#ex lds

Today is a special day for all the young women of the ward

That is what I was told but no one told me why

We were made to bring wedding dresses of our mothers, though my mother did burn hers so I brought my grandmothers. We were supposed to wear all white as a symbol of purity but I was not told this and I dressed in all black.

They led us up a mountain to a large house of a man who owned many acres

On this land we danced and sang and wove crowns of flowers to adorn our heads

The other girls had crowns of daisy and peony and forget me nots and dandelions though they spared none for me and I wove my crown of thorn and dead grass and twisted branches

I stood out terribly in my crown of dead twigs and my dress the colour of night

Now it was time for all of the young women to get ready

“Young women” they called us but we were far more young than women. The smallest among us were 11. I was told the moment you began to bleed was the moment you were no longer a girl. I was 14.

We dressed in the house and the girls who did not have a dress were given one. My grandmothers dress fit perfectly and I was excited for a moment.

We all lined up and they began leading us out of the house. We came to a large circle of tables and white tapestries all hung to hide it all and at the head of it all was a pulpit covered with lace and flowers.

At the tables were all the little primary boys and the young men and their fathers and the priests and bishops

They paraded us around in a circle for the men to see us

Some girls skipped and twirled and laughed as all the men cheered but I was very uneasy and I was trying not to run.

In the eyes of the men I did not feel joy in what I was. Afterwords some girls said they felt like a princess in a room of suitors but I felt like I was being mocked by their cheers like cattle being shown off to be bought and owned and eaten and I could see through their thoughts, they consumed every inch of these little girls.

We were led to the pulpit and made to say a sort of wedding vow to god

That we would obey him and honour him by giving ourselves fully to our husbands and to obey our husbands always

As I undressed in the house when it was all done I felt as if I could still be seen by them all