In a recent conversation with a friend, we talked about confidence…or rather, our lack thereof. Confidence is defined as “a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances.”
As a person who tends to be very sensitive, self-conscious, self-critical, and pessimistic, I constantly struggle with being confident. I take criticisms to heart, even when they are well-meaning, and comparison with other people is especially painful. I wallow in them to the point where I forget that I possess unique, God-given strengths…not just weaknesses. So, how do we develop this “feeling or consciousness of [our] own powers?” Here's how I think we can build our confidence:
1) Embrace Your Uniqueness
- We must realize that God gave us different strengths and weaknesses so that each one of us would have something unique, special, and exciting to give to the world. St. Therese of Lisieux said, “Every flower created by Him is beautiful…the brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not lessen the perfume of the violet or the sweet simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all the lowly flowers wished to be roses, nature would no longer be enamelled with lovely hues. And so it is in the world of souls, Our lord’s living garden.” We are made in a such a way so that in our differences, we can help each other and build each other up.
2) Acknowledge & Celebrate Others
- Nowadays, we are more likely to compare ourselves with other people, especially when we spend most of our time on social media. One look at a post, and we become jealous of what other people have; we wish we were more creative, more charismatic, more successful, prettier, thinner, etc.
Jealousy is not always sinful. It can be spiritually beneficial. I'm talking about the kind of jealousy which stems from an admiration of another person and which effects a desire for a specific quality, characteristic, or good which that person has (i.e. bravery, piety, patience, beauty). This kind of jealousy not only allows us to acknowledge and celebrate other people’s talents, skills, abilities, and strengths, but also to see others as role models; someone to be imitated, thus inspiring self-improvement and magnanimity. However, we must beware that this kind of jealousy does not turn into envy, the other kind of jealousy that is tainted with hatred and resentment. Envy is when we hate or resent someone because they possess a specific quality we don’t have. We relish their misfortune and lament their success. Therefore, we must learn to see other people as God’s gift to us; to acknowledge their own uniqueness; and to celebrate their individuality.
3) Cultivate a Spirit of Gratitude
- Just as a painting is the product of the painter’s thought and imagination, you are the product of God’s own thought and imagination. Who and what you are is how He imagined you to be; it is how He wants you to be; and it is, therefore, God’s gift to you. Be grateful for the way He made you. Thank Him for the talents, skills, abilities, strengths, and physical qualities He has given you. Other people are not blessed with these same gifts. As Fr. Edward McIlmail says, “You probably already have a lot more than most people in the world, if you give it a moment’s thought.”
4) Realize That Not all Criticism is an Attack
- This one is the most difficult for me. It is an ongoing struggle to realize that not everyone will care enough about me to call out my shortcomings. Only those who truly love me and want what's best for me will have the guts to tell me what I did wrong and how I could improve.
Sometimes, it becomes even more challenging to accept criticism when it is not being said in a sensitive and tactful manner or in the manner we expect it to be said, but we must consider the fact that people have different personalities, and that they speak and act according to their personalities. While some may be more gentle and sensitive in their criticism, others may be harsh. Some might give constructive criticism while others prefer to be straightforward, but we must learn to focus on their good intentions and look past the tone of voice and body language. We must learn to see criticism as an opportunity for self-reflection and self-improvement.
5) Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
- Once, I heard someone say, “Fear is a paralytic”, and it cannot be more true. Most of the time, fear paralyzes us from doing those things with which we are particularly unfamiliar, but once you try to overcome this fear, once you try to step out of your comfort zone, you will be surprised by the amazing things you can do. You will discover new talents, skills, and abilities you never knew you possessed or of which you never knew you were capable.
FINAL NOTE: Building up our confidence is not an easy feat, nor does it happen overnight. It requires a long and painful process, but if we are rooted in Christ, we can be sure that with his help, we will be confident in Christ!
This blog post is dedicated to my dearest friend, Carmel, and to Kaine for providing me with the inspiration to write this. God bless you all! Stay safe!
