Sep 3, 2019
I avoided tumblr for days because I ate like shit.
β‘local fat bitch at it again β‘
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I avoided tumblr for days because I ate like shit.
β‘local fat bitch at it again β‘
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I know i should get out of this again before it gets bad.
The thought of purging and taking laxatives crosses my mind a lot already.
Rationally i know that the euphoria i feel from not eating and the control i feel from saying 'No' to food is just pushing me deeper down the rabbit hole.
But we can save all the 'ah haa' moments for therapy.
I still have weight to lose. And control to regain.
Only 5 hours left in my second 24 hour fast. My goal was to do two 24 hour fasts in may.
I can do this. The hardest part is going to be the 2.5-3 hours I'm home after work before Jae gets home.
Supposed to weigh in today but i had Chinese food last night and i know I'm bloated so I'm pretending the scale is broken until tomorrow morning.
I'M SO TIRED OF HIDING MY BODY IN LEGGINGS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE A STUFFED SAUSAGE IN JEANS!
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Heres to hoping chugging this diet mountain dew will stop me from bingingg
Feeling so so unloved today. Yesterday was my anniversary and i feel like my husband barely acknowledged it. I've spwnt way too much time in my own head.
Due to stress I am falling into old eating habits.
My car blew its heads (this will be my fourth car in four years π)
This is making it incredibly hard for me to be active, as my best friend lives an hour away from me, and i find it hard to go hiking alone or be active outaide bc of my anxiety.
it's stressing me out because i have no money to buy a new car at the moment which i need for work.
So yesterday i had a super healthy day (sarcasm) i had pringles for breakfast. Coffee for lunch. And A WHOLE FRICKING CHICKEN FOR DINNER and a big ass bowl of fruit.
I weighed in this morning and it has me up 1.6lbs from last week π© i know its probably just bloat but fuck i hate it.
So i ate breakfast today and had three coffees for lunch/dinner. I'm going to try to fast 24 hours to see if it helps shake off some water weight.