#fantic

The last drops of sanity a man- a boy- a kid - could ever have.

Not a singular day of peace or comfort, everyday was filled with a strange man in his house he no longer recognized as someone whose job was to parent, the missing person at the dinning table, the chaos of his mother trying to be a good wife to a drunk or maybe she was just trying to be the innocent pure thing that Tobias could never understand.

Fear and eerie quietness were the only things filling the fresh air that was oh so smoothly moving through the old house. Its been a few hours after the latest argument, the yelling beating up. Toby yet again had to throw himself under the violent hands of his father, so his beloved mother wouldnt get even the slightest bit of hurt. She was a pussy too honestly, letting a 17 year old child sacrifice for the sake of a parent thats supposed to protect. "Cops are doing a better job in protecting than my mother," as he used to say to himself. Now he just did it automatically, he didnt have the strenght to act like hes sorry if anything happened to her.

Tobias was stuck in his room, the window opened but the curtains remained closed. He wasnt stupid to keep them open at night time. Not anymore, not since he saw..... As the evening slowly descended into the night and the sounds of cars driving past calmed down, the boys thoughts got louder, almost unbearably so. He was trying to take his mind off of it, to focus on his recent studies. Homeschooled for over 4 years now, he had to learn everything on his own. Surprisingly, he was really good in languages and anything that had to do with humans or their body. Currently he was researching some history bullshit, even though he lost track of what was actually written on the screen, the bandaged fingers floating over a laptop that was so damaged you would guess it went through some horrible historical events on its own. But not a single word could be processed in that smart head. Scrolling upwards, he tried to read again. 5 minutes later, he was yet againg reading with his eyes only, not his mind.

Aggressively slamming the laptop shut, throwing it onto the bed, he got up, closing the window with a rush, putting on a hoodie and something warmer than the shorts that made him look like Adam Sandlers long lost son, he skipped the stairs downwards and sped out of the house. Tho he couldnt feel pain, he did let out a gentle shudder at the unexpected breeze. Hands shoved into the pockets of his brown jacket, he wandered through the comfortably empty streets of his little town. A forest was nearby of the gas station he planned to visit, like always, but maybe...not this late, "Nope", he thought and without yet another second passing by, he turned on his heel to the opposite direction. The park. Dark with like 2 lamps that functioned worse than the ones in school bathrooms. A fountain in the middle, few benches that were heavily anti-homeless, trees that surrounded the gentle-looking place and a swing that was facing the horizon. If you looked the right way, you could see mountains in the distance. He always daydreamed about running away there.

As he sat, swinging his legs back and forth , his tics filling the scenery as well as testing his patience apparently, it was getting close to midnight. No one was around now, he could finally let his thoughts go wild. Every single one, every little whisper that felt a little too real. He could spiral there without risking hurting anyone. Tobias was violently biting the skin of his inner cheek, the same cheek that was quite literally bandaged and had a hole in it, big enough to make few of his teeth visible. It was all so perfect now, a momen the could relive everyday if he wanted to. Letting loose was like a reward.

Except after a while it has gotten so bad, a tic attack resurfacing slowly. They happened much more often than he would like to admit. The constant stress, even if hes acting like a nonchalant ass, got to him, especially to his whole nervous system. The only thing you could hear now in the quiet streets were his vocal tics, swear words falling into the night...... the involuntary motor tics that made him feel like they would last forever, the cracks and spasms and twitches that kept reoccuring again and again and again until his body went limp and he actually couldnt move without fainting. This definitely didnt feel like a reward anymore.

As he tried to calm the jerks and all, he felt as if it didnt work. The panic set in, the tears threathened to spill over, the loneliness fucking him up even worse.

Breakdown later, he sat numbly on the swing, staring onto his shoes. Going home now would be dangerous, the way he could barely move his legs now, even if painless, made him scared. But again, if another attack came by, he wouldnt manage this one alone. "Neither" would be an amazing option right now, but he did have to get to safety now too.

After he got home, shoes off, jacket off, he didn't even bother to glare at the stair, walking straight into the living room and falling fast asleep on the couch.....if he only realized that this cycle would continue tomorrow again and he cannot run away forever. Perhaps the lighter on the coffee table will reveal a secret plan within Tobys dream this night.

"Yeah, it's cold to stay out, don't you think?" you answered as you looked out to the snowed pavements.

'Gyu knew you would always say yes to him. You always bought him food, pinched his cheeks whenever he did something you found cute, you occasionally hugged him and kissed him on the cheek a few times without any hesitancy.

He's like a younger brother you never had.

Beomgyu went along with it if that means he gets to hang out with you without feeling awkward, just like today, he took you for a coffee, and you said yes right away because to you, it was just a casual meet-up and not much.

"Maybe we can order some pizza later," you said to him as you entered the elevator to get to your apartment floor, "what do you think?"

The question seemed to snap him out of his reverie, "yes," was all he could manage to say.

'Gyu longing for the day you would treat him like you would treat his older hyungs, he wanted you to feel that tension you get whenever you're so close to each other, and on top of that, he wanted you to see him as a man.

"You're in luck. I cleaned the apartment this morning," you told him, letting the door wide open to let him enter.

He took off his shoes and put on the slippers, he felt a tingle inside when he saw your shoes and his were next to each other on the threshold.

You took off your coat and tossed it along with your purse on your bed,

"you want something?"

You asked him as you got out of the bedroom.

He was taking off his coat and folded it, placing it on the armrest of the sofa. He looked at you rather blank-eyed.

"I have some fruits. Let's eat that! We have to make room for pizza later," you suggested, walking in the direction of the kitchen.

You took out some apples and a pack of strawberries from the fridge, brought them to the kitchen counter to start peeling them.

Beomgyu approached you, "Let me help you," he offered, rolling the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows.

You glanced at his toned, veiny hands with slender fingers adorned with metal rings,"You've been working out a lot, huh?" You asked him.

He shyly laughed, "I think of starting to impress you with my body," Your mouth hung open at his unexpected reply, "oh," you gasped, but your hand naturally reached for his cheek and pinched him, "so cheeky!" you told him.

There she goes again, he muttered under his breath.

He went on to wash the strawberries under the running water.

You came up behind him as you were done peeling and slicing the apples.

"Hey 'Gyu don't mind everything I say and dry the strawberries quickly with the paper towel," you instructed.

He nodded, his focus was centered on your hand rested on the small of his back.

"I have a bottle of wine that would…" you words trailed off, "Oh wait, you-"

"Yes, I am legal enough to drink, Noona," he quickly remarked.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes at him, "I was about to ask you if you like wine," you told him.

You pulled out two wine glasses from the cabinet and brought them to the table in the living room while Beomgyu brought the tray with plates of sliced fruits on it and set it down the table, then sat next to you on the sofa.

This was probably the first time you remembered that 'Gyu could legally drink your memory wasn't the sharpest, to you he has always been the adorable Beomgyu you had known for ages.

You popped open the cork of the wine, you felt relaxed as the aphrodisiac scent of wine wafted around you. You poured wine into both glasses and handed one to Beomgyu.

"Cheers," you said to him as you clanged your glass with him.

Beomgyu took a small sip then set his glass down on the table, yes he is legal to drink, but he needs some more time to figure out his tolerance for alcohol.

He took a piece of strawberry and shoved it into his mouth, you watched as he chewed on it.

"So cute," you exclaimed.

He raised one eyebrow, "what cute?"

"The way you eat," you replied.

'Gyu wiped his mouth with a napkin, "you should stop calling everything I do cute, it's annoying,"

You chuckled, "I just can't help it sometimes," you admitted.

"And stop pinching my cheeks," he complained, picking a strawberry off the plate, "stop feeding me food like I'm a kid," he added, then brought the strawberry to your mouth, "says AAAA," he ordered.

And you unconsciously complied, opening your mouth for him. He put the strawberry in your mouth, and you closed your mouth around it.