away anymore. He reaches over with one hand, cautiously, still scared you’ll flinch or pull away. His heart is hammering against his rips as his fingers brush yours.

Your eyes snap up at the contact.

“Minnie”, you whisper, not engaging with his touch, but not moving away either. “Let me fix it”, he begs, “please, Y/N.” Fresh tears roll down your cheeks as you consider him. “If I made you feel like your troubles are a burden to me - like you couldn’t talk to me…”, his voice breaks, “please, baby, let me fix it. Let met make it right.”

He can feel his own tears now, unable to stop them. His other hand leaves his mug to reach out to you. “I’ll be better for you”, he whispers, both hands covering yours now, “I can’t lose you, Y/N, please.” You take a deep, very shaky breath. He feels your fingers flex beneath his palms, and for a split second he’s terrified you’ll pull away. But you don’t . Instead -

“Come here.” You move where you sit on the bench, making space. Space for him.

Seungmin has never switched seats this fast in his life. He’s beside you in a heartbeat, hands cupping your perfect face, lips crashing into yours without hesitation. He’s so eager, so hungry for you, so relieved that you let him in again. Let him have this second chance.

He’s resistant when you try to pull away, but gives in eventually. “Minnie”, you say once more, a bit out of breath, “I love you.” “I love you, too”, he breathes, “so much.” “We need to talk more.” He hums in agreement, thumbs brushing over your cheeks. “I promise.” It’s you who initiates the next kiss. It’s much softer, much more gentle. “Me too.”

Just then, the noise of something heavy hitting the floor disrupts the quiet, followed by a loud “Fuck!” from behind the “Staff Only” door. You chuckle as Seungmin lets out a long, faux-irritated sigh. “We better make sure he didn’t die”, you muse. “He’ll be fine”, Seungmin mumbles, lips brushing yours. “Minnie”, you giggle. He huffs, unable to keep the smile off his face. “Fine, let’s check on the kitty.”

Fenya’s Masterlist

“Yah!” Changbin’s voice rings down the hallway as he chases you towards your apartment’s front door. You’re shaking with laughter, giggles bubbling out of you uncontrollably. You’d pinched his side the moment the elevator doors opened up and immediately booked it down the empty corridor, almost tripping over your two feet.

In the short time you were dating, you’d found endless ways of having fun with him like this. He always indulges you, always plays along with whatever silliness you come up with, filling your chest with warmth and laughter every single day. You ended up breathless on your couch many times, laughing until your lungs gave out, fingers intertwined with your boyfriend’s.

For you, Changbin is safe. He’s soft and strong and sweet and silly and safe.

He catches up with you right when you try to unlock your door, still laughing a bit too hard to keep the key still. “You’re a little menace, you know that?”, he mumbles against your skin, hugging you from behind and pressing soft little kisses to your cheek. It only draws more giggles from you, as you let yourself melt into him.

Against all odds, you eventually manage to unlock the door and let both of you stumble inside. Changbin immediately helps you shrug off your coat, hands carefully brushing over your shoulders and down your arms, before he takes the jacket and puts it on a hanger. Your skin is tingling from the clod. Definitely from the cold.

“You hungry, bunny?” You nod. “Thai?”

It’s always easy like that.

A few minutes later, you find yourself curled up on the couch. With a content smile, you watch as his fingers flick over his phone, ordering your favourites from your usual Thai delivery service. “It’ll be here in 45 minutes”, he says, putting is phone face down on the couch table.

That should be enough for one episode?” His arms settles around you, fingers lightly brushing your side.

It’s exactly enough for one episode of the TV show you’d been watching for the past week.

He pauses the rolling credits when the doorbell rings, drops a kiss on your forehead and goes to pick up the food. With a content sigh you let yourself lie down, right into the warmth of where Changbin had been sitting.

Where his strong things had been pressing into the cushions. Your breath hitches at the thought.

Stop that, you tell yourself with a shudder, right as Changbin walks back into the room. He stops when he sees you, sprawled out on the couch, face pressing into the place he’d occupied a few minutes ago. You freeze, eyes fixed on him.

Somehow, standing there in your living room with the bags of food and the sweetest little smile on his face, he looks prettier than he ever has. His hair is a curly mess and his t-shirt is a little too tight and his arms are way too strong to only be carrying food.

Heat starts pooling at your core.

You take a deep breath and shake it off. Stop. That.

You know you can’t go there. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

♡ ♡ ♡

Changbin’s hands feel heavy on your hips. His warmth seeps through the fabric of your shirt, leaving your skin tingling underneath. He keeps you steady in his lap, grounded, as he presses his lips to yours, moving with you like he’s made for it. Made for you.

You can still taste the Thai food when he licks into your mouth, hands wandering to your back, pressing you closer to his chest. Your mind is cloudy, fuzzy with affection, overloaded on sensations. You can feel his thighs flex beneath you, holding himself back from rolling his hips. He’s panting into your mouth, mirroring your own laboured breath.

Suddenly, your hips grind down on their own accord.

He responds in kind, a gasp leaving his pretty bruised lips. Gentle hands find purchase on your waist, fingers digging in ever so slightly as he’s guiding you. A soft moan escapes you between kisses. You can feel him underneath you, all of him.

You freeze.

All of a sudden, you’re very aware of the way your heart hammers against your ribs. Of the hands holding on to you, the man between your legs, the state you are in. Your breath catches, air stuck in your throat. Every muscle in your body seems to tense uncomfortably. Your eyes squeeze shut.

Images flash through your mind. A hand on your ass, wet breath on your neck, the push of fingers past your waistline. Your futile attempts at pushing, shoving, kicking. The heavy weight of an unwelcome body on you.

A knee hitting a crotch. A strangled scream. A shaky escape.

You blink, eyes burning suddenly, desperately trying to rid yourself of the memory. You move backwards a bit, getting off your boyfriend’s crotch.

“Bunny?” Changbin’s voice is so soft, it almost doesn’t get through to you. His hands are no longer on your hips, no longer keeping you in place. They’re cupping your face now, gentle, worried.

“Baby, are you okay?”

His thumbs are hot against your skin as he brushes the tears away. “I…” You try to explain, want to explain, but your brain won’t supply any words. A quiet sob rips through your chest. “It’s okay”, Changbin whispers, guiding your head to his shoulder, “you’re okay.”

You let your whole body follow, wrapping yourself around him, head buried in the crook of his neck. His arms hold your tightly, safely, allowing you to hide within his embrace. Tears stream down your face, sobs shaking your body now and then, as you let yourself cry for a while.

He doesn’t push, doesn’t ask questions, simply lets you cope. “I’m a virgin”, you whisper eventually, when you find your voice again. Slowly, you sit yourself up, so you can look at him. He’s so pretty, even when worry has him creasing his brow and pursing his lips. “I’ve never…” “That’s okay, bunny.” Changbin already runs gentle fingers down your cheek, “we don’t have to do anything until you’re ready.”

You nod, giving him a little sad smile. He looks so honest, so sincere. So safe.

Deep breath. Eyes closed. Deep breath.

“My ex almost forced me.” Your voice is quiet, but steady. A flash of anger runs across Changbin’s features, before eyes grow impossibly soft. He tilts his head, raises an eyebrow. “Where does he live?” Against all odds, that pulls a stupidly small chuckle from you.

You shake your head and weakly punch his shoulder. “Shut up”, you whisper. Silence falls around you, as he keeps his thumb gently brushing over your cheek. He doesn’t look expectant, just patient. Giving you the space you need.

You take another deep breath.

“It scares me”, you admit into the space between you, “to get intimate.” Your boyfriend nods, hums.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Yah”, his hold on your face tightens slightly, making sure you keep your eyes on him, “you have no reason to apologise. It’s only normal to be scared of it after an experience like that.” You press your cheek into his palm. “I just want to be a good girlfriend for you.”

Changbin huffs.

“Bunny, you are the perfect girlfriend for me. You’re smart and driven and funny, you make me laugh every day, always listen to my stories from the gym, endure my maniac friends” - you giggle at that - “and you’re always there for me. You make me so happy. I already told you, we don’t need to do anything until you’re ready, okay?”

“Okay.” “Promise to never push yourself to do anything you don’t want to, yes?” You can’t help but smile at the sincerity in his voice. Sitting up a bit, you lift your fist, pinky stretched out. “Promise.” The cutest little smile spreads across Changbin’s face, as he hooks his pinky into yours.

You love him so much.

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Fenya’s Masterlist

The air is cold on your cheeks as Changbin walks you to his car. “M’lady”, he says with a cheeky grin, opening the door for you. You giggle, getting into the passenger sea. Carefully, you make sure the skirt of your dress doesn’t get stuck in the door. It’s your best dress after all.

Changbin did not hold back for the date, booking a table at that fancy restaurant you’d been gushing about for weeks now. There wasn’t even a good reason to go there - no anniversary or birthday or achievement to celebrate.

“I don’t need a reason to spoil my princess.”

Back at your place, you quickly agree when he offers to make some tea while you change into more comfortable clothes. The cold had settled in your bones, even though you’d just been outside for the walk from his car to your front door. Tea sounds great. Being cuddled up with your boyfriend sounds even better.

You press a kiss to his cheek and disappear into your bedroom, taking off your jewellery first. Rings and bracelets come off, leaving you feel eerily bare despite the silky fabric that’s still wrapped around you. The dress is zipped up in the back, but you could reach there just fine when you put it on.

As you try to unzip the dress now, however, the zipper refuses to move.

“Dammit”, you curse, trying your best to convince the stubborn thing to work, but it won’t budge. The realisation of what this means has you swallow, mouth going suddenly dry. You feel your cheeks heat up with an embarrassingly heavy blush.

He’ll have to help you. Unzip the dress.

There’s no way he won’t see your underwear if he does. And sure, he’s your boyfriend, but you’ve been taking it slow. Being this undressed in front of him would be…intimate. He’d see more of your skin than he ever had. The dress would just fall open and reveal you to him.

You swallow thickly, as you brace yourself. Are you really ready for this? Your heart speeds up in your chest, hammering almost painfully against your ribs. It’s okay, you tell yourself, it’s Changbin. He’s safe. He respects you.

He loves you.

With one last deep breath you call for him. “Binnie? Can you come here for a sec?” Your voice isn’t as steady as you want it to be, but there’s nothing you can do about it now. It doesn't even take a full second for him to appear in your doorway. “What’s up, bunny?”

“My zipper is stuck”, you feel the blush burn even brighter in your cheeks, “can you…uhm…”

Neither of you move. You can see him gulp.

“Are you sure?”, he asks, voice calm, cautious. Your heart warms as you look at him through your mirror. There he stands, your lovely boyfriend, who has never pushed you, has never urged you to go beyond what you felt comfortable with. Who respects you and your boundaries, asking even now, even for something so entirely non-sexual, because he knows you.

“I’m sure.”

He steps closer. Your heart skips a beat. Warm hands touch the back of your dress, fiddling with the zipper. It doesn’t take long for him to get it unstuck, sliding it down slowly, just until it sits at the small of your back. “There you go”, he almost whispers, close enough for you to feel his breath on the back of your neck.

You shiver as goosebumps spread over every inch of your skin.

When he moves to leave you to it, your hand reaches behind you before you can think about it, grabbing his wrist. “You can…you can take it off…if you want.” The words surprise even yourself, but you mean them. You trust him. You want him to see you.

He freezes behind you, eyes finding your own through the mirror. “Yes?” “Yes.”

The zipper slides past your butt, the dress falling open at once. Careful fingers brush your shoulders, fabric sliding down your arms. A welcome tension settles in every part of your body, as the dress collects in a puddle of silk and lace at the bottom of your feet.

You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to meet his eyes once again. The depth of his gaze leaves you breathless.

With his hands still heavy on your upper arms, lingering but not gripping, you turn around. His eyes stay on your face, meeting your gaze, soft and warm. “Hi”, you breathe. A smile tugs on his lips. “Hi.” You don’t give yourself time to overthink it, flinging your arms around his neck and pressing your lips to his.

It’s a sweet kiss, loving and gentle. His hands move to cup your face when he pulls away, placing a peck your nose. “Now get comfy, bunny. There’s tea and cuddles waiting for you.”

♥♡♥

Waking up next to Changbin is your favourite feeling in the world. His face is all soft and sweet in the mornings, eyes barely open but already smiling. Your head is pillowed on his biceps as you bask in the warmth of your combined bodies under the blanket. You don’t think there’s a better place than in his arms.

“Morning, bunny”, he drawls, voice rough with sleep, and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Morning, Bin.” You snuggle in closer, letting him wrap you up in a proper hug. His pajama shirt is soft against your cheek, just like the look in his eyes had been moments before.

You love waking up next to him.

The minutes tick away, lost in each other’s arms, but unfortunately you can’t stay like this forever. “I gotta get up”, you mumble into his chest. He makes a disapproving noise that vibrates beneath his ribs. “I have to take a shower”, you say, prying yourself away just enough to speak clearly.

He grumbles again. Cute.

You move back as far as he lets you, looking hat him, all soft skin and strong arms and gorgeous eyes and plush lips. Slowly, you let your fingers trace over his chest, imagining the soft skin beneath, the pretty planes of his pecks, the beautiful curves of his body.

A smirk spreads on your face.

“What?”, he asks with raised eyebrows.

“You could join me.”

His eyes go wide. “Join you?”

He’s never seen you naked. You haven’t seen him undressed, either. But somehow, in this particular moment, you know that you’re ready to go there. It’s not fueled by lust or want, either. There’s this urge inside you to let him know all of you, no ulterior motives. Besides, you really do need to take a shower. So you nod, grabbing his wrists as you pull away.

“Come on”, you say, “unless you don’t want-” “I want.”

You giggle as you drag him out of bed and into your bathroom. He seems a little shell-shocked, hesitant even, but he lets you guide him, lets you set the pace. His utter trust in you makes your heart flutter, adding to the excitement that’s brewing in your chest.

“You’re still sure?”, he asks, watching you turn on the water so it can heat up. “I am.” Before he can reply, your lips are pressed to his, soft and reassuring. Without another word, you start unbuttoning his pajama shirt, slowly, so he can stop you. He doesn’t, though. There’s a playful glint in his eyes as he watches you turn redder with every button undone.

“Pants now”, you say as the shirt hits the laundry bin. “So impatient”, he hums, but can’t hide his smile. “Well, I don’t wear any”, you say. Ever since he took off your dress a few days back, you found yourself incredibly comfortable sleeping beside him in just a t-shirt. His t-shirt.

Not that he complained.

He makes quick work of his pants, adding it to the pile of laundry. His thighs are thick and smooth and gorgeous. Just like all of him. It takes your breath away a little to see him like this, only in his boxers, allowing you to drink in the vision.

“Your turn, princess”, he says eventually, fingers running along the neckline of your shirt. You swallow thickly and look up at him, heart beating fast, but steady. This is it. “Only if you’re sure.” He cups your cheek, presses a soft kiss to your lips. Warmth spreads in your stomach. “I’m sure.” Before you can overthink it, you pull the shirt over your head.

You’re topless. In front of Changbin. For the first time ever.

Your heart hammers against your rib cage and only for a moment, you hold your breath.

But then it sinks in. This is Changbin. He loves you. Respects you. He’s safe.

“You can look”, you say when you notice how his eyes are glued to your face. “I am looking”, he answers, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. Your heart swells in your chest as you let him pull you in for a short and sweet little kiss.

After the bandaid has been ripped off, getting fully naked doesn’t seem so frightening anymore. Underwear is shed quickly, and then he guides you into the shower, letting steam and water envelop the both of you. Soon enough, you find yourself with your back to his front, his hands gently working shampoo through your wet strands.

It’s peaceful. Comfortable. Any anxiety you’d had left about being naked with him washes away like the foam he rinses from your hair. Afterwards, he lets you do the same for him. You wash each other with soft hands and little giggles, stealing kisses now and then, basking in the love the both of you share.

Maybe I’m ready, you think as you step out of the shower. Changbin is quick to wrap you in a soft towel, a kiss pressed to your temple. He’s glowing with happiness, pulling you into a hug as soon as he’s dried himself off.

Maybe it’s time.

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Fenya’s Masterlist

“I can’t find the head”, you declare, holding the poorly proportioned body of a doll in a princess dress in your hands. “Has anyone seen the head?”

Jisung giggles. “It’s the headless princess now”, he exclaims, “from the horror movie!” “That was a headless rider, jagi”, Felix pipes up beside him. “Why can’t the rider be a princess?” Jisung is asking the important questions.

You sigh, not without a smile on your face, as you look up to your third boyfriend, who’s just stepping out of the kitchen with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate.

“Binnie?”, you ask with big eyes, “I can’t find this doll’s head and the twins are no help.” Changbin huffs and gently places the mugs down on the coffee table. “I’ll help you look in just a minute, bunny”, he promises, kisses the top of your head and disappears into the kitchen again.

A feeling of warmth spreads through your chest as you look around your living room. There are several cardboard boxes scattered around the space, some still full of old childhood toys, some almost empty, their contents spilled onto the floor.

It all started after your last visit to your parents. Your mother had urged you to take your old toys with you, since she needed the space for her growing collection of succulents. Once your boyfriends saw the boxes, Felix came up with the idea to donate some of the stuff.

After all, Christmas was just around the corner. Only 4 more weeks.

Jisung decided then to also look through his old toys, and so did the other two, and that’s how you ended up in this mess of old toys, fond memories - and missing doll heads.

“Now, what was that about a missing head?” Changbin puts down two more mugs on the table, that get snatched away by greedy hands immediately. You watch Jisung take a big sip only to come back with a chocolate beard above his upper lip.

Felix giggles. “Wait, let me”, he murmurs before leaning in and kissing it away. Jisung’s ears turn bright red. You can’t help but giggle at the way Jisung still gets flustered by stuff like that.

After all, you’ve all been dating for well over a year now.

“Thanks for the chocolate, babe”, Felix says towards Changbin, who smiles fondly at him. “Anything for you”, he says, and you know he means all of you.

“Oh my god!” All heads whip towards you, but you don’t even notice. Your eyes are fixed on the plushie you just pulled out of the box closest to you. A bunny, old and worn, one ear sown on the wrong way around. “That’s my bunbun!”

Felix and Jisung join you where you sit on the floor and curiously eye the little stuffed animal. “The one your grandma got you when you were born?”, Felix asks. You nod, too stunned to speak. You were so sure you’d lost it ages ago, when your parents moved you across the country. But now, there it was, patched up and well loved, just like you remember.

“It’s cute”, Jisung states, like he’s telling you the sun is hot, and Changbin snickers behind him. “Just like its owner.” You feel your cheeks flush, but you don’t even care. You found your bunny again! Your favourite childhood plushie!

Your heart is so full. You feel a tear of joy running down your cheek.

“Aww, don’t cry, baby”, Jisung says, wiping your cheek with his thumb. He presses a kiss to it then, and somehow, the four of you end up in a cuddle pile around the bunny. They let you soak in the happiness of having found it again, covering you with their love like a warm, soft blanket.

You don’t know how much time passes like that, but eventually it’s Felix of all people who peels himself away first, only to take a big sip of his hot chocolate. The four of you exchange a few sweet kisses then and return to the task at hand.

It takes you an astonishing 3 more hours to sort through all of the old toys, not at least because Felix and Jisung start playing with most of them as soon as they pull them out of their boxes. But you can’t complain though, you’re not much better.

In the end, the four of you come up with three boxes to donate and two boxes to keep - for now. You make sure to label them accordingly. A week from now there’s a little event of sorts happening where you can give up the toys to be distributed to childcare facilities and children’s hospitals all over the country.

The week passes swiftly. You spent lots of time decorating your home, putting up fairy lights and baking Christmas cookies (Felix insists on tasting all of them right away and burns his mouth twice).

You clean up the space a bit more, finding leftovers from your toy sorting event for days, and the boxes get moved around several times. One time Jisung accidentally knocks them over, contents spilling across your freshly wiped floors.

“Fuck”, he curses, “I’m so sorry, I’ll clean it up, right away, don’t even move..” He’s babbling, shooting you looks with his big pretty eyes and hurriedly sorts the toys back into their respective boxes. He also hisses at you every time you try to help him. Like a kitten.

You love him so much.

Eventually, you just leave him to his task of sorting the toys back into their respective boxes. It’s not like he needs supervision and you wanted to help Felix and Changbin out with decorating the fake tree they put up earlier, anyways.

“Wait, let me”, Changbin says as he basically rips the box you were carrying out of your hands. You smile as you watch him load it into the car. “He’s so….”, Felix hums next to you, making dreamy eyes at your collective boyfriend. “I know, right?”, you sigh, putting your head on Felix’ shoulder.

Soon enough, everything is packed and the four of take your seats. Changbin is driving, Jisung rides shotgun (”I’m too cute for the backseat.”) while Felix and you hold hands in the back. “I got the perfect playlist”, Jisung announces, as Changbin pulls out of your driveway.

Just then, All I want for Christmas is you starts playing.

Needless to say, the whole way to the donation event turns into a Christmas Song Edition of Carpool Karaoke. Felix supplies perfect deep harmonies to Jisung’s belted high notes, while you’re blissfully off key and Changbin devolves into giggles every few minutes.

It’s perfect.

Once you arrive, you all spill out of the car and start getting the boxes out of the back. “Yah!”, Changbin chides, gently slapping your hand away when you try to grab a box, “not you!” “Yeah, what use is having three boyfriends if you don’t let them carry stuff for you?”, Jisung agrees. Helplessly, you look at Felix, who just shrugs around the box in his arms. “Three boxes, three boyfriends”, he explains, as if it was the most basic rule of the universe.

It’s always like that with them. They care about you so much. You care about them so much. They care about each other so much. You can’t help but feel that familiar warmth spread in your chest, despite the stereotypical distribution of tasks. They only mean well, in the end.

And they do look good lifting stuff.

The event is set up in a community center of sorts. Tables have been arranged into neat lines, each one with a stack of different coloured baskets on top of it, and people are already busy putting down their donations. A few people wear distinctive red vests and name plates. They are checking the donation boxes, jotting down notes onto their clipboards. Some people are already working on sorting through their donations, putting the toys into different baskets.

As Felix puts down the last of the boxes onto a now very full table, one of the clipboard people approaches you. Jihyun her nameplate says. “Hi”, she greets you with a sunny smile. Not as sunny as the one Felix throws at her in return, though. “You brought so much!” She sounds positively thrilled.

“Yeah, we got a lot”, you say, feeling a little self-conscious about your haul of old toys. “That’s great”, Jihyun assures you, “now, we need you to go through your donations an sort them for easier distributions. Plushies and oder soft things go into one of the blue baskets, action figures and dolls go into the green basket, boardgames and puzzles and the like go into the red basket. Anything else you got you can put into the black basket. Got any questons?”

The four of you exchange glances. “No, I think we’re good”, Changbin says. “Great!” Jihyun scribbles something onto the paper on her clipboard, then pulls the paper out and hands it to you. “You can fill this out when you’re done. The sorting rules are also on there.” She points to the bottom of the page. “Happy sorting!”

You watch Jihyun turn around and go to the next table to start the whole spiel over again. Her positive energy has you giggling a little. “Alright, babes, let’s sort!”, Jisung says, clapping his hands and pulling up the sleeves of his hoodie. He gives you a big, heart-shaped grin, while Felix is already lining up the baskets, and Changbin opens the first of your boxes.

To nobody’s surprise, sorting the toys becomes more of a play session than a serious ordeal, with Felix and Jisung unable to stay serious for a single second. You wonder how you managed to sort any of the toys at all, since the two of them don’t seem able to put them down. You love them so much.

It takes forever, but eventually you open the last of your boxes. You’ve had to request new baskets two times already, because you brought so much stuff. The childhood of four people really does take up quite some space.

You smile to yourself, imagining little Jisung playing with his action figures, little Felix making his toy cars race, little Changbin building the highest tower he possibly can using Jenga bricks and a lack of regard for the laws of physics.

Your little daydream is harshly interrupted when your eyes fall onto the first thing you see in the box before you. “BUNBUN?!” Your voice is louder than you expected, startling even yourself, as you pull out your beloved first ever plushie. “Who packed my baby?”, you let accusatory eyes wander over your three boyfriends.

Changbin looks just as shocked as you, Felix pouts just a little and Jisung - well, Jisung has big fat shocked guilty boba eyes. “Ji?”, you ask, voice smaller now. “It was an accident!”, he says, shuffling towards you, “I’m so sorry, baby, I thought I put him in the other box, I’m so so sorry, jagi, please, oh my god, oh my god….” He’s babbling, pushing into your space, one arm coming up around your waist, the other petting the bunny.

Jisung looks pitiful, soft eyes darting between your face and your plushie, as he keeps apologising over and over. Naturally, you can’t stay mad at him. You’re not sure you’ve been mad at him in the first place. Looking at him, you can’t help but smile softly, before leaning in and interrupting his rambling with a soft kiss.

You hear Felix giggle and Changbin huff. “He gets away with everything”, the older one says. “It’s the eyes”, Felix explains, “you’d get away with everything too if you had eyes like that.” Changbin huffs again, defeated. “I guess.”

Meanwhile, Jisung has wrapped you into a real hug now, the bunny squished between your bodies. “Forgive me?” “Of course”, you giggle. He’s so dramatic. It’s adorable. “I could never stay mad at you, Ji.” You feel him smile against your skin where his face is buried in your neck. He stays there for a moment longer, then pulls back just enough to look at you.

“I love you”, he says, simple and firm and with such warmth in his eyes that it makes your knees a little weak. “I love you too, jagi”, you reply, pressing a quick kiss onto his nose. He giggles. “Sorry to interrupt, but we still have a whole box to empty”, Changbin pipes up from the other side of the table, but you hear the smile in his voice.

“Aw, you want a kiss, too?” you ask, cocking your head a little. Changbin blushes. “Maybe”, he mumbles. Felix leans in immediately, placing a peck on his cheek. Jisung springs into action, too, pulling you to the other side of the table to shower Changbin in little soft kisses all over his pretty face.

“We love you, Binnie”, you coo at him. “I love you, too”, he whispers in return, cheeks deeply red now. “What about me?”, Felix says suddenly, pouting a little, just to be met with three besotted pairs of eyes. “Of course we love you too”, Jisung says. “So much”, Changbin agrees. “Our Christmas angel”, you say, pressing your lips to his forehead.

Felix breaks out into a grin. “Man, I love Christmas.”

Fenya's Masterlist

Taglist @lov3rachan @breakmeoff @pixie-felix

event tag list: @xallyouneedislovexx @crashmunson @straykidsdreamer @tirena1 @jinniesgirl @airwolf92 @minniebutterfly @lizal1cious @channies-babygurl @k-pop-stan-fl @chicken-fifi @marebearsocool @imaniitheoneee @lolzworld @iliketoshitalot @hyunjinslongasslegs @s1lverroses @minniesverse @flippedccc @foppishitudinality @yaorzu-blog @stayville-citizen @paulina15 @schlondpoofa15 @jongseobs-bsf @firelordtsuki @jenni-wilk @grlset @luna585 @crowfrompluto @skzcodered @hanstattoos @persassyismysecrettwin

4 months.

You can’t quite believe you’ve already been with Changbin for that long. Time flew by, as it often does when you enjoy yourself. When you’re happy.

He’d told you to wear something comfortable for the date, so you went with your favourite pair of jeans and a pretty blouse, making you feel both pretty and relaxed. With him keeping his plans a mystery, you can only hope it’s an appropriate outfit.

“It’s perfect, bunny”, he assures you when he picks you up. You believe him.

“Binnie”, you whine a while later in the car, trying to get him to spill. He chuckles. “Not yet, princess.” He takes your hand and presses a kiss to the back of it, sending shivers down your spine. It melts the pout on your face immediately, leaving you with a fluttering heart and a red face.

As he’s driving, you let your eyes glide over his form, one hand secure on the steering wheel, the other in yours. He’s wearing a t-shirt that’s just a bit too tight around his big arms, fits a little to snug over his chest. His jeans show off his muscled thighs, too.

In a futile attempt, you try to ignore the way it makes heat pool at your core.

You’re so focused on him that you don’t even notice where you’re driving. Some part of your brain vaguely notices you leaving town, notices the grey buildings be replaced by greenery, but you’re attention stays with Changbin, who’s gently squeezing your hand, a pretty smile on his handsome face.

This is new to you. Sure, Changbin has always been a treat to look at, but it hasn’t ever felt like this before. And yet, ever since your shower, you’ve found yourself staring at him.

Drooling, even.

It’s his fault, really. How dare he be this hot? How dare he be so kind and respectful and funny and amazing, and in addition look like that. You never stood a chance.

He squeezes your hand once again as he pulls into a parking spot, bringing you back to reality. “We’re here, bunny.” You tear your eyes from his pretty face and look out the window. Your mouth opens and closes as you take in the sight. “The National Park?” Your heart does a little flip in your chest.

You’d mentioned your desire to come here in a side note on your first date with him. 4 months ago.

And he remembered.

There’s a smile playing on his lips when you look at him again, like he’s proud of your reaction. He presses a kiss to your hand before letting go of it and getting out of the car. As always, he’s right there to open your door and help you step out. It makes you giggle a bit, but you allow him to do it - it’s a great excuse to fall into his arms.

About 30 minutes later, after a nice slow walk through the beautiful nature of the park, you find yourself on a picnic blanket overlooking the expanse of the park. “This is beautiful”, you say, gasping at the view. “It really is”, he says, but when you look up at him, his eyes are lingering on you.

“Gorgeous, even”, he muses, leaving you to blush heavily.

As it turns out, Changbin has brought all your favourite foods, and he proceeds to happily feed you through giggles and kisses. Once again, you find yourself so comfortable with him, so safe, so happy. But there’s more now. A heat bubbling under your skin, a tension slowly building in the air between you.

Whenever his fingers touch your lips, it sends a shiver down your spine. You want to lick them clean. You want to be all over him, kissing every inch of him, exploring every curve of his beautiful body.

You’re so turned on.

It’s the sweetest torture, doing all of this in public.

As the afternoon air cools down, Changbin drapes his hoodie around your shoulders. “Maybe we should head home, bunny”, he says when you shiver beside him. You can’t confess that it’s not the cool air, but rather his hands on your shoulders that made you react, but you’re fine with heading home either way.

You want him all to yourself.

You really want him.

♡♥♡

The door to your apartment shuts violently as you shove Changbin against the cold wood. It’s fascinating, really, that you’re able to shove him anywhere, but he simply lets you. Lips crash together in a heated exchange, hands grab and explore, breaths turn ragged.

Somewhere in-between kisses and touches and laboured breath, you manage to kick off your shoes.

You’ve never felt like this before. Never acted like this either.

Both of you are panting heavily when his hands find your shoulders and stop your frantic movements. “Bunny”, he gasps, “what is happening?” There’s a slight smile on his lips, but his eyes are scanning you carefully, assessing the situation. “Talk to me, love”.

Heat floods your face. You let your eyes linger on his lips for a bit, marvelling at how they glisten in the dim light of your entryway, slick with your spit. “I’m ready”, you say, eyes snapping up to meet his gaze, “I want you.” You watch as several emotions rush over his face.

Surprise, uncertainty, love.

Lust.

“Are you sure?” A calloused thumb runs over your cheek, down to your chaw, softly gripping your chin. “Really sure?” You nod. “Yes. I want to…go all the way. With you.” When he leans in to kiss you again, it’s not frantic anymore. It’s soft and deliberate, careful, passionate. You get so lost in it that you almost don’t notice him picking you up and walking towards the bedroom.

Changbin has always been respectful with you, his touch always grounding, his attention always on your safety and happiness. He is no different in the bedroom, undressing you only with your explicit consent, making sure you’re okay with whatever happens.

He’s guiding you when you feel unsure, showing you how to touch, how to move, until you relax enough to give in to your body’s natural responses. Now and then, when it feels right, and you want to take the lead, your boyfriend encourages that too, letting you explore and taste and mark.

Soon enough, all of your insecurities and fears have retreated so far into the back of your mind that they barely matter anymore. All you feel is Changbin, so close, skin on skin, heart to heart, working both of you towards an inevitable peak

It’s pure bliss when you reach it, fingers digging into skin, muscles contracting, back arching. For a brief moment you wonder if you maybe died and went to heaven.

They do call it the little death for a reason.

Never before has your mind felt this fuzzy, has your body been this satiated. You don’t fully notice your boyfriend’s short disappearance, but you register the soft touch of a warm towel cleaning you up. A blanket covering your cooled down body. Strong arms wrapping you into the tightest, yet softest embrace.

Comfortable silence falls around you, as you let yourself melt into Changbin’s body. You let it simmer for a bit, catching your breath and savouring the closeness. You feel so loved, so happy, so safe.

“I love you”, you whisper eventually. Your boyfriend presses a lingering kiss to your temple.

“I love you too, bunny”.

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Fenya’s Masterlist