Consider this a work in progress because I know I've forgotten some people.
(list for the men)
Melissa Fuentes: You're either a fag hag or a fag who loves your hags.
Lauren Chicco-Fuentes: See previous, but more for the classic fag hags like Judy Garland or you just want someone to make you cookies.
Brittany Venti: You are a blend of terminally online and fashionable.
Michelle Malkin: You are the mother in your friend group.
Faith Merrill: You are a fujoshi cuckquean who is really passionate about Christopher Columbus Day.
Brittany of Politically Provoked: You keep bearing witness to your friends' most revealing moments.
Candace Owens: You are very creative, but that also means you have the worst case of apophenia this world has ever seen.
Pearl Davis: You let your significant others walk all over you.
Laura Loomer: You are a fame chaser above all else.
Ella Maulding: You aren't over your ex.
Averie Jonnell: You also aren't over your ex and really like Nickverse deep cuts.
Kathy Zhu: You are hot but dumb and like pegging your boyfriend.
Kassy Dillon: You catalysed someone's villain arc.
Melina Goransson: You just want to corrupt a virginal chud and have somewhat questionable taste in significant others.
Sarah Stock: You keep finding yourself in precarious situations.
Lilly Gaddis: You are tryhard.
Marjorie Taylor Greene: You are a calculated mix of loyalty, morals, and seeing which way the winds are turning, but end up just being kind of a mess.
Anna Perez: You are a helpless romantic and perhaps a bit gullible.
Savannah Hernandez: You make men nervous at the worst times.
SlayterHaus: You own both a deck of tarot cards and a "Proud to be Plastic" shirt.
Stardust: You like going on crazy mode sometimes and don't know anyone whose favourite food lobster.
Brett Cooper: You are a bit of a flake.
Dasha Nekrasova: Your ideal day would involve lounging about in coquette fashion while listening to The Smiths.
Pariah the Doll: You have an eating disorder (also included in the men list on account of the detransition)