#educational post

Childhood dissociation is a strange beast. In ways most who haven’t lived it won’t ever intuitively grasp.

I lived two lives, running alongside each other but never touching.

On one track was the ‘me’ who went to school, did homework, showed up at appointments and playdates.

That version of me didn’t know what was happening. Not really. They were built to keep going, to keep smiling, to stay innocent of what we couldn’t bear.

On the other track, other parts carried everything.

Why we woke screaming in the night, sweating through sheets.

Why we knew closets and mirrors weren’t safe.

Why we knew what adults did.

That was the one who curled on the floor instead of the bed, who vomited from terror in the dark.

These tracks ran side by side. They leaked into each other all the time, but never met.

I felt wrong, dirty, ruined, without knowing why. I didn’t understand what made me different, only that I was. Every cruel twist of social rejection because of this just deepened the barriers.

That’s the paradox of childhood dissociation.

It shields you enough to keep living, but it also leaves you fractured. The unknowing self stumbles through the day, while the knowing self is hidden but still screaming.

Both are you.

Here's an example of a radfem referring to sex workers as "prostituted women", demonstrating how this language is used to ignore sex workers' autonomy. The author uses this term for me, a trans guy who sells sex with no-one controlling me, to imply that selling sex is an action which happens to me instead of something I do. (The misgendering is unsurprising - TERF and SWERF rhetoric go hand in hand.)

The quote above is from an article I wrote, Pre-Prostitution Jitters, where I speak openly about experiencing PTSD and fearing meeting with clients. I talk about how past sexual abuse often prompts this response for sex workers who have it. This is treated as soft language because... I don't describe selling sex as "earning [my] livelihood by getting raped". Me choosing to sell sex, and being stressed or nervous beforehand, is treated as evidence that the sex I seek out and consent to is rape.

The term "prostituted women" exists to treat sex workers as if we are all women and are merely acted upon and make no choices for ourselves about our sex work. The phrase implies that a third party is controlling us, because otherwise who are we being "prostituted" by? Ourselves?

inappropriate sinus tachycardia (IST) is a form of dysautonomia causing someone to experience sinus tachycardia, this makes the heart rate 100+ bpm at rest and and 90+ bpm over a 24 hour period without an identifiable cause. IST can be asymptomatic but many with it experience symptoms

Before i go on i will explain some of these terms

Dysautonomia is an umbrella term for conditions causing dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system, which is part of the nervous system that controls functions that we don’t think about or control. Things like heart rate, sweat production, pupil size, and much more

Sinus tachycardia is when the sinoartiral node of the heart send signals to make the heart beat fast. Causing tachycardia which is a faster than normal heart rate, normal heart rate is 60-100 bpm, 100+ bpm is tachycardia

IST is defined as a heart rate of 100+ bpm while at rest and a heart rate of 90+ bpm over a 24 hour period. There is no identifiable cause and IST is a diagnosis of exclusion and other things must be ruled out.

IST can be asymptomatic but many people with it experience distressing symptoms like (not a full list)

Palpitations (uncomfortable feelings in chest from fast heart rate)

Chest pain

Shortness of breath

Issues with exercise

Presyncope (feeling like you’re going to pass out

Syncope (passing out

Some with inappropriate sinus tachycardia will also have jumps in their heart rate from mild exertion

Treatment for IST may include certain medications such as beta blockers, calcium channel blockers

ivabradine is shown to be effective but is not yet approved for treatment of IST

People may also use other forms of treatment like exercise training and lifestyle changes

Sinus node ablation is a surgery some get for IST which is seen to be effective at first but a lot of people with it notice that it reoccurs in a few months

Lowering heart rate in those with IST may not always improve symptoms

Sources and more information

https://www.dysautonomiainternational.org/page.php?ID=228

My dudes bg3 is a good crpg, all companions are optional. You can solo the game if you like, you can kill any of them, not recruit them or recruit them all.

I literally killed Shart at the beach once, took the artefact from her dead body and run the whole game without her existing at all. This was my durge having extra urges, it's called roleplay for a reason.

Genocide: the deliberate, systematic destruction—in whole or in part—of a national, ethnic, racial, or religious group. The term was coined in 1944 by Polish-Jewish lawyer Raphael Lemkin to describe atrocities committed during the Holocaust.

The Legal Definition

Under Article II of the 1948 United Nations Genocide Convention, genocide means any of the following acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a targeted group:

Killing members of the group

Causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group

Deliberately inflicting conditions of life calculated to bring about the group's physical destruction (e.g., depriving them of food, water, or medical services)

Imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group

Forcibly transferring children of the group to another group

Key Elements of the Crime

To legally classify an act as genocide, two critical components must be proven in a court of law:

The Mental Element (Mens Rea): The specific intent to destroy the group, as such, either entirely or partially.

The Physical Element (Actus Reus): The actual commission of one or more of the five acts listed in the UN convention.

The Rapture

An end-times theological concept, predominantly held by American evangelical Christians, in which living and resurrected believers are suddenly caught up "in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air".

Scriptural Basis

The term itself does not appear in the Bible, but it is derived from the Latin word rapio and the original Koine Greek word harpazo, which both mean "to be caught up" or "snatched". It is primarily based on two passages written by the Apostle Paul:

1 Thessalonians 4:16-17: Paul describes the dead in Christ rising first, followed by believers who are still alive being caught up in the clouds together with them.

1 Corinthians 15:51-52: Paul describes this transformation happening "in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye" at the sound of a trumpet.

The Three Main Views

How and when the Rapture fits into the end times (eschatology) is debated, leading to several different interpretations:

Pre-Tribulation: The most widely popularized view in modern evangelicalism. It posits that the Rapture happens secretly and invisibly to the world, taking believers to heaven before a seven-year period of global suffering and divine wrath (the Tribulation).

Mid-Tribulation: Believes the Rapture will occur in the middle of the seven-year Tribulation period, specifically before the most severe outpouring of God's wrath.

Post-Tribulation: Believes the Rapture and the Second Coming of Jesus are a single event. In this view, believers will go through the Tribulation and will be caught up to meet Jesus in the air, immediately accompanying Him back down to earth.

Tribulation

An eschatological concept in Christian theology referring to a future, seven-year period of severe global suffering, divine judgment, and the rise of the Antichrist. Found primarily in Premillennialism, this period is generally divided into two 3 1/2 year halves, with the second half known as the "Great Tribulation"

The theology is deeply rooted in biblical prophecy and varies based on how different traditions view the timeline of the "rapture" (the taking of believers to heaven).

The Biblical Roots

The foundation of tribulation theology stems from several core biblical passages:

Daniel's 70 Weeks: Prophesied in Daniel 9:24-27, which speaks of a final "week" (interpreted as a final seven-year period) before the ultimate fulfillment of God's promises to Israel.

The Olivet Discourse: In Matthew 24, Jesus warns of an "abomination of desolation" and a time of unprecedented distress.

The Book of Revelation: Chapters 6 through 18 describe the cataclysmic judgments poured out upon the earth.

Theological Purposes of the Tribulation

Scholars who view the tribulation as a future event typically assign it two main purposes:

Divine Judgment: A time of accounting for human wickedness, the global rebellion against God, and the unmasking of ultimate evil (the Antichrist).

The Redemption of Israel: Often referred to as "the time of Jacob's trouble," it is viewed as a period of refining meant to bring the nation of Israel to repentance and the acceptance of Jesus as their Messiah.

Armageddon

The eschatological study of the end of the world, centered around a prophesied final, climactic battle between the forces of good and evil. The term originates from the Hebrew Har Megiddo (Mount Megiddo), a geographic site in Israel often used as a symbolic gathering place for this catastrophic event.

Interpretations of this theology vary widely across Christian traditions:

Futurist/Premillennialism: Many evangelical and fundamentalist groups believe this is a literal, future military and supernatural conflict at the end of a seven-year Tribulation. In this view, earthly armies gather to attack Israel, and Jesus Christ physically returns with the armies of heaven to defeat evil, paving the way for a 1,000-year earthly kingdom.

Symbolic/Spiritual Warfare: Many Catholic, Orthodox, and mainline Protestant theologians view Armageddon primarily as a symbolic narrative rather than a literal geographic war. They interpret it as an ongoing spiritual struggle between God and the forces of sin, which will culminate in Christ's ultimate victory.

Historical Context: Some scholars argue that the Book of Revelation was written as apocalyptic "resistance literature" directed specifically at the Roman Empire. In this view, the "Beast" and Armageddon are theological critiques of oppressive earthly empires and manufactured consent.

What happens to those left behind after The Rapture?

In Christian eschatology, those "left behind" after the Rapture face the Tribulation, a seven-year period of global chaos, divine judgment, and the rise of the Antichrist. People can still seek salvation during this time, though it requires enduring severe persecution.

The aftermath generally unfolds in four distinct phases:

Global Chaos and Deception: The sudden disappearance of believers causes widespread panic and societal collapse. World leaders and media attempt to rationalize the mass vanishings, paving the way for a charismatic, unifying global leader (the Antichrist) to take power.

The Tribulation Period: The earth experiences devastating environmental catastrophes, wars, and cosmic disturbances as described in the Book of Revelation. Approximately half of the global population may perish during this era of divine judgment.

The Mark of the Beast: The global regime implements a mandatory economic system requiring a mark on the right hand or forehead. Taking the mark results in eternal damnation, while refusing it means economic exclusion, starvation, and martyrdom.

Salvation and Martyrdom: It is possible for those left behind to achieve salvation during the Tribulation. These "Tribulation Saints" often come to faith by remembering the teachings of believers who vanished, or by reading Bibles. However, they face extreme peril and are heavily targeted for execution.

CW: mentions of grooming, sh and paraphilia.

I am NOT a cult survivor (expect for rqc, which will come up later) but since i was a thirteen, i have been interested in cults. Which "side" you are on, take a seat and a good look at the traits of a cult:

The pure thought, the concept of trying to justify harmful behaviour and thoughts (yes, thoughts can be harmful. For example, you wouldnt say that a person who feels no distress thinking about killing people would be any less mentally ill than a person who does, yeah?) Is very cult-y to me.

"We just want appectance! We just want peace! Our beliefs are valid!"

The whining bounces through the walls of the giant box, echo filling the space of the mob yelling.

Its all an echo chamber.

This is where my experience comes up... or should i say our experience?

As someone who is a CDD system (questioning polyfragmentation and being a ramcoa survivor, medically regonized but not yet diagnosed), our alter Solar was both groomed by our abusers and later groomed online (we were collectively victimized, but Solar holds those memories. Those groomers were radqueers.).

Most of their existence, he thought that harmful paraphilias were a normal part of life and totally appectable and something to be proud of. She caused our system many drama situations, got us deeper into a manipulative and co-depentent friendship and frequently stalked radqueer communities and idolized them. They also antagonized people in-sys, often reaffirming intrusive thoughts, triggering flashbacks and manipulating vulnerable alters into harm the body for pleasure.

Recently, Solar has taken accountability of harming our system, no longer thinks that paraphilia is normal and is aiming to recover. He feels like her whole "life" has been wasted and is struggling with SI, overcome with regret. But one thing they do not feel is shame for leaving these echo chambers. He will not feel shame for being a survivor. She will not be licking the boots of the very same people who took advantage of them. They are a survivor of the rqc. Suck it up.

Conclusion:

From personal experience, radqueer community and people associating positively with it are an ouroboros. Only talking and taking sources and advice from each other, ingnoring and demonizing critics (for example, Hushypuppy) and mental health professionals and often, destroying themselfves. Its no secret that radqueers are extremely mentally ill and isolated people, looking for a community and appectance.

Where there's prey, there's predators. Malignant people will join these communities for the purpose of hurting the mentally ill.

Are you a radqueer reading this? Now, listen very carefully. I understand that you may feel conflicted, paranoid maybe angry? Maybe you're trying to cope with humor by laughing at my post? I understand your denial, but i need for you to listen to me.

No person should be left to succumb into a swamp with no bottom.

GET OUT. While there's still time and hope for you. Especially if you are underage "chronologically". These people are not your friends, they are victims and their abusers. They dont care about you or your mental health. Log off. Talk to someone you are close with. Family, friends, teachers, psychologists, therapists... Seek real connections and listen to the opinions of people outside of the internet. Even if its hard. Even if it hurts. Caterpillar needs to struggle to become a butterfly.

I want to talk about spirituality, but to do so I recognize the need to talk about specific deities, and in order to do that we need to talk about and have an understanding of Cemínism/Zeminism (for continuity and understandability, I will be using the academic “Cemí” spelling with a “C”, but please keep in mind, Zemí is valid as well recognized academically and in the tribal nation, I just don’t want confusion).

There is no single term that fully captures this the Taíno spiritual system in its original context, and even the use of words like “religion” or “spirituality” can be limiting. What is being described is not a separate sphere of life, but an integrated way of understanding relationships—between people, land, ancestors, realms, and the forces that sustain existence.

Within the Cemínism framework, cemís are central.

Cemí are not easily defined in singular terms. They may be understood as ancestral presences, spiritual beings, forces of nature, or the material forms through which those presences are engaged. In short- objects imbued with a presences. Cemís may be represented through a carved object or natural form; they can also be encountered through place, memory, or practice- most notable examples are sacred places, some are sacred because they are imbued. These distinctions are fluid, and often depend on context (Pané, 1498/1999; Oliver, 2009). Because of this, cemís are not distant or abstract. They, the objects, exist within relationship— imbued with a presence that is carried through lineage, expressed through environment, and recognized through interaction rather than belief alone.

In the most basic of terms - a cemí is molded to one’s own perception of a deity or ancestral spirit, it is imbued by it and represents the relationship between a community/family/person and said deity or ancestral spirit. It is a physical vessel or embodiment of spiritual power.

The basic anatomy of what a cemí represents:

The Embodiment/Object: It is believed that the physical object actually contains the spirit or essence of a deity or ancestral spirit. NOT that it is the deity or spirit directly (no deity can be contained, nor should anyone seek to that’s viewed as malevolent and world harming behavior).

The Materials: They are crafted using a wide variety of materials, including wood, cotton, stone, shell, clay, and even bone, which were often carved or molded to reflect incarnations, visions or dreams to the deity and ancestral spirit. Sometimes clothing and accessories are crafted to adorn the cemí, as additions (see after sources for photos of some preserved documented cemís).

The Function: Acting as intermediaries, these objects are used to communicate with the spirit world, seek guidance, influence, and ensure the community's (or persons) prosperity, health, protection, etc. The concept is deeply relational, serving as a direct, tangible link between the physical world and the sacred unseen.

(Jiménez (2021), Doyle (2020))

To put this into context, the most common cemís that come to mind are of those of Yúcahu (there are other spellings, far too many to individually list on this post), Atabey, and Guan Ban Sech. For many these names invoke a Cemí to come to mind, but one of the most common ones in connection to Atabey is the Coquí. You can’t drive on the road anywhere in a major city with a Puerto Rican population without coming across a Taíno Coquí symbol, weather it’s on someone’s car, flag, or tattooed on their body. While there are different beliefs around the Coquí- some view it as the symbology for luck, being safe guarded, others as an extension of Atabey’s Fertility incarnation, the nurturing care of a mother. There are some that just view it a symbol of pride and origin. Regardless of the individuals view- they are have the core reasoning of a relationship with nature, safety, and Puerto Rico as an island, and it has been a cultural Cemí carried through lineage and recognized through interaction rather than belief alone for loner than any academic can pin point. See how cemís can be more than merely an object?

With all this say, let me disclaim - It is also important to acknowledge that not all aspects of this knowledge are meant for public or generalized discussion. Some teachings, ceremonial practices, and interpretations are held within specific communities, families, or initiated spaces. What is shared here reflects information that is more widely documented or openly discussed, and should be understood as partial, relative, and foundationally basic rather than comprehensive.

Much of what is commonly known about Taíno spiritual life comes from two sources, early colonial records and cultural knowledge passed through family and communities across the Caribbean. Archeological and anthropological accounts, while valuable, were written through external perspectives and are often incomplete. As a result, contemporary understanding is shaped not only by these texts, but also by oral tradition, community knowledge, and ongoing cultural practice (Curet, 2014; Keegan & Carlson, 2008).

This is where variation becomes important.

Taíno-descendant communities exist across different regions of the Caribbean and its diaspora, and their approaches to cemís can reflect those environments. In some areas, there may be a stronger emphasis on agricultural relationships and land-based practices (ie. like personal gardens, keeping of ancestral trees, dances, etc), in others, a more pronounced connection to coastal or riverine environments (ie. Meditative swimming, Water/River Cultures, etc), and some even blend with other spiritual beliefs (ie. Afro-indigenous communities have a similar practice, cemís crossing into Orisha spaces happened naturally), one’s environment shapes how certain presences are understood and expressed- and under the practice of cemínism it is all valid.

Even within the same region, differences can emerge between families or communities. These variations may influence how cemí are named, how they are approached, or how relationships with them are maintained. Rather than indicating inconsistency, these differences reflect continuity—adaptation over time in response to place, history, and lived experience (Oliver, 2009).

As a cultural example, if you’ve ever read the memoir “My Broken Language”, by Quiara Alegria Hudes; she describes her mother’s spiritual garden dotted with stone lines, carved sculptures, 4 directional sections, and specific plants planted per section. An outsider reads it, takes in the environment described, it might be new to them and they continue. Someone with an even basic understand of Caribbean indigenous beliefs or living cultural experience in the Caribbean though, they read it and can recognize the stone dividing lines as cibas, the sculptures likely cemís of Taíno and Orisha presences, the divided section being the wheel, and even the specific plants reflecting the Taíno cardinal directions. When you have the lived experience of culture, you can fill the blanks, understand without a full course explanation which means authors like Ms. Hudes can share semi closed practices in this form, and it works. Those outside get a glimpse, those with context get validation and recognize the meaning.

In general there is no single, fixed system that can fully represent Taíno spirituality as it exists today, but cemínism is such a central part that it has undeniably been carried through lineage, expressed through history, and recognized thoroughly culturally, regardless of personally held beliefs.

For those beginning to learn, it may be helpful to approach this not as a system to be mastered, but as a set of relationships to be understood gradually. Definitions may shift with time, exposure, and while building community with others. Meanings may deepen over time. What is learned in one space may be expanded or reframed in another. It is all a process.