#famely

Jungle Family

Aaay i did something!  what do you think? i'm still experimenting with painting.

My maternal family is real messed up! Sounds like TMI? Don't read ahead.

I moved to Kolkata in April 2018, when I was 15 years old. I was staying at my maternal aunt's place in Kaikhali. I had to walk for 15 minutes to reach the bus stop after which it was a 45 min journey to my prep school in Kankurgachi by bus. I did that for like 2 months but the journey was exhausting. In June I started school in Salt Lake which was again an hour long journey from my aunt's place. I couldn't go to school and prep school on the same day while having to travel for 4 hours. I was an eleventh grader, I couldn't afford to lose so much time everyday.

I decided to move to my maternal home, in Bidhannagar. The location was ideal, it took me 5 minutes to walk to the bus stop and then 15 minutes to reach school by bus/ auto-rickshaw and only 10 minutes by bus to get to my prep school in Kankurgachi.

You know how they say, heaven on earth? My maternal home was the exact opposite of that. You think "how bad could it possibly be?" I thought so too, until I started living there and experienced hell first hand. It's a two storey house on 20th St, Bidhannagar. My grandfather built it some 30-40 years ago. I was very close to him and called him Dadan. Unfortunately he passed away on Christmas a few years ago. He left his inheritance to Didan (my grandmother). Now, Didan and Dadan have four children, my mother being the youngest. Their eldest son is psychotic (he was never diagnosed because they never consulted a doctor, but I can guarantee you that he is anything but sane). Let's call him DB. Next in line is Masimoni, my maternal aunt whose place I was staying at in Kaikhali. Then there's my other uncle, who is a teacher at a public school. Let's call him DT.

DB and DT hate each other's guts. Good old sibling jealousy? Huh, you wish. More like a fratricide venture.

We also had a live in housekeeper, she took care of Didan and did the chores like cooking, cleaning and laundry. Let's call her UR. UR wasn't normal either.

There were so many days when I just cried in my room and then went about the next day like nothing ever happened.

DT is, let's just say, almost divorced. His wife left with their daughter a year after she was born and never returned and now they see each other in court. DT is a mess. DB has prior convictions on loan default and fraud. I have seen DB hit people, that included our housekeeper and Didan. DB and DT had fistfights quite often. Curses were thrown around even more often. UR was like a cheerleader in their boxing match without rules. DB had a history of self harm, he punched his hand into a pane of glass and damaged the nerves of two fingers of his right hand. He also often wielded knifes and sickles, which he claims to be for intimidating people and self defense. Seriously? Self defense? Against whom? My 70-years-old granny? Our  housekeeper? the teenager, me? Or DB's baby brother, DT?

The Incident: One day, in April/ May of 2020, a bloody fight broke out and things escalated. DT's little finger was slit deep. DB got a cut on his forehead. The entire hallway stenched of blood. I know I should've been stronger but I was trembling.  DB being the cunning one, took a bunch of photos and  managed to make it look like he was the victim here. I had to take DB to the hospital amidst the Covid pandemic.

I know it's fucked up, my maternal family is fucked up. But it's not my fault, I didn't choose them. And I will not be ashamed of them. I will not let them control the way I feel about myself.

Why didn't I just live in a dorm? Or get my own place? Well, I wasn't ready. I wanted to move out but I wasn't ready to fully move out, so I wanted to start with a semi move out, if you will. I wanted to move out of my parents' place but I couldn't live alone or with strangers, just yet. I can now, though.

Maybe I don't deserve to feel sorry for myself because there are people who have been through far worse than me. But this is overwhelming for me. This is not something I'm used to.

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