#felldowncharliehole

aww, yes I can, although i might get a little emotional in the process haha

well we first met back in 2006 i think, when we were both really big fans of Shakira, through what it used to be brazilians facebook called orkut

we started getting closer and in little time we were really big friends... it's kind of blurry for me now how we got together the first time because it's been so long and we were so young (I was 13 and she was 12 I think) but the fact is that we started dating in 2007... 

the problem was that we lived very far away from each other, I lived in Portugal back then and she lived in Rio so you can see how this can get in the way... I also don't remember exactly when we broke up but we did and a while later I started dating another girl she used to be friends with... we still talked a lot though and I think she liked me for a while still but eventually we were just friends

in the following years we still chatted sometimes but we weren't very close... the funny thing is, we had the chance to meet each other! in 2009 I went to Rio but even though we had broken up a while ago at the time I was back with that other girl so nothing happened... we were still kind of young, idk I think I was 15 and she was 14??? and we were kind of awkward and never even mentioned the fact that we dated and just pretended it never happened... well until our friend brought it up and Lu (who used to be really shy) hit him and told him to shut up haha

but idk, I think we were in very different places by 2010 but still talked eventually, always flirting let me add because it's so funny to be to read these conversations now because it was so shameless haha... but she was dating someone and i was involved with someone i can only roll my eyes when i think about her now so it was about it

then last year we got close again, Lu used to call me drunk and say a lot of cute stuff and her friends would steal her phone and tell me things and I could hear her in the other end screaming at them and it was so funny... haha bb don't kill me for telling this!!! and I was supposed to go to Rio again in September and it was sort of implicit we would finally get together and everything but for personal reasons I chose not to, and ps: those reasons had absolutely nothing to do with her, it's a very long story... I was actually really frustrated for not going to Rio because I really, really wanted to see her, ugh. I even tried going there in July but I couldn't...

so this year we started talking again mainly because of tumblr I guess because somehow we like all the same things (SPECIALLY NOW THAT SHE IS WATCHING GAME OF THRONES i am so proud of you). then one day when we used to be online more often, someone asked me if I was dating someone, and then I replied something like: here's the room filled with people who want to date me (insert picture of an empty room)

and she replied it as: I'd be in that room

and idk what somebody asked her but it was something similar and I replied alongside those lines too and I remember it was a school day and jfc it was so late and went to sleep like 2 am because we were talking again and it was decided (aka I asked if she wanted to and she said yes) I would have to win her over

so I wrote reasons why we should be together and asked people to send her as questions, sent her texts, and we started thinking about it... and idk how but everything went very fast and after 2 weeks i think she asked me to go to skype so she could give me her answer and

surprise!!!

she said yes! haha

so we agreed to an open relationship since we live in different cities and etc etc but as time passed i think what was really vague and not really serious began to be really special and unique... she bought tickets to come to Sao Paulo and we started having a countdown of about 2 months to see each other... 

and it scared me liking her so much because I had enough long distance relationships so know that it's really hard so I kind of tried to keep a safe space and even the concept of finally seeing her again was really really surreal to me... but it all changed when she came here

because I, and I think she didn't too, didn't think that it would be this amazing. I mean obviously we liked each other very much but it was completely off charts... I felt like I could be 100% me around her and it was okay. And so we stayed up until 8 am and we drank and we went out and we held hands and laughed (there was a lot of laughing) together, watched movies and silly tv shows together, woke up together and spent 6 days together as if we lived together... we had the most amazing days evne though we spent most of them home... well a few times we looked like an old married couple (a very cute one) like brushing our teeth together at the same time without even realizing it

so when she left ugh, ok I won't go there because it's painful, but let's just say it felt like there was a big elephant everywhere in my house telling me something was missing... that someone was missing... and we talked about it, a lot, and we cried a lot together too and idk, something changed. 

for the better in my opinion, since now we're officially dating (that means we're exclusive as the kids call it) and we talk to each other all the time, skype more often and call each other and have cute nicknames and idk, as much as it all hurts, being apart from her and all, I cannot imagine myself without her

felldowncharliehole a réagi à votre diaporama : “As the world keeps spinning round, you hold me...

awwwwwwwwww asjkdkjldaslkdas ps: you still have to send me the videos

i knoww baby but our gangsta video is too big for any server... ball so hard motherfuckers wanna fine us

myfuturesexlovesound a réagi à votre diaporama : “As the world keeps spinning round, you hold me...

you two cute pies nhom nhom nhom nhom

now pics

you go guuurl

first of all, I'm not 100% leaving tumblr. I'll be here every once in a while and if I spend something like 15 minutes a day here it's enough to fill up my queue which means you'll still see me on your dashboard (Emilia's face says hi xoxox)

second of all, I intend on greatly reducing my time here but Tumblr is kind of making me depressed. I don't like the thought that I'm spending most of my time thinking about fictional characters or celebrities more than I spend thinking on my own life. My life is not perfect, far from it, but I'm sure there's a lot of positive aspects I'm overlooking simply because I'm not paying enough attention.

things like not going outside on a Sunday because I want to be on tumblr, or seeing things happen and the first thing I thought was "that would make a good post", or reading/watching things and thinking "I wonder if people already ship this", or feeling guilty for liking a character that most of the people don't, or disliking a character most people like, etc, was not making me very happy.

and most of all, by directing a big part of my attention to other people, I feel like I'm overlooking great people that I know myself. surely they're not plenty, surely they're not 100% in synch with my feelings/thoughts like some characters or celebrities, surely they won't get all the references, or want to discuss everything I'd like to discuss, or maybe they're not really my BFFs yet, but I don't know if I ever gave them a real chance. and if my ~feelings~ for fictional worlds or celebrities is getting so big that I refrain from making new friends or deepening my relationship with other people because I can't stop thinking or talking about them, it's time to stop and think what I'm doing.

because honestly, I don't believe in religion. in any of them. I believe one day I'm going to die and I won't come back. I'll be gone forever and this is the only chance at life I'll get. so that may happen tomorrow and if it does I don't wanna think "what was I doing?", or it may happen in 50 years and I still don't wanna think "wow, what was I doing?", or "what could I have done?"

if I give ~real life~ a real chance (which I do, every once in a while - this is a full time experience now), and I still don't get a "stable" group of friends, or I still don't do really well on school, or I still am not able to do everything I want to do, I wanna be damn sure I've tried. 

because our time isn't elastic. you get 24 hours a day. that's it. the day won't grow longer because you have a lot of things to do, school time won't last shorter because you don't enjoy it and the night time won't last longer because you want to sleep more (and truth be told if the night was longer I bet you'd spend even more time doing something else other than sleeping anyway). so even if I try to make "real life" x tumblr work, I don't have enough time for it. I've tried, actually. I can't make all the gifs, write all the reviews, discuss all the characters/relationships, read all books, watch all episodes, talk to everyone all the time and still study as hard as I should, talk to everyone outside of tumblr, organize my apartment, my bills, my compromises, dates, meetings and movies/museums/etc. i am only human and i can't manage both at once.

and I don't wanna go through life like that, you know? if I sometimes forget to pay my bills, I want to be damn sure I forgot because I was too worried about a test, or maybe because I was thinking or talking to some friends, or because I was out, etc, not because I was too lazy to organize my things, even though it would take only half an hour and usually I spent about 3+ hours on tumblr per day.

so

this got longer than I thought and I am sure there's a lot of things I'd like to say... but it's a personal decision and I include them it will make even less sense than the stated reasons already do

i'm tagging people I usually talk to or idk somehow interact with, or would like to interact with so you know i'm not forgetting you

and now i say this from the bottom of my heart: THANK YOU. most of you been close to family sometimes because if I was having a bad day you'd cheer me up even if you didn't notice or realized what I was doing. and because we've probably shared tinychats or private messages that made me smile and because we've shared opinions respectably and also tyPEd In caPSlOCKKK because we had feels, I sincerely thank you.

and this is my facebook if any of you are interested (although I already have some people there) xoxox

ps: before I go I'd like to specially thank the follow otps - ironically faberry for introducing me to tumblr, joniss, for giving me the joniss crew and daniss for giving me mental images of emilia clarke and jennifer lawrence kissing

and (back to the boring stuff you can stop reading now) also for making me realize that my creativity sometimes makes no sense in worlds created by others, like Katniss and Dany meeting is an absurd and obviously makes no sense since there are like 1500 years separating them, but it doesn't make their potential relationship less interesting from my point of view.

thegirlfromdistrict9 a réagi à votre billet : if my life is actually fiction then I hope you...

I ship you with myself oops (jk LuAna 5ever)