#felicityash

He didn’t mean to stumble upon it, in fact his life would have been better if he didn’t. Realizing that he loved you was the worst and best day of his life. But you laughed at one of his stupid jokes and you let your fingers dance across the splayed freckles on his skin and you laid next to him and he loved you. You made his heart stop, made him forget how to breathe, made him lose his goddamn mind with the thought of wanting to kiss you. 

But you didn’t want that. Told yourself you couldn’t have him, he was your best friend and you’d tear through his heart like a fucking hurricane. You wouldn’t leave a single survivor, and Luke deserved to see every glory of life. That day he whispered that he loved you. You told him that he shouldn’t. He asked to kiss you. You made him promise that he wouldn’t let himself fall for you anymore. 

And he did. 

And he regretted it every single second afterward. It made you happy, so he let himself live in torture. He let his heart wreck itself just so you would stay friends with him. Luke wasn’t sure why you wouldn’t let yourself fall for him, why you wouldn’t let him love you, but he’d do anything to make you happy. Ask him to walk the bottom of the ocean, and he’d do it with a smile on his face. 

“How’s celebrity life?” You asked, breaking the silence. 

Without looking at you, Luke shrugged and said, “not the same rush it used to be.” 

“Seems like everything in life is that way.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Life back here is boring, Luke. I wake up to a black and white world,” your voice is strained and Luke wishes he could kiss away any bad emotion you were feeling. “I would do anything to switch places with you. To see the world, to matter.” 

“Are you kidding me?” Luke finally looked at you with his eyebrows furrowed. You did matter. Everyone mattered in the world. Everyone had their own stories weaved into the stars that were made just for them, and so what if you weren’t seen by millions of people everyday. You were you, and for that you mattered so much more than you thought. “You exist and you breathe and you’re here with me. You do matter.” 

“Look at you,” you smiled. “Left and got all philosophical on me. I like it.” 

Your knees were away from your chest, and he hadn’t noticed that you moved your body closer to his. Your thigh touched his, his fingertips grazing the skin just under the hem of your skirt. He’d been in this position with you many times before when you were both younger, before the band took off and stole him from you. He’d lie awake in his hotel rooms that were miles away from you and wish to whoever could hear him that he could be with you again. He didn’t care about the stupid promise. He never did. He just wanted you. 

Luke knew he should have stopped what his mind was controlling. He was leaning in and your eyes were wide but you didn’t move from your position. “Kissing me breaks the promise,” you whispered. “Remember?”

His hand came up to cup your neck, and his thumb brushed against your jaw. “Kissing you doesn’t mean there’s feelings involved. People do it all the time.” 

You didn’t move. You let his forehead touch yours. You let him capture your lips with his, and most importantly, you let yourself kiss him back. You could only hold back so long before the urge came to prominent and took over every sense of your body. It felt like a wild fire was surging through his bones, sparking with each second his lips stayed on yours. It was like all of his dreams were coming true in that moment, but it also felt like exactly that—just a dream. 

You moved away and that’s when Luke saw that you were crying. He tried to wipe the tears away for you, but you wouldn’t let him. “You promised,” you croaked, standing up from the rock. “You promised, Luke!” 

“I tried,” he admitted. “I tried so hard to do it for you because I knew that’s what you wanted. But I couldn’t—I can’t just push it back anymore. I’m so fucking in love with you and I always will be.” 

You swallowed. “You’ll find someone else.” 

“No, I won’t.” He stepped away from the rock and took your hand in his. “If you’re scared I’m going to hurt you—” 

You dragged your hand to your side. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me. I’m scared of what I’m going to do to you.” 

He wanted to laugh at that. “That’s not going to happen.” 

Face going cold, you looked to the ground. “You’re right, it won’t,” you wiped away more escaped tears, “because I’m leaving. I got the internship in France and I leave tomorrow.” 

Luke didn’t know what to feel. Anger that you didn’t tell him, sadness that you would be leaving, and happiness that you got your dream. The side of him that was your best friend told him to smile and hug you. The side of him that was in love with you told him to cry and beg you to stay. But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t let his selfishness get in the way of your dream that you had since before you had even known him. 

So he put his lips in a fine line and nodded. It was only after you had whispered goodbye and walked away did he let himself fall to the ground and cry. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there against the rock—against your rock—but as night fell the wind blew and told one more secret of the forest that you held so dearly in your heart.