#fairytaleproblems

Cohabitating dwarves PMS at the same time. #FairyTaleProblems @BratPackTags @Nessa_Star4 @JeffSarcastic @jennfarrar7 @poolgoddess918

— CabinBoyInTheWoods (@cabinboy100) October 23, 2016

Being meat-eating royalty and trying not to eat a loyal subject.#FairyTaleProblems @BratPackTags @Nessa_Star4 @JeffSarcastic @jennfarrar7

— CabinBoyInTheWoods (@cabinboy100) October 23, 2016

Wolf has to be in like,8 stories at same time.#FairyTaleProblems @BratPackTags @Nessa_Star4 @JeffSarcastic @jennfarrar7 @poolgoddess918

— CabinBoyInTheWoods (@cabinboy100) October 23, 2016

Turn 'er and Hooch?#InquisitiveMovies @DamianVanore23 @AfterFFriday

— CabinBoyInTheWoods (@cabinboy100) October 21, 2016

Will There Be Blood?#InquisitiveMovies @DamianVanore23 @AfterFFriday

"The Three Lemons" or whatever it's called is a weird mess of a story, but I will never not be obsessed with the beginning—Our Hero cuts into three lemons (I think there's also a version with apples, hence why that painting made it pop into my head) and a different woman pops out of each. Each one begs him for water, he's too slow the first two times and they disappear, and it takes until the third time—of course! #fairytaleproblems—to get his reflexes right and give her water (he uh, dunks her in a pond). At which point, she becomes solid and she sticks around with him for the rest of the story and becomes his wife, and later shenanigans ensue that make up the bulk of the fairytale and have nothing to do with her tenure as a lemon woman.

The thing is—what the hell happens to those first two women? One of two things.

ONE: if they're different women, you get the weird fairytale hex where anyone who comes before lucky-third is implicitly not beautiful enough, not lucky enough, not deserving enough. So what happens to them after Our Hero fails to give them water: do they die outright, like they threaten to? Do they disappear, or do they go back into...different lemons...? HOW MANY ENCHANTED LEMON WOMEN DO YOU HAVE, STORY. AND WHAT HAPPENS TO THE UNLUCKY ONES.

TWO: what's more likely (I was informed as a confused child) is, you get the same woman, on a constant loop through the goddamn enchanted lemons, which is even weirder because she looks different every time she comes out. Like, she just keeps trying and trying to be beautiful in different ways until she hits the right combination for the right hero, but in that case she has no face to call her own? (And in that case—she's been a divided consciousness stuck in lemons for god knows how long and we expect her to be able to wife up normally the minute the hero pushes her into a pool? Come on! Who is she! After her tenure in lemons, she has to either re-learn or make up a lot, I would presume.)