#feeeeelings

Let's assume that Eddie and Shannon got married because she was pregnant. He did it because it was what Christopher needed, two parents. I'm sure he was told multiple times that he needed to do what was right for his kid. That what he felt or needed was no longer important.

Flash forward to him coming home from war and not fitting. He probably needed to go get his head on straight, lbr, but he stayed because his kid needed a mom and a dad. What Eddie needed was not important.

And then he made his own choice for what both he and Chris needed and left after Shannon did. But he chose L.A., where Shannon was. (Always in his head, "Chris needs a mother and a father. What I need is not important")

And then Shannon shows back up, and she's easy once he lets her back in. Fits in, Chris loves having her, and so he decides hey, we should stay together, and we see how that works out, but again, he went with it because it was easy and Chris deserves a mother and a father.

And then he gets over that and Ana flirts with him and when he suddenly is thrown in front of her again, he takes it as a sign and he goes out with her and there aren't fireworks, Eddie is at best mildly attracted to Ana. But she's "easy to be around," and Chris likes having her there. And that is what he has been told his whole life he is supposed to be aiming for.

And then Carla came in and said "Be sure it's your heart you're following, not Christopher's."

She didn't just throw doubt on Ana, she threw doubt on Eddie’s entire adult life.

Meanwhile there's Buck. Who is anything but "easy" - he can be "exhausting" - and he is going to kill Eddie with his antics one day, and he lives his life the exact opposite of everything Eddie was taught to do. And Chris loves having him around, and Buck would do anything for that kid and never give up on him, and he is everything Eddie wants for Chris.

Except his whole life he has been conditioned that Chris needs a mother and a father. Not two dads.

IDEK where I'm going here but my brain is blown....

But this is so exactly Eddie's way of reasoning, I am sure of it. Look at his parents, look at where and how he was raised, at what's important in his life. Buck is definitely not the easy choice. And if he's ever had any feelings for a guy before, and that's a big if in my opinion. He got together with Shannon when he was so young. He's probably never even been with a lot of women, let alone men! 'cause I really could not see Eddie cheating on Shannon, no matter how difficult things were between them. So he's not that experienced in dating and sex and everything to begin with. He got thrown into this marriage with Shannon because she got pregnant and Eddie was the good guy who did what was expected of him. And then ever since... he's made mistakes, yes, but he still did most of the things he did for his family. And so if he ever had any feelings for men, he just put it away. Locked it up in a box before he could even truly think about it.

And then comes Buck... and Eddie does what he always does, he puts other people (mainly Christopher) first and he doesn't think about it and he doesn't explore it. Or at least, that's what he tries. Because he's been doing it all along and that's just the way he lives his life. Admitting to certain feelings would just make his life unbearably complicated and anyway, things are fine the way they are, right? And fine is enough.

Only... Buck is impossible to ignore. That little box Eddie likes to keep things locked up in is just not big enough for whatever it is that Buck has grow inside of Eddie. And he tries and he tries, but the lock breaks and the feelings spill and at some point Eddie is forced to think about it, to acknowledge it, to explore it. Because it's Buck, and he just has no choice anymore. It's too big, too important. It's impossible to keep ignoring.

@thehawkewithgoldeneyes asked for this one too! This was my first attempt of poetry in many years a few years back and remains unfinished...

I am nostalgic in my childhood home. it smells like dust on the books that I held and carefully re-read, for many years, to recollect the memories of strangers with lives worth printing histories about.

I held my breath for what would happen next, like a well-watered plant tends to the sun: impatient to grow tall and to be warmed.

since then, I’ve weathered almost ten more years. I am a tree now, or a sprouting sapling proud – my roots are deeper, my leaves, green with age, no longer do I pray to rain and sun.

G | 929

Dan watches a familiar scene unfold.

So, it was kinda IMPOSSIBLE not to see Julian and Asra kissing in the middle of the battlefield on this new chapter of Muriel’s route. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand my mind was working like crazy in the background on something for this.

soooooo 

this is it.

                                      __________________________

(I will be using the tag “endgame spoilers” from here on out to discuss my thoughts about things we have been shown [and any other spoilers i seek out before the movie premieres].)

The trailer was okay. The thing about trailers is that they serve up the juiciest bits and don’t show you all the bad parts underneath. I was blown away by the IW trailers, and we all know how that turned out.