#fem!levi

She was everywhere, wherever Levi looked; in the plants blooming by the window, the fluffy navy carpet spread in front of the couch, and the funky patterned pillows on it. Since she, herself, didn’t have much stuff (she hated hoarding), Levi let Petra take over the interior. 

At first, she continued to live her life like usual, mostly staying in her room, not engaging with whatever the other person was doing, but it seemed that Petra just couldn’t let her be. She constantly found ways to invite her to watch a movie together, taste the new recipe she tried, or catch her in the kitchen to ask about her day. 

Levi hated all of that. Having her day be interrupted was a nightmare. Petra must have realized that at some point, since she stopped bothering her. Ironically, not long after that, Levi ran into her in the kitchen while the ginger was engrossed in preparing a special brew of tea. She watched her, checking the temperature of the water and waiting for it to cool down to exactly 80 Celsius before pouring it into the small cup with a blend of leaves. It changed everything. 

Curious, Levi came up and asked the flustered girl about what she was preparing. They clicked instantly once they discovered their mutual love for tea. Since then, when Petra knocked on the door, she had a tray of tea set and ready for them to enjoy in the evening. 

By now, they became friends, and it was the first time when Levi felt at home and not just like sleeping in a place she currently was in. 

She was preparing dinner when Petra came back home. After a moment, the overdressed ginger joined her in the kitchen. 

“I’m about to kill Oluo,” she whined and sat at the counter with her hands on her cheeks. “He forgot to study, AGAIN, and I had to cancel my date to go help him get it into that empty head of his.”

Levi grew accustomed to hearing about her friends. It was part of spending time with Petra, she overshared a lot, letting Levi keep her private life to herself. 

“You didn’t have to,” the dark haired woman noted, not looking up from the boiled vegetables she was cutting. 

“Yes…technically not. But, you know, I can't leave a friend in need of help.” 

“Did it strike you that he just wanted to ruin your date?” Levi pointed, a spark of irritation formed in her chest, but she pretended it was nothing. 

Petra blinked and looked up in the distance. 

“I…don’t think so. He knows we’re never going to leave the friend zone, I hope,” she said, unsure. “Well, anyway…I think me and Patrick are getting serious, so… I’m sure he doesn’t mind,” Petra followed with a small smile. 

Levi didn’t know what to say. She never met the man Petra was seeing, at least from her stories he sounded decent. 

“How did you know you liked girls?”

She looked up at the curious ginger, a little surprised, but didn’t show it. 

“I kind of always knew,” she replied simply. “It was harder to realize and accept the fact I don’t like men.”

Petra let out a thoughtful hum. Levi remembered the time when Petra learned about her sexuality. She was pretty shocked and flustered, apologizing for assuming she was straight and assuring she had no problem with it. Levi didn’t understand all the fuss. Apparently, people from the countryside weren’t used to being openly queer. 

“Why? Did you kiss a girl at a party or something?” Levi snorted, as she finished preparing her meal and turned to face the ginger. 

“No! I’m just curious how it works.”

“Kissing a girl?”

“Stop teasing me!” Petra laughed, a blush covering her cheeks.” I meant, knowing you’re into them.”

Levi shrugged, sending her a smirk. Petra was adorable, exactly her type.

When she told her friends about her new flatmate, they knew about her crush right away.

“Straight girls should come with a warning” is what her friend, Erwin, had told her as they drowned their sorrows at the bar. Deep down, Levi hoped for Petra to be at least bi, but she was better not to dwell on it. One day, Petra will move out and they will part ways. It was a matter of time, so why worry about it.

“Want to try it?” Levi pitched casually, eyeing the other woman.

“The salad?” 

“Sure,” she replied and handed the bowl to her. “And kissing.”

Petra choked on the food and coughed before looking back at her in shock.

“I won’t make you,” Levi assured her, keeping it cool.

“Well… I guess, if it’s okay with you…” Petra said, her face turning red.

“I don’t mind. You’re a clean person, so you don’t disgust me.”

Petra laughed, covering her mouth and swallowed the rest of the food before putting the bowl back on the counter. 

“Should I go brush my teeth?” she asked, unsure, and tucked her overgrown bangs behind her ear.

Levi rolled her eyes and walked up close to her. She was feeling too awkward about it to try to make it romantic, especially when it was just Petra’s curiosity. She grabbed her jaw from below and pulled her into a prolonged, but not intense, kiss. It lasted for barely 5 seconds, then she let her go. Levi couldn't help but lick her lips afterward. Petra’s touch was as pleasant as she suspected.

“Oh!” Petra let out, red as a tomato and a blank expression on her face. “So…well…it is different.”

“Wouldn’t know, never kissed a man,” Levi wrapped up the conversation and went to her room with her salad bowl in hand. 

When Petra applied to rent a room in Trost, she didn't expect to end up living with someone like this. 

Levi Ackerman was the most introverted, emotionally AND physically closed off person she ever met. For some reason, she craved her attention even more due to that. 

Living alone with another girl was a new experience. She definitely didn't expect Levi to leave her room in a lacy bra without any padding like it was nothing. That's how she learned about her nipple piercing, anyway. 

Levi was the coolest person she had ever met. She was enamored in how little she cared about other people's opinions. It was as if nothing could throw her off. 

She used to feel jealous of her beauty at times. The sharp jaw and high cheekbones made her look like a model. Petra could swear Levi would make a fortune on being a fashion or makeup influencer, but Levi couldn't care less about her looks. 

When Petra told her about it, she looked at her like she was crazy. 

It was when Petra was complaining about her love life and suggested that Levi could probably have any man she wanted, she learned that Levi, in fact, had no interest in them. 

She felt stupid, embarrassed by not even considering that. She never met a queer person before, or at least no one came out to her. She thought Levi would want to share more of her thoughts about it, but she changed the topic as if it was nothing special. 

Months later, when Levi proposed to kiss her, Petra was thrilled. She didn't understand that feeling, but she liked new experiences. She didn't mind Levi's touch at all. She felt comfortable with her and she wondered if that was how it was to have a girl best friend. 

She laid on her bed, trying to fall asleep, but every time she let herself relax, her mind drifted to the feeling of Levi's lips on hers. 

They were so soft, she couldn't get it out of her mind. Even the way her flatmate held her face was softer, despite it being a firm grip. 

Frustrated, Petra turned to her back. Levi would be disappointed if she knew how much she was thinking about it. Clearly, it was a casual thing for her. Some people just didn't care about kisses and that was it. 

Her Tears

Levi was sitting on a windowsill next to the balcony, playing with a cigarette in her hand. It wasn’t lit, but she was looking at it, trying to convince herself to not smoke it. Petra didn’t like it, she always wrinkled her nose when she smelled the smoke from her. It wasn’t like Levi was addicted, she mostly smoked from boredom, it calmed her nerves a bit too. She sighed and looked into the distance behind the glass. 

The ambience of the city and the noise of a low volume tv channel playing in the background got interrupted when she heard the door to the flat unlocking. She was convinced Petra was about to spend the night partying with her friends and boyfriend, and it was barely 11 PM. 

By the characteristic clank of Petra’s keys hitting the shelf in the hallway, it must have been her, who else could that be. 

“Party canceled?” she asked, looking in the hallway's direction, but couldn't see the other girl, so she looked away again. She heard her changing her shoes and noticed her entering the living room in the corner of her eye. 

The answer did not come, so Levi took a look at her again. Her eyebrows went up.

Petra's face was pale, eyes red, and her hand trembled when she took off her sunglasses. The ginger tried to say something, but her voice got caught in the cry, and she gritted her teeth to stop.

Levi looked at her, frozen in place. She had never seen Petra looking so miserable before. She left the forgotten cigarette behind to walk up to her. 

“You okay?”

Petra slowly opened her mouth and took a shaky breath. 

“Patrick cheated on me,” she said, opening and closing her fists. “I…really thought there was something between us, I…it hurts.”

“Piece of shit,” Levi grunted, feeling the irritation overflowing her, but the empty look in Petra’s eyes distracted her. “That only shows he wasn’t worth it.” She tried to console her, but it only caused the tears to drop heavily from her cheeks down on the floor. The older woman sighed and embraced the ginger. 

Petra hugged her back instantly and hid her face in her shoulder, her silence turning into quiet sobs. 

“Sorry this happened to you. I’m sure you didn’t deserve it.”

“Mh…” the girl whimpered.

Levi waited patiently for her to calm down, doing her best to not focus on how good it felt to have her in her arms. It wasn’t the right time for that. Seeing that Petra wasn't about to calm down soon, she scooped her up and carried her to the couch. 

The girl searched her purse for wipes and wiped her nose before she surrendered her body into the pillows. Levi sat down next to her and, instantly, Petra moved closer to lay her head on her shoulder while embracing her arm. 

“He is…a piece of shit, indeed.” Petra replied finally.

“Obviously.” 

“He did it when…when I canceled our date. He thought I’m hooking up with Oulo and just playing with him.”

Levi looked at her with a doubt in her eyes.

“Does he even know you?” She said with a doubtful tone and embraced her with one arm. Petra found her touch soothing. 

“I guess… I didn’t really know him, either.”

“It will be fine. You’ll see.”

“I don’t want to go to bed. I don’t want to cry into my pillow like a stupid…” she didn’t finish her sentence, just sighed. 

Levi looked around and let go of the girl to move the pillows and reach for the blanket. Without thinking, Petra crawled under the blanket with her, hiding herself to the point Levi could only see the top of her head peeking out. She scooted the sobbing girl closer and relaxed, mindlessly watching the late night news that appeared on the tv.

“Take your time.” She said in a softer tone.

Sleepover

Levi looked up from her laptop when she heard a double knock to her bedroom. The doors opened slightly and a ginger head peaked into the room. 

"Do you wanna hang out?" 

The dark haired woman frowned, dark eye bags pronouncing her tired expression. 

"It's 2 AM. Why aren't you sleeping?" she asked, eyeing her flatmate. 

"I don't know," Petra sighed in a reply and entered the room. She was looking down, Levi noticed. "I can't sleep and I know you're usually up late so…" 

She looked up, seeing Levi stretching and closing her laptop. 

"What do you wanna do?" 

Petra’s expression brightened and she walked over to climb onto her bed. Levi followed her and sat with her legs crossed. 

"Talk. And braid your hair," the ginger explained with a grin on her face. 

"Figures," Levi rolled her eyes. Petra was obsessed with her long hair. If it was anyone else, she would cut it by now just to get rid of the attention. She turned her back toward her and relaxed. 

Petra sat behind her and started brushing the dark strands with her fingers. Levi closed her eyes, enjoying the pleasuring sensation. 

"So, what's keeping you up?" 

The ginger was silent for a longer moment and sighed before replying. 

"I don't really know. Maybe nerves. I'm going to see my family over the weekend. Don't get me wrong, they love me a lot, but they are very… invasive. They want to know everything. I don't know how to tell them I don't want to come back during the break between semesters."

"Why not just tell them outright? "

"I wish it was that easy. You must have a great relationship with your parents if you can be that honest."

Levi opened her eyes and played with her fingers. It wasn't normal for her to open up but, after all, it was Petra. She made her do a lot of unnatural things. 

"I don't. My mom died of sickness when I was little. I don't know my father and I don't care to know him." 

"Oh… Sorry."

The honesty Levi could hear in the other girl's voice was reaching dangerously deep into her heart. 

"It's fine. It's been a long time. I don't feel anything when I say this." 

Petra hummed in thought and stopped playing with her hair. Levi wondered if she finished the braid. She didn't expect getting embraced by her from the back. Petra's soft cheek brushed over hers, making her heart beat faster.

"I'm sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad you turned out like you did regardless. You're an awesome person, and I'm so glad I've met you."

Levi could feel her face reddening. This interaction was way too mushy for her, but somehow, she didn't want her to let go. This sweet talk was foreign to her. 

"Thanks," she managed to reply and cursed herself, feeling Petra's arms relaxing before she moved back. Levi gathered her composure and turned to her. 

"Time to sleep. It's not good for you to stay up so late." 

Petra smiled at her. 

"Is it good for you?" 

"Don't get so bratty," she grunted, and moved the covers to hasten her to get under them. Petra bit her lip and sneaked in with her. She watched Levi turn off the bedside lamp. 

It took a moment before they were able to see each other in the darkness. Levi noticed the other woman was looking at her, so she sighed and pulled her close to her chest. 

"Go to sleep." she told her, stroking her soft hair. 

"Goodnight, Levi," Petra replied in a sweet voice, hugging her back and snuggling closer. 

Craving

"Petra… don't do this to me," Levi let out shallowly, while holding the ginger's arms firmly, so she couldn't move closer. 

Despite the background noise of the party, time seemed to stop between the two of them. 

Hidden behind the corner, in the garden of Petra's rich friend's house - after a couple of drinks - Levi found herself in the arms of her lovely roommate. 

It all started because she got pissed at the sight of men shamelessly flirting with Petra. They weren't even supposed to see each other. Levi tagged along with her friends to the party and discovering Petra was also attending wasn't a nice surprise. There was a reason she never hung out with her like this. 

She was able to ignore how much this woman attracted her to some point, but seeing her being swooned by others turned her murderous stare on right away. 

When Petra approached her in worry of her bad mood, Levi didn't want to talk, but eventually got convinced to try to relax and drink with her. 

She found herself keeping the ginger close, with one hand holding her waist, subconsciously scaring off others from trying to steal her attention. 

Petra's cheeks were flushed, which Levi brushed off as a result of the alcohol, but the alarm started to ring in her mind when she started snuggling into her with no shame, despite being in public. 

She wanted to enjoy it, she craved it, her touch and affection, but the cold reality stayed in the back of her mind. 

They were talking in low voices when Petra started to steal glances at her lips and finally leaned for a kiss. 

That's how they ended up in that situation. 

"I won't be your drunk experiment," she said quietly, trying to hide the pain inside her. She kept eye contact with the girl, hoping she would just snap out of her drunk, stupid idea. Her heart wouldn't stand it. 

The ginger seemed confused, but it was hard to read her expression in the dim light of the nearby lamp. 

"I'm not… that drunk." 

"Petra," Levi said more sternly. "I can't." 

"Am I gross?" Petra asked worryingly, making the other woman frown. 

Levi took a deep but shallow breath. 

"Listen to me," she started, barely holding a shake in her voice. "This? It will hurt me," she said, tightening her grip on her shoulders, as if she was stopping herself from running away. 

"I'd never hurt you, Levi," Petra said, clearly not grasping the situation in full view. 

"You need to sober up."

"I'm not that drunk!" 

"Then what do you think you're doing?" 

"I…" 

The words got stuck in Petra's throat and silence fell between them while they looked into each other's eyes. 

Levi's expression softened. Whatever was going on in the ginger's head, she wasn't messing with her on purpose. She raised her hand and ruffled her hair before grabbing her hand and leading her back to the garden where the party went on. 

She spotted Petra's friend and approached her. 

"Here, keep an eye on her, okay?" she said to the surprised girl with strawberry colored hair. 

Petra was quiet. She didn't look upset, but she seemed absent when Levi left the two of them. 

Confession

Next couple of days, they lived in this uncomfortable dance around the topic of what had happened during the party. 

Petra was rolling from side to side every couple of minutes in her bed, distressed by the thoughts in her head. 

It was easier to ignore her feelings when she had a lot to study for, but now after the exams, the relief got replaced by embarrassment. 

She didn't see much of Levi this week and she wondered if she offended her that much. In an awkward morning they ran into each other, she apologized to her older roommate just before she headed to work and that's where the topic ended. Levi was either unusually busy, or she intentionally spent more time outside to avoid her.

All because of me acting stupid on alcohol, Petra thought, turning onto her back. After a moment of mindless looking at the ceiling, her hand wandered to her lips and she touched them softly with the ends of her fingers. 

There it was, the uncertainty of what she actually wanted. The scary truth she was pushing aside since she started living here. 

Levi made her feel things like no one before. It was different from her crushes on boys, that's why it was so hard to grasp. When she crushed on boys, she wanted to be noticed, approved and complimented.

When it came to Levi… the feeling hit deep within her. So much stronger, intense. The dark haired beauty made her feel special by simply talking to her. Her icy gaze that could be so piercing, yet softened when she looked into her eyes, the pronounced jaw and cheekbones, her long fingers and firm touch - she was strong in every way. 

Petra closed her eyes and sighed. It was only a friendship, a close friendship. She adored her, but that was it. 

She could find a man who would distract her, or maybe Levi could find a girlfriend, and that circus of emotions would stop.

Letting that thought sink in, she took another deep breath. Seconds passed while an invisible force started tightening around her heart. 

With a sudden spark of energy, she frantically got out of bed and marched straight to her roomate room. She opened the door without thinking, earning a surprised face from her friend who laid on the bed, texting on her phone in the darkness. The ginger hit the light switch and bit her lip before speaking out. 

"I lied," she said, her voice shaking. "I'm not sorry." 

Levi looked confused, but she sat up. 

"What?" 

"I'm not sorry about doing… About trying to kiss you. Because I really wanted you to kiss me. I like you," she confessed loudly, her voice shaking. "And I don't know if you have someone already, but the thought of it, it… It's so bad. I don't want… You treat anyone else like you treat me," she sobbed and lowered her head, wiping her eyes with the short sleeve of her shirt. 

Levi was looking at her in shock and finally put her phone down. She frowned for a second before standing up to approach the distressed girl. Petra had a hard time looking her in the eyes. Levi grabbed her hand and pulled her to sit down on her bed together.

“Sorry I…cry so easily.” Petra mumbled, looking up to try to stop it. 

“Are you…sober now?” Levi asked, eyeing her. 

“Yes!” the ginger let out, frustrated, which actually amused the other woman.

“Okay, no more yelling. You’re gonna make the neighbors write complaints about us.”

“Sorry…” Petra replied in a small voice.

Levi watched her bothered expression and without thinking too much, she grabbed her elbows and moved her hands down her arms to her wrists, pushing her onto the mattress at the same time. Petra ended up pinned under her, her lips slightly parted in surprise. Levi’s face seemed devoid of emotions, but inside, there was a whole rush of so many of them. 

“I don’t like when you cry.” she stated after biting her own lip, deep in thought. “Especially if it’s because of me.”

Big amber eyes looked straight into her own. Her wish was coming true and she couldn't quite grasp that realization. She moved her hands again, this time to intertwine their fingers. 

“I have a horrible crush on you, Petra.” Levi confessed in a low voice, leaving the other one speechless. “So this better not be a joke.”

“I-It’s not.” she assured her right away and took a nervous breath.