#enobaria

-that Peeta lost a fucking lEG to the mutts and has a fake leg for the rest of the series

-they had fucking night vision sunglasses in the arena

-Rue and Katniss were only allies for a day :(

-The mutts slowly eat Cato for the entire night because he was wearing invisible body armor, like that scene was horrific. It's bad in the movie, it's like 2000% worse in this book. The entire night, Peeta is bleeding out while Cato slowly gets chewed. He fights the mutts for an hour before he goes down, I can't even imagine.

-Thresh was chilling in a random field part of the arena we never see for the whole Games

-I finished the book and still don't know Foxface's name.

-Gale is not annoying in book 1, but he's so annoying in book 2. Like the entire first part of the book is Katniss worrying about shit, things getting way worse in District 12, and Gale being a little bitch. I don't know why I can't get past his utter inability to make space for her experience in the games.

-Kinda funny Peeta gets a debilitating leg wound twice in one Hunger Games

-I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT MADGE AND I'M OBSESSED WITH HER??? SHE GAVE THE PIN LIKE WHAT AN ICON.

-That the disabled boy from District Nine lives for so long.

-That Seneca Crane barely exists, all he does is get mentioned twice, fuck up IMMENSELY, and get murdered.

-That Katniss's prep team were just as if not more important in humanizing the capital citizens as Effie. God, that scene in octavia where they dress Katniss in her wedding dress for her interview. Cinna has talked to them because last time they were crying and making Katniss console them about her death. This scene when Octavia cries, Venia sends her out. Flavius makes it mostly through then starts crying and Venia finishes by herself silently, something that the prep team never is. Then she grabs Katniss' hands and tells Katniss it was an honor to make her look her best. I fully cried. They seem silly and foolish when we meet them before, but they see Katniss as a person who deserves better. As soon as they were corrected by Cinna, they immediately change their behavior and treat her as he asked. It's just such a human moment for them and for Katniss, who has always seen them as they see her, uneducated and strange.

-That Suzanne somehow convinced us frosting is the same as camoflage.

-That all the capital food sounds so good.

-I love the moment with Peeta being bad at hunting with Katniss because he's loud in the woods. I think it's just her most empathetic moment. It's like, the biggest contrast between him and Gale, right, he doesn't fit in her world, and she's annoyed with him. Instead of taking it personally he tells her to have him collect herbs and berries instead and even makes a joke about it. I think she even thinks like some guys would've taken it personally but not Peeta. It makes me think about how Gale would've taken it so personally. And then right after she thinks about how he went along with her and was making concessions for her and agrees to go back to the cave instead of sleeping in a tree like she wants. It's just so empathetic of her and she's like, a character who thinks she's so unempathetic. But her thoughts always are.

-How literally obvious it was all the victors were working to save Katniss and Peeta and Katniss was still like what's the ulterior motive here huh? Do we all just think Peeta is the best, because that makes sense. Just funny, like it's almost exactly the same as the first book where as the reader it's hard to see Peeta as anything but truly head over heels for Katniss, whereas she just thinks he might be trying to kill her.

-Mags is barely there and yet I remember her so well. Same with Wiress honestly.

-Didn't remember Finnick and Johanna being as good of friends as they were. When they called for each other on the beach, or checked in with each other- I am desperate to know their friendship backstory.

-Also desperate to know how Haymitch and Johanna's convo went when he told her she had to fetch Wiress and Beetee in order for Katniss to trust her, what a guy. What a conversation to be a fly on the wall for.

-Cashmere and Gloss, what is up guys, worst careers of all time there, that cornucopia attack was so bad. We're sneak attacking WIRESS??? Please.

-Even after Haymitch explains what happened during Beetee's plan, I still have no idea. Wire is cut. I assume the plan won't work. But Beetee actually only wanted to fry the forcefield. Why separate them all like that? So confused. ALSO WHERE DID PEETA GO AND HOW DID HE END UP THERE? Somewhere off fighting Brutus but not with Finnick, I am still baffled by this scene. Katniss sees Finnick and Enobaria come out of the jungle together at one point and I am endlessly fascinated by that, and by Enobaria as a character. Enobaria girl, what is up with you? Not in on the revolution but so ready for the capital kids to compete in games, please tell me more.

-They rewatch old games at one point: has no one noticed you can't watch game 10? I wonder about this all the time.

-Totally forgot about Chaff and Seeder and I miss them so much??? Seeder deserves the world okay. AND STOP KILLING HAYMITCH’s BEST FRIENDS. I wonder what changed, when Haymitch originally suggests Chaff and Seeder to Katniss as allies. But later he forces Finnick and Johanna on her, not them. Why? I assume they were in on the revolution?

- I forgot about the female morphing who dies for Peeta. Her death was so beautiful, and the way he sent her off really is what Katniss sees in him that she can’t see in herself: that deep down goodness. She sent Rue off that way first.

-Also still has me giggling kicking my feet that the entire rebellion plan hinged on keeping Peeta alive because Haymitch said Katniss wouldn’t work with anyone if he died. All these adults trying to stage a revolution and Haymitch slams his hands on the war table to be like "You gotta save her boyfriend or the revolution is over."

-ALSO giggling kicking my feet over Katniss suspiciously trying to figure out why everyone is keeping Peeta alive and she’s pretty sure it’s because they all see how good he is, like no girl you’re down bad.

-Then Haymitch is tragically proven right by Katniss’ attitude when she gets to 13. She said she needs him, then is instantly proven right lol it's not funny.

-(this is dark but how hard do we think Gale tried to get ANY merchants out of 12, because I think it wasn’t hard AT ALL).

-Barely any of Catching Fire takes place in the arena at all. I kept updating my mom, showing her where I was in the book and telling her I still wasn't at the arena yet.

-Gale drove me inSANE in Mockingjay. He was being normal, helpful even and then he would make some absurd comment to Katniss about her feelings for him. Dude. You are talking to the walking embodiment of PTSD, she's tOO BUSY FOR YOU. This clearly is not the time. And it would be so condescending, like "I wouldn't stand a chance if this happened" like telling her about her feelings and how she'd react oh it made me mad.

-Also, again, obsessed with Katniss's prep team. Oh my god I love what they represent. Gale arguing with Katniss over how she can defend them?? Infuriating. Like, you weren't there dude what do you know? He was just so condescending. Also Ocatvia being so young really hurt me. Posy telling her she'd be beautiful any color she was and Gale acting like they were normal to help Katniss, ugh, top five Gale moments, more of the prep team.

-Squad 451, especially Pollux and Castor, I love you and miss you. Icons I forgot about all of them literally. Castor's story of how it took five years for their family to buy Pollux's way out of the sewers??? How many more people are like that in the capitol? What did Pollux do to become an avox? I want to know more.

-I especially forgot and missed Messalla. There were so many more capitol rebels who were working on the front lines than I think I remember, and they highlighted that silly comment Messalla made about the apartment value right before all the skin was melted off of him like a human candle. Horrifying. I really like that they made it clear everyone suffers under a regime like that, even if it's different, and solidarity is important.

-Something about the way Haymitch and Katniss talk to each other just gets me. Them both accusing each other for being the reason they lost Peeta and then forgiving each other? Also the way he like, in the background staunchly defends and works to help Peeta recover while Katniss is like wandering around or in district 2? Obsessed. They are like the same person so they are simultaneously able to hold each other to a higher standard than they hold themselves, but also able to forgive each other more than they can forgive themselves. You get what I'm saying???

-Johanna and Katniss roommates training montage when? Forgot all about it, I don't even remember liking Johanna that much the first time. But the way she so matter of factly cuts to the root of the problem every time; telling Katniss about her and Peeta's time being tortured when Katniss asks, answering Peeta's questions about why Gale wouldn't have believed he'd be like that if he hadn't seen it himself: that he's the evil mutt version, not Katniss. I was like oh, the value of that honestly for Katniss who cannot read into anything to save her life, and for Peeta who can't tell what's real, is monumental.

-Also Gale made that comment about feeling the same type of anger that Peeta was when Katniss was in the first Hunger Games; wild. Like, that comment took me so aback I had to read it multiple times. Like, he couldn't really be telling her he was feeling homicidal rage at watching her kiss another boy in the TELEVISED MURDER GAMES. When I catch that man. He's a great character and he's realistic and honest, but god he just says all the wrong things all the time.

-Darius the Peacekeeper. Talk about a guy that haunts the narrative, I feel like this guy was in the back more than Katniss' dad. Peeta's description of his death will stick with me forever now, I had forgotten it!! Thanks!!!

Katniss is forced to be a lovestruck teenaged girl, eager to marry and have kids. But we know Katniss was fiercely independent and down-to-earth and was blatantly against having children because she couldn’t subject them to her cruel world.

Haymitch is a raging alcoholic, who used to be quite the rascal but is now a shell of a man and accepts that death is inevitable. But we know Haymitch was full of love and full of life, he didn’t like drinking and he didn’t just dream of a hopeful future, he fought for it.

Wiress is twitchy and neurotic and often can’t finish her own sentences. But we know she was very well-composed and an intellectual genius, who managed to go an entire games without killing because she outwitted the arena.

Finnick is a deviously charming playboy, infamous sweetheart of the Capitol that only cares for himself. But we know he’s warm and friendly and down to earth, he’s funny and can be trusted with anything.

Peeta managed to get through the games without sabotaging his personality in the process. But then he gets kidnapped and tortured. And then Peeta is angry and overemotional, he’s hateful and scared and doesn’t know what’s real anymore. But we know Peeta is kind and genuine, he’s gentle and he never wanted to be just another piece in their games.

The Johanna we know is angry and loud. She threatens the Capitol with no fear of retaliation and hasn’t loved anyone openly since her games. But we also know she still misses home and depends on drugs to escape reality— she doesn’t search for it like many characters. We hear that she pretended to be weak to win her games via surprise talent. What if she wasn’t pretending, and she really was a scared, emotional kid? What if she faltered once on camera and had to stick to the persona? Maybe she was just another kid the rebellion used. Maybe she was trusting and loving and quiet, and she lost all of that to the Capitol.

Annie is twitchy and anxious and overemotional, to the point that she can’t be trusted with secrets. They all said she lost her mind when her district partner was beheaded. She plays “real or not real” before Peeta does. I wonder if she used to be self-assured and brave and maybe reckless. Maybe the Capitol was taking away her signature ability to see how the world really worked and be someone people relied on.

I’ve seen people speculate that Enobaria filed her teeth into fangs to make herself less appealing, not just because it’s a mark of her signature kill. She voted yes for the games including Capitol children and we never get a read on her character except for her spite. Before the games, was she perhaps an approachable person, someone with empathy and a face that was easily read by others? A teeth-to-throat kill is a terrified, losing animal kill. Maybe she had to throw away all her humanity to survive her games and could never find herself again.

And what about the Victors with Morphling addictions? They were nameless and their identities were stolen entirely by their addictions. But in the girl’s final moments before death, she paints on Peeta’s arm. I wonder if she was an artist, full of wonder and deeply aware of the system she was trapped in. Maybe she loved life and went into her games unwilling to let people make her into a faceless dead tribute but she lost herself by winning.

because dude.... we'll never know what these guys were put through

they had whole LIVES in this system--and most of them died without seeing freedom

what these guys survived just makes me sad

like these are people who did absolutely everything in their power to survive something as traumatic as the games. most of them probably sleep with weapons in their hands. the thought on the forefront of most of their minds is survival. everything else—anyone else—can wait.

they sacrificed everything to crawl out of a killing game. their mental stability. their innocence. their childhood.

and after all of that, they realized that the games never really end. that they would sacrifice ever having a good night sleep without being plagued by nightmares. they would sacrifice their brains to help the capitol. they would sacrifice their bodies, something that should have always been their own, now snatched away from them. all for surviving a killing match that twenty-three children didn’t.

no victor is immune to this either. do you think cashmere doesn’t regret being so excited to go into the games after her brother after staying the night in a strange man’s bed that she doesn’t know? do you think gloss doesn’t regret not warning his sister about the horrors that await her after she wins? do you think brutus doesn’t sometimes wake up in a cold sweat after having yet another nightmare about being on the receiving end of his weapon, just as all of his victims were before everything faded to black? do you think enobaria doesn’t run her tongue over her sharpened teeth and wonder if it was worth it?

do you think beetee doesn’t flinch every time he sees lightning? do you think wiress doesn’t think of how if she hadn’t learned acrobatics that the 48th hunger games would have gone very differently? do you think finnick doesn’t see nets in the same way ever again, after he saw the girl from nine begging for her life tangled in a net he set up before he stabbed her with a trident? do you think annie doesn’t think about if she hadn’t spent all of that time on the beach growing up, playing in the water, that she wouldn’t have survived the dam breaking in her arena? do you think mags doesn’t think about how she left her district partner to die in the first ever traditional career pack? how if maybe, if she had been there to take the blow for him, there would be a different victor of the 11th hunger games?

do you think that blight doesn’t wonder what would have happened if the boy from two had looked up a little bit sooner, looked a little bit closer at the treetops above him, before the knife previously in blight’s hand found it’s way to the boy’s back? do you think that every time johanna picks up an axe, she doesn’t think about what it felt like to stab someone with it, what blood felt like when it splattered you? do you think she doesn’t wake up in a sweat, thinking the moisture on her skin is blood, that she’s back in the third quarter quell? do you think she doesn’t ever walk into her house in the victor’s village and think she sees a glimpse, a shadow, of her lost loved ones?

do you think that woof doesn’t use real knives anymore because every time he sees one, he remembers how it felt to stab blindly at the boy from seven? that even when he was seventy-five and the male tribute from eight for the third quarter quell, he couldn’t even look at the utensil and had to get cecelia to take it away from him? do you think cecelia can’t look at seashells anymore, that she could barely stand district four on her victory tour, because the girl from four was her last kill? that her necklace, a pretty one her sister made for her with a seashell strung through the string, was what cecelia used to choke the life out of her?

do you think that chaff doesn’t ever feel the phantom feeling of his hand? doesn’t ever touch the stump where it used to be and feel the phantom pain of it being sawed off like it was yesterday, even thirty years later? do you think that seeder doesn’t ever feel the hot sun of her arena on her body, doesn’t ever think she’s back, waiting for her death to come?

do you think that haymitch doesn’t start shaking every time a blowgun is provided at the cornucopia? do you think that he didn’t see the gold pin on katniss’ arena wear and have to sit down, remembering a very different girl with blonde hair and a quick witted humor with the same pin? do you think that peeta doesn’t hear foxface’s voice during her interview, over and over and over, until it’s so distorted he can’t even remember what she had actually said? that he doesn’t ever think of the girl from eight, a girl he might not have even known the name of?

do you think that, years down the line, katniss doesn’t realize the fate that waited for glimmer if she had won? do you think that she doesn’t wonder what would have happened if cato was a little quicker to get to the cornucopia to save clove? do you think she doesn’t wonder what the girl from four was like, what her name was, what her parents were like, what she was like? do you think that she doesn’t think about what would have happened if marvel was just a little bit quicker with his spear than her with her arrows, what would have happened if she was just a little bit slower to get to rue?

It’s not a novel claim that her teeth being filed to fangs was done against her will, something to punish her for ripping out another tributes throat. You do not use your teeth unless you are desperate. She was backed in a corner, scared in an animalistic way us humans forget we can feel, and she fought the only way she could. And because that act was too close to cannibalism, she was forever physically altered for it. Permanently!

Imagine waking up everyday and not being able to forget the moment of your most desperate, inhuman fear. Imagine how it affects everything. Talking, eating, just having her tongue exist in her mouth! The Capitol never let her forget.

I do not think her vote for another Hunger Games with Capitol Children came from blood thirstiness. I think she was from District 2, the Capitol’s lap dogs, and realized long ago that they never were that. That her District was nothing more than a dog fighting ring.

But that was her whole life. D2 makes peacekeepers, that’s one of their exports, she was probably trained from very young to be a soldier. Imagine military school, that’s discipline, now scale it up. They’re primed to be cruel, they’re primed to be violent. That’s “how you bring order” in Panem, is it not?

Like a dog, she was obedient. She knew she was a dog, she probably thought that was all she was good for. She didn’t know why she bites, she didn’t realize the aggression and anger she felt was for that hand that feeds her. How could it be? How could she hate the hand that told her whole life sweet sounding lies?

The two people who knew the true cost of what it took to love the most desirable victors of Panem.

Annie and Enobaria didn’t talk much, but always had a shared understanding that the person they loved wasn’t truly and wholly theirs.

Snow made Finnick and Cashmere products of the Capitol, and they saw all of it. The dark, ugly side.

I think the same thing ran through both of their minds upon his demise.