#eviltwins

You weren’t sure how long you sat in the car in the parking lot squeezing your wheel but the sudden rush of the cold and the sound of teeth chattering had you snapping out of it.

“Kazuki. Iruki. Do you have all your stuff?”

“Yes Mama!“

“Why are we here?”

Iruki, always painfully curious. The last thing Iruki was going to let this go, she wanted an explanation. She had picked up on your anxiety the moment you picked them up from kindergarten. She knew Kazuki was just trying to keep the mood up but why?

You ignored her, herding them out the car and tutting them when you did happen to find their prized toys strewn about the backseat. You wanted to turn back around, pick the twins up and hightail it out of there; but you had to do this for your babies. That's what you told yourself as you rang that pristine doorbell of the familiar mansion and when the door opened to see the green haired muscular hero you tried to say the same thing.

“(Y/n)? What's wrong? We don’t get to have them for another two weeks?”

The worried falsetto you used to pour your heart out to in the dead of night almost made you do it again but instead you let the twins barrage his knees with hugs and grabby hands as they greeted him.

“Hi DADDY!” “Hello Dada.”

“Hiii heroes! Have you been good to Mommy? How was your day?”

You only followed with their abandoned luggage when Izuku invited you in with the hand that was still free. The twins began their mission of scaling your ex-husband as they had done many times before, answering their father’s inquiries as they scaled him like a building. You couldn’t help but smile assuring yourself that whatever would happen to you they’d be just fine. You fought back those annoying tears as you started taking out their necessities from the diaper bag. You knew Katsuki would want these scrubbed down right away saying something along the lines of, “I'M NOT HAVING THE GERMS OF ANYOTHER GRUBBY TODDLERS BUT MY OWN!!!”

“Pops!”

“Poprock!”

Speak of the devil. You cringed at your daughter’s sardonic use of her American terminology. You and Izuku both agreed that when she voiced her father’s connection to the candy you both wouldn’t point out that it wasn’t a candy she was calling him but a way to say his title and his descriptor: “Pop Rocks.”

“What are you troublemakers doing here? You didn’t trick Mom with that bull sh-butt routine, right?”

You appreciated the effort to keep things clean. You remember arguing about him censoring himself when the kids came; his rebuttal at the time was, “ the world’s gonna be that way anyway, better for them to handle it sooner!” You remembered it was a common argument throughout your pregnancy.

Your children shifted their focus from climbing their one Dad to climbing the other, giving Izuku the chance to talk under the pretense of helping you wash their dishes. When you felt his figure slide next to yours with a sippy cup in hand you couldn’t deny the heat that ran up your body in embarrassment. As if it wasn’t bad enough he casually brushed your hands against his as he washed the cup. He’s gotten a lot smoother, that's for sure.

“Does this have something to do with your boss?”

So perceptive he knew when you made out of character decisions it often fell to that one person. You had, many times, called either Izuku or Katsuki in a frantic voice to call you at a specific time and fake an emergency or just to come over and check that everything was okay. Even though this time was much worse you were sure you could get off with a partial truth.

Izuku was annoyed. He hated that you were even living so far away but it was the fact that they so often had to be your backup. Not that he didn’t enjoy your dependence on them but the fact you relied on them like a girl does on a bad first date was disturbing. After investigating your boss he found out why you did what you did.

He apparently was the head of an influential name with a fortune bigger than entire countries. This business was nothing but a playground where he poked and prodded at whoever he liked. To make matters worse he had a record of chasing around an employee whether they're receptive or not they’ll go missing, turn up dead, or are often traumatized for life. All within a month. He had been chasing you for six. Izuku during his many stakeouts had gathered enough evidence to incriminate him but the lengths his snakes in the Police Force and in the Hero Association. He realized if the enemy was going to play dirty he had to as well.

He had to thank Katsuki’s observation for your sudden change from ‘I never want to speak to you two again!’ to ‘could you call me at 21:34 on the dot and say that you're stopping by from your patrol.’ His husband had pointed out that you seemed to show off your connection to them as heroes and people who you talk to often. As much as he hoped it was because you secretly wanted to get back together Katsuki pointed out how you were probably using them as an insurance. They both recalled how you had done that often, even in high school, you often planned. Paranoia was a pain but came in handy when you needed it.

“You know if it’s a problem we can help…” He was stepping on eggshells, you were adamant about how independent you were.

“I don’t want your help.” You spoke through gritted teeth, this was the root of your separation. You found out how they did things and it got messy.

“(Y/n) seriously. You can’t quit. We can’t always make it in time. He is closing in and he’s going to do something horrible-”

He realized how much louder he was speaking and how you were trying not to cry out loud. He squeezes on your hands while he turns you; your back facing the opening of the kitchen where Katsuki has both twins hanging on his arms.

“What's wrong with Mama?!”

“Did you hurt my Mami?”

Izuku sweat-dropped at Iruki’s accusation, before looking down at your pleading (e/c) eyes and tear stricken face.

“It's ok,” He smiled his hero smile, ”Mommy was just a little nervous about sharing.”

He hugs you, slotting his mouth past your hair (if you have any) straight into your ear. “Share your problems with us baby, we’re a team, remember?” You were standing still even as he embraced you. You weren’t on board. which was a problem. He and Katsuki wouldn’t be able to execute their plan “For our kids. (Y/n). They need you (Y/n). We need you, baby.” Finally you collapse into him and return his hug. He looks up to Katsuki who gives him a knowing nod and hauls away the twins.

When the twins were sleeping you told your ex-husbands all about the proposal that was made by your boss.

“So the %#@$##@$* is trying to get you to sleep with him?”

“Kacchan!”

“Sorry. The poop-head wanted you at his place three hours ago?”

“...I was supposed to quickly drop them off but you know..”

“We’re gonna handle this babe, don’t worry about it.”

You tightly gripped your mug of (chocolate milk/tea/there is no in between). “You mean you’re going to….kill him?”

“Yeah.”

“Kacchan!”

“What?! You want me to keep beating around the bush? We all know what we have to do.”

“Yeah but you didn’t have to-”

“Are you guys sure this is our only option?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it babe, we’ll do this, you move in, and then we can focus on what really matters. Like why were both Iruki and Kazuki suspended from Kindergarten?”

“What?! I thought you pulled them out!”

“No, they apparently did something particularly questionable.”

“Kazuki?”

“Yes, him too.”

“What did they do? Is it something we need to work on? What-”

“According to the principal they both tied up the teacher, locked them in a closet, and broke into their snack cabinet, leading one of the kids to eat food that they were allergic to.”

“What did they eat?”

“Chocolate syrup and some pancake flour. Apparently their teacher has a taste for chocolate pancakes at the beginning of the day.”

“Oh Allmight! They must have gotten it from you, Kacchan, showing off spectacularly but going against the rules.”

“HEY! DON’T ACCUSE ME! BESIDES I NEVER BROKE THE RULES!”

“They may have been trying to do what you guys did when you took down that old LOV gangster. Adding insult to injury I happen to have a bit of a scuffle with their teacher…”

“Oh.”

“HA! My Rascals, I taught them those knots!”

“Kacchan!”

“Kat!”

_______________________________

When you woke up you could only remember some of what happened. It all came rushing back when you flipped the news on to find your boss had died from a maniacal butler’s murder-suicide. When the kids came running into your room they had explained how they were ‘so excited to have Momma over for their sleepovers’ and that they’d spend the day showing you all the cool stuff they did when they were at Daddy and Pop’s house. That's how the majority of your day went, only ending when your ex-husbands came home with a guy who introduced himself as your boss’ lawyer. He told you that you were entrusted more than a quarter of his fortune and his current estate. When you looked in shock and with furious intent at the two heroes they shrugged and you accepted your check and deed.

When the lawyer left. Katsuki with a curled lip and eyes of disappointment told you how the butler really did get to him before them and had been preparing to repay his victims and their families. Lucky you.

I didn't go into detail for this story but the real life situation is terrifying and confusing.