#eurmal

"So let me tell you about a time when Eurmal did something very foolish.  This is from a long time ago, before the trickster found a home in front of Orlanth's hearth.  Without family, without tribe, without home, Eurmal wandered the world and slept where he could, always wearing out his welcome because of his greed, his gluttony and his terrible behavior.

Now Eurmal had been lucky: he had come to a new land and been invited by the king himself for a meal and a place to sleep, the king being clever enough to know that a man like Eurmal could be valuable.  It was a great feast with a great deal of wine, and Eurmal and the king stayed up late into the night toasting one another. 

Eventually the two fell to bragging of their achievements - this being a fine thing to do, of course, taking pride in one's self - and everything was fine until Eurmal said something very stupid.  "You know, oh king, there is one thing of which I am more proud than all others."

"Oh? And what is this?" asked the king, curious at what a man could be more proud of than discovering death, stealing the Sun God's bow or tricking an army of trolls into eating one another,

"I will admit peers in many fields.  Betters, even.  There are better warriors, better scholars, better merchants or hunters than me. But among the seducers of women I am without equal."

The king's eyes narrowed, because he could see the way the god glanced at his wife when he said this.  But then he smiled, for he was a very clever man.  "Is this so?  I should like to see proof of this.  Let there be a wager, because none should brag without being willing to show their strength."

"A wager?"  Eurmal smiled an oily smile.  If he were a wiser man he would have been suspicious, but Eurmal has always had more greed than good sense.  "What are your terms?"

The King thought for a moment.  "I have it.  Every night for the next thirty nights I shall point out a woman to you.  You are to seduce each of them that night, without fail.  If you can do this, I will happily allow you a night in bed with my wife, with my blessings."

"And if I fail?"

"Why, then I shall have you stripped naked, beaten until you are blue and thrown from my palace."  It would not be the first time this had happened to the trickster and so he agreed.

The bet began.  For the next thirty days the king pointed Eurmal to women and for the next thirty days he seduced them to his bedchamber: twenty-seven lepers, a ninety-year-old temple virgin and an angry she-bear.  On the thirtieth day the King took Eurmal - exhausted and bloody - and bade him to seduce the goddess Gorgorma of the Two Mouths, who has teeth in a very bad place.

Eurmal won the wager, though I'm afraid that even I don't know how he did it.  But a curious thing happened: when the smiling King congratulated him on his victory and presented Eurmal with his wife, the trickster turned very pale.  "No," he said, his voice ragged, "I believe that I will turn down my prize.  It is enough for me to know that I have proved my merit."

Naturally the king was outraged by what was obviously an insult against his wife.  For his rude behavior the king had Eurmal stripped naked, beaten until he was blue and thrown from his palace.