#famjam

Don't laugh okay its a good, Slav name and some variation of either Rudolph or Nicholas has been present in every sons name going back for generations mkay kthnxbai

Well, the Event of My Birth drew near, and Mama went into labor early. They shot off to the hospital, and I was born 12 hours and one emergency c-section later. Papa was pacing out in the waiting room because a). this was the 80's and b). he couldn't handle seeing Mama get cut open.

ANYWAY

He's out in the waiting room and a nurse brings me out and says "CONGRATS ON THE BABY GIRL, NEW DAD!"

*Record scratch*

Baby GIRL!? Are you sure about that? Because, uh, there's ultrasound pics that say otherwise. And one nurse tech had even said "yep its a boy, lookit here you can see his penis" when they went in for the last scan.

"Yes, sir! A tiny, sweet lil' baby girl! Also, we need you to fill in some of the birth certificate while we wheel your drugged-up wife into a room."

Papa Tulip is now in a bit of a pickle: I was supposed to be a boy. They hadn't even DISCUSSED girl names.

WTF am I supposed to be named!?

Regardless, I get put into The Baby Bay, and Papa goes to find his high-as-a-kite wife, when he has a brilliant idea;

I'll ask Mama Tulip if she had any girl names in mind!

We'll, I don't know if it was the drugs or that Mama was crazy out of her mind, but when asked, she just slurs out "let'z call 'er GRISELDA or ESMERELDA!"

...for those of you who don't know, these are two common names attributed to the step-sisters of Cinderella (non-Didney version, of course).

WTF, Ma.

Whilst panicing that he may end up having a Zelda for a daughter (remember, people, this was the 80's in the American Midwest), he spied a baby names book on the shitty nightstand next to Mama Tulip's bed. Flipping it open, he looked on the first page of the girls names, stuck his finger on it at random, and said "her name is fucking [REDACTED]."

But that doesn’t mean I’m any more prepared for it.

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There are things I wish I could do.

I wish I could see him, but I can’t.

I wish I could say goodbye in person, but that won’t happen.

I wish I could gather with my cousins and absorb the moment, but lockdown restrictions prevent it, and my brother is a world away.

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Life is too short for regrets...you never know whether you will wake up tomorrow or not so live your life to the fullest....