#explorer's log

I’ve been numb for the last few weeks. I didn’t realize how much Elizabeth meant to me before. I’ve been adrift, unsure where the road ahead will lead us, who will lead us, and especially where it’ll leave me.  

We’re all grieving in our own ways, apart- Anne has reunited with her parents, of course; Linda’s thrown herself into Fripp’s library, searching, I imagine, for something to bring Elizabeth back; Lisa’s locked away, glued to her guitar, and Alex...

So, adrift. I went to see Nic, right after but we’ll save that story for another day and I’ve spent lots of time with Rania and her moms, putting my tears into work in the boat shop. But I couldn’t accept that she was gone until I met... a horse.

I’d been thinking about taking on another trainee, and when I saw that a mare called Sunbeam was for sale I knew it was a sign. She’s registered as Brassey’s RYS Sunbeam, after some grand sailing ship of the gilded age, but she’s so gentle and sweet that Beamie fits better! 

I don’t know where the souls of soul riders go, when they’ve been shattered, but I like to think that Beamie holds just a shard of wisdom and warmth and light from the soul of her namesake.

Things will get better- I know that they will.