#egg donor

Trans experiences: Donating eggs as a trans man.

When I was little, my mother liked my sister more than me. I was always the one getting reprimanded, scolded, criticized. My mother would even say to me, "You're just like your father! I hate that bastard." She never hit me but her words cut so deep. I could hear the disgust and anger in her voice, sharp as knives. She seemed to be annoyed by me every time I spoke, so eventually I stopped speaking. I buried my emotions deep within me until I could do so no longer. This is the result: a permanently burnt-out, disabled adult who has difficulty expressing their emotions, and even more difficulty recognizing what they need. This is one reason why I will never have children.

It starts with the misleading advertising, “life-enriching and incredibly beautiful experience for young women" and similar emotional fulfillment reasons. They promise that “compensation increasing with prior experience (e.g., “Couples assign extra value to…[donors] who have successfully donated in the past.” They promise that the financial benefit will be easy money, or used to pay tuition or debts, or just vague promises of future financial success. Even in countries where it is not legal to pay a lump sum just for donating, they promise to repay any of your costs and lean heavily on the emotional fulfillment factor of donating. They are not at all clear about the benefits / risks to the donors.

That’s because they have no idea. There are zero (0) long-term research studies on the side effects on the women who donate eggs. All we have are forums where egg donors detail their experiences and supposedly ‘rare’ side effects severely impacting their life. The reports of late in life health from the egg donors contains ovarian torsion, hyperstimulation, blood clots and infertility issues. These are presented as extremely rare side effects of the procedures and the women cannot give informed consent.

Beyond the lack of health guarantee, the way that the egg donors are treated in the clinics is reportedly horrific - women say “ I was treated like a human petri dish...Before the clinic even considered getting me medical attention, they did the egg retrieval”. Women are injected with a hormone that’s not approved by the FDA for fertility (it’s also used as a hormone blocker for transgender-identified little girls, but that’s a whole other can of worms). 

Reports of the hormone affecting their life include “As a result of selling my eggs, I survived a torsioned ovary, intestinal failure, and a body cavity infection. I have also survived breast cancer, including having both of my breasts cut off, and eighteen months of harrowing chemotherapy and radiation treatments.I believe that all of this could have been avoided if I had not sold my eggs – a procedure that I thought was safe”. 

There is no oversight for these agencies. They more or less self-regulate, used unapproved drugs and there are no consequences. They aren’t even required to give you your medical record, allow you to learn the outcome or contact your progeny about health risks. You are not monitored after they give you your money, there is no follow up or medical consultation. It is exploitation, plain and simple.

Women are lured by promises of easy money at financially vulnerable times in their lives, not warned of side effects, given little to no medical help and have no recourse when things go wrong. Do not do it.

Summary: You and Loki are friends, but one night while drunk both of you open yourselves up to each other about things that nobody else knows about you... Until tonight.

Warning: flying cusswords and talks of abandonment.

This is my first piece on here so please be gentle and enjoy 🙂

m/n: mother’s name

It was 5 years to the day that Loki lost Frigga, the most important woman in his life. Loki often wanted to be left alone all the time, but especially on the anniversary of her death. You’re invited to the Stark tower because Tony knew you could help Loki; he seemed more aggressive and shouty than usual and everybody else was just getting fed up and annoyed; all their attempts for him to snap out of the funk bit the dust and just made him more pissed off and bitter. 

You arrived at the tower with the fixings for bloody Mary’s (including some Asgardian mead, courtesy of Thor)  and your homemade crab Rangoon's you knew Loki loved very much. You called up Tony so he could let you into the building. “you know Y/n you’re here so often maybe I should make you your own badge so you can come in any time you need without me having to buzz you in” “That would be nice, thank you” You smile to him as the door opens.

“Loki still in his room?” Tony just nods, but before you leave up the stairs to his room he gently grabs your arm and you look up at him. “please be careful y/n, I’m still finding it hard to trust him and I don’t want you to get hurt” you smile again gently “I’ll be okay, I promise” he nods, but still has a worried expression on his face.

You approach Loki’s door, you take a deep breath and knock 

“Go away you mewling quim” he spits out, shamelessly turning you on a bit.

“It’s me, y/n, I come with offerings”

He opens the door, eyes bloodshot with a look of pissed off-ness and agony

“What do you want?” he spits out

“I know you want to be left alone, but I wanted to be here for you tonight” 

his expression softened up a little while keeping his guard up. He opens the door more and beckons you in to close the door. He was reading what looked like an old book about vampires, you set everything down on a table in his room.

“What sort of offerings did you bring y/n”

“I brought freshly made crab Rangoon's and the stuff to make bloody Mary’s” 

“mmm two of my favorite Midgard things” he hummed in approval, but still seeming pissed off

You started making the drinks while Loki was eating. 

“So, how’s your week been?” You ask while sitting down next to him, you look at him, undivided attention while trying to get a read on how he’s feeling.

“Fine” he practically growled at you. You nod and things stay quiet for a while. You decide to turn on some funky music to get into a better mood, maybe even dance with him

“Y/n what are you doing”

“I wanna dance, what does it look like?” You grind on him a bit, he forces a smile, but tries to hide it and turns the music off

“y/n maybe a bit later ok?” You nod sad but understandingly

*5 drinks later*

things get quiet again and he seems to have gone back to his silent thoughts

“Listen, Lo if you ever need someone to talk to I’m always here, and..” before you could say any more he lost it.

*he bangs a fist on the table* 

“HERE IT FUCKING COMES, YOU ONLY WANTED TO BUTTER ME UP SO I’D SPILL MY GUTS, MAYBE EVEN MY HEART OUT TO YOUR PATHETIC ASS... I’M PERFECTLY FINE YOU DAMN QUIM! ACTUALLY, YOU WANNA KNOW THE TRUTH? FIIIIIINE! I HAD THE SHITTIEST UPBRINGING I’VE EVER KNOWN, THE ONLY ONE WHO TRULY UNDERSTOOD ME WAS FRIGGA AND SHE’S DEAD BECAUSE OF ME! I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO GO TO HER FUNERAL, I WAS HARSH AND VILE, MY LAST WORDS TO HER HAUNT ME STILL TO THIS DAY! I SAID THINGS THAT I’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO TAKE BACK, I WAS THE WORST SON SHE, OR ANYBODY COULD ASK FOR! AND ANOTHER THING, ODIN WAS RIGHT FOR KEEPING MY IDENTITY HIDDEN OF WHAT I TRULY AM, BECAUSE I AM A FUCKING MONSTER!”

He was so mad his Jotun form temporarily came out for a moment, the sudden outburst shakes you to your core, the usually soft man yelled at you, you knew he would often yell at other people, but never you, until tonight. You’re shaken and your eyes want to tear up because you know that pain all too well.

You stand up to look the man before you, shaking, scared but understanding, your heart breaks after hearing Loki’s last words he had yelled out. You tried to bring your hand to his face, but he dodged the gesture.

“Loki, you are not the only one with a fucked up upbringing”

“Y/n is that supposed to make me feel better?!” he seethed

“No, it’s the goddamn truth” you said, trying to fight back tears and flashbacks as hard as possible, but to no avail. “at least you had a mother that gave a flying fuck about you! I don’t even have that!”

He takes a sharp inhale “then lets see who had a more fucked up upbringing, shall we?” still fuming mad, just more quiet than his yelling a few minutes ago. At this point the drinks starting to wear off for him.

“My birth was a mistake, my own mother didn’t want me, she didn’t even want my dad to know she was in labor so she could lie to him and say that I died or just to be able to leave me to be someone else’s problem, luckily my grandmother, my dad’s mother was notified as soon as m/n was at the hospital in labor, about to give birth to their only child. My dad couldn’t initially be there for my birth because he was about fifty or more miles away, he hauled ass to the point where he got a speeding ticket but was able to be there sometime after.

“Oh boo hoo you you were a mistake, big whoop”

“that’s not even close to the whole story Loki, sit your ass down” you roll your eyes to him. 

“My dad talks m/n into keeping me, despite how she feels towards me, everything is fine for a while, until around the age of three to five years old she decided she’d had enough of me and/ or my father and she snapped. It was late at night, she turned to me and my dad and essentially said she couldn’t do “this” anymore, even I'm not too sure what she meant, but she asked me a question you should never have to ask a child. She asked me if I wanted to stay with my dad or go with her, I chose to stay with my dad and she walked out the front door right in front of us, just left like I didn’t mean a goddamn thing to her.” You could tell Loki was about to interject but you put a finger up to his lips.

“I’m almost done, I promise” you pleaded to him, sorrow coating his expressions.

“years later me, m/n and my dad started working things out, m/n actually wanted to be apart of my life, things were looking up, things were actually ok...” you looked up to pause and see Loki’s expression, for a moment there was hope on his face, but sadly it was gone as quick as it came. “until I turned 9, for some reason m/n stopped wanting to see me, wouldn’t even talk to me or my dad, everybody was puzzled, until the winter came. I had gotten a letter from m/n” you take a shaky breath as you recall what the letter said.

“y/n this will be the last time you ever hear from me. I’m letting you go, you were and continue to be the biggest mistake of my life, I should never have had you, much less taken you home the night you were born, I wish you died so I wouldn’t have had the burden of being your mother. 

“that part always hurt the worst, after my grandma telling me that I did actually almost die the night I was brought into this world." "P.s. leave me the hell alone, I do not wish to be found, especially not by you." "I ripped that letter to shreds, but I still remember every word, every thought and emotion that raced in my head and in my heart, from that day forward I knew I would never be loved, because if my own mother couldn’t even love me, then how could I expect anybody to love me?”

You closed your eyes at the buildup of tears and every emotion that still haunted you from that damned letter, you start to fall when you feel strong hands catch you, you look up to see those gorgeous light blue oceanic eyes that were Loki’s. All the rage that was originally in his eyes had been replaced by sorrow. 

“y/n I had no idea anybody could go through this amount of pain, much less a Midgardian for Odin’s sake! No offense but I thought you Midgardians were so weak but my gods I have no idea how you’ve survived for so long”

“No offense taken” you force a soft smile.

Loki gave you a strong hug, you were probably hugging for a while but it only felt like a minute, you were holding onto each other for as long as either of you needed the other person. a few more minutes and he finally breaks the hug. He proceeded to write, no, scribble something down on a piece of paper “what’re you doing?” You asked with curiousness. 

“I’m giving you my number, any time you need to talk I’m here for you, ok?” He said as he was tearing up. “I don’t care what hour, any time you need me don’t hesitate to call” 

“I will” you say while giving him a sheepish smile as you start heading out of his room.

“Stay for the night?”

You stop in your tracks

“p- pardon?”

He laughs and takes your hands so you're facing him