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TF2 MERCS AND WHAT FLOWERS I THINK THEY WOULD GET YOU
Note: every picture here is from pinterest
Enjoy🩷
🩷💛🩵🩷💛🩵🩷 💛🩵🩷💛🩵🩷💛🩵🩷
Scout: Lego flowers
When he asked spy for some advice on what flowers to get you, the response was to get you something unique that would impress you.
So the most logical thing for Scout was to get you a Lego flower set since the flowers won't wither and you will have a nice decoration that will remind you of him.
Soldier: wild flowers
He saw some dried flowers on the side of the road that reminded him of you.
Gathered a handfull of those and came running to show them to you. Ain't that sweet?
Pyro: crocheted flowers
He spend 3 months learning how to crochet and make them.
Took multiple tries before they turned out perfect and you can tell he poured all his love in them.
Demoman: Generic bouquet
He is sweet and lovable, but in reality, I don't think he knows anything about romance.
Therefore, he will get you the first most basic premade flower bouquet that his eye landed on. Sorry...
Heavy: Something classy
He can be described as stupid by some and terrifying by others, but at heart he is a distinguished gentleman.
He will get you something simple, but delicate.
Engineer: Tea flowers
He is a man that priorities functionality over looks so he will get you a bouquet of different flowers like lavander, roses or chamomile that you can dry and use for tea.
Medic: Also clasic, but bigger
Just like Heavy, he is a gentleman and will get you something classy.
But since he is a very flamboyant guy, Medic will have to show off by getting you the biggest bouquet he could find.
Spy: Something fancy
This motherfucker is an expert in romance and expensive things and so he will go all in by getting you the biggest and most breathtaking flower bouquet you've only seen on Pinterest boards.
Sniper: Handpicked
Another sweety that will bring you a bouquet of handpicked flowers. But Sniper will also add some wild berries he found around because they looked tasty.
Could you do the tf2 mercs with kinda a smartass reader? Like that they say something that you'd have to look at with a confused expression but when they look back at reader they have this cheeky smile and squinty eyes. Or reader correcting someone like engineer on their craft and reader being right. Theyre obnoxious at it too, they know it and they take advantage of that.
Is that possible?
Tf2 x smartass!reader
Masterlist
Scout is so much fun to write kill me now HE ISSNT EVEN MY FAVOURITE??? LIKE HES MOT EVEN TOP FIVE??? (Still love him though)
• larp final boss
• he just rolls his eyes when you correct him like “huh! Yeah! I knew that! Shut up!”
• gets all in a huff
• THOUGH , he does also stand his ground sometimes and is purposely stupid to see if he can piss you off
• you have been sent from god to personally torment him
• he firmly believes that
• or you made a deal with the devil for only the knowledge you can correct him on
• he straight up gets to a point where he refuses to explain things around you for fear of you correcting him
• LEAVE HIM ALONE HES ABOUT TO JUMP YOU
• has a mix of engineer and scouts reaction
• he gets irritated and embarrassed but he plays it off.
• whenever you correct him on something it’s one of the few times you begin to see him loose his composure because it wasn’t a simple slip of memory
• he GENUINELY didn’t know and that makes him want to shoot himself honestly.
• he takes it a lot better than engineer-
• honestly loves it!!
• if he’s ever unsure of something he does genuinely go to you since it’s easier than flicking through books
• though if you correct him while he’s mid surgery he will just shrug and tell you “I’ll make it work!”
Could you do tf2 mercs a kid reader who kinda shows up at the base some times? Like demo/engi and theyre teaching the kid how to make a bomb/sentry or scout playing baseball with em
🌤️ — platonic tf2 mercs will be forever in my heart ♡ enjoy!
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« Detected: family (caution, may be dangerous!) » 𖦹 ׂ 𓈒
— FANDOM: TEAM FORTRESS 2.
— CHARACTERS: THE RED TEAM MERCS x CHILD!READER.
— PLATONIC.
— HCS/CONCEPT.
— TW: BAD ENGLISH, BAD GRAMMAR, OOC, IT'S IMPLIED THAT READER IS ONLY FAMILIAR WITH THE RED TEAM, BLOOD, VIOLENCE, DEATH(I MEAN IT'S TF2), THEY'RE ALL WEIRD BUT AT LEAST NICE.
°.✩┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈✩.°
— SCOUT:
☆ ┈ So, speaking of how a child ended up on base and was walking around peacefully...
☆ ┈ Imagine that you either lost your parents or got lost at all, and while wandering around, you accidentally stumbled upon the base, where Miss Pauling soon found you.
☆ ┈ The Administrator said that she didn't care what happened to you as long as you didn't interfere with the battles, and Miss Pauling couldn't bring herself to kill you, so..
☆ ┈ Yeah, now she's looking after you, and you sometimes hang out at the base.
☆ ┈ It would seem that Scout is the youngest of the mercenaries, which means he's the best at dealing with children, so what could go wrong?
☆ ┈ Everything. Everything went wrong. Let's not forget that Scout is incredibly overconfident, reckless, arrogant, and often gets into trouble.
☆ ┈ In other words, you won't have any trouble getting along with him, but you're not exactly safe with him.
☆ ┈ His first reaction to you was probably anxiety, as he might have been afraid that you were Miss Pauling's child or something like that, and that he didn't stand a chance now lol.
☆ ┈ Upon learning that you were just a random child whose parents weren't responding, Scout initially felt relieved before realizing that there was a child on the base.
☆ ┈ Jeremy isn't sure how to handle children, and after some thought, he decided that the best course of action was to teach you to be as cool as he is!
☆ ┈ Scout is definitely not the best mercenary to look after the kids, but he's better than the others. He's probably in the top five. He's the perfect middle ground.
☆ ┈ He's probably the first one to find out about your presence, which is why you spend the most time with him.
☆ ┈ Scout gives you a brief introduction to all the mercenaries (probably half-made up by him), and he's bragging about himself to make himself look good in your eyes.
☆ ┈ He doesn't know how to treat a child, so his behavior is similar to how his mother treats him, but in a more cheeky way.
☆ ┈ He will give you one of his caps, bragging that you are now his honorary follower. I think he's going to forget your name and call you "Mini Scout".
☆ ┈ He's probably going to fight with someone if the mercenaries decide that you should leave, because he doesn't want to lose his mini companion.
☆ ┈ Come on, you're almost as cool as he is! Let him enjoy the company that truly appreciates his skills >:/
☆ ┈ In any case, the mercenaries don't bother you (because Miss Pauling is watching over you, and she won't be happy if you get into trouble), soo Scout takes advantage of this to spend time with you when you're at the base.
☆ ┈ He plays baseball with you, that's for sure. At first, you don't do very well because he's terrible at explaining how to play, but later, by copying his moves, you start playing well.
☆ ┈ He jokes that you're his best opponent (because the other mercenaries aren't particularly eager to play with him), making you feel proud.
☆ ┈ Usually, when you spend time with Scout, it's outside. You either play and fooling around or just sit and relax after the games, while he talks loudly to you.
☆ ┈ He always brings cans of Bonk! for you two and some sweets that he stole from the Teufort store.
☆ ┈ He probably accidentally hit you with a ball a couple of times while you were playing baseball, and got kicked in the back a couple of times for being careless.
☆ ┈ If you're injured, he'll probably be panicked and try to help you first, and then he'll take you to someone who can properly treat you (but not Medic, he doesn't trust him when it comes to you)
☆ ┈ Jeremy will probably try to instill hatred in you towards The BLU Team. Even if you've never met them, he'll keep complaining about how they're all jerks. Especially when their team is losing.
☆ ┈ Knowing him, he'll always boast to you that the entire team will win because of him, because he's the best mercenary.
☆ ┈ Usually, when there's a possibility of a battle breaking out while you're at the base, Miss Pauling keeps you close to her, but sometimes you sneak away and accidentally end up on the battlefield.
☆ ┈ If Scout sees you on the battlefield, surrounded by blood and probably with someone's dead body nearby, his soul will leave his body, then return, and he'll run to take you somewhere safe.
☆ ┈ He wants to show off to you, yea, but Scout is terrified that a single stray bullet could take your life, and he's attached to you and doesn't want that to happen.
☆ ┈ He'll yell at any member of The BLU Team, threatening them not to even look at you. In fact, he might even draw the attention of The BLU Team to the fact that there's a child hanging around The RED Team's base.
☆ ┈ Almost the entire team doesn't trust him with you, except maybe Pyro, and even Pyro is against it because they want you to spend time with them instead of Scout.
☆ ┈ For him, the fact that you're spending time with other mercenaries is even worse than when you're not at the base.
☆ ┈ Scout often runs away with you when one of the other mercenaries is looking out for you, because with him you have more opportunities to have fun. And he's damn proud of it and brags about it to everyone.
☆ ┈ Well, you know, Jeremy's not bad at babysitting, considering what happened to him in the comics. He just needs to learn to understand that you're still a child and there are certain things you shouldn't do.
— "Not a bad game, kiddo. Maybe you'll even be able to beat me soon? Haha!"
With a grin, Scout playfully nudges you with his elbow, not too hard, but enough to make your body wobble slightly. Before you could complain that you lost today's game, he handed you a sandwich, probably to appease you. You picked up it, accepting his bribe, hungry after a long game.
— "..Did you get it from Heavy? Wouldn't he be angry?"
— "Ha! Who cares?" — Scout let out an impudent laugh, shrugging his shoulders, clearly not caring about the consequences. He reached out to take off his cap and pull it over your eyes, chuckling at your complaints, before he heard loud screams from the base.
Will he ever have the opportunity to spend time with you without the interference of others?!
— SOLDIER:
☆ ┈ Oh my god
☆ ┈ The fact that you're a child doesn't save you from being tried to be raised as a soldier.
☆ ┈ Just seeing you walking around the base, Soldier is sure that it's too early for you to walk around here, you're not a mercenary after all..
☆ ┈ And he couldn't think of anything better than to make you a mercenary.
☆ ┈ Probably ranks seventh among the others. Quite bad, but there are worse ones.
☆ ┈ He doesn't care about where you're from, who you belong to, or whether you should be here. To him, these questions seem like nothing more than a doubt in his attempts to prepare you to become a fighter.
☆ ┈ He probably often barges in when you're spending time with Scout, literally just picking you up and taking you with him to force you to train.
☆ ┈ Scout, by the way, isn't the only one Soldier steals you from. Soldier can approach you at any time, no matter who you're with, and just drag you away. The only one it doesn't work with is Demo because of their friendship.
☆ ┈ Soldier has no idea how to handle a child because he only knows how to handle soldiers (he doesn't even know that, but he's sure he's doing it), so you're treated like a recruit in the army.
☆ ┈ He constantly carries you in his arms because he thinks you're weak, and "he's here to help you."
☆ ┈ I wouldn't be surprised if he initially annoyed you a lot, but over time he will get used to you and become more of a funny one rather than annoying.
☆ ┈ Jane, probably like Scout, will forget your name 5 seconds after he hears it, although he doesn't really care, he didn't intend to remember it.
☆ ┈ At the beginning he just called you "soldier" or "rookie", but after getting used to you, he started calling you surprisingly pretty normal nicknames. You know, like in the game he calls Medic "cupcake", something like that.
☆ ┈ Soldier consistently loads you with training. Probably give you something impossible for your physical condition, like run 2 kilometers around the base or do 1000 push-ups on your fingers.
☆ ┈ At least after you get tired without even doing a quarter (it's understandable), he will dismiss it, thinking that as a new recruit it is forgivable and give you a 5-minute break, giving you the opportunity to escape.
☆ ┈ He is perplexed every time how you manage to get away. He could yell at you for it, but he respects the fact that you were able to escape from such an experienced fighter as he, so he will let it slide. But only once!
(nope, not once)
☆ ┈ Probably give you one of his helmets, because he collects them as war trophies. Almost your whole head fits in it, but looking at him it becomes clear why he doesn't care.
☆ ┈ When he meets you, he doesn't say hello, but asks you how to behave in a certain situation on the battlefield, and even if you say it correctly, he will be displeased, because there's literally no right answer for him.
☆ ┈ Expect Soldier to tell you "the story of the great America" at least 4 times a day. If you are at least a little familiar with the real history, probably you will feel sick from his words. Press F.
☆ ┈ He thinks that all the other mercenaries suck at "educating you," which is why he constantly takes you with him.
☆ ┈ It's not uncommon for Jane to be the first to argue with others about what your presence at the base should be.
☆ ┈ Yes, he can be annoying and noisy, constantly talking nonsense and forcing you to train as if you were really a mercenary...
☆ ┈ But he allowed you to try using his rocket launcher! To the horror of the adequate mercenaries in this place.
☆ ┈ Not that he cared. Soldier as a whole is not particularly worried that something might go wrong with you.
☆ ┈ ..Now go and see how to wring the neck of the enemy!
☆ ┈ Soldier is so used to the fact that mercenaries just respawn that he didn't even think about the fact that you might die on the battlefield, so sometimes he can bring you with him.
☆ ┈ He probably killed someone from The BLU Team in front of your eyes, thinking that if he showed you how to get rid of enemies, you would add the enthusiasm of a soldier. I hope you have strong nerves.
— "RECRUIT! Where are you?! Shirking your trainings won't make you a real soldier!"
You didn't even have time to say anything, as you saw a red spot from the base moving quickly in your direction, and soon you were casually picked up in your arms and the smug face (or rather only half) of Soldier appeared before your eyes.
— "HA! No one can hide from training! Now-"
— "Whoa whoa whoa, man, wait a minute, you can't just grab them and take them with you! They're hanging out with me, so go do whatever crap you usually do or somethin' and leave us!"
Scout exclaimed indignantly, trying to pull you out of Soldier's hands, which caused him to let you go and you fell to the ground unpleasantly. Well, it could have been worse..
— "..I don't remember asking for a boy's opinion, maggot!"
Deciding that while these two are fighting, you should go somewhere else to take a break from the hustle and bustle, you stealthily move away to the entrance of the base and walk briskly down the corridors.
— PYRO:
☆ ┈ I don't even know if I should feel sorry for you or not.
☆ ┈ Pyro themselves behaves like a child, and their bloody actions only make the situation worse, so you rarely find yourself next to them.
☆ ┈ Of course they won't hurt you! They may accidentally squeeze you too hard, but they will never do anything serious, so there is no reason for you to worry about injuries.
☆ ┈ But, eh, although they mean no harm, their appearance can be quite frightening.
☆ ┈ In eighth place after Soldier. They really treat you well, but they don't intentionally make you uncomfortable
☆ ┈ Surely your first meeting with Pyro was really creepy. You were just sitting quietly in a quiet corner of the base, hiding from Soldier, hoping that he would soon forget about you, when you hear loud footsteps and heavy breathing nearby.
☆ ┈ Sounds like a scene from a typical horror movie, right?
☆ ┈ In any case, Pyro is thrilled to see you! They already see their enemies as something cute and funny, rather than mercenaries who want to kill them, so they probably see you as a little princess/prince.
☆ ┈ They often drags you by the hand with them, humming something you don't understand. They wanted to carry you in their arms, but you don't seem to like it very much :(( They wonder why..
☆ ┈ Perhaps if they had known that these were not drops of water on their suit, but a blood of mercenaries from the enemy team, they would have understood?
☆ ┈ They probably the reason why you've seen most of The BLU Team's corpses. They often brings their remains, and if you manage to get on the battlefield and you notice Pyro, it generally resembles a bloodbath.
☆ ┈ The smell of fried meat is in the air as another BLU mercenary falls dead from having their head smashed in with an axe, and Pyro waves at you affably, indicating with their hand that you should wait for them at the base until they finish.
☆ ┈ To be honest, you doubted Pyro's sanity before, and after that incident you realized that it didn't exist as such.
☆ ┈ They regularly arrange tea parties with you. This is probably the most peaceful time around them, when you drink an actual tea, sitting in a strange, but charming setting.
☆ ┈ You, Pyro, and a few stuffed animals are sitting at a round table that has been ineptly painted pink, with cups of real tea (surprising, right?) and a few snacks from the kitchen on the table. Sometimes Engie is sitting with you if he's not too busy, but that's rare.
☆ ┈ In these moments, Pyro puts a crown on your head, and although you have no idea what's going on in their mind, they're clearly trying to make the moment special for you.
☆ ┈ Each of the mercenaries shows their affection in different ways. For Pyro, it's through gifts! Of all the mercenaries, they're the ones who bring you all sorts of items in attempt to make you happy.
☆ ┈ However, these items are usually useless or weird, such as burnt flowers wrapped in wire or charred skulls that they've likely brought from battle.
☆ ┈ Yea, Pyro has a strong affinity for anything related to fire, which is why most of the gifts have somehow survived the fire (sometimes on purpose, sometimes not).
☆ ┈ Occasionally, you'll receive a normal gift, like a stuffed animal. It's usually a unicorn or another cute-looking animal.
☆ ┈ They always get upset when they see you sad or angry, so if they see you in a bad mood, they'll wrap their arms around you, squeezing you too tightly, leaving you hanging limply in their arms.
☆ ┈ Whether you're a teenager or a young child, they see you as something in between, appearing as something little and charming. It would even be cute if it weren't for the fact that they don't understand reality.
☆ ┈ Pyro doesn't understand why you sometimes suddenly leave the base, and they miss you dearly. If they had their way, you'd stay at the base forever...
☆ ┈ ..But apparently, if you're leaving, it's for a good reason. In any case, they'll be waiting for you, and when you return, they'll give you a drawing of the two of you!
Wandering through the corridors of The RED Team base, you hear a soft but distinct hum nearby. Everyone is probably busy with their own tasks right now.
Eh, doesn't matter. You only need a sandwich to start your day off right.
As you pass by the mercenaries' rooms, you notice a quiet sound coming from Pyro's room, and you see that the door is slightly ajar.
Intrigued, you approached the door with quiet steps and looked inside. You were greeted by a familiar sight, where Pyro was sitting at a table, pretending to have a tea party, with drawing of you, pinned to the chair, plush toys...
Deciding that you'll come back another time, you quickly leave before they look up to see if there's anyone at the door.
— ENGINEER:
☆ ┈ Oh, we've reached the mercenaries who can handle children properly.
☆ ┈ Engineer was one of the few who really cared about what the child was doing at the base. This is a place of battles, not a playground, you know, children definitely don't belong here.
☆ ┈ He suggested that you should be taken to the city, but Scout objected, distorting Miss Pauling's explanation (since he didn't remember it very well) why you were here and that you had nowhere to go in general.
☆ ┈ You know, he has pretty dubious feelings about it. After all, it's dangerous for you here, you never know if you'll get hurt or see, well, things that you shouldn't see..
☆ ┈ But, uh, seems like you're already getting used to this place, so maybe if he keep an eye on you, then everything will be fine...
☆ ┈ Like, in any case, what can he do? Take you to the city on his own? It's unlikely that you'll be better off there, alone, with nowhere to go, surrounded by idiots who probably don't even remember their own names.
☆ ┈ Engie is firmly in second place among the mercenaries who treat you best. Probably, if it weren't his tendency to be overprotective, he would have been in the first place.
☆ ┈ No matter what anyone says, I can see how Engineer treats you, perhaps a little more defensively than he should.
☆ ┈ On the other hand, he has a great excuse: it's actually dangerous for you to be here. There are people here who can't be trusted with a child at all (he doesn't want to name names, but ahem, Soldier and Medic...)
☆ ┈ I don't know, I just think he's one of the few people who takes the fact that now the team have a child in their base seriously.
☆ ┈ I wouldn't be surprised if Dell, if not your favorite, is definitely one of them, because he's so nice to you! A pure parental figure.
☆ ┈ He often calms you down if you're worried about something, he's actually interested in your opinion and listens to your words, and it's just nice to spend time with him because you feel that he cares about you.
☆ ┈ Engineer is a busy guy, he has a lot of work, but..for you, he is ready to change his schedule a little.
☆ ┈ Usually, if you get tired of playing with Scout and "training" with Soldier, or you get bored with the company of Heavy and Sniper, you come to him.
☆ ┈ You ask him what he's doing again, and he explains something to you in a pleasant voice about mechanisms in which, frankly, you don't understand anything, but you listen to him with interest anyway.
☆ ┈ Of course, he understands that you don't know what he's talking about at all, but he's amused by how attentively you're listening to him. You remind him of himself as a child..
☆ ┈ Usually, when he realizes that he's gotten carried away, he smoothly changes the subject to how your day went and what you were doing while you weren't at the base.
☆ ┈ You know, Engineer doesn't want to seem intrusive or anything, but he thinks that you shouldn't spending time with some of the mercenaries.
☆ ┈ Dell is not happy that Medic and Soldier are trying to make you the same madmen, thta Scout consistently poses a threat to you, and that after visiting Spy you disappear for a few hours and then show up in the kitchen as if nothing had happened.
☆ ┈ You have the right to choose how you spend your time among The RED Team, but he would appreciate it if you came to him from time to time instead of hanging around a bunch of crazies.
☆ ┈ If you are interested in his work..Well, he'll be happy to show you how it all works!
☆ ┈ Engineer tells you how his creations work in general, trying to explain it in a way that you would understand. It would be nice if he had a little assistant..
☆ ┈ By the way, you don't have to worry about him if you ever accidentally (or intentionally) get on the battlefield, because he has a Sentry Gun to protect you.
☆ ┈ Well, he will probably have a heart attack twice if he sees you on the battlefield and tells you to go to a safe place, but you were able to see his inventions in action, hooray!
☆ ┈ Imagine that Blu Spy was about to break his Sentry Gun or Dispenser, and you were there, causing him to fall into a stupor for a moment. It'll probably make him and the whole The BLU Team wonder what the hell a kid is doing with the RED Team.
☆ ┈ In short, to sum up, Engineer is probably one of the best people to spend time with mercenaries. Have fun!
Yep, sandwich was delicious. But it's a pity that there wasn't much of it, and now you want more...
Oh, maybe Heavy can share with you? You could do it yourself, but they don't trust you with the knife. You wonder where he is...
With your hand, brushing off the crumbs from your face that stick to your mouth, you look into Heavy's room without a doubt..But he's not there.
Damn.
Hearing a noise nearby, you quickly stepped back from the door, fearing that you had been spotted, but based on the curses and grumbling, it seemed like something had fallen in the workshop.
Just a few steps away from the workshop, you see Engie standing over..what was it, Sentry? You don't remember very well, to be honest... And although you didn't want to distract him from his work, you had a question to ask.
— "Engie." — you called out to him, causing him to straighten up and turn to you, and in a second, his confused expression turned into his usual smile.
— "Hey there, kiddo." — he greeted you briefly but warmly, turning back to the table, continuing to do something — "I'd love to chat, but I'm knee-deep in work right now. You can wait here if ya want."
— "Actually, I was wondering if you knew where Heavy was.."
— "That big guy? Likely stuffing himself."
Welp, you don't need to be told twice, you've heard everything you wanted to hear, and you walked out of the workshop with an impatient stride.
Engineer just turned his head to ask why you were looking for Heavy in the first place, but you were already gone. He just shook his head and returned to work, muttering something about how fidgety you were.
— HEAVY:
☆ ┈ Here he is, the best of the best.
☆ ┈ Maybe some think that Heavy wouldn't make a good caregiver, BUT guys he had three younger sisters to look after, so he knows exactly how to handle a child.
☆ ┈ He's definitely the best of all mercenaries when it comes to hanging out with you.
☆ ┈ He's a family guy, so it's not even a task for him, but rather an opportunity to take a break from his life as a mercenary.
☆ ┈ He was originally going to take you to civilization, like Engineer, because obviously the child couldn't just be in such a wilderness and most likely you're from Tuefort.
☆ ┈ But, um, since you don't have a place to go, maybe leave you here not so bad idea..
☆ ┈ Heavy is a man of few words. He prefers action over words, so it might be challenging to get along with him at first, but you'll likely come to consider him your best friend or something like that.
☆ ┈ At first, Heavy might even seem intimidating, so you'll avoid him for a while, much to his frustration.
☆ ┈ Over time, you notice that he, in general, seems more attractive company than Spy or Soldier, so one day you make an effort to get to know him, approaching him and starting a conversation.
☆ ┈ From then on, you'll often find yourself by Heavy's side. Sometimes it's nice to just sit with someone in silence after a busy day, you know.
☆ ┈ For Mikhail, you're a reminder of his family. You reminds him of his sisters and his childhood..Probably, that's why he's especially soft with you.
☆ ┈ Remember how he said that he wasn't afraid of anyone, but Pyro scared him? Well, this is a similar situation. Heavy doesn't have any weaknesses. But he does have a soft spot for you..
☆ ┈ Your company is like a vacation for him. He feels at peace when you're around, even though your activity may be a bit more than he can handle.
☆ ┈ I guess other mercenaries share this feeling with him, because he can't explain how it is that there's always confusion around you, and many try to win you over.
☆ ┈ Little men are willing to fight for you. Funny. He knows that their fights won't make any difference.
☆ ┈ Heavy introduces you to Sasha and tells you about it and his family. He speaks so convincingly about Sasha being alive that at some point, you'll start to believe it yourself.
☆ ┈ He'll probably ask you about your family, because he'd like to know how it is that you're now free to roam around the base.
☆ ┈ TELL HIM THAT YOU CONSIDER THE MERCENARIES YOUR FAMILY, it will be a strong blow to his heart.
☆ ┈ Mikhail will try to teach you Russian if you're interested. The process is slow, but you're making progress. He's proud.
☆ ┈ It's not surprising that you'll start to show interest in weapons over time, considering that you spend a lot of time around the damn mercenaries, who have a lot of weapons.
☆ ┈ Heavy doesn't approve of the fact that some of the mercenaries don't take it seriously, because weapons are not toys for children.
☆ ┈ Speaking of toys..To make you lose interest in real weapons, he will buy you a toy gun when he has some free time.
☆ ┈ Watching Heavy explaining to you with a serious face how to use your new "weapon" while you stand there, filled with joy, makes me think that it's a damn smart move.
☆ ┈ I'm not even sure if you'll ever accidentally slip onto the battlefield with this guy by your side. He's always there to remind you to stay away from anything silly.
☆ ┈ How is it that he's always by your side? You'd like to know, but for now, this mystery remains hidden from you...
☆ ┈ He's more of a listener than yapper. He allows you to express yourself about everything that has happened to you during your time at the base, while he patiently listens to you without saying a word.
☆ ┈ He's probably the best cook for you. If you're hungry, you're more likely to go to him rather than another mercenary to ask for food.
☆ ┈ Heavy has taught you how to make sandwiches, but only under his guidance. You shouldn't leave a child alone with a knife.
☆ ┈ Heavy is s also a great pillow. If you're tired after a long day, you can sit next to him to rest, and if you accidentally fall asleep, he'll gently carry you somewhere where you can sleep peacefully.
☆ ┈ Big brother figure fr fr.
Ah, here it is, one of your favorite places on the base. Kitchen.
Well, if you could call it a kitchen. The entire base was a bunch of rooms connected by hallways and doorways, and so it was here.
The kitchen was at the end of a hallway, with a corner between the walls filled with all sorts of kitchen appliances, including a sink, a refrigerator, a stove, and a bunch of cabinets, half of which were always open.
While loud laughter and a lot of noise came from the next room, where everyone usually gathered to eat or just relax, you approached the refrigerator, hoping to find something there.
So, what do we have...Alcohol, more alcohol, Sniper's jars, lots of alcohol, ham for sandwiches, and some old bread that was put in the refrigerator to keep it from going bad. Maybe there was something else on the top shelves, but you couldn't reach it to see.
Yeah, the variety is really high. And there's not even a knife on the kitchen table to at least cut the food. Bummer. Who the hell puts the knife in the top drawer?!
You reach for the bread, because it's the only thing in the fridge that you can eat (tearing up a huge piece of ham with your bare hands isn't a great idea), but out of the corner of your eye, you notice a movement towards you that catches your attention.
As soon as you turn your head, a sandwich is handed to you. You stare at the food for a while until you realize that you are being offered food, and you taking the treat.
— "Thanks Heavy !!"
The big man just nods, holding a piece of sandwich for himself. Although it was noisy, it was hard to not notice you in the huge doorway.
— "You were with Scout." — he said firmly, with anyone else, you would have been taken aback, but you were already used to Heavy's lack of conversation, so you understood that he was asking why Scout wasn't with you.
— "Soldier came to us and they started fighting, so I left."
— "I see."
For a while, the two of you just stood there in silence, eating sandwiches, but then there was an explosion from the next room, which naturally made you both jump.
Heavy went first to check what was wrong, and you followed carefully, trying to make as few movements as possible, as if that would help you stay hidden.
— DEMOMAN:
☆ ┈ "We should be friends forever, aye?" ahh energy.
☆ ┈ Demo is not soo bad when it comes to looking after children. His mother taught him the boundaries of decency, you know.
☆ ┈ The only problem is...He's always drunk, which often leads to inappropriate behavior. And this creates a number of other issues.
☆ ┈ However, as surprising as it may seem to you, there's a low risk of harm with him. Yea, he's probably completely drunk, he cares about you, and the thought of you being hurt makes him sober up.
☆ ┈ It's not long-lasting, but it does have an effect. If someone needs him to come to his senses, they can simply mention that you're currently near The BLU Team, and Demo will immediately wake up.
☆ ┈ Demoman is in fourth place on our list, I believe. He's nice to you, but since he's constantly drunk, he may behave in an inappropriate manner.
☆ ┈ He probably thinks that your parents or caretaker abandoned you in the middle of nowhere, which is why you're here.
☆ ┈ After all, the closest city to the base is Tuefort, and there are plenty of brainless idiots there. It wouldn't surprise him if someone decided they didn't need you and brought you here to get rid of you.
☆ ┈ The first thing you hear from him is "eughh f☆ck yer parents" before he falls over, mumbling something while drunk.
☆ ┈ Great way to start, isn't it?
☆ ┈ At first, he's wary of you because he's sure his appearance will intimidate you. Tavish is an eternally drunk, one-eyed Scot, he probably looks like a monster to you.
☆ ┈ And he's honestly..surprised when you don't seem to mind. But he's even happy about it. Considering that you regularly visit the base, you'll see each other often, so it's better if you get along.
☆ ┈ By the way, he constantly forgets why are appearing at the base lol. When Demo tries to remember, he thinks the team just took you in and you're living with them now, and he looks for you every time you return to Miss Pauling.
☆ ┈ He even set up one of the storage rooms as a room for you. It's a mix of items stolen from different corners of the base, but he tried his best.
☆ ┈ Plus, it's still nice to have your own secret place (which everyone knows about, but you don't need to understand that)
☆ ┈ To be honest, Demoman is like an always-drunk uncle or distant relative to you. He can make you laugh, he can be annoying, or just say odd shit, but he's still something you're used to.
☆ ┈ I imagine that when he's particularly drunk, he might try to offer you a drink, only to get a wrench thrown at his head.
☆ ┈ He often tells you funny and sometimes not-so-funny stories that happened to the RED Team during battles.
☆ ┈ Tavish is always doing those annoying gestures, just to see your annoyed face, like carefully pulling your ears or nose, just to make you grumble at him.
☆ ┈ It's not all bad. He's the most clingy of mercenaries, so if you enjoy physical contact, go to a drunk Demoman and ask for a hug.
☆ ┈ He's pressing you against his chest, crying because he's been drinking too much again, and he's mumbling incoherently while you're stuck in his overly tight embrace.
☆ ┈ The smell of alcohol isn't exactly nice, but at least you feel loved.
☆ ┈ You probably caught Demoman in the middle of spending time with BLU Soldier. He's bribing you with candy to keep quiet about it, and you're keeping quiet because you think others know about it too.
☆ ┈ Sometimes you complain about his behavior when he's drunk, but when he's sober, bastard just pretends to be drunk again and falls asleep until you leave.
☆ ┈ I could say that he might accidentally bring you to the battlefield while drunk, but, eh, I highly doubt it.
☆ ┈ He might tell you about the dangers of the battlefield to discourage you from going there. Naturally, it doesn't work on you, but he doesn't know how else to make you avoid dangerous places.
☆ ┈ By the way, Demoman is actually good at spending time with you. He's always trying to cheer you up.
☆ ┈ Like, imagine if he put his hands in his vest and only showed his palms, and he said he was a turtle to make you laugh, or he'll go with you to blow up something nearby.
☆ ┈ This man can explain chemistry to you in a way that even the best chemistry teacher in the world couldn't.
☆ ┈ Considering everything the mercenaries teach you, you can proudly claim that you're a smart child, and you'll be right because you know things they don't.
☆ ┈ Demo will teach you how to make explosives out of whatever you have on hand! Just don't overdo it, or both of you will get into trouble.
☆ ┈ Well, you know, it could be worse. Uncle Demo actually sounds pretty good.
Unsurprisingly, Demo was the cause of the explosion.
He lay on the floor, as he fell from the chair, while a huge trail of ash was left beside him on the bright tile. His face was frozen in silence, before he laughed, and he was laughing, and grinning with laughter.
Medic, who had been sitting next to him, leaned forward slightly to check Demoman's condition, looking at him with a bored expression, as if he expected something else.
— "..I vas sure zat thing vill explode in your hands."
— "As if that could kill me!"
You heard a quiet sigh from Heavy, who looked quite disappointed in the situation, but you found something funny in it, making you giggle, attracting the attention of Demo and Medic.
— "Ohh, hi lit'le one- *hic* ..Jane was lookin' for ya."
Demo says, nope, rather mumbles, probably drunk again, barely getting up from the floor, staggering in all directions.
He was still talking to you- but you didn't understand a word. Your gaze shifted to Medic, who was looking at you with his chin propped on his elbow and his usual smile.
— MEDIC:
☆ ┈ Okay, I love this man, and you probably love this man too, but he's not someone you'd want to run into in real life.
☆ ┈ Although Medic is, let's say, very much in violation of medical ethics, he's not going to experiment on you..And yet, he's still pretty creepy.
☆ ┈ If you're not opposed to a crazy person who's proud of it, then you're in the right place. If not, I'd suggest keeping your distance from him.
☆ ┈ He's at the bottom of our list. He's not trusted to be alone with you, and you're rarely together. Some people just think it's a bad idea, and some even worry about you :p
☆ ┈ If you're alone with him, it's either by accident or because Heavy is nearby. It seems like the big man is the only one who trust Medic with you.
☆ ┈ Everyone else? Yeah, they definitely don't approve of him, and try to convince you to stay away from Medic, to his misunderstanding.
☆ ┈ Medic actually is disappointed. He hoped to get a little assistant, or at least someone who valued his genius :((
☆ ┈ Ludwig always speaks to you friendly, calling you in a playful manner as if you are his native child he has long not seen.
☆ ┈ He had been on the basis of the first day he had seen you. Isn't this place interesting if it's chaos to add the same chaotic child?
☆ ┈ Medic wants to make you a mini version of yourself, briefly speaking. With fun trying to persuade you to try to help him with the operation of someone or put experiments.
☆ ┈ Damn proud if you agree to help him and clumsily, but in general, do everything he asks. Don't you think you should try operating on someone more often?
☆ ┈ Well, not with experiments over The BLU Team. You don't know (or don't understand) what's going on outside the base on the battlefield, and explain it will be difficult enough.
☆ ┈ If you catch him experimenting on someone from The BLU Team , he just tells you that you have enough experience for this operation..You still can come in and watch, however. (not worth)
☆ ┈ Constantly calls you German nickname, like "Schatz" or "Mein liebes kind", Medic often switches to German when talking to you, making you feel confused.
☆ ┈ Once you accidentally hit, running on the base, playing with someone, fell and crashed knee, which caused you to lead to the medical. After the stories of others that he's a strange enough guy, you frankly were afraid to go to him..
☆ ┈ ..But it wasn't as bad as you thought. You were not put experiments, you were not cut off your head and not coped in your organs.
☆ ┈ He just treated your wound, and at the end gave you a candy he usually supplies for Pyro, praising you for courage.
☆ ┈ Since then, he's been giving you regular (often unnecessary) medical check-ups, saying that you need someone to take care of your health after all.
☆ ┈ Sometimes, it's just an excuse for him to spend some time with you, because you usually hang around more desirable company than him.
☆ ┈ You might think that you've been told a lot of nonsense about him, but one day, when you just wanted to chat with him, you saw his less-than-humane actions and decided that maybe the others were right about something..
☆ ┈ Sometimes, you come to him, sitting in the corner of the room and drawing something with a pen and a small piece of paper that he gave you to keep you occupied while Ludwig tells you some weird stories.
☆ ┈ His pigeons love you! You sometimes bring them treats, and eventually, a small group of these feathered creatures gathers around you. Archimedes prefers to stay close to Medic, but he sometimes sits next to you.
☆ ┈ Maybe one day, he'll invite you to watch the RED and BLU fight from a safe distance, so you can see how they deal with their enemies.
☆ ┈ Come on, there's no harm in getting hurt accidentally. He can always heal you later!
☆ ┈ To be honest, it's hard to say for sure about Medic. He's not that bad, after all, and he's nice to you, but his behavior can be scary, and the other mercenaries think he's setting a bad example for you, so you don't spend much time together.
☆ ┈ Sometimes, you hear Medic grumbling that the mercenaries, who were laughing as they ruthlessly killed an enemy team just this morning, think his company will be worse for you..What a double standards!
☆ ┈ Ah, it doesn't matter. You still sneak over to him to listen to his crazy stories about what's been happening on this base.
☆ ┈ If someone gets on your nerves, remember that he's always there for you! He can listen to you, or steal someone's organs... It depends on the situation.
— "Ach, it's been a vhile since ve last sav each other, kind! How you feeling?"
— "I'm fine!"
— "Hmm, an extra medical check-up might not hurt.."
— "What for? Kid seems to be fine." — Demo objects for some reason, leaning back against the table, looking at Medic as if he had just suggested burying you alive.
— "Vhy not? Or perhaps you do not trust my medical skills?"
— "If anyone asks, I'm walking around." — you're not interested in arguments and fights today, so you quickly passed them by, hurrying out the door and stealing another sandwich from the table along the way.
Even though you were already a good distance away, you could still hear them arguing. Poor Heavy, he'll have to listen to this..
— SNIPER:
☆ ┈ Why is it so hard for me to write something about him ughh
☆ ┈ Sniper usually always keeps his distance from the team, used to the hermit lifestyle, so he was the last to know that a kid had appeared on the base from somewhere.
☆ ┈ When you first met it was a bit awkward. You and Scout were hanging out together, and at some point he saw Sniper nearby and pulled you in to introduce you.
☆ ┈ The two of you looked at each other in silence, wondering what to say before you briefly exchanged names and you left, interested in something else.
☆ ┈ Sniper couldn't understand why you were still here at first, Scout's explanations didn't help much either, so he'll probably just ask you directly.
☆ ┈ In fact, for the most part you only started getting along because Scout was encouraging it so you could spend time together as a trio.
☆ ┈ Sniper was against it at first (because why would they bring a kid around?), but he soon got used to you. You're..nice, although he's surprised how calm you are about being surrounded by a bunch of mercenaries.
☆ ┈ He doesn't consider himself, and never has, a person who gets along with kids, but it seems to work for you.
☆ ┈ Mick is a quiet guy, so if the base is particularly noisy and you want some peace, you always go to his camper.
☆ ┈ Sniper silently lets you in, and you sit quietly with your thoughts while he goes about his business or hangs around nearby, watching what you're doing.
☆ ┈ He's a great listener. If you're worried about something but don't know if you should tell others about it, you can always tell him. He won't force you to do anything, but he'll give you advice on how to handle it.
☆ ┈ Sometimes, his inaction is even more effective than persuasion, to be honest.
☆ ┈ He constantly says that he doesn't care about you as long as you don't bother him, even though he was sitting with you just five minutes ago, doing all what you want.
☆ ┈ He sometimes takes you on walks or just spends time outdoors when they don't need to fight. Sniper doesn't know where you go or what you do when you're not at the base, but it's unlikely that you often venture outside.
☆ ┈ If you have any interest in camping, you'll probably become best friends with him, as he often takes you out to relax from the hustle and bustle of the base.
☆ ┈ I think Sniper is in third place in the rankings. It's going to take you two some time to get along, but it's worth it because he really cares about you, even if he has his own way of showing it.
☆ ┈ After you found out from Scout that he'd spent a lot of time in the bush, you regularly ask Sniper to tell you about it. And he doesn't mind, actually.
☆ ┈ Just don't ask for details. It's too early for you to know about such bloodshed.
☆ ┈ Although he likes you, Mick doesn't approve of you staying at the base, and he's suggested several times that he take you back to your real family, but it seems like you've grown too attached to this place to want to leave.
☆ ┈ He doesn't understand why anyone thought it was a good idea to leave you here in the first place. Okay, so Miss Pauling is your caretaker now (which he doesn't approve of too), but it's still a battlefield!
☆ ┈ The other mercenaries don't seem to think about it, or they don't want to think about it. Sniper can't say he blames them; among the grumpy adult men, having a cheerful child around sounds like a relief.
☆ ┈ Sniper will briefly tell you about his youth if you're interested in learning more about him. For the most part, it's pleasant memories of his family.
☆ ┈ He doesn't want you to emulate the mercenaries (well, specifically what they do on the battlefield), but unlike the others, he acknowledges the possibility that you might be in danger, so Sniper will teach you what to do if you're attacked.
☆ ┈ It's self-defense, but more violent. Sniper will even give you a small hunting knife after teaching you how to use it.
☆ ┈ He hasn't told you who you might need to defend yourself from, but he has warned you to avoid people in blue clothes. This isn't the first time you've heard about them, but you still haven't figured out who they are.
☆ ┈ Sniper might try to teach you how to shoot... But the last attempt didn't go well. You missed, and the bullet flew around, banging into iron poles.
☆ ┈ You've tried to convince him to try again, but he says it's not the right time :(
☆ ┈ Overall, Sniper is a good companion. Although he's not very talkative, his presence brings a sense of understanding to you.
☆ ┈ Would it be true to tell his parents that he has a child?..
Although it was usually noisy outside the base, when everyone were inside, the place seemed almost harmonious.
But still, standing around like a fool on the street isn't a great idea, so you're heading towards Snipes's camper, you want to sit in peace, and you can't think of a better place than this!
Soon, his camper comes into view, and you quicken your step. Snipes, who is standing outside (probably lost in thought again), turns his head towards you and lazily waves from a distance.
He gestures to his camper, asking you without words if you want to come in, to which you nod vigorously (as if this would make him see better), and he goes inside, probably to get something for you.
You might have gone to see him already, but your attention was drawn to a column of smoke coming from the direction of...some place. You had seen guys heading in that direction several times, but they had forbidden you to go there, and whenever you tried to join them, they always caught you and sent you back to the base!
..Well, you don't go straight there, you quickly go to see for five minutes, and immediately return.
However, you didn't leave for long, as you soon felt a hand pulling your clothes back.
— SPY:
☆ ┈ Oh, uh... This is a very difficult situation.
☆ ┈ Let's be honest, when it comes to Spy and the child, it's always a difficult situation. You know why. Scout.
☆ ┈ Spy is not a good father, definitely not. But he does care about Scout, it's evident in the comics, and he has a certain weakness for children (also from the comics).
☆ ┈ He didn't become a parent to Scout, and he has no intention of becoming a parental figure for you. However..your very image appeals to his conscience, which he was certain had long been dead.
☆ ┈ He respects Miss Pauling, and they have a decent relationship, but after he found out about her keeping you and allowing you to enter the base, his respect decreased.
☆ ┈ This place is not for a child. Being here puts your life at risk, after all, there's no stopping you from venturing outside the base and accidentally running into The BLU Team, and if they find out you're from the REDs, they might not appreciate it.
☆ ┈ Spy tries to avoid spending time with you, he doesn't want to be a sitter, and he doesn't understand why the other mercs don't mind it.
☆ ┈ I just like the idea of you trying to get along with him because you think he's cool, and he's trying to avoid you, hoping that your attention will shift to someone else..Does the Administrator even know you're here?
☆ ┈ Sometimes, when you're particularly persistent, he might stop to distract you for a few minutes and then leave.
☆ ┈ He's not soft with you, but he's not cruel either, I'd say it's a cold form of politeness. You don't really understand if he likes you or if you're just annoying him..He doesn't seem to be sure himself.
☆ ┈ Maybe he's in the sixth place of our ranking. It's not great, but it's not terrible.
☆ ┈ Spy occasionally keeps an eye on you when you're unsupervised, making sure you don't cause any problems that he and the team would have to fix later.
☆ ┈ You might occasionally notice that he's nearby, but it's very rare. Mostly, he's standing silently in the distance, observing you discreetly.
☆ ┈ Imagine that you're sensitive to smoke, so it's easier for you to find him when he's around.
☆ ┈ Scout once showed you the location of Spy's room, his smoking area, yk. Now, you sometimes go there to annoy him or if you want something from him.
☆ ┈ You've sneaked in a couple of times, but he never lets you inside himself because the place smells too much like cigarette smoke, and you start coughing violently.
☆ ┈ Seriously, stop. It's for your own good.
☆ ┈ He's obviously the last one who wants to keep you company in something. As I said, he tries to stay away and watch something.
☆ ┈ Let others enjoy your attention. He's quite enough of a distance. In this regard, he probably can even understand why other mercenaries are so adorable to you: children's years are the most memorable.
☆ ┈ Spy often swears in French when you're around, whatever you don't understand him. It was very awkward when you started to repeat the words, and he had to teach you others that you wouldn't swear, not knowing.
☆ ┈ You'll be surprised..But he's pampering you most. Sometimes when you're stuck with him, and if he's busy or got other plans, he just gives you a decent amount of money, saying something like "go take yourself what you want", leaving.
☆ ┈ And you? You don't mind..Making other mercenaries to wonder where you have all these things. Besides Sniper, because he the one takes you to Tuefort, that you'd buy what you want.
☆ ┈ Oh, it would be nice if you tried to buy the other mercenaries gifts and him too. He had long thought if it was worth throwing it out, but he had never found his strength and hid it where he would find it.
☆ ┈ You had a feeling when you know someone remotely and practically don't interact, but still think it's cool? Well, there's something wrong with him.
☆ ┈ ..Honestly, he's even a little flattered that you're interested in them. Yet, he's not a suitable company for you.
☆ ┈ But exactly better than Medic or Pyro, if these two try to take you away with him, and the spy will be near, he will take you, and then give someone more adequate.
— "..You shouldn't venture too far from the base." — you hear Spy's voice behind you, and you turn around to see him looking at you with a face that's not exactly angry, but rather disappointed.
— "I..wasn't planning to go far."
— "Indeed?" — he asks you slowly, letting go of you, holding the cigarette in his other hand, trying to tilt it away from you.
Although you are rarely scolded, you always feel awkward when it happens..Fortunately, you were saved by Snipes calling out to you, and you quickly walked over to him, muttering an apology to Spy.
The masked man shook his head, throwing his cigarette on the ground and extinguishing it with his foot before he disappeared into thin air. It's time for you to learn what you can and cannot do.
..:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟﾞ｡.:*･ﾟ☆.｡.:*･ﾟ🌤
🌤️ — I DID IT omgg...
🌤️ — sorry for the late update!! also, DAMNN, I hope this is good, I'm always afraid that I don't write the characters well in TF2 :')
🌤️ — this is probably my biggest hcs, as I've never done 9 characters at once before, so it took quite a bit of time. I'd love to hear your feedback! ahh, anyway, hope you like it, have a good day ☆
Mercenaries x Reader on Laughing Gas who calls them handsome
In this order; Heavy, Medic, Spy, Sniper, Scout, Demoman, Engineer, Soldier, Pyro
Heavy
“You’re handsome…”
The man was too stunned to speak. Medic told him you were going to be real honest when under laughing gas, but he wants expecting THIS.
He finds you adorable like this. You’re absolutely smaller than him (Unless you’re a tall queen/ruler/king, in which we stan * finger snaps *) and carries you around until you’re able to think straight again.
10/10.
Medic
He puts you under just for fun because he finds you cute like this, so he’s gotten used to your loopy speech
“You’re handsome…” “Danke Taube.”
Still makes him giddy every time you compliment him though. Watches you stumble around the room like a toddler.
7/10
Spy
”You’re handsome…”
He knows. He appreciates it, but he knows.
“Merci. You’re a mess…”
Finds your loopy behaviour cute and slightly entertaining. Wouldn’t actively go out of his way to help you, but will keep an eye on you so you don’t end up killing yourself.
6/10
Sniper
“You’re handsome…”
He’s flustered immediately, does the awkward pulling hat down to cover the blush move.
“Thanks Sheila…”
Probably gonna get baby locked in his van due to him not wanting you to get hurt, but also having no idea how to care for you.
8/10
Scout
“You’re handsome…”
Stop inflating his ego, you’ve doomed the others for the next hour.
“YA’ HEAR THAT BUSH MAN?! MA GIRL THINKS I’M HANDSOME”
Bro probably puts you on one of those weird monkey leashes that you put bad kids on (Couldn’t be me…) and just watches you with so much entertainment.
8/10
Demoman
“You’re handsome…”
Dude’s drunk 24/7 so you’re basically the same person at this point.
“No, YER handsome… Beautiful… Pretty… Yeah…”
He’s constantly taking care of his mom, so you’re in good hands. No sharp objects, no fire, no Pyro, absolutely no Pyro, you’re safe.
10/10
Engineer
“You’re handsome…”
So much blush on that poor Texas man’s face.
“Aw… Thanks sweet pea… How ya’ feelin’?”
We stan a man who’s concerned about you. Keeps you in his workshop while he works. More than willing to explain to you what he’s doing like you’re 5.
10/10
Soldier
“You’re handsome…”
He’s a really loud person so everyone is going to know that you called him handsome.
“OF COURSE I’M HANDSOME! I AM THE GREATEST AMERICAN ON EARTH!”
Dude would have no idea what to do with you. Heavy just ends up taking care of you.
2/10
Pyro
“You’re handsome…”
‘Happy Pyro noises’
Definitely not the best at taking care of people, but in you’re loopy state, he’s amazing.
Y’all are absolutely gonna do stuff like colouring, playing with his unicorns, and absolutely cuddling.
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great! can i order sick headcannons with the mercs (reader is the sick one. idk how else to clarify that)
okay coolio bye then
-apple anon ✌️
haha imagine being sick. enjoy covid, apple :)
(disclaimer, i'm not mean to anyone else. I just know apple IRL.)
When you're sick - headcanons
All the mercs (+ Ms. Pauling) x G/N reader
(I added Pilot because pretending my OC is a canon character is fun.)
Fluff
Scout:
Ok, let's be honest, you aren't getting a lot in terms of anything genuinely helpful to your health.
He'll sit at the edge of your bed and keep you company, rattling off about his day or the current happening around the base.
He lived with seven older brothers, thus naturally developed a pretty good immune system. He'll snuggle with and kiss you all over. He'll get under the covers, too. He's taking a nap there. You don't get to kick him out. Here's there forever now.
Will get you a juice or something, but don't expect him to get you anything you'd need to cook.
Soldier:
Sick?? You shouldn't be sick!! It's those damn communists contaminating the water supply, he swears by it.
Nonetheless, he will be sure to stay by your side and give you an honorable burial if you were to perish. Not that you will! You're a strong american man (regardless of your nationality. or gender. just go with it, it'll make him happy.), and he knows you'll pull through.
Stands at the foot of your bed doing surveillance. You're at your most vulnerable, so he has to keep watch!!
He cannot cook. Good lord he cannot cook. He'll try though for you, but you better expect it to taste or look horrible.
Pyro:
Will prance to your room, move all of their stuff in there, and have sleepovers with you until you're better.
They'll color with you, bring you snacks and treats, and spend a lot of time with you in general.
They don't really get sick themself, partially due to wearing the mask all the time, so they don't know exactly how to take care of you on the practical side of things, but they'll grab you anything you want if you ask them!!
Demoman:
He knows a lot about being sick. Mainly due to hangovers, but he's pretty experienced in terms of getting sick, so he knows what to do in a lot of cases.
He's making you a hot toddy if your throat is sore. (He's making one for himself too.)
Will offer a bunch of weird remedies that he swears by, which only a handful usually work. His eagerness to help you out usually wins over you though, so you end up trying them.
Heavy:
I think he would be one of the best to care for you. He took care of his family when he lived with them (and still visits!), so he'd for sure know exactly what to do for you.
Makes a mean soup. It's his mother's recipe, so you better compliment it.
Can and will pick you up and carry you to other rooms if you want a change of scenery. He doesn't much care about getting sick himself, and he can usually power through it if it spreads to him, so don't worry about giving him your germs. Just don't kiss him or anything, he's not that interested in getting sick.
Will take you to Medic if he thinks it's getting bad.
Engineer:
Okay, this might be a controversial take, but I think he'd be absolute dogwater at taking care of you.
MAN CAN'T EVEN GET UP FOR A GLASS OF WATER FOR HIMSELF IF HE'S WORKING, AND YOU EXPECT HIM TO TAKE CARE OF A WHOLE 'NOTHER PERSON???
Okay, he'll try.
He'll talk to Medic to see what can be done for you, might move some of the stuff he's tinkering on so you can spend time with him if you want, He might make you a snack if he has the time, but probably not much more than that.
He genuinely cares about you, but he doesn't exactly have the resources or time to be with you the whole duration of your sickness.
Medic:
Sick? Under his watch? Impossible. The second you start showing symptoms of anything, no matter how small, he is testing you for everything under the sun.
Be prepared to spend ninety percent of your time in the medbay, because he's running tests on you like there's no tomorrow.
Will give you so many pills or random liquids to down, and not tell you what a single one does.
He's definitely giving you a remedy of his own invention that may or may not be banned in multiple US states.
Sniper:
Now this is a man who can take care of you when you're sick.
He has a lot of knowledge on how to help, because his mother would always talk about what she was doing or making to help him feel better whenever he was sick growing up.
He knows (and can probably cook) whatever meals will help get your energy back, he knows what medicine to get from Medic, and he'll do his best to make you all comfy cozy.
He'll probably call his parents if he doesn't know what to do in a specific case, as he doesn't really want you spending too much time in the medbay. It's just overly sterile and serious in there, and he knows that a comforting atmosphere can be better for trying to recover from being sick.
Spy:
He will reluctantly bring you a few things, but do not expect him to spend time with you.
He is wearing a facemask when entering your room, giving a brief greeting while bringing you food or something, and leaving. If you ask him to stay, he will not.
I feel like he would have mildly germaphobic tendencies, just based on how clean he tries to keep on a regular basis.
The only reason he even bothers to bring you anything is because he thinks you're the least annoying and wouldn't survive being around everyone else if you died.
A little melodramatic, but he's got the spirit.
Ms. Pauling:
Let's be honest, she wouldn't have the time to take care of you.
She'll make an effort to tell the others to make sure you're doing okay and are fed and given proper care, but she probably won't be able to do anything past that.
WE STILL LOVE HER THOUGH.
Pilot:
Pilot is a little bit of a mess, but will try his best.
He usually makes food for everyone when nobody wants prepackaged meals, so he's got quite a bit of soup-making experience.
Is the comforting king. Will let you lay your head in his lap and sleep while he reads or writes. Will gently play with your hair if you want him to.
He'll get you a ginger ale and swear that it helps. It tastes good, but it's unclear if it actually helps with nausea or a sore throat.
Let him kiss you. He will get so sick, but he wants to kiss you so bad. He doesn't care that he's getting your germs, he just wants to comfort you.
Could I maybe ask….and *coughs cough awkward cough*
You really don’t need to but I just gotta know…
The mercy with a s.o that’s a BIG ROMANTIC?!?Like a Gomez Addams level but in some weird carnal “cannibalism is symbolism for deep deviation” kinda romantic..? The type just randomly lay with the mercs one night and have their s.o look at them deep in the eyes and just go “I want to crawl into your ribcage”……..???
PRETTY PLEASEEEEE PRETTY PRETTIEST OF PLEASEES!!!
okay slay 💅
SUCH A CUTE IDEA!!!! they deserve gothic chivalry <3
♡ All Mercs with a Creepy-Romantic S/O ♡
(your dialogue is marked in blue! I used the nickname "my love" a lot bc that feels like Gomez to me <3)
Medic
You doing your over-the-top romantic stuff will 100% go to his head. He feels like hot shit whenever you do anything for him
He likes a little PDA, + hugs n kisses while he's working
He literally feels his heart swell with love for you <3 he thinks you're the sweetest little angel
And the creepy stuff? You are his dream partner on god. He blushes and giggles any time you say some freaky shit
"My love?"
"Hmm? Yes, taube?"
"I wish I could crawl inside your ribcage and kiss your heart."
"Ahahaha! Oh, stop it you~ I'm trying to work!"
Will be smiling for the next half hour while he thinks about what you said
He eats it up, and will return the sentiment with real blood and guts!
(If you want to eat a little piece of him, he's sure he can find something he doesn't really need... just kidding! ...unless? 😏)
Spy
Surprised he's met someone who can match his chivalry; you're even more sappy and romantic than him
You would try to outdo eachother with stupid things, grand gifts, planned dates, and proclamations of love. He sees it as a game
"My love, you look divine tonight."
"Divine? You are absolutely radiant. I should be the one worshipping you, mon coeur."
"That can be arranged... perhaps tonight?"
Scout would gag at the sight of you two. You're sickening
For your creepiness, he finds you a little disturbing but as he gets to know you, like... he gets it. It's poetic. He knows what you're trying to say/the feelings behind them
He gets used to it and tolerates your affections, even if he finds them strange
"Your blood is the most beautiful vibrant red, my love."
"Hmm. Thank you. I'd prefer it if it stayed inside of me, though, mon coeur."
Scout
He is scared and horny
Romantic part: he's the most openly shocked at any romantic gestures you show him.
He totally likes being pampered by you. Give him all your attention forever and ever and ever
Like, you show up one day with a ridiculously huge bouquet of roses for him, and he goes through so many emotions so quickly. Surprised, amused, embarrassed because he assumes you're playing a joke on him, even more embarrassed when he realizes you're 100% genuine, and shy acceptance
"Babe, listen, that's... really frickin' sweet n' stuff, but I dunno where ta put these roses. I'm not really a flowers guy."
"Oh. I'll take them back if-"
"No, they're mine, back off! I'll find a spot."
I think at first he would be creeped out when you say loving yet concerning things, but his infatuation with you overrides his self-preservation.
You'll be cuddling and you'll be like "I wish I could be inside your skin." and he'll give you this look of horror and be like "What???" but will continue to cuddle you
He teases you and calls you a freak/vampire/cannibal
He'll get used to it. Everyone else will wonder how he bagged such a baddie <3 he's literally stupid
A part of him also kind of likes that you're "scary" because he feels like you'd be able to protect him. He would never ever admit that in a MILLION years but its true
Demoman
Oh he so loves romantic shit. No one's ever done anything so nice for him, he feels so special around you!!!
He wouldn't be embarrassed by any PDA, he might even enjoy showing off that he has someone that loves him so much!! <3
Drunk or sober, he loves being by your side and having an arm around you, which you seem to like too
He's glad you're so expressive, because it makes him feel like his "clinginess" is normal, it's just how you are with each other
When you kiss his hand and trail more kisses up his arm, he'll be giggling and pulling you in by your face for a BIG kiss
I think he would be confused the first time you do or say something more macabre, but not afraid
Like.... what'd you say? Oh, it's a compliment? Aw thank you luv P] (thats his eyepatch)
After that, he'd usually reply with his own compliment or add on a joke to yours, like
"You're so adorable, darling. I just want to eat you up."
"Yeah? Bet I'd be good with whipped cream on top, aye? And a cherry, too! Ya look cute yourself, luv."
Heavy
He'll smile real big and laugh when you do romantic things for him. He loves it!
He finds it a bit funny just because, well, he's not the sort of guy anyone does anything romantic for. He also finds it incredibly sweet
It reminds him of being a character in a book he's read, actually being pined after and "wooed"
He always likes cuddling in bed with you at the end of the day, and it's then he'll say thank you (again) for all the cute things you did for him that day
Brushes off the weird things you say, affectionately! he takes it as just another way of saying i love you
His usual reply to your creepy-compliments is to pat your head and be like that's nice honey :] Heavy is going to go make a sandvich. You want?
Pyro
Blushing and giggling at romantic gestures. They love everything cutesy and cheesy and stupid, it shows how much you care!!!
They would be 10000% happy with PDA, excessive smooching on the battlefield
I think they would kind of flip-flip on their reactions to creepy ways to expressing love
Usually they'd 100% get it, giggling, squealing, flapping their hands excitedly
Other times, they'd understand the compliment, but they'd freak themselves out a little bit and ask for reassurance that you're not actually thinking about eating them or something
But that's easily resolved :]
Engineer
Another sucker for classic romantic stuff
He'll insist you shouldn't do anything fancy for him, he's a simple man (but if you do fancy things anyway he'll totally like them. It shows how much you care about him/you think he deserves nice things hehehe)
But he does love compliments and acts of service. That is totally his comfort zone, you two will constantly be exchanging those
He's not exactly wholesome but he does have a picture of the ideal domestic life, very sweet
First he's surprised at how many romantic gestures you do for him, and then he's surprised you're a freak. Not bad surprised! But... it takes getting used to for sure
"You have such beautiful teeth, my love."
"Uh.... thank you. Yer... teeth are nice too," he says while awkwardly rubbing his neck.
He does feel flattered in a weird way?? He is confused
Soldier
He's a little lost in the world of 'romantic' things. He considers very blunt things to be romantic, so when you treat him like... fancy... he takes some time to buffer and figure out how to react
Like he's happy asgkdfl of course he likes it he's just so not used to it, it takes him a second
He thinks of himself as being rugged and manly, he doesn't need nice things or any special treatment, he'll insist, but if you insist, he'll begrudgingly let you do nice things for him
He enjoys it more than he thought he would, like nice dinners, and compliments, and roses, and seeing you so gorgeously dressed up.... nice
He finds your disturbing nature SO attractive. He values strength and loyalty in his partner, and ripping out his heart and eating it is SO strong and loyal!!! What better way to prove your devotion to someone??
lowkey blindly agrees with everything you say
"You have such a beautiful heart, my love. I wish I could just squeeze it in my hand."
"I'm sure Medic could cut it out for you! Wait, that's crazy-talk. I'll cut it out myself, like a real American does!"
You tell him to keep his heart inside and he's like "you sure? I'll do it. i'm not a coward"
Sniper
He likes "creepy" things, like skulls, dead bugs, dead things in general. He can appreciate the beauty in them
He would LOVE your affection, creepy and romantic. He'd be standing there and trying to hide the big smile on his face bc he doesn't know how to handle it
He matches your freak but he's shy teehee.
The creepy-romantic stuff is actually easier for him to respond to than the outright romantic stuff, because he finds it a bit funny
"Darling."
"Yeah, mate?"
"I want to crawl inside your ribcage and wrap myself around your heart."
"Hah, that's sweet, darlin'. I'll crawl in your ribcage too."
VS:
"Darling."
"Yeah, mate?"
"Your eyes are the most beautiful color I've ever seen. Between blue and gray, like the stormy sky above the ocean. I could get lost in them for hours."
"..." He pulls his hat down and tries to hide his smile, looking away from you.
He's so easily flustered by regular romantic things its stupid ahafdsjk
I don't think he blushes an insane amount, but he does a little, and he goes all quiet and like kicks the dirt with his boot aakjfl
He'll say "thank you", "you really didn't have to...", or "I don't deserve you" (shut up yes you do man)
headcanons on how the mercs would react to giving reader a belly bulge ?
is my size difference kink apparent with this ask
gn pronouns with afab reader if possible
a/n: ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVEEEEEEE. Heavy, Engineer and Demoman for now, But I'll probs do the rest soon!
Heavy, Engineer and Demoman reaction to a belly bulge.
Heavy
❥ Heavy already knew this would happen. He knows his side and he knew that he was going to cause a bulge.
❥ But fuck was it different to actually see...Seeing your smaller frame struggling to take him sent him wild.
❥ The two of you finally had time alone together after the busy schedules the two of you had. You were an assistant to the administrator and you finally had time to be intimate with your partner.
❥ You didn't want him to be gentle either, despite the eyebrow raise and his concern for you.
"are you sure about this? I do not want to hurt you."
"Mik...baby, after the day I just had..I need it."
❥It would boost his ego a little more, even though he knows he'd cause one.
❥"You take it so good. Tell me how good it feels for you."
❥ definition of size kink just has a picture of heavy beside it lmao-
Engineer.
❥ Talk about a man nearly about to lose his shit-.
❥ Engineer likes to be very intune with you when it comes to sex, he like to ask you if you alright and make sure you feel as good as he is.
❥ You would bring it to his attention, moving his hand to feel the lower part of your stomach.
❥ he would feel it and look down, before a deep groan would leave his mouth. He wouldn't be able to control himself.
"S-shit..look of you darl'..look at that..shit.."
"takin' my cock like you were made for it.."
❥ Oh yea, be prepared to be fucked silly by him so he can see it more. Bottoming out repeatedly so he could hear your moans and feel how deep he could get inside you.
❥ Definitely leans into the breeding kink this man has, even if he can't get you pregnant he is going to make sure you feel full of him.
Demoman
❥ Another one that would boost his ego.
❥ He wouldn't notice it at first, he knew he was pretty big compared to you. and he would chuckle as he watched you struggle to walk or sit down the next day after the two of you go at it.
❥ It would be one day you would be riding him, his hands would be on your hips, running them across your lower stomach as he would buck up into you. when sudden he would stop.
❥you were confused at first until he runs his hand along the bulge, moving slowly so he could see it move.
❥ It unlocked something in his mind, suddenly you would find yourself on your back, and Tavish would start moving faster than he ever did before, On top of getting to hear your sweet sounds he got to see what it did to you.
"seeing me..so deep in you..hope you don't have anything planned.."
"Cause i'm not lettin' ya up from this bed.."
Hi everyone!! I missed writing for you all!! I apologize if this is not as good as my previous writing as i am trying to get back into the swing of writing! Enjoy!!
