#eveil

by Oleg Bulakh

“Le moine Tannen me dit un jour :"Il est généralement enseigné que pour atteindre l’éveil, il faut se libérer de toute idée et de toute pensée, sans nécessairement en comprendre la signification ; la capacité de se concentrer avec un cœur pur n’est autre que la capacité de se libérer de toute idée et de toute pensée." Cette remarque est fort juste. Le seigneur Sanenori m’avait indiqué que "l’espace d’une respiration suffisait à révéler la voie de la vérité dès lors que l’esprit était sincèrement débarrassé du mal." Leurs réflexions ne rapportent une seule et même chose. 

Il est vraiment dommage que trop peu de gens s’y intéressent. La pureté et la simplicité requièrent des efforts de tous les instants.”

Intuition ou comment se connecter

Conseils pour se connecter avec son intuition Quelque part au cours du voyage, les gens ont perdu la capacité de se connecter avec leur intuition…. Certains ne savent même pas ce qu’est l’intuition…. Beaucoup d’entre nous vivent dans une réalité basée sur l’ego, un endroit où nous cherchons constamment une approbation en dehors de nous-mêmes et nous comportons d’une manière qui n’est pas…

[Sorry for my bad English, I’m French. I do my best]

It was the day of my first awakening.

My very first trip to Norway…

I was 12 years old but I remember it like it was yesterday.

~

I was in this boat in the direction of Norway. The gigantic mountains formed an immense hollow where the boat could dock. The weather was humid, slightly rainy and terribly foggy. We took a boat to throw ink on this green island.

It was good, the sky gave off a pleasant smell of damp earth, the weather was mild.

It’s the first time I’ve felt so… wild. I was sniffing the fresh lawn. A real breath of fresh air.

I dare say it: I felt at home.

Once in stopover, I returned during the entire excursion, I felt like a humanoid animal. I walked on tiptoe breathing in around me. It was brand new as a feeling. I was alive, incredibly alive. I felt a long feline tail and loose ears. At least I imagined it with all my heart.

Our travel guide told us about local legends, elves and gnomes. She sang to us in her mother tongue, she made me live these tales. Daydream. I was hanging from her lips.

She explained to us that their land was populated by tiny, medium and giant clever trolls. You didn't have to pick up pebbles because they were rock trolls at dawn… just during the day.

(Listening only to my gut, I picked up a few stones and hid them in my rain boots. To my great despair, they won't turn into trolls after dark.)

This trip was transforming me, I had discovered a new side in me, something ... animal. The feeling of non-humanity had already been there for a long time ... But something was born that day.

I even surprised myself to look at myself in the mirror, my nose raised to examine if fangs were pushing me. Also see if my eyes were changing color. Young and naive otherkin on the alert that I was. I thought there were surely others like me, with invisible ears and tail. Was I, perhaps, too, a troll?

I bought a little troll plush at a market. She looks like a human except for her haircut, elf ears and lion tail. She looks like me in a way. It was different from all my other stuffed animals.

So I started to take an interest in myths, vampires, werewolves, elves ...

This is how my first research started as a otherkin.

FUN TIME

Here are some “anecdotes” on my childhood, long before my real “awakening”. I invite you to add your own! I think it will be fun!

Already, I want to say that as a child, I didn't say to myself clearly "I am X animal" but just "I am non-human and animal". I think that since I couldn't identify myself as a human being, I tried to represent myself in the guise of several animals (for testing). Today, I know I am a European badger, but it was fun to take this step back in time.

~

Classic for therians but I largely favored anthropomorphic creatures (or not) in video games/books/movies. I loved looking at myself as a human with ears on top of my head and a bushy tail. When I was 11, I wrote a fiction about human-animal aliens where I explained that they were my real family. I imagined them every day as imaginary friends but that made my friends make fun a lot. . Today, I still say to myself "Why did I erase everything out of shame ?! "

~

I was in Paris with my grandmother. Instead of enjoying the landscape, I dreamed of being an animal. We went to a bookstore and bought a book that I thought was very nice about bats. During the rest of the trip, I imagined my transformation into a bat. I had a little doll's house and I thought to myself that, once a bat, I would live in it. I will sleep on a little cotton and I will eat in a thimble. This is how my life should go. It seemed so logical to me.

~

I subscribed to Mickey's journal. There was a number, in particular, that I kept preciously in a wardrobe in my bedroom. In this episode, Mickey and Minnie drink a special potion. The potion partially transforms them into the animal of their choice. Wolf fangs, bird wings, badger claws .... I read it over and over again. Endlessly. And I was dreaming ... Unfortunately I lost the magazine. There was also this story where Donald find and save a frightened skunk. He was my favorite Donald.

~

-With friends, we invented a life-size role-playing game. We even built a tent in the park next door. We had snacks indoors, we ate pizza and we played board games. I love it when I read quietly in the cabin and a ray of sunlight passed through to warm me up. We all said we had super power. Mine was to change me into the animal of my choice. I imagined myself transforming into a purple feline, like the pokemon Espeon . Instead of playing combat like the others, I was content to lie down purring.

~ 

I very often dreamed before sleeping. I very often imagined myself incarnating an animal and living its life peacefully. The most recurrent animal was the squirrel I think ...

~ 

 was watching the cartoon "The Magic Bus" and I love it when they went underground and the teacher, Mrs. « Billie-en-tête » (in French) said "So let's get a little dirty", I wanted to change into an animal and dirty me in the earth.

~

I was watching a science fiction series on dinosaurs. I loved it so much. I liked to put myself in the shoes of these famous dinosaurs. Not for power and combat. Just to lie on the grass and imagine taking care of my eggs, quite simply. Thanks to a friend, I was able to find the series to watch it with nostalgia.

~

In Animal Crossing NDS, I was looking at all costs to be an animal (like the locals) and I made patterns and hats with a fox tail and pointed ears.

 ~

Like many children I loved Pokemon. I very much liked to imagine myself in the skin of a Sandshrew  or Pikachu. I imagined my little life as a Pokemon, just the animal side and without the powers. Everyday. I had the Gold version on Game boy color, I called my character "Human" and my first Pokemon, a Cyndaquil , had my own first name. I had made a whole family of Pokemon and I imagined my life with it. Because I was, in my eyes, the Pokemon and not the trainer. (Funny little anecdote: the evolution of hericendre is a badger Pokemon)

~

When I was playing with friends, instead of playing the hero or the princess, I was the pet mascot. For example, my sister was Sakura the card hunter and I was Kerobero, the pet creature.

***