#everlarkselfinterview

What does it feel like when you get an idea in your head and the muse hits you and everything just flows? How does it manifest itself with you?

It’s a crazy high, a little bit trippy, and a lot of mania. It usually happens in a weird place or an inconvenient time. You know that scene in the movie Inception, when Ellen Page’s character is learning to manipulate and alter the dream world and everything is bending in weird ways but still looks somehow normal? And how there’s this pause when things stop moving? It feels like that. Slow percolation of random things that I’m not really actively thinking about so much as they’re a side show playing in my brain and then with a quiet rumble… the pieces align and there’s my story...mostly, lol. That’s the trippy part.

I feel like most of my inspiration, the thing that causes the pieces to even start moving and also to align, is usually something external. Very rarely have I just come up with an idea on my own that’s led to a story I was willing to share. There is actually an entire folder on my drive of story ideas, a few random paragraphs, that are things I thought up on my own. They’ve gone nowhere. But the stories that were born from something external, some combination of a prompt, a picture, a song played at the right time, something I see happening around me, or from someone else’s words or questions they’ve asked me... those seem to be the stories that stick with me.

Sometimes I’ll see a handful of scenes, flashes that eventually become my waypoints or landmarks to get from the start to the finish. Other times I’ll be writing something that I intend to keep short, playing around with the words or the idea… Then the characters start talking to me. That sounds bizarre, but when they come to life in my mind and start talking to me, that’s when I know it’s a story worth pursuing. And eventually, there will be a complete picture in front of me. The streets might be vertical and there might be a staircase on the ceiling, but I’ll know I can make it work. From there, I’ll usually outline.

Generally speaking, when I post the first chapter of something, I have that and the outline written, the rest is in my head. I rarely ever outline first thing. There are a few exceptions to this, of course.

Come on Baby Light My Fire stands out as an exception of a different kind since it was very much a flying by the seat of our pants story this thing only lives if you all send me words as prompts reader interactive type story… until maybe halfway through when I had enough words sitting in my inbox to sketch out some kind of outline for where we were going.

This is where the mania comes in. A lot of times, I churn out a ton of chapters up front or start a new project on what looks like a total whim because I’m almost afraid that if I don’t, I’ll lose my steam and the story will fizzle out on me. I will write on my phone, in my home, on a laptop, while I mop, in a notebook, while I cook! I'll write with a fox, on a box. On a train, in the rain… Oops, wrong story. I will write anywhere! When the mania to do so hits. Not recommended as a healthy way of living btw.

What does it look like when the muse visits and bestows that blessed IDEA I can’t seem to ignore upon me? Hmm, well if you were a fly on the wall, you might see a lady walking into a wall whilst typing on her phone and going “I’m okay!” From the floor whilst still typing. Or you might see a mad dash through the house whilst wrapped in a towel with hair dripping wet (not recommended to be a fly on the wall for that one ieeeee). Most likely there will be gleeful cackling, loud music, and dancing in a seat while madly typing out words. That would be the crazy high point. ;)

On the flip side, what does hitting a wall feel like and how do you work through it?

It feels like running into a wall. Literally. It’s sometimes actually physically painful, but for the most part it’s very sudden and emotionally awful. Working through it inevitably involves walking away from it, at least for a little while. And when I feel like I’m ready to come back to it, maybe searching about for some new music to add to my playlist or flipping through some visual inspiration. Sometimes I’ll write a little from another character’s POV or maybe sketch out a future take.

Sometimes (a lot of times) talking to a trusted beta reader or fandom friend has helped break through those walls. I cannot stress enough how valuable it is having someone you can talk to about these things, and most of the ladies I’ve worked with as beta readers have also been my friends. Our conversations are not just limited to fandom and writing. I feel like that has enriched the sort of feedback they can and do provide me with and me for them. Since we know more about each other as a person, we can provide more constructive and insightful feedback. They’ve been an important part of my life. I’ve been fortunate to work with several extraordinary beta readers who’ve all helped me grow in some way, and whom I knew I could rely on to tell me if I’m being too hard on myself, or even more importantly… if I’m not and the story is in need of work. A really good beta reader, to me, isn’t just going to gush over my writing and build me up but also feels comfortable telling me when it’s not there yet. It’s called constructive criticism and it is every bit as important to writing as praise is, perhaps even more so.

Getting over that wall… It’s kind of a trial and error of things that have worked before.

Okay so here’s something I haven’t really talked about before, but I feel like I can now that I have several completed multichapter stories to my name. This wall you’ve asked about… I have hit one with every single one of my multichapter stories. Every. Single. One. It usually happens when I’m a few chapters away from completing it. And this wall isn’t a lack of motivation or even lack of inspiration, it is called Pressure. Pressure to deliver, to perform as a storyteller, and it can be just as crushing as a lack of motivation or inspiration. It’s almost entirely self induced though.

I spend a lot of time working on my fics whether it’s planning, researching, actually writing, responding to comments etc. I am not here to spend all of that time crafting my stories only to slop together an ending just so I can mark it complete. I’ve only done that with one story and trust me, it’s my least favorite thing I’ve written. I literally vocalize the sound “Ugh” whenever someone mentions it or comments on it or even so much as leaves a Kudo for it. And it is somehow one of my more popular stories don’t ask me to explain why because personally I don’t see the appeal. And I wrote it. Anywho!

That wall of pressure is mostly my own issue. I don’t spend all that time on my stories to not stick the landing. I do not want to be the type of writer who has to explain or defend the ending to their franchise (cough cough looking at you Marvel writers wtf?) or the kind of writer who leaves my readers feeling incomplete. If it doesn’t make sense or work for the majority of readers who have lovingly followed it, then chances are I mucked it up somewhere along the way.

Now this wall, when I hit it, I usually stop posting and go silent for awhile. So if you’ve read a lot of my fics, you might have noticed it. Maybe not. There will be a long break when there’s like two or three chapters left, depending on the length of the story/size of the project, where I doubt myself and what I’ve done so far and my ability to bring the story to a satisfactory close that is true to the characters and to the story itself. Soooo much pressure. Sometimes I’ll hit that wall mor than once with a story. I hit it before chapter 8 of Pure, and again before chapter 10. I hit it somewhere around chapter 25 of Wrapped in Red. In between every single chapter of It’s All a Lie. Somewhere after chapter 10 of COBLMF, and so on. This is actually where I am currently with Outside Chance. I haven’t given up on it, I’m just a little stuck and feeling the pressure to deliver the kind of ending I envisioned and that you all expect.

The thing is, I am mostly satisfied with and proud of the stories you see marked complete under my name. Are there things I could’ve done better? Obviously. But for the most part, I feel like I put out the best story I could, given where I was at the time.

So that leads nicely into the next question I have…

What made you want to tackle OC when you knew you didn’t want another WIP?

Insanity.

Lol, no. I had just finished Wrapped in Red and was staring at a list of eight WIPs. Eight incomplete stories… three that I started literally years ago as in way back in 2014/5 and want to finish as Everlark stories … some day Ahahahahahaha (Ampersand, One Last Hope, Everything You Are), two that I started for either PiP or EFE but almost immediately decided that while I liked the idea, it needed some fine tuning and therefore I never posted them outside of tumblr (Septimus, In the Waiting Dark), one that I didn’t know what the hell to do with at the time (Secret Kisses, Secret Wishes), and two that I wrote for ms2sl but that I seriously wanted — and still want — to turn into originals instead of finishing as fan fictions (Caught in the Net of the World, Spiral & Collision). I wanted to focus on those eight projects and get them done. I was determined to not start a new project. But noooooo.

OC is one of those stories where everything aligned in my head without my permission and the characters took shape so vividly that, quite frankly, I felt like I was going to burst if I didn’t get it out of my head onto paper, so to speak. I couldn’t NOT write it and I was too much in love with it far too fast to stand a chance of resisting it. I just happen to be lucky in that I write as part of a fandom that is so open to new materials and continues to forgive writers who leave their works without updates for a year or longer.

The patience is much appreciated, btw. It makes it easier to produce what I hope is quality fic if the audience is willing to wait for it (refer back to that answer about hitting walls ;)

Which story means the most to you and why?

Oh good lord. I hate this question. Have I mentioned that I hate this question??? Alright. So all my stories mean a lot to me. They are truly a labor of love. So how about I tell you what I loved about each of my top tier faves? Because I can’t limit myself to one.

The Rim of the Sky: This one is completely raw writing. No planning, no outline. It’s essentially an emotional vomit and is also the first piece I shared that anyone really took notice of. I think I went from 20 followers to over 100 almost overnight after posting this sucker. The response to it absolutely blew me away and gave me the confidence to keep writing and sharing.

Lay Me Down, Let Me Dream: Co writing dream come true. The synergy of this thing… I can’t even explain it. And the fact that we managed to churn this puppy out in a matter of weeks! I learned so much about myself as a writer through this project and it’s also a story that’s kinda close to the heart since there’s a history of mental illness and suicide in my family.

Break: The first multichapter story I finished all on my own. Need I say more? It was especially meaningful because I had several WIPs at that point that I’d lost all progress and outlines for in a computer crash. I was discouraged and thinking about giving up fanfic writing altogether when I managed to pull this one out of the dust and turn it into something I could be proud of, therefore it will always have a special place in my heart. Also smut. ;)

Pure: Gah! I went so far outside my comfort zone at the time of writing this one, but I am so glad I did. It gave me the courage to explore all kinds of worlds and storylines I would have previously shied away from attempting. This is also one of the stories that is a prime example of what happens when I listen to my characters, feeling them come alive and letting them guide the story. The proof of that is in the fact that every story I finished before this one (and quite a few that came after) when I marked it finished, that was it. I had nothing more to add to the story. I toyed with writing a few outtakes from Break but none of them stuck or felt… right. But Pure kept leaving little moments in my head of their future, of Peeta’s POV. I could make a case for Everything You Are also being one of those stories where the characters kind of took over and became almost larger than life in my head, but unfortunately Lark and Jay have been eerily silent for awhile now. Maybe because Hummingbird and Cupcake are so damn loud and obnoxious about getting their story told. ;) Anyways, Pure really stayed with me for awhile after I finished it for some reason.

Come On Baby Light My Fire: Two words. Reader. Interaction. I know firefighter Peeta is a huge draw, but to me this one is special because of the way it was almost an interactive story. To me, this is a great example of one of the best parts of writing for a fandom, that interaction with the readers and other writers.

Spiral & Collision: Step into my crazy galaxy and see if I don’t break your heart along the way mwahahahahahaha! Okay really this is the story, since it was the second one where I was in the midst of writing it and also simultaneously banging my head on a wall going “Stupid stupid stupid this is original material stop writing it as Everlark” and yet couldn’t seem to stop writing it as Everlark, when I decided I really wanted to try getting publish one day. Still working on it. Fingers crossed. Also I think this may have been the first lengthy story in which I made one of them a single parent… I had written drabbles before but not long stories. Anyhow, I kinda fell in love with the trope after this one. As evidenced by the one that came almost right after it...

Wrapped in Red: Karina Karina Karina! Is it any wonder that shortly after S&C I went on a kind of single parent AU binge? The toast(ish) babies in this one are my faaaaaves. Avery, Olive and Cole… I wish I could’ve given them more screen time, I adore this crazy found family. Plus those socks… ;) This one was just fun to write.

9000 RPM: Three reasons… One: stylistic paragraphs and attempts to write the feel of speed (or lack thereof) into the story. Two: The characters stole my heart. Shamelessly. Ruthlessly. Raven my precious baby. Peeta gah if only all men were like this Peeta, and Katniss ooooh my darling. She’s tough and yet suuuper vulnerable, take no shit but sooooo loving. And also Aunt Laverne. She’s an iconic archetype and the response to her is exactly what I was aiming for. Three: The journey the characters went on is one of my faves that I’ve written for them…. Also car sex… ;)

Outside Chance: I feel like this epic is my fandom opus and I talk about it all the time anyways so you had to know it’d be on here right?

Which was the hardest story to write?

Emotionally - Lay Me Down, Let Me Dream. Um it was an incredible writing experience, as I said previously, but it was also a very emotionally taxing story to produce. I spent a significant amount of writing this story in a bit of a depression. Mr. KDNFB almost staged an intervention but there was far more going on than just writing this story. So the way we did this was titania wrote Peeta’s POV and I wrote Katniss’. I had a really, really hard time writing my first chapter of this. I texted my beta at the time “I can’t kill Prim. Why can’t I kill Prim?” Even though I knew it was essential to the plot. The rest of the story doesn’t happen without Prim’s death. I cried through writing the whole thing. Ugly crying. And if that wasn’t enough, shortly after we posted the chapter in which Peeta dies, I was (ironically) in a serious car wreck. I still cannot see a car wreck in the middle of an intersection without getting shaky. Anyhow. Chapters 5-7 were written with me bedridden, on narcotic level pain killers and muscle relaxers. Not recommended, but I managed it.

Technically - I gotta go with Pure. I was very ambitious with the kind of imagery I wanted to use as well as the kind of mirror structure that SC uses in our source material. I’m still not convinced that I pulled it off, lol. Not to mention, as I said earlier, it was a world that was out of my experience almost entirely.

Physically - Outside Chance…. just look at the freaking word count. Also it’s the story that has spawned two other stories and the three in my head that I refuse to write on principle... at least not until I get the core three done oi.

Writer’s choice! Because I’m selfish. ;)

Story time! Okay so I’ve lived in quite a few different places, and it had an interesting result on my development as a human being. When I went to college, it was at a university in the Deep South. The second I opened my mouth, inevitably someone would either ask “Where’d you say you were from?” Or say “You aren’t from around here, are ya?” I am still to this day saved in my born and raised in Birmingham, Alabama roommate's phone as “Damn Yankee.”

There was this girl who lived on our floor and she kind of prided herself on being able to guess where you were from based solely on your accent and speech patterns. Apparently she didn’t understand Military Brat because I stumped her. I didn’t know this at first so she kind of creeped me out, because every time I would talk to her or even just talk around her, she’d go all squinty eyed and stare at me. And ya’ll call northerners rude ;) Anyways. About a month and a half into the semester, she threw up her hands and made this exasperated noise and said “I give up! I can’t place you! Where’d you learn to talk?” …. “Uuuh, Alaska probably? First words likely in Hawaii? Illinois for serious language development maybe??? Why?” Which led to a conversation that explained to her why when I talk she would hear west coast, far north, Midwest, a little southern but not much (because I’d picked up a few inflections there already) and something else she had no idea how to explain (four years living in Europe). The point is, I sounded Wrong to her, no matter where I claimed to be from. And she wasn’t the only one. I just started telliong people that I’m a military brat when they’d ask where I was from and they’d go “Ooooooh, that explains a lot.” *Insert eye roll emoji here*

It was a lesson in voice. A very awkward one, but a valuable one. That New York Times test that places you in the USA based on words you use and how you pronounce them… it’s given me a completely different answer all three times I’ve taken it. I’m not even kidding. All of that has made me extremely self conscious about the way I speak but also hyper aware of character voice when I write and how the slightest mistake can take someone out of the story with a sense of “that’s not right” but no real explanation for why it’s not right unless they’re focused on the voice aspect of a story.

And man, I have some fun stories about voice and language discussions that occurred in my house while writing 9000 RPM. (Ex: Why do you call it a lunch box if you call the meal dinner instead of lunch? Answer: Because lunch is lunch and dinner is fancy lunch. Supper is yer evening meal, don’t be calling that shit dinner. *Must be said in a southern twang and I swear to god if you’ve heard a southerner say shit... it’s like they’re simultaneously saying “sheet” and “shiiiiiiit.” Like that’s the best way I know how to describe it. I cannot replicate it but I know it when I hear it.)

I had a point here…? Maybe just that it’s important to me, or that when someone tells me I’ve nailed the voice, I get this incredible thrill because it is something I am so so worried about all the time. Next to telling me that I made you feel all the feelings or that you would spend money to read my writing, that’s the best compliment I’ve ever gotten as a writer. Anyways. Moving on!

Some of this I know I’ve talked about before, so I apologize for any repetition. So here we go! We’ll go in chronological order, starting with Pure:

Where did the story come from? What inspired it? Where were you when the idea hit?

I was sitting on my couch scrolling through tumblr, hoping for some inspiration for COBLM and also kind of hoping I could come up with something for the upcoming round of PiP, when I saw this picture.

Like pretty much everyone else, I thought oh look at the pretty Everlark picture! Then I went down a spiral of who is this Everlark? How do they get to this snowy wedding kiss? And for some reason, I honed in on the uniform and my brain leapt through An Officer and a Gentleman, Pretty Woman, a little bit of Cinderella (especially the Drew Barrymore Ever After version), a few other stops and then suddenly Katniss was walking through snow in a stupidly short dress and boots, trying to make herself both invisible and also available. “It’s always snowing when I fuck up.” And from there Katniss didn’t stop talking, so I kept writing. I finished the first chapter in one frantic and very very late night, sent it off to my then beta reader and asked if she thought I had something or if I was out of my damn mind. Pure was unique to me in that the ending that sparked inspiration, not the beginning or middle, which is usually the case for me. Sometimes I think Pure consists 90% of me attempting to prove to PBG that I could take Everlark from such an awful, bleak starting point and believably get them to that fairy tale wedding kiss in the snow. Did I manage it? You the readers are the true judge of that. ;)

However, Pure is an example of how I usually operate in the method of writing once the idea has hit. Usually I will write part of the story first, get a feel for the world and the characters and their voices as well as the mood of the story. The outline comes second and I’m open to changing it as I write. I don’t believe in rigidly sticking to my outline if something else, some other path that I feel works better, presents itself. Beta and reader feedback have also caused me to rethink certain things, make changes if it feels necessary, or more often it means adding scenes to round things out a little better. Clearly I am not talented enough to write in a vacuum, lol.

How long did it take you to write it and did the story change as you went through things in life?

Pure took me about six months to write. It’s also over 100,000 words. I’ll take this chance to say that what I learned about myself as a writer with this one is that I can churn out words at a stupid rate, given the right circumstances and the right story. It’s become one of my benchmarks for whether or not a story is going to work out. If writing it is laborious at the start, then it might not be worth my time to pursue it, and I know this sounds like a total cop out but it’s worked for me this far.

And the story did change as I went through things in life. I was working as an assistant to a boudoir photographer at the time, and that meant that I did a little bit of everything for her. Dealing with sets and lighting, changing out her lenses so she could keep her rhythm, bookkeeping, scheduling, errands, assisting with hair and makeup and wardrobe selection, she even started teaching me a little editing near the end there, sales at bridal and trade shows. It was a serious Jack of All Trades job. But the biggest portion of my job with her was to help set the right atmosphere to help our clients feel comfortable in an extremely vulnerable, uncomfortable state. You are literally somewhere from in your underwear to buck naked in front of a camera lens. It was all about empowering women (and a few men) in their skin. I think that affected how I wrote several of the girls in Pure and their interactions as almost a kind of sisterhood. Johanna took on some big sister/maternal qualities as well as the attitude towards her job that will keep her in it.

There were other things that changed along the way, but most of those had more to do with the characters themselves and how I felt they would respond to situations. Example: I wasn’t actually planning to have Katniss and Madge meet. Originally, it was going to be Gale’s treatment of Katniss that led K to cut things off with him. But then I realized that she wasn’t at the stage yet where she’d care enough about her own well being or think highly enough of herself to want to protect herself for her own sake. She would, however, see what kind of pain she has indirectly caused to happen to Madge through her profession. The bulk of the blame lays with Gale, obviously, for being a lying cheating POS in this story, which is why Katniss gets so furious with him and ends things. She doesn’t want to keep hurting Madge or other women like Madge. Bonus is that it protects Katniss herself, too. Because at the end of the day, Katniss values loyalty, and this Gale was not loyal to his wife so Katniss has no reason to believe he’d be loyal to her.

What was the hardest part of the story for you to write?

Any time Katniss is with a client. The lunch scene where Plutarch basically bullies her into giving their waiter a hand job was especially tough to write. Cringe cringe cringe I hated doing that to Katniss because she was so miserable in her life and felt like this was all she could do to survive, all she was worth in her own eyes is as a plaything. It made it all the more important to me to pull off a believable HEA without her being a prostitute and with Peeta in her life. I threw so much shit at this Katniss that more than anything, I wanted her to wind up in a really good, happy place.

What was the easiest part to write?

The entire section where Katniss goes back to Twelve with Peeta for his mother’s funeral. That was like a breath of fresh air, a taste of hope, a turning point all rolled into one. It gave me a chance to write them as they could be, to show their potential. They are there for one another in a very emotional way, but also kind of domestic and comfortable with one another. She walks in when he’s taking a bath, and he’s not surprised nor is he put off when she climbs in the tub with him, nor does Katniss even think twice about it. I hope it came across as being very organic and natural for them. Also it’s the first time they’re physically free with their affection and sexual desires for one another without it being an exchange, which is a huge huge step for them both.

Were there any parts that related directly to your life?

Lol not really? Maybe some of the military related stuff.

Any part you want to rewrite?

Shockingly, no. I’m sure there are places I could improve if I went back and wrote the story now, but I kinda like leaving it as is. I’ve always kind of toyed with the idea of writing additional scenes for them, future takes, scenes that would fit in the three years gap between chapter nine and ten, some stuff from Peeta’s POV during the five years between Mrs. Everdeen's funeral and Darius’ bachelor party, but I just never seem to find the time to devote to it, plus there are other projects...

Now for Wrapped in Red:

Where did the story come from? What inspired it? Where were you when the idea hit?

This one started as a prompt from @savvylark​ who wanted Katniss to have an extremely powerful and vivid sexual dream about her best friend Peeta and then not be able to look him in the eye the next day. So I wrote a little something something and ended it on an angsty, uncertain note. I didn’t want to continue it. I was, in fact, actively trying to NOT expand it. I’ve had mixed results with things that I post as tumblr drabbles/oneshots and then expand. Some of them have turned out amazing, others I wanna burn to the ground and wish I’d never even tried. With WIR, it was sort of a slow devolving over a couple of days from “not gonna do it nope nope nope go away ideas I’m not gonna do it” into me glaring at the speakers in my car while Kelly Clarkson sang her heart out and all I could see was Katniss dancing through the house in those red socks, singing along and completely oblivious that there’s a slack jawed Peeta watching her from the doorway. Cut to me looking up the lyrics of the song Wrapped in Red (yes yes, I win the award for least creative titling ever), and muttering curse words to myself when I realized that ignoring the chorus repetitions, there were about twenty-seven lines I could work with as chapter titles. Prologue + 25 chapters + epilogue. I had always wanted to write an advent style Everlark fic and post a new chapter every day leading up to Christmas plus one after for those holiday blues, and here it was, staring me in the face.

Cut to me with a pen stuck in my hair and post it notes all over my wall. I took one color and wrote chapter numbers and one line of song lyrics on them. Then I took a second color post it and wrote plot points. The post it’s made it easier for me to move or change things until I had an outline I was happy with. Then as I wrote each chapter, I happily tossed away the post it notes for it, slowly making my outline disappear.

How long did it take you to write it and did the story change as you went through things in life?

Just under three months for this one. I didn’t manage to stick to my chapter a day goal. I think I posted the last one pretty close to Valentine’s day actually...

And if anything changed as I was writing, it was the emphasis on Katniss’ project saving the lake. I wanted this version of Everlark to really feel like three whole people becoming a family in every way, not a two people focused on each other to the exclusion of everything else going on around them with a kid hanging on the periphery. So they deal with Karina’s growing pains and matchmaking, they deal with Katniss’ job and her passions, they have to deal with Peeta’s ex and his insecurities and also with both of their friends and families that already exist as part of their lives. They’re best friends but they still learn things about one another as the story progresses. At least, that was my goal.

What was the hardest part of the story for you to write?

Their first date. I always feel like I miss the mark with the kind of snarky old married couple kind of banter Everlark has in canon. Shut up and eat your pears. Don’t be so superior. Say the arena is a giant cake… Usually I feel like I write them too cheesy or sappy. Most of the time, if there’s a writer I envy enough that they make me want to flip tables in rage, it is for their dialogue writing skills. So first dates give me hives with Everlark. Until the clothes start flying across the room, then I feel comfortable with them again. ;)

What was the easiest part to write?

The smut? Lol, actually the easiest parts to write were the ones when Katniss is freaking out and doubting herself. This was my first serious foray into writing an over thirty Katniss and I felt more at home in her voice because of that, being you know, over thirty myself. ;)

Were there any parts that related directly to your life?

I looooove knee high socks and think they’re like one of the sexiest things a girl can wear. Knee high socks, long shirt and a smile. Sigh. So! gratuitous writer attraction included. ;)

Any part you want to rewrite?

Maybe some of Peeta’s dialogue (see previous answers ugh). He was a little harder for me to pin down with this story since he’s in such a different place from how I usually write Peeta. He’s a divorced, single Dad in his thirties. He’s more cautious and more self conscious than the apparently but not really self assured 18 to late twenties year old I usually spend more time writing. Thus, this Katniss wound up being the aggressor/instigator in their relationship. It was kinda fun, though, to write Katniss as the one putting herself out on a limb more and consciously wooing him at first rather than the other way around.

And now the big one… the Outside Chance universe:

Where did the story come from? What inspired it? Where were you when the idea hit?

Has anyone else noticed that the three stories you all asked about revolve very heavily around winter and snow? Or that two of the three are totally @savvylark’s fault? Hmmmm….is it safe to call Savvy my muse yet? ;)

So this one started when Savvy asked me what winter sport Peeta would compete in. The discussions that followed were phenomenal. There were any number of drabbles and a few fantastic multichapter stories that came out of it. I had zero intentions of writing anything. I really did. But buttercupbadass threw the Paralympics out there and then someone said something about Peeta as a snowboarder and Katniss as a biathlete. Then @honeylime08​ said she’d give a gold medal to anyone who gave her all three Mellark brothers in the Winter Olympics and my brain turned into idea soup. It started simple. I wrote a short bit, which eventually morphed into the scene in chapter 13 when they’re flirting and racing down the mountain together. I only meant to write a oneshot where Katniss is in a slump and goes to Skadi (which actually didn’t even have a name yet) to have some privacy while training, and she’d meet Peeta there, and somehow convince him to compete in the Paralympics. Buuuut, as I kept thinking about it and researching, bits and pieces kept jumping out at me and then my oneshot story quickly grew out of hand into this massive epic story that I literally could not contain. So I caved and started really working on it. It took me weeks to lay those foundations until I felt comfortable sharing, and ideas came to me in random places at random times.

How long did it take you to write it and did the story change as you went through things in life?

Good lord. We’re at a year and nine months now? Still not finished. And it still grows and grows until all the holes and gaps start to connect.

Did the story change as I went through life? Not really. The bones of it are still the same. I would say there are some details that have changed, especially as I’ve explored the other two Mellark brothers with their partners. The new perspectives changed how I saw certain things, but the story itself, even with the additions, has remained largely unchanged. As with some of my other stories, beta and reader influence has guided some of the additions that weren’t in the original outline but I feel like the story itself has stayed true.

What was the hardest part of the story for you to write?

So far… the hardest part has been keeping the voices of the three girls straight in my head. They share some similarities, but Savannah is a mom of four and is ten years older than Katniss, fourteen years older than Prim. My three ladies have different viewpoints, strengths and weaknesses, life experiences. They are going to and should sound different as they narrate. Sometimes I feel like they sound too much alike and switching between them has complicated things. Keeping Rosie separate and unique from the other two has been far easier than keeping Katniss and Savannah separate and unique from each other...

There is also the fact that Katniss and Prim, as WOC, specifically women of indigenous descent, one of whom is passing white, their voices are more… I don’t want to say difficult to write so much as they are something that I wanted to write with respect and understanding and to get right, since well… I am not.

The flashback scene in chapter 9 was difficult to write emotionally as well as technically. I’m not in the medical field but wanted to convey what was happening while also giving life to the sort of desperation Katniss would have felt.

What was the easiest part to write?

The beginning because it’s the shortest chapter and none of it since then? It’s a massive project?? Lol.

Were there any parts that related directly to your life?

A scary large amount. I’ve hidden quite a lot of my own personal and family history in here. So much that if any of my stories give away who I am to people I know away from fandom, it’ll be this one.

I’ve talked about her before, but Agnes is heavily inspired by my aunt, who was a swimmer headed towards the Olympic team, but her dreams died due to an injury and a sort of breakdown afterwards that left her married and pregnant at a young age. She spent years unhappy and bitter and took a lot of it out on her athlete sons. My cousins are a-holes though, and I adore these three Mellark boys. Then again, my cousins didn’t have a grandfather like Eirik…

So bonus! I’ll talk about common reader reactions to characters or scenes that bother me, because I’ve tried not to be too vocal about it since everyone is titled to their opinion, but it relates to this question anyways. Believe it or not, I get kind of cheesed off when people tell me that Gale coming back into Katniss’ life in chapter 23 and stirring shit up after two years of being gone and her response to it doesn’t feel believable because guess what… that happened to me. The guy I dated in high school and into college kept putting pressure on me to talk about marriage and kids and plans for the future, and I wasn’t ready to have those kinds of talks. Our relationship was toxic, at best, maybe borderline abusive, I don’t know. I feel too close to it to be able to stick that label on it accurately, especially because I feel like I fought back in many ways that could maybe be classified as me being abusive of him?? Hence why I usually call it toxic. We brought out the worst in each other. Eventually we did fall apart, for different reasons than what happens to Gale and Katniss here, but the point is, nearly three years after we broke up and I told this guy to never call me or contact me ever again because he had been harassing me for months after we broke up over the way it happened and kept insisting we could be friends, when it was clear we couldn’t possibly… three years after that, three years of no communication, he pops up out of nowhere to act all possessive and angry, asking how the hell I was married to someone else. Yep, that’s right. He heard that I got married through Facebook or town gossip or whatever and then contacted me to basically trash all over me, to include telling me that he had seen pictures from my wedding and it didn’t look anything like me at all. He told me I looked terrible on my wedding day. Also he blamed his then failing relationship on me somehow, even though I hadn’t spoken to this guy in almost three years. Somehow, the fact that his girlfriend was miserable with him was my fault. A real winner. But yeah. Gale here is heavily influenced by that ex of mine.

And so is Katniss’ response to him. As much as I had grown in those three years, and felt stronger and far more independent without him, when I was faced with him again, I fucking froze. It was a literal time warp to who I was when we were together and it sucked. So yeah, I get pretty defensive of OC Katniss when people say she should have done XYZ in that scene. Yes, she should have, but I wrote what felt true to life and to the character. This actually also goes for Peeta in that scene too, because he’s dealing with a similar effect from his mother’s abuse and only just realizing that his entire family has seen her recently, including Katniss, and yet kept it from him for months.

Savannah. Savannah is an amalgam of myself and every other mother I’ve ever vented with. A lot of her experiences are drawn from my own as well as my friends. I think that’s part of why people have become so enamored with her. She’s real to you because she’s based so heavily in real life experiences. Graham is actually… and this is going to sound so freaking weird, but he’s a combination of a friend’s husband, my older sister, and my own father. *face palm* That sounds so weird when I write it down but that’s what he is…

Ryen is built around a lot of my own experiences in terms of his relationships with his brothers. Hi, yes I am a middle child and can relate to a lot of the things he says or does in response to his brothers. He’s got far more panache and a much larger wild streak than me, but the way he responds to Peeta and Graham is somewhat rooted in personal experience. Okay actually I pulled a whole lot from my experiences as the middle sister and perspectives to write the brothers Mellark here. There’s an upcoming scene in the next OE chapter where Graham basically interrogates Ryen and nearly accuses him of being on drugs that is lifted almost directly from personal experience. My older sister was far more overbearing in asking about that stuff than my parents ever were when I’d come home from college...anywho!

Any part you want to rewrite?

Not yet, unless you count the fact that I am kind of background plotting how I’d turn this into an original piece...

Listen to music while you write? Special playlist?

While I always always need music playing while I write, and a lot of times my writing is heavily influenced by the music I’m listening to, as in I’ve had a story take an unexpected turn because the next song on shuffle happens and before I know it I’m squinting at the screen going “What is this shit? It was not in the plan!! Who cares just keep writing it, you can always delete or edit later.” That being said, Outside Chance was one of the first projects where I built a seriously dedicated and unique to that story playlist. Not the first story that had a dedicated playlist. Spiral & Collision, since it takes place in literally another world, was the first one that had a truly unique playlist and holds that honor; and quite honestly, S&C actually owes a lot of it’s inspiration to music. My kids had recently seen TRON: Legacy for the first time and so we were listening to the soundtrack quite a bit, because I’m sorry that music by Daft Punk goes hard and while we were listening to that, the story for S&C really started to take shape. But we’re here to talk about Outside Chance… Prior to OC, and ignoring S&C, I had a general Everlark writing playlist, and sometimes there would be one album that got played on repeat (Kelly Clarkson’s Wrapped in Red for WiR), or maybe a handful of songs that only applied to that specific story. I think I had ten songs that were Pure!Everlark but didn’t really work for any of my other stories in terms of inspiring my writing. But OC…

Music is such a central part of who this Everlark is that the playlist for this universe is insane. There’s music on it that Katniss would love, music that Peeta would love, music from the Savannah and Graham courtship era, songs that scream Ryen because Ryen can't do anything quietly, songs that are there to create the mood for specific scenes, songs that were selected for specific playlists that Peeta himself has on his iPod or phone, etc etc etc… The playlist is a story all to itself for this universe and it’s constantly growing and being edited. Quite a few people have sent me songs and said it made them think of some part of the OC universe or some specific scene, and if I hear it too, it gets added to the playlist. When I’m out and about, if I hear a song that fits, it gets added. OC Peeta totally has the Shazam app on his phone and it’s one of the most used apps. I know I’ve used it a ton for this story.

The downside to this massive playlist being a driving factor of the story itself is that every story I’ve written since I started OC has needed its own dedicated playlist to help me set the mood. Example: I started 9000 RPM and almost immediately hit a wall. I loved the idea, the characters were forming and the plot was outlined, but something was off. I wasn’t hitting the right note until one day I had a bunch of music on shuffle and providence granted me a favor. My music spit out Ciara’s rendition of Paint It Black, followed immediately by a song by Vixen… pretty sure it was Anyway. I sat up and screamed. This was Katniss’ musical voice. I scoured for all of my girls who rock music and cobbled together a soundtrack and while that was playing, the voices came easier. It’s now become a thing. I almost need a musical mood board before I can get anywhere with a story. Just one more thing, lol. Spellbound has actually been a lot harder to pinpoint a playlist for. Maybe that’s why I’m struggling so much with writing it???

This concludes my self interview. Feel free to ask any follow up questions if you want to, and happy writing & reading!

The Writing Process

Do you use an outline?

I tend to create a loose outline that helps me structure the story. I’ll usually decide on how many chapters I want the story to have first. Sometimes these will have some sort of special significance, but usually I just go with my gut. From there, I’ll work out the main beats, and write a generalized summary of what I want to happen in each chapter. After that, I like to say that I basically just vomit words on a screen.  I’m a big fan of improv, and once I have the general idea of what I want to happen, I’m basically improvising the rest. 

Do you use a beta?

I have used the help of several wonderful people over the years, but my one consistent person who helps me with everything is @triplebigday​. Not only does she beta, but she helps me work out a lot of the story when I do get stuck, and we bounce ideas off each other. This isn’t just true of Everlark, either: we have a whole, massive Star Wars AU we’ve cooked up together. I like to say she’s the Taika Waiti to my Jemaine Clement. Anyways, she’s the best, she gets me and what I’m doing like no other, and cooking up stories together is one of my aboslute favorite things in life. 

Where do you write?

On my couch using my Chromebook. LOL. 

Do you listen to music or make a playlist?

I will definitely make playlists that feel appropriate for my stories, but I don’t listen to anything when I write. Usually I’ll do it in complete silence, because it’s easier for me to focus. Sometimes I’ll use the Coffitivity app, though. But with music, I find myself wanting to actively listen to it, and it prevents me from getting any actual writing done. 

Do you start posting right away, or wait until you’re done?

At first, I would post my chapters as soon as they were done. Lately, however, I’ve been leaning towards trying to finish things first. I don’t know, it really depends on the story, I guess. 

The Story

I’m going to focus primarily on my Blue on Grey/A House United universe, and The Tigers Come at Night.

Where did the story come from?

For A House United, the story came from a prompt on a round of Prompts in Panem. The idea is actually influenced by Gone with the Wind, because I remember thinking Katniss and Scarlett were both similar and very different ways, and I wanted to play with that idea. But also, I’m not going to lie: I also just found the idea of smut between them kind of hot.

As for The Tigers Come at Night, the idea was always meant to be a ‘Katniss-actually-pregnant-in-the-Quell’ fic. That was one of my favorite tropes to read, and one day I started thinking about what I would write if I were going to do a take on it. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like it would probably have to take something like forced prostitution for Katniss to actually be pregnant in the Quell, and that was a darker, more dystopian story that I had been wanting to try. 

How long did the story take to write? How did your life change?

A House United took me a year and a half to write. In that time, I dealt with PTSD, a nervous breakdown, and relocated to a new state to put myself back together. 

I’ve been very, v e r y slowly chipping away at The Tigers Come at Night since November 2013, so needless to say, things have changed a LOT for me since then. I started the story shortly after the aforementioned nervous breakdown; I’ve recovered tenfold since that time, to the point where I don’t even feel like the same person anymore. It’s insane looking back on where I was when I started this story, and it’s even more insane that it’s been so long and this story is still not complete! I think I need to set a deadline for myself, and just knock it out already.

What was the hardest part of the story to write?

For A House United, it was dealing with the fact that it was set in Reconstruction-era South. There’s the historical accuracy you have to look for, and then there’s the obvious issue with racism in the era. I actually had a whole plotline worked out where it turned out Katniss was herself a WOC, and not the white southern belle she’d initially been painted as, but I ended up scrapping it because I needed to end the story for mental health reasons. 

I think it’s probably obvious that The Tigers Come at Night is an inherently hard fic to write due to the subject matter, and probably one of the main reasons I’m so slow in finishing it. Making things feel true from a psychological perspective is very, very important to me, so I don’t want to make light of the subject matter at all. But because of this, and my own struggle with my mental health, there have been times when I simply couldn’t deal with it at all.

What was the easiest part to write?

Haha, any time Katniss and Peeta get a good shippy scene together is always my favorite! I also adore writing Peeta’s wit, and any banter between the two, because I’m honestly just the kind of person who is going around saying that crap anyways. It’s a ton of fun. 

Any parts you want to rewrite?

I periodically visit the idea of rewriting Blue on Grey/A House United, because every so often I come up with a new way I would make the story go this time around. The idea that comes immediately to mind now, though, is one that’s more of a retelling, where Katniss and Peeta get stuck together for a period of time, and because of the time period, are forced to marry to avoid scandal. Peeta spends the time thinking Katniss wants nothing to do with him and wants to marry Gale instead, while Katniss, who was reluctant/resentful at first, is slowly falling in love with Peeta. Maybe I’ll write that, but honestly, don’t hold your breath.

As for Tigers, I just want to finish writing it the first time!

The Characters

Easiest to write?

Without a doubt, Katniss. Our inner thoughts are very, very similar. But Peeta’s sense of humor is also super easy for me to write.

Hardest to write?

Plutarch springs immediately to mind. He’s like the polar opposite of who I am, so it’s difficult getting into his head sometimes. Even Snow is easier for me to write. 

OC’s

None, unless you count developing characters we didn’t see much in the books, like Peeta’s brothers or the toast babies. Now Star Wars, that’s where my OCs get out of hand. LOL.

Who do you relate to the most?

LOL J/K, we all know who I relate to most. 

Any characters you don’t like writing?

I have a pretty active imagination so if grows and builds and if I can’t shake it, it becomes a story. A lot of it is curiosity, how would this play out? And if it bugs me enough, I start putting pen to paper. I have a favorite pen, and I always use a blank page to just jot out a few scenes, from there a story developed, a back story to answer the questions of how they ended up in this predicament, and i usually have a few plot points I need to hit from there and it takes off into an outline. when I’m this zone I have to follow the story’s vague trajectory until the end. I need the end insight. If I get interrupted all is lost...kidding, but its really hard to make the story what I had in mind if I can’t fully outline it while its first hot.

Do you use a beta? how did that go? Listen, having a Beta has changed my life, when it comes to writing. I actually get emotional when I get a get my work back from a beta critique, like, this isn’t a steaming pile of crap, they see the potential, polish it up and truly enjoyable to read. they see the goodness in it and help refine it. Having that kind of support might be what gave me the courage to finished anything and show what I’ve worked so hard on! I really enjoy writing, but writing well enough to show someone? I don’t know that I would have seen the potential with out a beta’s eyes and comments “You could cut this out,” “Maybe out this here?” and when I’m stuck? stalled and don’t know how to fix it? The time someone like @katnissdoesnotfollowback takes out of her day to talk about how my story could go a different direction, or where I hit a dead end? I can’t even describe how grateful I am and how encouraging that is. Trustworthy beta’s are amazing and mine has incredibly keen insights, is a talented writer, an especially good friend. 

What’s your favorite story to write? My favorite, that’s a loaded question. Not Your Mama’s Hallmark Christmas was just fluffy goodness. Love in Dark Places was indulgent... I think my favorite is Crush It. A lot of it is an escape into a time and place, summer college fun where anything is possible, even love, Katniss has her eyes on the wrong guy and things get messy. The rabbit trails with that one were a forces and a real problem. You wouldn’t believe how many side drabbles are in existence from that story.

What was the easiest story to write? The easiest story I wrote was Love in Dark Places, its short and I really just wanted to write a fantasy realized from Katniss’s perspective in time for Valentine’s day for the fandom, sexiness with emotion and a backstory. I channeled a few fantasies, a healthy but forbidden love, crush on a friend’s older brother, small age gap, possible soulmates. I used some characterizations from the homecoming King from my high school, a fellow artist who’s still a friend of mine, for Peeta because I think he’d be a fun wild card fantasy. Once I had it all figured out in my mind, it nearly wrote itself, I couldn’t type fast enough. My main goal in the story was sexual tension and build heat... its just porn really.

Were you ever shocked/disappointed by the response a story got? um, Yeah. I was amazed so many people were interested in Crush It. I know @ra3lynn3, @lovely-tothe-bone, and I was so excited by the response Feast Your Eyes received after we had put so much into it. With all the trigger warnings on ‘as not to awaken ghosts’ I wasn’t surprised it didn’t get a very good response, but I felt a little disappointed, because I’m pretty proud of it. It has a lot of head-canons in it, I made a Merchant district 12 Johanna, it’s a scary one that cover a lot of my deepest fears including an authority figure abusing his power and taking advantage of women, revenge is executed. I also explored some of my Choctaw native american roots with a few of the legends and the Sioux Nation that lives in this area and the history with the boiling springs itself. 

@b-boop5 asked about Feast Your Eyes. This story started it out as an @everlarkficexchange prompt: