#esophagus

Slam/Brutal Death

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i♡histo

just got done with my billionth endoscopy over the course of my life so far. currently in bed relaxing now with a swollen & irritated esophagus. everything went well though, and surprisingly this time i somehow don’t even have a blister on my lip from it😂 the anesthesia they use to sedate me always makes me feel so emotional after. thinking about so much right now even in the hazy state i’m in. the photo next to the pic of me is a photo of kurt cobain post endoscopy. one of my greatest heroes. kurt suffered from a stomach condition, and although he didn’t have the same illness as me, i’ve always related to him so much in that aspect. i’m truly thankful that kurt has brought so much healing to my soul over the years through his art. ✨ it’s hard to be someone who is such a mess all the time, my body constantly fighting against me. today before my procedure, my doctor spoke to me about how if i don’t get some relief soon from the esophageal dilation and new stomach acid medication, i could definitely be looking at traveling to a specialist & having another huge operation done..something i have always wondered if i would ever hear again. and then it hit. and it hit hard when i heard the words. because suddenly i was a scared 10 year old girl again..hearing that she needed a big operation to be able to have any quality of life. i have always feared going through the hell of what i went through again. being on a morphine pump for days, in and out of consciousness and writhing in pain when i wasn’t severely fucked up. that operation changed me, and the fear of hearing i may have to go through it again is very real and unsettling. i am so thankful for the health i do have..i try to count my blessings every single day on this planet. all of us are going through something, this is just a part of my story..✨

Esophagitis dont cause my demise please I beg