#enneagram9

Me, three weeks ago: “Hmmm. This salon package sounds good. Hair trim, bang trim and feathering.” (Is what I think it means… I did not read it clearly).

*Books: Bang Trim - Fringe Refresh*

~ Weeks Pass ~

*At appointment*

Me, interally: “I hope they can take an inch off. That would be really nice to have my hair above my shoulders again. Hopefully it’s included otherwise I guess that would be considered a hair cut.. but a nice trim, and some feathering, and to get these bangs out of my eyeballs”…

Stylist: “Ready for your bang trim?! 😃”

Me: 😳

Me, internally: “Did she say bang trim…? As in it’s only a bang trim? Ah shit.”

Me: “Yes?…”

Stylist: “Good! Let’s begin.”

Me, internally: “Why didn’t I ask for more info or for her to elaborate? Could have I asked for more trim on the hair length/bottom too?”

~ 10 Minutes Later ~

Stylist: “All done! That will be $20.00”

I don’t use such language in my vocabulary anymore unless it’s directed to my 1w9 spouse.

I guess it’s only human but it irks me how much my other peeps get so jealous and butt-hurt over one another and who I spend time with. I used to call them all my besties, individually, because I loved them all equally but they took it to a personal level. Now no one but Kai is my bestie.

I am perplexed by the love that’s been poured out to me lately. It’s been dreamy.

In 2023 not a single soul other than my husband and family said “Happy Birthday” to me… nor did they even gave it a thought. No friends… That was one of the worst birthdays I ever had (and I let them all know it too). I hoped it would never happen again…

For some time this year I dropped any/all expectations for many things. I can’t believe it’s already my birthday again.

I usually treat it as if it’s just another day but deep down I want to feel seen and special.

Over the weekend at the casino, I wore a very flashy spaghetti strap top that was really showing off my breasts. I hardly ever show cleavage. This time I wanted to be fun and daring and wild.

The whole outfit backfired on my confidence when it only caught the attention of lonely/creepy old men and not much else. I mean there were some young men too but I didn’t want to cross paths with hungry wolves, if you know what I mean 🐺

I could just feel their eyes on me and it made me uncomfortable. It became attention I didn’t want anymore.

I have the best husband in the whole entire world.

And I need to keep in mind of him and his needs too.

I want to honor those needs. And make his life better.

I’ll just start with the highlight of last weekend first. He cooked me a delicious dinner (teriyaki chicken with asparagus and squash over rice). We did drinks/shots of Soju in the traditional way, respecting one another. ❤️ He put on our wedding playlist and we danced before he claimed how perfect it is that each song was lining up with how well our night was going. I cried a lot. Like an ugly lot. I’m so happy and all I’ve ever wanted in my life was love and for someone to actually love me back. I think I am loved by my friends and family but nobody goes out of their way and respects me the way that Kai does. Kai makes me feel like I matter. And that’s all a 9 ever wants is to matter.

Kai, as you may know my sweet Enneagram journal, has been in and out, off and on traveling for the past 6 weeks, each time to a different U.S. state. That’s kinda exhausting. Every time he came home I’d instantly do his laundry so that we can have time spent together for the off and on weekends and come the following Thursday or Friday, he’ll be off again!

So he asks me a little last minute, “Hey, what would you say about taking a friend and having a girl’s trip instead to [town].•

He admitted he was a bit tired from traveling so much.

You can call me selfish, but I reminded him of an event we said we’d do together in said-town.

He told me I could be honest with him and say what I truly want. Him, or to go with a friend?

I chose him. Because I want to have a beautifully pleasant re-do of our last visit to [town] back in February. It was not a good time and I came home miserable and started back up at work miserable. This time it was going to be different and better.

(I don’t think he knows that though).

There was a Rib Cook-Off barbecue competition happening in [town], and it’s something I haven’t done since 1998. It’s one of the last… somewhat… fondest memories I have of my Mother from my childhood from when she took me. And I wanted to let Kai have fun and experience some of my local town’s good eats.

That was the plan. Get in town, do some light errands and have adult fun the first night. The next day is the rib cook off. And then Sunday I’d see my Mom. (I’m feeling weird about this last visit but I can touch up on that later…) And see family and friends.

Saturday’s rib cook off was such a success. Mouth watering good eats! Kai went for 3 sets of different vendor ribs and got bonus pieces of meat. I’m not the biggest meat eater but I do love beef ribs. I only ate 3 and called it good for me there. We also ate fried pickles, drinks, corn bread, coleslaw, beans, macaroni and cheese, and some other food. Music was bumping. The crowds were coming in. Beer and watermelon margaritas were being served. It was a great time!

We came back to our hotel room hours later just purely exhausted from all the fun (and sun exposure). After resting a bit, we changed clothes and went to the casino.

I think the rib cook off was the highlight of my weekend and I am more than thankful and appreciative of Kai for joining me on this trip to [town].

And as a bonus because he’s a classy classy man (1w9): He ordered us room service. An ice cream sundae 🍨 with a bottle of moscato champagne to share 🥂

My mother - Has lost her mind and resides as a ward of the state in a rehabilitation center 100s of miles away from me. I believe she assumed someone would love and care for her since she broke her ankle in 2021, but that didn’t occur and she was never the same since. She drank herself into self-induced dementia.

My father - Other than being brain washed by Fox News, he has many health complications. He lived with me for a little bit until my peace was infringed and he had no where else to go but 1,700 miles East to live with his long-time pal. Both old men. My father struggles with his body and struggles to live with another person because he’s always enjoyed his solitude and now he can’t afford that.

Breaks my heart, it honestly does.