#em thoughts

quite certain that none of these are even remotely groundbreaking but they are things that i Believe and I Feel In My Heart ok ok

shane gets very very very wet. just absolutely dripping. ilya hella teases him about it and shane pretends to hate that but secretly loves it yay!!! “hollander you are wet like girl” “fuck off rozanov” (blushes like a slut)

i have discussed this before but shane just invents kink out of his own beautiful mind

dacryphilia.

like dacryphilia generally, && of COURSE ilya loves making shane cry but in my depraved little mind, on special occasions, shane makes ilya cry :3

specifically i think of that virginshane post tht went something like “ilya fucks shane until ILYA is a whimpering mess” like ilya’s begging shane to come and shane’s all “don’t you dare come yet rozanov i’m not done” and ilya’s hanging on for dear life tears in his eyes completely incoherent he has no idea if he’s speaking english or russian or any language at all or if he’s just babbling and crying and he’s so pathetic and beautiful like this and shane keeps talking down to him and when he finally finally says “fill me up rozanov” ilya comes so hard he blacks out :)

ilya goes feral when he sees shane with 81 on his back blah blah whatever but shane sees HOLLANDER 24 across ilya’s back and he gets so hard he blacks out. he makes ilya fuck him in front of a mirror (in the trophy room perhaps👀) so he can stare at his own name on his husband until he comes all over himself :D maybe even a couple of times! who knows!

per the previous sentence, #myilya has basically no refractory period. shane does but do you think ilya gives a fuck? no shanya you can give me one more baby come on you can do it

not a hc but leo has infected me with thoughts of fairy!shane i can’t stop thinking about him thanks a lot leo @ilyasmole

ilya can’t stand british people. he just doesn’t like them

^ nothing near the disdain he has for the french. he actively hates the french.

ilya visited wisconsin one time when he was like 20 and became obsessed with cheese curds. shane makes fun of him about it but after he retires he also comes to enjoy cheese curds

can i just say wow thank you for so much love on 'Until the Water Runs Clear' 🥺 500 likes is huge for me and I'm so grateful for every single one. 🫶

So last year, I was in a show with a man I'd never met until our chemistry read together. He is a lovely person, a fantastic actor, and just a genuinely solid individual all around.

We had a great time playing opposite one another. He's the best kind of scene partner--the kind that isn't afraid to try weird stuff and is always on board to throw spaghetti at the wall together to see if anything sticks.

He also just lost his mom 3 months before we started working together.

I, being a member of the Dead Moms Club (along with my husband) told him that he was officially a member of the shittiest club in the world, but the good thing is that he wasn't in it by himself. I told him if he ever wanted to be angry or cry or just tell someone about his mom, he could call me.

And then I pretty much didn't hear from him beyond a few in-person theatre things for a year.

UNTIL TODAY!

He texted me out of the blue and proceeded to tell me that he felt terrible for never letting me know how much my offer of support meant to him, and that he had wanted to call me so many times over the last year...

BUT HIS GIRLFRIEND WOULD NOT LET HIM.

Yes, you heard this right. His girlfriend, a woman who claimed to love and support him, would not let him accept the offer of friendship and comfort from someone who had been in his exact shoes.

Why?

Because I'm also a woman. And I'm a woman her boyfriend happened to have to kiss on stage because hi, we were Emma and Mr. Knightley and yeah, sorry. They kiss. It's a thing they do.

Nevermind that the kissing was Stage Kissing -- one of the least sexy kinds of kissing one can do.

Nevermind that the offer was entirely platonic.

Nevermind that my husband was right there next to me when said offer was made, nodding along and saying he was there for him too.

Nope. Not allowed.

So this guy, my friend, went through the Literal Worst Year of Anyone's Life (I would not wish those first 12-18 months without my mom on anyone not currently sitting in the White House right now) without anyone who knew what he was going through to talk to about it or help him through some of the worst stuff.

Thankfully, he has now ended this relationship and, with the benefit of hindsight, is realizing just how toxic of an environment he was in. And he's going to therapy, which is great. But he asked me if that offer was still good, saying he understood if it wasn't because of how he basically ghosted me for a year.

A) My offers of friendship never expire, so you're good there my guy.

B) How much did this chick fuck him up that he feels like he has to ASK IF WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS now that he feels like he no longer has to ask her permission?!?

Jealousy is a sickness. It serves no purpose other than to poison things. The amount of friends I have had to step away from over the course of my life because some woman felt threatened by the idea of her boyfriend confiding in or enjoying spending time with someone else of the opposite sex is...

I've honestly lost count.

And that's sad for me. And it's really sad for them. Because it's SO HARD to make friends as adults. So. SO hard. And letting your own insecurities shrink the circle of love and support of someone you claim to care about?

Shame. On. You.

another soob photocard … plus his signature!

I talked to family, called consults, reviewed labs, did exams and wrote notes all in the middle of the night - a strange feeling to be so alive when the rest of the world around me is sleeping.