#feminine reader

• Sevika has absolutely no understanding of your makeup routine. She’ll lean against the bathroom doorframe, arms crossed, watching you spend forty minutes blending eyeshadow with complete concentration.

“You looked gorgeous an hour ago.”

You don’t even look up.

“I know. Now I’m breathtaking.”

• You doll yourself up for date nights, lazy grocery runs, dinner at home, absolutely everything. The funniest part is that you only really care about one person’s opinion. The moment Sevika walks into the room, you’re already watching her reaction through the mirror.

• She always notices. Every single little change. New lipstick. Different perfume. Fresh nails. A new necklace. She’ll seem completely distracted until she casually points out, “You changed your eyeliner,” despite only seeing you for a few seconds. Or she’ll glance at you once, say, “That lipstick’s dangerous,” and go straight back to whatever she was doing, leaving you blushing. She knows precisely how her words affect you, and she never misses an opportunity to make you feel adored or leave you flustered.

• You love making her wait outside the bedroom while you get ready. It builds anticipation. She pretends it’s ridiculous every time.

“Are you done yet?”

“No.”

“It’s been an hour.”

“Beauty takes time.”

“You’re beautiful before all this.”

• The door finally opens, and every complaint disappears. Sevika’s jaw doesn’t literally drop, but it’s close enough. Her eyes travel over you once, slow and completely shameless.

“….Worth the wait.”

• She’ll offer her hand like she’s escorting royalty. “Ready, princess?”

• You always end up stealing her jackets for warmth… and because you secretly think they make every outfit look better. Tiny dress, six-inch heels, flawless makeup… then Sevika’s oversized jacket hanging off your shoulders. She loves it because everyone immediately knows who you belong to.

• Whenever you ask, “Do I look okay?” she stares at you for a second before looking almost offended.

“You know damn well you do.”

• She becomes surprisingly protective when strangers stare a little too long. You’re impossible not to notice, and she knows that. One heavy hand settling against your waist is usually enough to remind everyone you’re already spoken for.

• You adore sitting on the bathroom counter while she gets ready. You’ll fix her collar, straighten her tie, smooth imaginary wrinkles from her shirt, then insist on wiping away a tiny smudge of grease from her cheek.

“There. My wife should look expensive too.”

• She rolls her eyes every time.

She never stops you.

• Shopping together is dangerous. You hold up dresses with dramatic little spins.

“Thoughts?”

Sevika doesn’t even pretend to evaluate them objectively.

“Buy it.”

“You haven’t even looked.”

“You’ll look incredible.”

• You love wearing long acrylic nails. Sevika was convinced they’d make affection impossible until she realised you somehow manage to scratch her scalp perfectly with them. Now she instinctively leans into your hand whenever your nails wander through her hair, her shoulders softening as she soaks up every affectionate stroke.

• She keeps every lipstick stain you accidentally leave behind. Coffee mugs. Her collar. Sometimes even her cheek after you kiss her goodbye. She’ll walk around with it for hours until someone finally tells her.

• You absolutely insist on matching in tiny ways. Your handbag matches the colour of her tie. Your jewellery matches the brass on her prosthetic. Your nails somehow coordinate with whatever jacket she’s wearing.

• Every now and then you’ll climb into her lap in a ridiculously expensive outfit that you spent ages putting together. She’ll wrap her arms around your waist without hesitation.

“Careful,” you’ll gasp. “You’ll wrinkle it.”

She immediately squeezes you tighter.

“Sevika!”

“Worth it.”

• Underneath all the glamour, she knows exactly why you do it. You dress up because it makes you feel confident, playful, beautiful. And because you love catching her looking at you with that expression she only ever wears for you.

• And every single time she looks at you like you’re the finest thing she’s ever laid eyes on, you think the hours spent curling your hair, choosing your outfit and perfecting your makeup were completely worth it.

it’s the night of the MTV Music Awards, and you’ve been given the honor of calling out the winner and presenting the award. Your boyfriend, a rising star in the rap game, is nominated in the same category as his rival—none other than Eminem. For weeks, the two have been trading shots, dropping diss tracks, and stirring up a fierce rap feud.

The tension is palpable as the nominees flash on the screen, and the crowd buzzes with anticipation. You can feel your boyfriend’s eyes on you from his seat, his expression radiating certainty. He’s convinced tonight will end in his victory, a public validation of his skills and his place in the industry

But you know the stakes: if Eminem wins, it would be a crushing defeat for your boyfriend—a public blow that could turn the tide in their feud and become the talk of the music world. Yet, there’s a strange electricity in the air as you take the stage, gripping the award envelope, your heart pounding. Whether it’s a win or loss, this moment is about to make headlines.

"Eminem!" you announce, your voice echoing through the venue as the crowd erupts in wild cheers, celebrating his victory.

Eminem strides onto the stage, his expression a mix of pride and that unmistakable cockiness he’s known for. As he reaches you, he takes the award with one hand and, to your surprise, pulls you into a tight hug with the other. The embrace lingers just a moment too long, his hand slipping lower with each second—a subtle but unmistakable taunt meant to rile up your already furious boyfriend, who’s watching from his seat with narrowed eyes.

The audience catches onto the tension, gasping and laughing as Eminem’s playful smirk widens. He whispers a low “Thank you” in your ear, glancing briefly over at your boyfriend, whose jaw is clenched, his confidence shattered by the public loss and the blatant show of disrespect. Eminem lets you go, stepping up to the mic, but you can still feel the charged energy radiating from your boyfriend’s glare. The feud has just reached a new level, and you know tonight will be one for the headlines.

At the after-party, your boyfriend was sulking, stewing over his loss. His confidence from earlier in the night had dissolved into a grumpy silence, and he barely spoke to you, responding with short, cold remarks every time you tried to break the ice. His attention was laser-focused on Eminem, who was mingling across the room, clearly enjoying his win. Your boyfriend’s glare never wavered; he was practically daring Eminem to look his way.

Finally, you had enough. The atmosphere was suffocating, and you weren’t going to spend the night with someone who refused to move past the loss. Frustrated, you excused yourself from the table, deciding you needed a drink just to shake off the tension.

As you walked toward the bar, you sensed someone fall in step beside you. Glancing over, you saw it was Eminem, giving you that familiar smirk. “Rough night?” he asked, his tone a mix of teasing and genuine curiosity. There was something in his eyes that made it clear he’d noticed the icy atmosphere between you and your boyfriend. For the first time all evening, you found yourself relaxing, even smiling, as you felt the weight of the night start to lift.

You leaned against the bar, letting out a sigh, and turned to Eminem with a half-smile. “Yeah, you could say that,” you replied, rolling your eyes. “He’s taking this loss… well, let’s just say he’s not handling it well.”

Eminem chuckled, ordering a drink as he leaned beside you. “Can’t say I blame him,” he shrugged, “but hey, it’s all part of the game, right?” His voice was light, but there was a knowing look in his eyes, as if he understood the cost of ego in the industry.

You nodded, grateful for the change in atmosphere. “True. But it doesn’t mean I have to be dragged down by it,” you said, looking across the room to see your boyfriend still seated, jaw clenched, watching the two of you like a hawk. The icy, simmering tension in his stare made your stomach tighten, but you ignored it.

Eminem followed your gaze, then raised an eyebrow. “Well, if he’s going to sit there and sulk, that’s on him. You don’t deserve the silent treatment.”

There was something disarming about Eminem’s attitude. He wasn’t pushing anything, just being unexpectedly down-to-earth and understanding. As the drinks arrived, he clinked his glass lightly against yours. “Here’s to enjoying the night,” he said, eyes flickering with a mischievous glint.

You took a sip, the warmth of the drink helping you shake off the tension. “Thanks,” you murmured, feeling a rush of relief. Eminem leaned a little closer, his voice dropping to a private tone. “Honestly, you look like you could use a good distraction.”

Before you could respond, the DJ switched to one of Eminem’s tracks, and the crowd went wild. He shot you a grin. “Dance with me?” he asked, extending his hand.

You hesitated, knowing full well how your boyfriend would take it. But in that moment, the thought of breaking free from his cold demeanor and just having fun felt too tempting to resist. You placed your hand in Eminem’s, feeling a spark shoot up your arm.

As you danced with the Detroit rapper, your boyfriend’s absence was the only confirmation you needed—he had already stormed off, leaving you alone with Eminem. The music thumped around you, and you felt the heat of the moment take over, your frustrations melting into the rhythm of the song and the intensity of Eminem’s gaze.

Eminem leaned in, his face coming closer, and before you realized it, his lips were on yours, catching you off guard yet feeling almost inevitable. The kiss was electric, a mix of passion and defiance, and for a moment, everything else faded away. The tension of the night, the rivalry, your boyfriend’s coldness—it all vanished in that single connection.

As he pulled back, a hint of a smirk played on his lips. “Want to get out of here?” he murmured, his voice low, barely audible over the music but clear enough to send a thrill through you.

You met his gaze, feeling a rush of excitement and a sense of freedom you hadn’t felt all night. “Yes,” you replied, nodding without hesitation. With a final glance back at the room you were leaving behind, you let him take your hand, leading you out of the club and into the night, where the evening’s tension was about to unfold into something entirely new.

The ride to the hotel was a blur of city lights and pulsing beats from the car stereo. Eminem’s hand rested comfortably on your thigh, and every time you looked at him, that smirk grew a little wider. You knew you were crossing a line, but in that moment, you didn’t care about the consequences—you just wanted to live in the present, to feel alive.

Once inside the plush hotel suite, the reality of what was happening hit you like a sledgehammer. The room was dimly lit, with candles flickering around the edges, creating an atmosphere that was both intimate and slightly overwhelming. The smell of his cologne filled the air. Eminem led you to the bed, his hand never leaving your waist, and the weight of his touch sent shivers down your spine.

Your heart pounded in your chest as he kissed you again, his hands exploring the curves of your body with a confidence that was both thrilling and terrifying. The world outside the hotel room felt a million miles away, and all you could focus on was the heat of his breath, the taste of his lips, and the way your body responded to his every touch.

Eminem's strong arms pulled you closer, his hands deftly unbuttoning your dress, which slid to the floor in a whisper of fabric. You stood before him in nothing but your lingerie, feeling exposed yet empowered by the raw desire in his eyes. His own shirt and jacket followed suit, revealing a sculpted physique that seemed almost too perfect to be real.

The air grew thick with anticipation as he kissed you again, his tongue exploring your mouth as his hands moved to unhook your bra. It fell away, leaving your breasts bare to the cool air and the warmth of his palms. You could feel his heart beating against your chest, matching the erratic rhythm of your own.

He led you to the bed, the softness of the mattress enveloping you as he laid you down. His touch was gentle yet firm, his hands skimming over your skin like a warm summer breeze, igniting a trail of fire wherever they went. You could feel the weight of his body on top of you, and it was a feeling of both safety and exhilaration.

Eminem’s kisses grew more urgent, his tongue dancing with yours as he traced a line of passion down your neck and to your breasts. His teeth grazed your sensitive skin, sending a shiver through your body, and your breath hitched in your throat. His hands moved with purpose, removing every last piece of clothing that stood between you. The sensation of his bare chest against yours was electric, a stark contrast to the coolness of the room.

He paused, looking down at you with a hunger that was almost feral. Without a word, he slid his hand down the curve of your waist and over the band of your panties, slipping them off with a gentle yet firm motion. Your body reacted instinctively, arching towards him, craving more of his touch. The anticipation was almost too much to bear as he positioned himself above you, his eyes never leaving yours.

Eminem kissed you deeply as he entered you, the sensation of his hardness filling you completely, making you gasp into his mouth. The initial shock of his size quickly gave way to a building pleasure, and you wrapped your legs around him, urging him deeper. His rhythm was slow and deliberate, his hips rolling into yours with a mastery that left you feeling utterly consumed by him.

You could feel every inch of him as he moved, his muscles flexing with each thrust. The sound of your bodies meeting filled the room, punctuated by the occasional groan or whimper escaping from both of you. His hands gripped your hips tightly, guiding your movements as if he were conducting a symphony of passion. The kiss grew more intense, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip, and you moaned in response, your nails digging into his back.

The bed sheets tangled around your legs as the pace grew faster, more frenzied. The headboard banging against the wall matched the tempo of your hearts beating in sync. You could see the desire in his eyes, the way they darkened with every stroke, and it only spurred you on. Your own eyes closed as the pleasure built, your breaths coming in gasps, your body tightening like a coil ready to spring.

Eminem's fingers found their way into your hair, gently tugging your head back as he kissed along your neck, his teeth grazing your sensitive skin, sending shivers down your spine. His other hand cupped your face, his thumb tracing the contour of your cheekbone as he whispered dirty sweet nothings into your ear, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

Your hands roamed over his back, feeling the sweat bead and the tension in his muscles as he moved within you. His thrusts grew more powerful, each one hitting that perfect spot, making you quiver with pleasure. The sound of skin on skin, the faint rustle of the bed sheets, and the muffled moans of ecstasy filled the air—a symphony of lust that seemed to resonate through the very walls of the suite.

As the intensity grew, Eminem’s grip on your hips tightened, his breaths turning ragged. You could feel him getting closer to the brink, his movements more urgent, and the desperate need reflected in the taut lines of his face. You met his gaze, the electricity between you crackling like a live wire. You whispered his name, and that was all it took for him to let go, his body tensing as he reached climax, his eyes squeezed shut, and his teeth bared in a silent roar.

The aftermath was a gentle cascade of shared breaths and lingering kisses. He rolled onto his side, pulling you with him, your bodies still intertwined. The room was bathed in the soft glow of the candles, casting a warm light over the rumpled sheets and the sweat-drenched skin. You laid there, your heart racing, feeling a sense of disbelief at what had just transpired. It had been explosive, a whirlwind of passion that had taken you completely by surprise.

Eminem looked at you, his eyes searching your face, as if looking for any signs of regret or doubt. You met his gaze and smiled, your cheeks flushed with satisfaction and a hint of mischief. The night had taken an unexpected turn, but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel guilty. Instead, you felt alive, invigorated by the rush of adrenaline that still coursed through your veins.

He leaned in, kissing you softly, his tongue tracing the outline of your lips before delving into your mouth once more. You tasted a mix of whiskey and victory on his breath, a potent cocktail that only made you want him more. His hand slid down to caress your naked body, his fingertips gliding over your skin like a musician playing a favorite tune. The touch sent shivers down your spine, and you arched into him, eager for the symphony of pleasure to begin again.

After a few weeks of sleeping with Marshall your boyfriend once again dropped another diss track on Marshall, stilled pissed about losing to music MTV awards to him.

A few weeks had passed since things began between you and Marshall, each encounter becoming a carefully hidden secret amidst the chaos of the ongoing feud. Despite the thrill of it all, your boyfriend remained oblivious, though his frustration toward Eminem hadn’t faded. In fact, he seemed more fired up than ever.

Still bitter over the loss at the MTV Music Awards, your boyfriend dropped yet another diss track aimed squarely at Marshall. The lyrics were sharper, more personal, each line dripping with resentment. It was clear that his defeat had stung deeply, and he wasn’t ready to let it go. The diss track hit every outlet, riling up fans and adding fresh fuel to the rivalry. You listened to the track, knowing the words were aimed at Marshall, yet they felt uncomfortably close to home, a reminder of the tangled mess you were in.

Marshall’s reaction, however, was anything but anger. When you mentioned the diss track, he just smirked, as though he found the whole thing amusing.

Two weeks later, Marshall released a new song that sent the internet into an absolute frenzy. The lyrics included lines that would leave no one guessing.The following lines said:

Yo, check it,

You think you flexin’, but you just a clown,

Got your girl in my sheets, ass up, face down,

While you out thrivin’, ballin’ like a thug,

I'm the one givin' her that late-night love.

You a motherfuckin’ joke, man, I’m the real deal,

She whispered my name, now she can’t conceal,

You think you got her locked, but I broke that chain,

She loves my style, man, it drives you insane.

After Eminem released the diss track exposing your affair, it sent shockwaves through the music world. Everyone was talking about it, and the excitement was palpable. The lyrics ignited a frenzy, with fans buzzing about the revelations and the implications of the feud.

A few days after Eminem released the diss track, he showed up at your house, looking more serious than you had ever seen him. The buzz from the song had settled, but the aftermath still hung heavy in the air. As you opened the door, you could see concern etched on his face. “Hey, I just wanted to check in on you,” he said softly, stepping inside.

You led him to the living room, feeling a mix of emotions. “Honestly, it’s been tough,” you admitted, running a hand through your hair. “My boyfriend has been really distant since all this happened. I’m starting to think that maybe it’s time to end the relationship.”

Marshall’s expression shifted as he processed your words. There was a flicker of something—hope, maybe—in his eyes. “I hate to hear that. You deserve to be with someone who truly cares about you,” he said, stepping closer. The tension in the room thickened, and you could feel the pull between you intensifying.

Suddenly, without warning, he leaned in and kissed you. The moment his lips touched yours, all your doubts and fears seemed to evaporate. It was a kiss filled with passion and urgency, a silent confession that spoke louder than words. When he pulled back, his gaze locked onto yours, filled with sincerity. “I love you,” he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. “I want you to break up with him for me.”

You hesitated, a whirlwind of emotions churning inside you. Your heart raced, caught between the thrill of his confession and the reality of the situation you were in. It was a leap, one that felt both exhilarating and terrifying. But as you looked into his eyes, you felt a spark of something undeniable.

After a moment of contemplation, you reached for your phone. The decision felt monumental as you typed the message: “It’s over.” With a deep breath, you pressed send and immediately turned off your phone, cutting off any chance of a reply from your boyfriend.

If only this war could end , it was what she wished for every day. Results never came out of this prayer , only blood and ashes , and death. 

Alone and forsaken , that’s how you found her outside. From where you stood , all you could see was that long braid blown by the wind , dancing like wheat in the wind. 

Hesitation stills you from moving farther. You were aware of her desire to remain separated from the rest of the world in those moments. You were a part of it , that world where nothing brought her comfort after all those losses , all those tears shredded , those lives taken and the grief within the chosen one became more important.

It was eating her alive. 

“ Rhaenyra.”

Driven by the shock of the unexpected voice , she spun around only to find you standing at her side. Wrapped in a pale blue gown reaching the pavement , intricate golden details all over the expensive material while a silver belt encircled your waist. Looped braids always frame your face , a hairstyle you’ve always cherished , but you have decided to let them down. They cascaded over your back , flowing like a river carving through rock. 

You smiled , sadly. Mirroring you , her head tilted on the side.

“ How did you know where to find me ? ”

“ No one saw Syrax leave.” You shortened the distance between the two of you to present her your arm. Her eyes examined your features for a while , contemplating whether she should accept your invitation. Company did not suit her at that exact time , wishing to keep words trapped in her mind for her to get lost within them.

As her hesitation left you hanging , your arm fell along your body before your limbs intertwined together above your stomach. 

“ I understand that you don’t wish to be bothered. If you ever need me , I’ll be in my chambers.”

At that , you turned back on your heels. And she watched. She watched you with a clenched jaw and fidgeting fingers. 

You were seated in the gardens , cool grass under your naked feet as you read the thick volume placed over your lap. Reading the same paragraph over and over for the past minutes , you came to realize the book wasn’t exactly what you needed now. You had borrowed the novel from the library , looking for something to lose yourself in. Literature had always been your comfort , it didn't need much thinking.

You closed the book and wondered why things couldn't have been easier. The aftermath of the war between Rhaenyra and Alicent created an important insecurity. You knew it would have been that way , after choosing your silver-pale-haired friend over her step-mother. Both were girls who shared the same age , both tied to the late King Viserys I. 

As Viserys I's health was falling apart , tension rose between the two of them.

It wasn't difficult for you to choose which side to take. Lifting your hand above your forehead , you glanced up at the sky. The sun shone heavily in the cloudless sky , closing your eyes like a cat accepting a gentle caress behind the ear. 

A shadow soon cast over you , casually your eyes flew open. Seeing the delight of the realm standing before was unexpected.  

“ May I sit with you for a while ? ”

She looked beautiful as ever with her eyes red and puffy , teeth planted into her lower lip. In those moments , she resembled a child. Hesitant , as if she feared being scolded.

“ You may.” 

Her figure immediately filled the empty place next to you. She observed you , like you held all the answers she was looking for. “ Please , forgive me for earlier. I didn’t—”

“ I’m not mad at you.” You cut her , holding her gaze. She had the salt of the sea in her eyes , an aquatic green that brought out the silver in her hair. Every Targaryen shared those features, however none wore those like she did. Your heart thumped painfully in your ribcage , she would never know how much you wanted to tell you find her beautiful in a way a friend shouldn’t. 

“ Something happened with Daemon ,  I was told. ” Rhaenyra shifted uncomfortably beside you. “ You fought.”

She looked away , her tongue swiped across her inferior lip. “ We did. He wanted to go fight.”

“ That’s all he seems to want.”

“ Daemon wanted to fly to Kingslanding and just butcher all of them.” She explained rather calmly, yet you could feel the anger behind her words. 

The greens had children amongst them , the children of Aegon II himself. She needed this war to win back her claim to the Iron Throne, although she never wished for children to be butchered. Especially not by the man with whom she had children with. It was cruel , something she wasn’t.

“ Oh , Nyra. Why are you this compassionate ? ”

“ Sometimes I wish I wasn’t this way, Bell .” The nickname made you smile slightly. She never called you by your name , especially after you told her about your love for bellflower. You always wore the flower scented oil. Secretly , the Targaryen woman was very fond of your scent ;  sweet and delicate and so feminine. 

“ But you can not , not be this way. This is who you are. Wishing things could be different is just false comfort.”

“ Ever the poet , are you ? ” 

“ Oh , this one isn’t from me. I borrowed it from a book.” A smile bloomed on her face , bitterness almost forgotten. Your hand soon left her shoulder and you slipped your feet back into your shoes. “ Do you want to walk with me for a while ?  “

Eventually , her arm was hooked to yours while you paced together around the garden. 

The sun casted its warm light over your figure and the wind blew here and there , fighting against the sun’s cruelty. It was a serene place where plants grew innocently. 

You loved to walk around the garden , and admired the many colorful flowers amongst the meadow. 

“ Sometimes ,” you started , stopping before a rose bed. They were of a peculiar smoky pink. “ I wish the earth could swallow me whole.”

Rhaenyra looked over , inquiry eyes looking for any sign of foolishness but all she found was your serious expression. “ Why ? ” 

“ Because it is easy. “ You sniffed , kneeling down to reach for the thorned beauties. Her gaze never left your features , even when she crouched at your level. “  It is hard sometimes. and-and so many people are counting on you , they are awaiting for a greatness that may never be destined to you. In those times of doubt , thinking about sinking down is an easier escape. Don't you think  ? ”

You eye her. The sea of messy curls framing your face made those blown eyes filled with odd bitterness. Her hand was already caressing your cheek , her touch like a feather , blood pumped faster through your organ. 

“ I think you shouldn’t have those thoughts. What would I do without you if you disappeared ? ” You heard her say in a small trembling voice.

“ You have many people here to advise you , to-to ”

“ Yet , they aren’t you. They’re not the woman who has always been there for me , who knows me.” She said your name in a disapproving tone. She couldn’t accept that you dared to pronounce those words to her. She felt insulted. “ How can you even say such a thing ? No one will ever replace you. I need you to win this war. “

When she paused , the world around you fell quiet. Her other hand was always cradling your other cheek. Forced to turn entirely in her way , you both feasted on each other’s eyes.

“ I need you.” 

Distance dying between each other’s faces , your breath danced over your skin. Closer , her mouth hovered above yours , not kissing you yet. It was wrong , a sin she didn’t bother to name. But she couldn’t resist the urge ; her petals were wed to yours within seconds. Hungry for more , her left hand traveled to the back of your neck. Your limbs clutched on her dress’ material , bringing her even closer. 

Reluctantly, she quickly stepped back to catch her breath. Her cheeks were flushed from the heat, while yours burned intensely. You wondered if it was because of the stifling heat or this forbidden exchange. It didn't matter anymore because her lips found a new patch of your burning flesh. Her hands also found themselves lower, gripping your waist with a firm hold. The wind caressed the trail of moisture left by her worshipping lips, offering you the coolness you didn’t know you needed.

“ I need you too.” You managed to say with a strained voice. “ Nyra , I can’t lose you either.”

Her aquamarine eyes peered up at you. She caught your lowered brows and those moist eyes of yours.

“ I’ll be fine,” she said before straightening up and planting a kiss on your cheek. Then she moved her lips to your ear and whispered in a warm, reassuring voice, “Everything will be fine for me. You don't have to worry about me.”

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sunlight flutters into the apartment, bathing the bedroom in a golden light. uncharacteristic for the almost constant rain and thunder threatening to break through the clouds these past few weeks. your head rests on a soft pillow, the bed warm from body heat. your arms are tangled around your boyfriend, rens torso, and his arms are wrapped tightly around your back and waist, not wanting to let go.

“ren..” you mumble out sleepily. he buries his head further into the crook of your neck in response.

“mmh…” he groans, “angel..” you can feel his warm breath fanning across your neck.

you blink away some sleepiness, slowly moving your hand to card through his soft pink and blue hair. he always looks so…pretty even in the early hours of the morning when his hair is tussled and messy. ren hums appraisingly, nestling impossibly further into your body, seemingly never wanting to leave your touch.

if you had a choice, you know you wouldn’t leave either, but sadly you’ve got things to do today.

“angel..pleeease stay a little longer. you’re warm and soft..” ren begrudgingly whines out as you move your hand away from his hair and turn over to the nightstand to check what time it is on your phone.

9:51 A.M.

not bad, you consider in your head. you can feel rens arms reaching out toward you, chasing your touch. you move to lay on your back, stretching your arms out far above your head, earning a satisfied sigh at the feeling. you glance over at your sweet boyfriend, you can see him fighting to fall back asleep but it seems he’s losing that battle.

rens eyes slowly blink open, landing directly on your form. you smile at him.

“‘morning, ren. sleep well?” you hum.

ren softly sighs. “..goodmorning.” he pauses for a moment, a yawn slicing his sentence in half. “i think i would have slept better if you’d have stayed closer to me…” despite his words, there’s no bitterness in them. as far as you can tell, there’s only longing.

he mumbles softly. “you’re cold..”

you lean over toward him and gently place a kiss on his forehead.

“you’re very attentive.” you smile.

he leans into your touch, just like a golden retriever would lean into being pet. the bed is still warm but you can feel the cool air of the morning make you shiver. goosebumps almost spread along your arms as they rest atop the covers.

despite ren wanting just five more minutes in bed, you groggily get up and pad your way to the bathroom, the cold floor amplifying your shivers. you go about your morning routine and when you emerge ren isn’t in the bedroom anymore. you navigate your way to the kitchen, finding him already up and cooking breakfast for the both of you.

his back is to you, a soft black long sleeved shirt hangs loosely on his shoulders, showing you the back side of the tattoos wrapping around his neck. you enjoy the scene for what it is, a moment in time where you’re the one studying ren and not the other way around, not to say you don’t enjoy his attention of course..returning the favor just seems more…enticing.

taking a seat at the counter behind him, you murmur with a soft smile, “whatcha cookin’?”

ren nearly jumps out of his skin at your quip, not expecting you to be behind him. he turns around, his face already warming.

“..just pancakes..with toppings ! …oh-uh i-is that okay.?” his nerves seem to get the best of him at the end of his sentence. you’ve been trying to get him to work on backtracking and so far he’s been making pretty good progress but you suppose as they say, old habits die hard.

“yes, ren. of course that’s okay.” you reassure him with a soft smile. he smiles back and mumbles “..good!” the flush on his face slowly disappears.

the day goes on smoothly, just like normal. you and ren share some quality time together, cuddling on the couch while a random horror flick plays or cooking a meal together, just experiencing each others company in peaceful bliss.

“hey, ren?” you call out softly. there’s a warm blanket draped over both your laps, your head leaning on rens shoulder while yall relax on the couch, mindlessly watching attack on giants. the nightlife quickly goes by outside the floor length windows of ren-yalls apartment. he tilts his head in your direction, a silent question.

“i’ve been thinking about hanging out with jae, leon, and teo soon. y’know ive only been back in corland bay for a few months but i still haven’t had any time to talk to my old friends.” you slightly ramble on, missing the company of your old pals.

suddenly, you feel ren tense at the mention of your friends. but as soon as it happens, it slips away like he didn’t even react at all.

“o-oh really ? that would be..fun. what uhm-what would you plan to do w-w-with them?” he seems even more nervous and flustered talking about this topic than you’ve seen him in a while. taking a glance up at his face, all you see is your sweet ren, blushing face and kind eyes looking down at you. though, if you were paying more attention you would’ve noticed how his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes like normal.

your head leans back toward the tv, watching it but not really absorbing the information as you speak.

“hmph..i don’t really know. maybe we could go down to the beach…or maybe the aquarium?” you check off a few options.

rens hands fiddle with the ends of his sleeves, another habit you try to get him out of. he seems to do it when he’s really nervous..or thinking especially hard on something. you don’t hear a response from him. lifting your head fully off of his shoulder, you examine his face. he takes notice.

“o-oh!..well the beach sounds..nice..” he pauses, looking away from your face and tugging at his sleeve even harder.

“s-s-sorry…i…” he tries again. “i think it’s a good idea! it has been a while since you’ve seen your…..friends.” he smiles sheepishly.

“..should stay like that.” you hear him mumble something but you can’t quite catch what it is, like usual.

“what was that?” the questions lingers for a second.

“n-n-nothing..just thinking about how excited your friends will be to see you again, angel !!” he happily responds.

a grateful smile spreads across your face. your eyes can’t help but soften at his enthusiasm and utter care he expresses for you.

you quickly lean in and capture his lips in a chaste kiss, tasting cherry lip balm he must’ve put on earlier that day. you lean back as quick as it happened before ren has a chance to kiss you back, you see his face chase after yours, desiring more.

“you’re so supportive of me. what did i do to deserve such an amazing boyfriend like you?” you sigh out dreamily. rens blush deepens, and his hand comes up to his face, covering it in embarrassment.

you can see his breath hitch and a certain look of being faraway take over his features before he recovers. “y-you’re really the amazing o-one here! i….i don’t know what id do without you, angel. i love you so much.” his words are so soft and genuine you can’t help but frown at how kind he is. quickly, you lean over and pounce on him, capturing him in a warm embrace, the tv long forgotten in your kindred conversation.

ren freezes for a moment but quickly recovers and hugs you back just as tightly. his face nudges into your neck, breathing in your scent. sighing happily, you flex your fingers, gripping the back of rens shirt tighter, like if you let go, you’ll lose him.

“i love you more, ren.” you purr into his neck. his body tenses slightly under your weight..and words. you feel him almost pant into your hair at your kind words, seemingly intoxicated by it.

“no you don’t.”

•••

the next few days of the week blur by, your excitement for your newly planned hangout permeating the air. you had called everyone up the day after bringing up the idea with ren and luckily everyone was free and more than willing to hang out! although teo did have to add his little two cents, questioning, “miss me that much already, doll?”

that cocky bastard would flirt with anything that moves, but nonetheless he’s your friend despite his interesting qualities.

“hey baby?” you call out to ren from the bathroom. he peeks his head around the corner, a furious blush painting his face red.

“y-yes, angel?” he stutters in response. a smile graces your face.

“i’m gonna shower real quick, mkay?” you nod your head at him.

“o-okay..!” ren smiles back at you, continuing his sentence. “i’ll get started on dinner!” he happily turns around and heads back to the kitchen with a nod of your approval.

ren meanders about in the kitchen, looking through various cabinets and opening the fridge every now and again to choose what to make for dinner. after about five minutes of gathering ingredients, ren settles on making something simple: spaghetti. almost ten minutes into cooking, he notices something. you accidentally left your phone on the kitchen counter. you were already too consumed by the hot water running down your body to even remember you didn’t bring it with you to the bathroom.

ren sees it as a little odd you managed to leave it on the counter considering you’re almost glued to it when ren isn’t hogging your attention. he dismissively turns back around towards the stove, intending to stir the pasta again until a sound stops him dead in his tracks. he turns back around and glances at your phone.

teo is calling.

teo…is…calling.

rens scarred hands grip the counter harshly, feeling jealously burn its way through his throat. the incessant ringing is grating his skull. without thinking clearly, ren grabs up your phone and answers the call. his eyebrows are cast downward in a look of pure irritation as he hears teos’ voice cut through the phone like static on a radio.

“took you long enough to answer, sweetheart.” ren grits his teeth at teos snarky comment.

teo doesn’t waste another second before speaking. he must really fucking love the sound of his own voice.

“you still on for tomorrow? leon keeps bothering me about making sure you’re really gonna show….something about missing you.” somehow, rens gaze intensifies. his fingers flex against your phone.

“angel can’t make it. she’s sick.” ren grits out before he can stop himself. he can’t seem to think rationally when this fucking bitch guy keeps whining about needing your attention. despite the…intensity of the emotions he’s feeling while talking to teo, ren can’t help but feel his chest tighten and his heartbeat increase..obviously not because he’s done anything wrong.

..did he?

“buttercup-that you?” teo chuckles to himself.

“it’s.ren.” his words are gritty, rough like sandpaper.

“yeah, yeah, whatever. tell dollface that leon will miss her-or whatever.” teo hangs up the phone before ren can say anything back.

ren takes a few moments to collect himself. he’s sure angel wont mind staying home tomorrow with him. she loves him, why wouldn’t she want to stay home with him? ren exhales shakily, placing your phone back down on the counter. he goes back to cooking dinner like nothing happened.

except..there’s this little nagging voice in the back of his head that maybe he shouldn’t have…no. angel will be fine, she’ll be happy she gets to spend another day with him. with ren. he made the right decision. besides, why would angel want to hang out with that scum she calls friends anyway? she has ren. angel doesn’t need anyone else. ren can fulfill all her needs and more. those little fucking friends of hers couldn’t-

“better keep an eye on the food, hm? don’t want it to burn.” you call out to ren as you enter the kitchen.

ren jumps and lurches around at the sound of your voice. it seems he got a little distracted. his face immediately flushes red and his eyes are wide in surprise.

“ah-uhm-uh..a-angel…you….scared me!” ren stutters out, barely holding on to the words themselves.

“sorry!” you tilt your head to the side, offering an apology to ren with a small smile.

“n-no!! it’s fine, i…i was-i was just cooking dinner! like i said! i’m making spaghetti—is that okay? i-ill make something else if you don’t like it..im sure i can find something else in the cabinet-or we could order-“

“ren.” you cut off his rambling. his face is more flushed than you’ve seen it in a minute..something must really have him worked up.

“spaghetti is perfectly fine. i love it. i love you. you seemed..distracted when i came back..you alright?” you walk up to ren, taking his hands in yours and stroking your thumb lightly across his knuckles.

rens eyes seem to widen even more, if that’s even possible.

“n-n-no! everything’s fine. i was just-i was thinking about what we could do after dinner!” ren fumbles the words out like they burned. he continues.

“that’s…that’s why i wasn’t paying attention. i swear.” his voice steadies slightly.

you nod your head appreciatively.

“okay. how about we play a board game or something, hm? you wanna do that?” you let go of one of his hands, bringing it up to cup his face gently.

despite his looming stature, he leans into your touch almost desperately. his eyes flutter shut softly and he exhales as your fingers graze his face lovingly. when he’s all alone with you, he seems more like a giant puppy than a man who would snap a finger or two if provoked. you’re happy you’ve earned this soft side of him, seeing how lovey-dovey he can get under your touch.

your other hand unlaces itself from rens fingers, he whines at the contact loss until you place that hand on his chest, softly running your fingers along his old sweater. his hand snakes around your waist, pulling you in closer. your hand falls from his face as his head snuggles deeply into your neck, humming at the feeling of you being so close. you wrap your free arm around his neck, holding him tight.

your chests are touching as one hand grips your waist hard and his other hand grips your hip even harder-not enough to hurt…just enough to remind himself that you’re here.

eventually, you pull away much to rens protest. he seems to remember the question you asked him earlier.

“y-yes…board games sound good.” you smile sweetly up at him.

you lean up towards his face, like you’re going to kiss him, but as his eyes fall shut in anticipation, he feels your breath against his ear.

“finish cooking dinner, okay? i’ll set up something for us to watch while we eat.” rens eyes open as you lean back down.

he nods his head at you, still dazed from the close contact.

“o-okay..!” you pat his cheek lovingly and wander off to the living room.

the rest of the night goes well. ren manages to salvage dinner, focusing enough to prepare everything correctly. as per usual, you and ren watched attack on giants while eating dinner. after that, just as discussed, you and ren played a few different board games after dinner, reveling in each others company.

the night ended sweetly as rens arms wrap around you, tugging you closer. his chest is warm against your back, lulling you even more to sleep.

“goodnight…ren..” you mumble out softly before sleep can consume you whole. ren softly kisses your shoulder in response.

“‘night, angel.”

the next morning passes by quickly as you take on your early morning tasks. just like normal, ren makes a delicious breakfast you both scarf down in no time. the morning stays soft and mundane yet a perfume of excitement radiates off of you. you’re so excited to go see your old friends, it’s been way too long since you’ve had one on one time with them.

around 12 P.M. you tugged on a comfortable outfit to wear to the gathering. something that you felt relaxed in. as you’re slipping on your shoes and giving ren a small farewell kiss, you shoot teo a quick text to let him know you’re about to leave your apartment. his reply is almost instant…that’s weird for teo.

TEO: you suddenly not sick anymore?

“..what?” you whisper out softly, confusion consuming your face.

YOU: wdym sick???

the next text steals the air out of your lungs, a sour feeling rising in your chest.

TEO: your boytoy called me yesterday and said you couldn’t come because you were sick. don’t tell me this is some stupid prank?

what the fuck..? your face continues to scrunch up in disbelief at the words you’re reading. your eyes scan over the text again and then another time to make sure you hadn’t misread anything. ren said i was sick? why?

a sneer can’t seem to leave your face as you text teo a quick, “no.” and then pocket your phone. you think over the information just given to you. ren called teo yesterday claiming you were sick so you couldn’t make it to the hangout.

“fucking unbelievable.” you mutter out, gritting your teeth. you slowly and carefully take off your shoes, placing them on the floor quietly. if ren wanted to lie to your friends thinking he could get away with it, you’d teach him you’re not as stupid as he may think you are.

you wander off back toward ren, sitting at his desk typing away on his computer. most likely doing some programming. you plaster on a soft smile, something normal.

“ren?” you walk up to him.

ren slightly jumps at your voice turning in his chair to face you.

“oh-a-angel? i thought you left already…?” he stutters yet again. you see his face redden slightly as he tilts his head to the side.

“oh yeah, i was about to but i forgot something!” you softly laugh at the end, finding your own forgetfulness funny.

“have you spoken to teo at all?” you air the question out as if it was something casual.

ren tenses under your gaze slightly.

“uh..n-n-no? w-why would he talk to..me?” he fumbles on his words yet again.

you feel bitterness fight in your body. you want to scowl so bad, you want to tell ren to fuck off for lying so easily to your friend and no less, you. but you school your face back to something neutral, albeit oddly…happy? funny even?

“oh really?” ren nods his head in agreement. you hum in response, crossing your arms and planting your feet.

“y’know…” you stop short, a huff of a laugh cutting you off. though the laugh is oddly devoid of humor. an odd smile catches your lips.

“that’s kinda weird because teo just told me that you told him i couldn’t make it to the hangout because i was…’sick’.” you say the accusation with a bite, your eyes narrowing on ren.

rens face looks lifeless. you see the blood drain from him and his eyes go wide in disbelief. his mouth opens to say something but snaps back shut as if he wasn’t really sure what to say.

you take a step closer, glaring down at him.

“..i-i..” ren starts but stops, not finding his footing.

“i just..i just w-wanted…” ren swallows, his throat growing tighter by the second. words keep dying on his tongue. nothing sounds right.

“i-i-i didn’t think you..” you cut him off.

“you didn’t think i’d what? find out? you seriously think im that stupid??” you provoked. ren seems to shrink at your accusation.

“n-n-no! of course n-not angel, you’re n-not st-stupid! i..i just…” the words die again. something simmers beneath rens eyes.

..fear?

his words urge on your festering anger.

“so i’m not stupid but you still decided to lie to my friends, and then when i gave you the chance to tell the truth, you lied to me.” venom seems to coat your words in a dark sticky mess that doesn’t seem to be letting up.

ren can’t seem to hold your intense gaze, his eyes fall to the floor, then to his lap, then to your angry face and then back to the floor.

“i-i-i just i didn’t…” he continues looking down, not being able to meet your gaze.

“you didn’t what?” you so sound angry. so unlike your usual happy self. you sound so so so mad at him. you sound like you hate him. he’s sure he deserves it after what he did. but..he just wanted your attention. all of it.

“i didn’t think..” he barely whispers out the words, guilt lacing every syllable. he sounds like a cornered animal, wounded and scared.

you scoff and roll your eyes.

“well obviously.” you cut your eyes back to him. the air is palpable with panic coming from ren and anger coming from you.

“i mean what the fuck is wrong with you?! what in your right mind makes you think it’s okay to lie to my friends and then lie to me. seriously, tell me. tell me why the hell you thought it was okay to..to act so childish.” you cursed, not screaming, just berating ren.

rens head snaps up so quickly to look at you when you ask your first question.

what is wrong with him?

his mouth opens and closes again, trying to form words but to no avail. tears prick at his lash line. he breathing falters. his throat feels like it’s closing. what’s wrong with him?

without a moments notice, ren jolts up, standing in front of you. he goes toward you, to fumble around another excuse but as he moves toward you, you take a step back. ren freezes. if he wasn’t scared before, he definitely is now. he feels his blood run cold yet again.

you stepped away from him. you backed away because you didn’t want him to come near you. you made that face of disgust..and fear. you’re scared of him. you backed away because you were scared of ren. no. NO. NONONONONONONONONO.

his thoughts frantically move about in his head, trying to come up with something-anything to say in his defense. he feels as if his whole world is falling apart. you’re his whole world. he lied to you and now you don’t trust him. you don’t trust him because of his own SELFISH DESIRES. all because ren couldn’t stand to see you with anyone but him. all because he needs you.

“a-a-a-angel… p-please..i d-didn’t..” his voice cracks as tears slip down his once pristine face. he feels his heart ache while you look at him with such hatred. he makes no move closer to you, scared he’s going to make you feel worse or make you run away from him.

you watch ren as you see his entire being crumble. his eyes are red, tears unstopping. his face is blotchy and red and you can hear him struggle to breathe properly. he looks so wounded. like you’re the one that did something wrong. he begins rambling incessantly.

“a-angel..i-i…i didn’t want you t-to leave me…i’m s-so s-s-so-rry.” his voice breaks even more.

“i-i thought that if..if i j-just told teo you were busy then y-you could stay..stay home with me and you wouldn’t have to worry ab-out seeing them…” he looks like a man who’s been broken, put down, and kicked again.

“i didn’t…i didn’t th-think you’d be s-so m-m-mad at me… please angel, don’t leave m-me. i n-need you. i love you.”

you take another step back as ren quickly falls to his knees, overcome by the sheer panic and grief he feels. he’s hiccuping now, and keeps stuttering on breathing. he’s so pathetic. so desperate for you. he’s shaking so bad he can barely breathe, it feels like there’s no oxygen in the room.

“i…” you’re the one at a loss for words now. you’re fighting between feeling bad for ren and holding on to the bitterness caused by his actions. he lied to you, he lied directly to your face without hesitation. who’s to say this isn’t the first time that’s happened and it only just occurred that you caught him.

“ren.” you begin, taking a grounding breath.

“you have seriously fucked up. i’m not happy with you. at all. you make me wonder if you’ve lied to me before and i just didn’t catch it. you make me wonder if i can trust you.” your words cut through him like a sharpened blade.

his breathing begins to stutter, teetering on gasping for air as he feels faint, barely keeping it together. he tries to say something but he can’t seem to put his words in order.

“i….” he mumbles.

“don’t. don’t talk to me.” you side step him quickly, angrily stalking off to your room.

you shut the door loudly behind you, clicking the lock in place. you lean your back against the door, sighing heavily. finally, the sadness and gravity of the situation settles into your bones. you look upward, trying to will the tears to stay where they are. of course, it doesn’t work. tears freely slip down your face, almost never ending. soft sobs wrack through your chest, stinging your lungs.

hands fly up to your face, holding it softy as you continue to sob. overthinking and overwhelmed by everything that just occurred. so many questions rattle around in your head.

why did he lie to me?

why didn’t he just tell me how he felt?

has he lied to me before?

can i trust anything he says now?

what..do i do now?

from then, the days go by in a slow aching blur. you wake up in the cold bed, ren somewhere else in the apartment. you go on about your day ignoring him to the best of your abilities. it’s driving him absolutely crazy, you can tell. and a small, odd part of you somewhat enjoys seeing him so distraught. you’re quiet, uncharacteristically so. you avoid ren like the plague, not so much as looking in his direction. every time you think about it too hard you start to feel the anger bubbling inside of you. you’re so beyond annoyed at him that you can’t even bare to hear him speak.

though, he hasn’t been speaking much either. sometimes he’d try to mumble out a feeble “i’m sorry.” or something or other. he never finishes his sentences, he can barely look you in the eye. it seems like in his head he has a million different things he wants to say to you but then once he works up the courage to say something, he forgets everything. he can’t make sense of his words, let alone himself. he knows he’s done wrong, but he doesn’t know how to fix it. he doesn’t know if you’ll every trust him again-no. you will. you have to.