I’ve been scared for a long time, I can’t go into it for my own privacy, but I’ve been suffering from lots of anxiety for a long long time, being online in a space like this made me feel safe, until it didn’t
I honestly wish I could explain everything, and I feel so horrible for almost leading it on, I feel like I’m making people worry for no reason, when I don’t mean to
I make frantic decisions, deleting accounts and crying, crying a lot
I’ve been suffering for a while, feeling numb and worthless at night, barely making it through each day
I thought deleting it would make me feel better, make it go away, but it never did
I haven’t felt better
I’ve honestly felt more worthless and crummy since I deleted my account, feeling no motivation to go on at all
I’ve been trying to cover it up but I feel like I’ve been letting it slip
So I guess what I want to say is sorry
Im sorry for deleting everything and making people worry
Im so sorry
I’ve just been dealing with so much paranoia and anxiety and been wasting my life away and I thought this would help but all I did was make everything worse
I feel like an awful person and every day I try to keep going and pretend like everything is fine when it’s not. It never ever has been
I’ve been covering up this depression by drawing and interacting with the osc community but it’s just been too much
I honestly don’t even know what to say, if your someone who followed me and are seeing this, thank you for reading and I’m sorry
But I want to restart and feel better for myself because the people on here have helped me so much and I don’t want to let that go
So yeah
Here are some people who I suppose I want to see this @rory-multifandom-mess @chaosclover04 @pondsk8er @decentlyokay @addynosketchpad @itsnixderlol many more ofcourse, I’m just thinking off the top of my head
Im so sorry bro I don’t even know why im dumping this all here I don’t know anymore
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here’s what I was talking about, @nightshadeviscera !! basically things related to the alters or something like that are listed under “convalescences” and sub systems or groups are wings.
“betwixt and between” is just for alters that don’t belong to a specific group.
cohorts (definition; a group that shares a similarity) are if parts in a specific group share a characteristic OR to keep track of the managers of that group
blurred for privacy
(ps. u can find PK templates on my acc from reblogs, literally just scroll or click the tag “storage”)
OOC Explanation Post in case anyone needs to catch up on RP events because I know not everyone here is on the Discord to see updates and a lot has happened recently.
Here's what happened ever since the blog got unshadowbanned.
- Eda Clawthorne Bullies Ford To The Point Of Reviving This Blog Even While It Was Shadowbanned - Bill and Ford argue and Ford almost shoots Bill's hat with the last atom of Euclydia in it.
- Ford gets high on stupid sauce, and Bill makes a deal with him on the conditions 1) He would get to possess him, 2) Ford has to make a case for Bill getting his powers back to the Oracle (since Bill and the Axolotl are not on good terms). In exchange for all that, Ford gets... a dirt cookie. đź‘Ť Then, possessing Ford, Bill does stupid things with Ford's body, like using spray paint to "dye" his hair, trying to get tattoos, etc.
- Ford finally wakes up from the possession, enraged by the whole thing, leading to The Bill Death* Arc:
Part 1 - Bill bullies Ford and reveals he wasted the Quantum Destabilizer's only shot. Ford is finally fed up to the point of going completely savage and threatening to use what's left of his gun to blow up the area. Including himself.
Part 2 - Rebecca**comes in to ask Ford about the zodiac wheel right at the moment he was about to kill Bill. Ford lies to her saying she needs to leave to find extra tools for the zodiac wheel, and when she's gone, Bill begs for his life. Ford spares him.
*(Technically he didn't die, I just thought the name was funny.)
**(Rebecca is from this Bill's dimension. RP canon lore is that once Bill broke out of Theraprism, many years have passed and the Pines were dead. Rebecca's a currently alive descendant of the Pines.)
TL;DR- Bill fucks up and is forced to deal with the consequences.
As always, you can check the #lore/#summary tag if you're confused about anything. Or just send an ask and I can happily elaborate!
Hello everyone! So, I’m currently in the process of writing the next part of BTH as I’ve noticed a lot of you have taken a liking to that series (I have as well, torturing Hacker is just too much fun for me) and I realized that you guys would be very confused concerning some aspects that I am planning on placing there.
The reason for that is I’ve changed and added a lot of headcanons to Hacker’s backstory (like, a lot) such as a fictional disease that I am going to present right now.
This post is an explanation post, it might not be the most entertaining thing ever and I am quite sorry about that, but I can hardly think of a way to explain the subject in a story like I am going to with the psych ward episode.
Anyway, enjoy?
***
What is Target Syndrome?
It is the name given to the disease caused by a soul malformation. It is a rare disease, having only 300 000 cases registered in the multiverse ever since it was first discovered in 1925. Its name stems from the shape the soul tends to take in most cases.
This disease affects both the physical and mental health of an individual, the severity of said impact depends on the stage reached by the individual.
How are individuals affected by the disease diagnosed?
The shape of the individual’s soul is both very useful to detect whether an individual is affected by the disease and how far the disease has spread. Since soul screening often requires magical equipment, universes whose inhabitants lack magic have a difficult time to accurately diagnose patients.
(Note: Patients are often misdiagnosed as depressed or anxious.)
Besides soul screening, no accurate method of diagnosis exists.
What differentiates the stages from another?
Stage 1: The patient's soul is a usual heart-shaped organ. The only difference with a regular soul is that there is a visible white outline inside of the heart. At this stage, the patient is hardly distinguishable from any regular individual. The only thing that could distinguish them would be the unusual pang of pain one would feel sometimes. However, these pains are bearable and are mostly overlooked.
Stage 2: The patient’s soul is an upside-down heart; the presence of the white line can still be seen. The pains that were mentioned earlier get worse by this stage. They get so bad that it is not uncommon for patients to be rendered unable to function properly because of these. They may also display constant signs of distress or general discomfort. Some of their limbs may also cease to function properly temporarily.
Stage 3: The patient’s soul will be shaped like a round target, the white line now more prominent. The pains are now (almost) constant and unbearable, being so bad that patients affected by this pain can be heard screaming or passing out. They will show themselves to be hostile to most people, as well as hot-tempered, defiant and defensive. They are more likely to engage in dangerous behaviors for both themselves and the people around them. Severe signs of distress including, but not exclusive to, self-harm, suicidal tendencies or frequent meltdowns.
Stage 4: Their entire body will hurt as if they were burned alive. They would not be coherent enough to say anything intelligible or be aware of their surroundings. In that state, they do not, or rather cannot, react to external stimuli. Medication does not have any effect on the pain felt by the patient. After 12 hours, the patient succumbs to the disease as their soul, distorted and broken, is unable to provide enough energy to keep their organs functioning.
(Note: There are “in-between” stages that mix the symptoms of two different stages.)
What are the causes of the disease?
Its origins are unknown, though it is not a hereditary disease nor a mutation of a gene. A correlation between the soul state, the body state and the production of serotonin and dopamine (and other hormones of this type) has been established. However, the exact cause and effect relationship between these factors have yet to be determined.
Does a treatment against the disease exist?
No, currently, no treatment can cure the disease. However, reverting a patient to a preceding stage is possible thanks to a consummation of specific dosage of anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety medications.
Although, this method is rarely employed as the administration of a different dosage than the recommended one threatens the patient’s well-being. This applies to other medications as well, including painkillers.
The environment in which a patient is kept also seems to have a direct effect on the development of the disease. Without the aid of medications, it is possible for a patient to revert to the previous stage if the environment they are in is in favor of recovery.
***
Hacker is affected by that disease no matter what AT or AU is used.
Relevance to BTH: During the first two posts of BTH, Hacker was in Stage 1. From Hurt to According to plan, Hacker was in Stage 2.5, closer to Stage 3 than Stage 2.
@chukundur is my main old ass blog from early high school which is now exclusively nature-related reblogs, i also interact from this blog bc i have no choice lole
@leaf-thief is my oc ecology blog where i share pics from my job and museum visits
@takovata-img is my oc photog blog (mostly film) , has some art on there, too
@brimkata is my oc fiber arts blog
@lhomme-et-la-nature has specifically human-animal interactions. i felt like i didnt want people on chukundur
@meem-thief is memes duh
@grezdey is my blog for anything else that doesnt fall in the themes of my other blogs. i try to interact from here and prefer to be tagged as this
yeah its a lot soz hope u find sth interesting
p. s.
i use #death to tag potentially triggering images that include dead animals, predation or the like. please feel free to block if this is not your cup of tea
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âś“ Live Streamingâś“ Interactive Chatâś“ Private Showsâś“ HD Qualityâś“ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Some Explanations of My au from my incorrect quotes post bc I started writing and it got out of hand but I need those bunnies out of my head and if stuff is repeated but just reworded then it's because I've been writing this on different days whilst working on different stuff at the same time. As office would have said, Parkour!
If anything else in the future needs to be explained about my aus I will link this post.
Married Au: Cali and Gov married each other around 1800's because some congressmen were bothering Gov about him being single (with goal of trapping him with one of their daughters so their family could profit) and Gov was getting tired of it. One day where he was close to murdering someone, he spotted another person being bothered about the same thing, sure maybe not on the scale that he was but if he played his cards right it could work out....
Long story short, Gov married that person, "Poppy 'Goldie' McNugget" (strange name but he couldn't exactly complain) by having one of the visiting priests marry them with others as their witnessess. Poppy provided the rings and after few weeks of awkward small talks and getting to know each other a bit better, they parted ways never to see each other again.... until nearly 100 years later when he had to take over a meeting America couldn't attend to and came face to face with Poppy or as he was now known California.
After several rounds of alcohol and long debates, that might as well be considered screaming matches by some states who were unfortunate enough to walk by Gov Office, they came to agreement that every ten or so years they would spend time together as a couple. Mostly to keep up the marriage act and just in case they need to bullshit something on the fly.
Gov was just happy that he wouldn't have to tell Pennsylvania or Virgina about the fact that he is married and didn't invite them. Or his brother.
*as a kind of edit, it's not that gov and Cali haven't seen each other before that but it was rare and only for few apperences. Why the congressmen didn't out gov? Gov is scary mothefucker who then was growing stronger day by day, the choice between death and life was easier to make even if they weren't happy about it.
Which speaking off, in this au I wanted to have countries to exist as well sooooo here is small breakdown of Gov "fam":
Pennsylvania and Virgina as "parents" not exactly but those two helped him out the most when he first came around so they have this relationship of sorts. Mostly it consists of Pennsylvania riling Gov up and Virginia trying to calm them and bring peace but I do imagine that the two are somewhat protective of gov and will beat his ass second they learn he didn't invite them to a wedding.
America as in personification of the country (separate from the states) being older brother of sorts to Gov, think Hetalia or CH hybrid. No I don't have design for his in mind apart from Big boi full of himself who is protective over states but in asshole roundabout way.
Cali on the other hand was human turned into state. His general backstory for this au is that he was human born in Spain meant to marry someone he didn't want as he had fallen in love with someone his family didn't approve off. To rebel they married in secrets torched down the whole town as they ran away on a horseback, got to America and into Oregon trail (which they sometimes left to explore the country before returning) and settled into the new land that promised lots of gold. Few years passed as they settled, drama happened somewhat and Poppy/Cali end up being detained for murder of their husband and hanged. Few days later he crawls out of the grab using skeleton pieces of his husband he had been buried with (hello COD community can u see where I got it from) and it derails into like 1800s where Cali who was still going by Poppy married gov randomly cause might as well get those sweet tax evasion in early and yes the rings he used where his and his late then husband (who is reincarnated soul so he keeps his memories when he dies and reborn, in modern times he had set up bakery in Washington and is flirting with a politician that frequents his bakery.)
Gov and Cali worked out they married each other in 1923 but it was like that umbrella academy meme :
They both were like wait a fucking minute why aren't you dead and then had the whole office screaming match.
I mentioned it earlier but every 10 years they pick some dates where they allow themselves to be like married couple. It started out with them knowing each other better the first few times and it derail into different activities raging from dinner dates to cute murder dates.
They don't try to hide it too much but no one apart from Utah really picked up on it's Why Utah? I thought it be funny. That's it that's the reason.
Both encourage each other to chase after their crushes (Gov has crush on Florida Louisiana and DC but will deny it harder then he denies having emotions and Cali is crushing on NY and Texas (maybe Oklahoma but that's a crackship so ignore that for now Lmao) but will deny it whilst being a simp to gov face) and honestly end goal is some weird poly couple cause I adore poly couples and think there is big potential for fun dynamic. Maybe I will get into it later.
General rules for most of my aus that I will follow:
Kind of height chart mostly to explain how I see it. So, Countries are bigger then states/regions even the smallest country is taller by an inch or two, like even Alaska whilst the tallest state would be smaller then a country, which yes it means that countries are borderline giants but they can adjust their height to become slightly more human. They have special dimension of sorts to hold their own meeting but if they have to meet up with their human politicians or just humans in general they get to be more 'human' as to not freak anyone out.
Then you have states and regions of a country. Similar rules apply but obviously each country is just slightly different. They are second tallest to reflect their status as a region but obviously their height flu crusted bases on their territory. Nothing much to add here but cities are smaller then states.
With "organisations" such like well Gov, FBI, CDC and so on welllbdbd depends? I imagine Gov as being seoerete from DC and IDC (will explain soon) but general rule of thumbs is that manifestation of government is taller then the country state/region or malleable to what they want in the moment. FBI and CDC are a bit more human like cause they work with humans most often but they sometimes make people feel uncanny bc it's clear they just aren't fully human. Hard to explain but yeah.
DC And IDC! Those two were humans turned immortal cause I think it be funny. They are twins but gained immortality in slightly different ways. IDC was turned immortal bc FBI and CIA took liking to her and the fact that they got some of that hot international gossip that America wouldn't share with them and I imagine as a 'human' she was from either of their agencies or at least worked together with them long enough they decided that yeah she can stay longer. Not sure if that makes any sense.
DC on the other hand was a fed that was supposed to get the states to work together during the meetings in the pandemic which worked. He mostly gained immortality bc either Florida convinced Louisiana to fuck around and find out or Gov saw states devastated that they favourite fed isn't there anymore so he decided to grant DC the immortality to keep states happy but he joined more meetings and ran some of them as well as DC recovered from Jan 6th.
So DC and Gov are separate with Gov having worked mostly near president and doing paperwork from the meetings DC ran but he has been getting involved a bit more with states recently with DC running smaller meetings or hanging out with IDC.
Unless it's specified, most of family relations from Marriage au apply, as in Gov + Ame = kind of brothers, IDC and DC human twins turned immortal through two different means
Essentially I took concept of Surfer Cali being SoCal and normal Cali being NoCal and ran with it by adding Hollywood as a Poppy. And mostly bc I hc Cali as FtM but add more wacky magic shit? Main shit to know is that Poppy = Cali but before officially a state
Just me shipping Gov x Cali x NY x Florida x Louisiana x Texas x DC together bc I am addicted at this point to complicated shipping dynamics lmao
This one will go hand in hand with marriage au as Gov and Cali crush on the established group of NY x Florida x Louisiana x Texas x DC and the group slowly going "Wait a second was that hot or am I just horny"
My favourite stuff from those interactions is Cali teasing Gov about crocodile wrangling out of nowhere with Gov talking about hot and cold meats out of nowhere in turn. Utah was ready to book an exorcism for the two but after being witness to the two bullshiterry he would rather book a cupid or therapist for them.
Literary same thing like above but with Oklahoma bc I think it be hilarious and I have personal investment in Oklahoma and Texas fighting like usual but both agreeing they need to bag Cali and others before anyone else realises they are good potential partners.
So I've been yelling about it incoherently before, including in the tags of the prompt post, but for Endversetober I will be telling a continuing story in 31 prompts. You should be able to read each entry separately, but might be missing some details if you skip some entries.
My story will focus mainly on Midam, but there will also be appearances by other characters, mostly angels. Because we already saw that humanity isn’t doing so hot at the end of the world, so let’s have some perspective from the ones who were so mysteriously absent in The End.
I’ll be making a compilation post for all the entries and link it in each so people can actually find the other entries. (Well all know how great the tumblr search function is, lol.)
Here’s to a great October full of endverse goodness!
It's come to my attention there's a few posts circulating around about me. I'd really appreciate it if people took the time to read this before blindly believing unsubstantiated claims made against me by people who were mad at me in the past for unrelated issues.
My ask box and DMs are open, and I'm more than willing to answer any questions and take any feedback anyone may have!
First, I admit I was wrong to post hate in the tags. I am sorry, and I shouldn't have done that. I removed the tag a while ago, but I should have made the apology beforehand. Again, I should not have done that, I will not do it in the future, and I'm sorry.
Now, onto the posts. These are just two of them.
Again, my inbox and DMs are open if anyone has any questions or wants any more clarification. I'm more than happy to explain anything I've said in further detail, or to answer any questions.
I'd like to make it clear that i'm by no means "playing the victim", nor did I ever make an "insensitive joke". Nothing I said was a joke. I'm more than willing to share screenshots (see below the cut) of what happened and elaborate on my opinions so that people can draw their own conclusions, and I will at the end of this post.
What I said was that Shinguuji was never canonically abused and that I was uncomfortable with the implication Miu is into incest. i respect that people have different opinions and interpretations of his character, but it's shitty to equate me saying i'm uncomfortable with the implication that miu is ALSO into incest by comparing her with korekiyo with me supporting it.
i'd heavily suggest people re-read his free time events. Again, Korekiyo was at no point canonically abused. It's not me "being shitty" or "playing the victim" to say that. I've posted a longer explanation here.
Again, I'm not saying any conflicting interpretations are bad. We really don't have a whole lot of evidence either way! However, it's wrong to act like he was canonically abused by his sister and to force that perception onto others and delete the takes you disagree with.
WRT the kink thing: Kinks do not have to be moral or healthy. The word is a neutral descriptor for something someone is into. There are plenty of immoral kinks, and plenty of kinks that are EXTREMELY unhealthy to feed into. Korekiyo is into incest. That is a fact. It is not a moral kink. In fact, it is disgusting and genuinely reprehensible. It's something that needs professional help. I do not condone it by any means. I do not support it. However, that does not stop it from being a kink. I also never "equat[ed] his abuse with a kink" because again, I don't think he was canonically abused to the fanon degree. (Which, again, is not backed up in canon. While the interpretation is valid, I was discussing specifically canon.)
HERE IS THE POST EXPLAINING MY TAKE ON KOREKIYO IN MORE DETAIL.
Also, I do not "cancel people for no reason". I'd love to see an example of that, as I try to back up any claims I make with sources and explanations so there is no confusion. However, I assume OP is referring to my H/ttey post. That was made to raise awareness of the bigotry in his art that he refused repeatedly to correct. Unlike these posts, there were screenshots and links to back up what I said.
I am not a bully, and i am always open to feedback on my actions and on how to improve. I'll drop all the screenshots I have here at the end of the section under the cut and people can make up their own minds.
SCREENSHOTS
I recognize that I did not phrase things as well as I could have, especially the last thing I said (While it is not an excuse by any means, I was in a very emotional state by my abuse being denied just because I have a different opinion than the majority fanon). I take full accountability for that. However, please note me getting banned directly after saying I was dropping the topic (of Korekiyo) for calling the mod out on their misuse of mod powers to shut down takes they disagree with.
