AÂ nice day out. :O
The J shaped thing is a Crazy Cone of icecream.
seen from Peru
seen from United Kingdom
seen from France

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from TĂźrkiye

seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
seen from China

seen from Poland

seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States

seen from Kazakhstan

seen from TĂźrkiye

seen from TĂźrkiye
seen from TĂźrkiye

seen from United Kingdom
seen from Lebanon
AÂ nice day out. :O
The J shaped thing is a Crazy Cone of icecream.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Please enjoy this out of context art. The boots are #lit. I might have spent too much time on this comic. Will you ever see the rest? IDK. :O
August Long Weekend Pt 1
An arc within the 2020 arc because that is how I roll. Originally was going to have this as one long fic, but hey, itâs going to be long as fuck so enjoy it cut up into parts.
Masterpost
XXXX
Edward had unceremoniously kicked them out, most likely because Ătienne, who had been trying to help in the frantic cleaning, had managed to drop the soap down the stairs causing them to turn into some sort of soapy waterslide, and Edwardâs eyes wide, had said, âRIGHT! You and Calvin are going shopping for the things we will need, now.â Ătienne could hardly look at Edward feeling like a fuck up once again, especially when he caught a glimpse of him towels in hand cleaning up the mess that Edward refused to even let him help with.
He had been trying to make up for the night before, where after an evening of TV where Ătienne had felt the words between them widening into a chasm, stretching out across their only link, Calvin, who kept commenting upon the television shows, comfortably sitting between them, his words an endless patter filling the words that Ătienne found himself swallowing, words which usually kept hidden so well wanting to spill out like too much rainwater from the barrel, where the small slips of before were opening up a dam of words that wanted to continue to spill until he was empty of them. As he lay in the guest bedroom alone, the words swirling around him a dark tidal force trying to pull him down back under the wall of silence, he found himself getting up, slipping on his sneakers (freshly bought from the shopping trip on Whyte), and creeping out into the night, entering the peaceful backyard, the stars dimly shining above him, the ground fresh and damp, the lingering smell of rain bringing the scent of leaves to the fore, surrounding him in a cocoon of nature. It was dark, but in the city never dark enough that one could not see where things were. He wandered over to the closed chicken coop, and opened it, entered and then closed the gate behind him, feeling ridiculous for this. No doubt the chickens were safely sleeping, dreaming of bugs and cheese. Â Sitting on a conveniently placed log, he sat there, staring up at the stars, listening to the breeze in the cool night air, trying to let the words fly away, let him lay down and rest.
His contemplation had been ruined by the swarms of mosquitos descending upon him, and later as he lay in bed scratching and hating his life, he wondered why he had stayed so long. He should leave, book his flight and get out of there.
Which had been his full intention, but after a rather hasty breakfast followed by Edward informing them that they had to help clean the house up before the others arrived (not even explaining who was arriving), they had been roped into the roles, until Ătienne managed to fuck up even cleaning. There hadnât been time for him to even look up flights.
âWhere are we going?â
âShopping,â Calvin said unhelpfully as he backed the truck out.
âWhy is your garage so large â there is literally room for two more trucks,â Ătienne asked, his mind wandering.
âOne.â
âOne?â
âYeah.â Calvin grunted as he finished backing out into the alley, and began to get them onto the proper path.
âCalvin, that fits two at least.â
âIf youâre counting in the size of Edâs tiny ass truck, honestly not sure why he keeps that ancient thing, pretty sure itâs 99 percent replacement parts by now,â Calvin laughed.
âYouâre talking as if you know what truck goes there,â Ătienne stated, looking at the other man curiously.
âMmm yeah I do, it would be weird if I didnât? Seeing as I helped design and build this place? Of course I would know what goes where,â came the amused response.
âWhose truck goes there then?â
âMacâs of course,â Calvin said.
âMac- oh right. Why does he have his own garage spot in your house?â Ătienne asked, âCanât he park out front?â
âLeave his baby out front where vandals could appear? You kidding me? That truck probably cost more than our house with how many upgrades and shit he did to it, sure it can probably climb a mountain no problem while fighting a bear simultaneously, but itâs still his baby and when he is in town he prefers to park it in the garage.â
âHow could a truck fight a bear?â
âYou clearly have not seen his truck, when you do youâll understand.â
âWhy would I be seeing his truck? Iâm not going north to see him, I barely know him.â
âHeâs coming to us,â came the casual comment.
âComing to us?â
âĂtienne, itâs August Long, heâs coming down with Caroline and weâre gonna have a BBQ and do some fun things-â
âWait, doesnât that mean Iâm taking up space, I mean Iâm in the guest room, you should have told me so I could leave, where will he and Caroline stay?â
âIn his room, duh,â Calvin said as if it was super obvious, âHis room is in the basement.â
âHis room? Basementâooooh is it that one with the really obnoxious bed?â
âBeen snooping eh?â Calvin shot Ătienne a sly smirk, âbut yes, thatâs his room.â
âWhat about Caroline?â
âWhat about her?â
âWhere is she going to sleep?â
âĂtienne, you do realize you do not own the house you have been sleeping in, and you are unnecessarily worrying about things Ed and I have covered, right? Anyways, sheâs obviously sleeping with Mac.â
âWhy?â
âBecause they are together?â
âWait what?â
âTheyâve been together for a while, but I suppose, you just never knew and thatâs fine, probably wasnât a relevant topic of conversation at the time.â
ââŚbut why does Mac have a permanent room in your house?â
âEh, itâs his E-town crash pad, he lives up north obviously, and it was silly for him to have his own house down here, so me and Ed donât mind him living with us every now and then, plus, he usually is so grateful he ends up buying groceries for the month or something, it works out. Itâs nice having family close by too, yâknow, catch up in between the gaps,â Calvin explained, âSometimes get too busy working to enjoy the othersâ company.â
âTrueâŚâ Ătienne thought of his family back home, his mind shifting to the rather strained relationship between him and Samuel, the awkward Christmas dinners, which he had only been showing up to recently because Ălyse kept dragging him there. Dinners which when he had better company he liked to skip, but sometimes, when things were as they were, he did go to them with Edward, who oddly got along with Samuel. He could never figure it out, but after the first awkward meeting in the kitchen, when Samuel figured out that Edward actually could cook there had been some silent acceptance on his part. Those meetings had always occurred at Jacquesâ place, who was the better older brother, who every now and then wanted the family near him, invited them over for Christmas, allowing them to bring a plus one. Samuel sometimes took someone, more often not. Ătienne, hell, he could remember the reason for bringing Edward in the first place, it was because he had fucked up, he had forgotten about the gathering, had promised Edward that they could spend Christmas together and then panicking when Ălyse reminded him that months before he had promised to actually show up at Jacquesâ place.
However, when he had explained this to Edward, who had already shown up, hence Ălyse reminding him, Edward simply shrugged and invited himself over. As if it was no big thing for him to go to some family gathering out east, saying he had meant to practice his French more anyway. It had been the late 80âs and after that⌠hell, how many had Edward ended up to? Jacques had even seemed to like him enough to encourage Ătienne to invite him (he was not sure if Jacques wanted Edward or the Christmas Trifle that came with him), but it was later, after Edward had left him for Calvin, when Ătienne had dragged himself to the event, that he realized how much of his life had included the other man. It was during one of those banal conversations dominated by Samuel, who glowed next to his new boyfriend, Frederic, a man who he had regretfully been successful in getting together with his brother (not that Samuel would ever view it in that way), where he had been giving jibes to how Ătienne was alone that Christmas. It had started as small jibes, but over the course of Christmas Eve, and over after the Christmas dinner when they had met in the hallway alone, it had gotten more apparent that Samuel thought it rather pitiful that Ătienne could not even rustle up a prostitute to keep him company on Christmas.
âWhy do I need to bring someone?â he had finally snapped over wine, âWhy do you even care? You donât harass Ălyse in this manner.â
Samuel had smirked in an irritating manner, âĂlyse doesnât care for that, we both know it, but you?â
âMe what?â
âOh, well, I suppose you couldnât even find someone who could tolerate you to come this year?â
âFuck you,â he had hissed, stalking away, wondering why the hell his brother seemed to take delight in finding his failures and poking at them with a burning metal brand. He had regretted actually spending some time and thought on getting him a gift, vowing that next time he wouldnât even bother.
How Calvin talked about family, he sensed that there werenât the usual tensions, it was people who genuinely liked each other getting together, and somehow that made him feel uneasy. He could just imagine himself when the others arrived awkwardly sitting on the sideline forgotten, the person who did not fit in. He fit in easily in situations, while at the same time sliding through social situations untouched. Was this going to be one of those? He contemplated this as Calvin loaded him up with the reusable bags, and he followed him around the store, blindly gazing at the food. He was scrutinizing the bad French upon a bag of crisps when a voice called out Calvinâs name, a nice feminine voice. An overly friendly voice, and as he looked towards Calvin a very beautiful woman approached him, her smile wide, her red hair flowing around her. Other men in the vicinity had noticed her, and Ătienne appreciated her curvaceous form and excellent style.
âHey Veronica,â Calvin greeted her with a warm smile, âHow are you?â
âDarling Iâm fine, you havenât called me back,â she pouted, her body language close and intimate, and if Ătienne did not know any better, it was almost as if she was acting like she was his girlfriend. It was the nervous glance Calvin shot in his direction that did it. A soft fleeting glance that put Ătienne on his guard, put him to look at the body language more critically. Â Calvin was receptive to her touches, and as she straightened his collar as she talked to him, he watched as the man leant in slightly. It didnât feel right, and when she left, after eliciting a promise from Calvin that yes he would phone her, Ătienne was not sure what to ask. You fucking around on Edward there, Calvin? He knew this would be ironic coming from him, and hell, there wasnât anything that said they were anything more than touchy feely friends.
âHow do you know her?â he casually asked as he sneakily put potato chips into the cart.
âVeronica?â
âWho else would I be asking about, Calvin? That random woman being abused by her toddler over there?â
âNo need to be sassy; well, I met her at the bar and stuff,â Calvin evasively answered as he picked up the potato chips, âReally? BBQ?â
âWhatâs wrong with BBQ chips?â
âTheyâre gross.â Calvin put them back in the cart anyway, and then grabbed the poutine flavoured chips, looking Ătienne directly in the eye the entire time.
Ătienne broke the challenging stare, wanting to ask more about the woman, but as Calvin changed the topic of conversation entirely, he knew that it would be weird for him to enquire as to exactly Calvinâs relationship with her was.
XXXX
As they arrived back at the house, Ătienneâs eyes nearly popped out of his head as he noticed the once vacant spot in the garage had been literally consumed by the largest, ugliest (in his opinion) truck he had ever seen in his life. It was the size of a small cathedral, sprawling, lifted high, with four shiny chrome pipes framing the back window like an unholy pipe organ. The back window was tinted, and in the middle, where one would presume the icon of Mother Mary would have gone, had this truck actually been a cathedral, was a sticker that seemed at first to mostly be in hieroglyphics. After a moment of staring at them, he realized that it simply said, âI love Alberta oilâ. The imagery was arresting, simplistic, easy to understand if one knew what the pumpjack in the oil drop meant. The truck was shiny and black, the body well maintained, and as his gaze travelled across it, he was interested by the stickers plastered across the bumper, as if it was displaying the scriptures of this personâs religion.
Their favourite involved various designs on the âAlberta Strongâ theme, interspersed with: an Oilers sticker, âWarning: is there life after death? Touch my truck and find out!â, âDo you follow Jesus this closely?â, âDoes this truck make my neck look red?â, and the final âI love my truck.â
âWhy are there so many bumper stickers?â Ătienne asked, looking to Calvin.
ââŚLook, a truck is part of a manâs identity, and this one likes to have it all out in the open,â Calvin attempted to explain as he opened the door to his truck, âI prefer mine with less stickers and more shiny.â
âWhy are there literally four more wheels than necessary on this truck?â
âBecause it carries heavy loads, it gets put to work a lot, itâs not just for showâŚâ
âWhy does Edward allow such a gas guzzler?â
âActually, itâs been semi converted.â
âSemi â converted?â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
âWell, it got converted to one more eco friendly, doesnât need so much diesel, has an option to run on electricity, but switches over because with all the driving it does electricity isnât always an option.â
âWhy is the exhaust pointing upwards?â
âStacks, those are stacks, itâs truck fashion.â
âTruck⌠fashion?â
Calvin seemed more and more amused by Ătienneâs questions, âLook, we can continue this while getting the groceries inside, alright?â
âI am not sure if I even want to⌠I feel like every answer you give me confuses me more.â
Helping Calvin carry groceries in, Ătienne heard the voice before he saw the man. Â It drifted out across the backyard in loud laughter, the words following, and as he looked up Ătienne saw the man reclining in a chair on the patio, beer in hand, regaling Edward with his terrible joke. At his feet lay a very large dog, a husky-something mix, fast asleep.
âWhy do chicken coops only have two doors?â
âWhy?â Edwardâs voice sounded amused, he was relaxing across from the man, obviously enjoying his company.
âBecause if it had four it would be a sedan!â
The groans of Edward and Caroline drifted towards them, and Calvin let out a loud laugh, alerting the others that they had returned.
âCalvin!â Edward called out, âTook you long enough!â
âSorry sorry, Ătienne is a slow walker.â
âExcuse me?â Ătienne scoffed, âI wasnât the one staring at potato chip flavours as if it was a life and death matter here.â
âLook, gotta get flavours people actually like, no Mozzarella Marinara incidents, right?â
âI have no idea what you are even saying.â
âLordee,â Mac laughed, âI remember, thinking it would be good to try those newfangled flavours only to get some disappointing slightly cheese tasteâŚâ
âGood lord,â Caroline added, âI tried to block that incident from my memory. Good job Calvin, once more bringing up topics one has no desire to remember.â
âSorry sorry, let us actually deposit these bags in the kitchen, hm?â
âIâll help,â Edward stood up, setting his drink on the table, and opened the door, allowing the men to pass into the house easily. As they entered into the cool house, Edward said quietly to Calvin, âThey came earlier than I thought they would, I donât have anything finished⌠I havenât even dusted their bedroom.â
Setting the bags down on the table, Calvin said in amusement, âYou dusted his room last week, I donât think some dust monster is about to appear.â
âI knowâŚâ
Edward had opened one of the bags and took out some dish soap. Ătienne with some relief had set his bags down, not sure if he should help take things out and place them. He had a vague idea of where things went.
âCâmere,â Calvin was saying, as he leant over to Ed and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead, âMac is gonna be fine, hell Caroline loves helping you in the kitchen, you need to unwind here, this is family, not some major life changing event where everything has to be perfect. Hell if the meat I am going to grill gets burnt to hell, Mac is going to think itâs the best thing ever.â
Making a wry face at Calvin, while shooting a slightly self-conscious look towards Ătienne briefly, Edward said, âI know I know, youâre right,â he bustled about putting the items away, Calvin moving slowly, while Ătienne awkwardly decided that he could put the milk in the fridge, he felt like some awkward third wheel on this conversation.
âThank god Ătienne was here for all this crap you sent us out for,â Calvin was saying, âI think my arms woulda broke.â
âYou could always take two trips for the stuff,â Edward sensibly pointed out.
âBut that would involve more walking,â Calvin pouted.
âSo you are fine going to the gym to be in shape but an extra walk is about to kill you?â Edward teased as he folded up one of the reusable bags.
âExactly!â
Rolling his eyes, Edward couldnât help but smile, shaking his head at how ridiculous Calvin was being.
Feeling a little claustrophobic at this atmosphere, Ătienne accidentally banged a cupboard where he had placed some new condiments, making the other two men jump.
âSorry,â he muttered, not really being sorry, as he quickly walked out of the kitchen towards the patio. At the moment, hanging out with someone he barely knew seemed like a hell of a lot better deal than hanging out with loveâs young dream. He was feeling conflicted, he was glad that whatever the past two days were about when he was alone with Edward had not affected his loving relationship with Mr. Perfect Boyfriend, but on the other hand, he had almost fooled himself into believing that maybe there was still something there, that perhaps with Edward inviting him to share a bed that perhaps he had for one moment missed him, but no, the entire time he had been yearning after his blond-haired buffoon. Â Some part of him realized that he was being irrational about this, but somehow knowing he was being irrational made him even more pissed.
Caroline was laying on a lounger (where had that come from?), idly talking to Mac while she read a magazine; there was a comfortable atmosphere between them, and Ătienne could tell that Calvin had not been shitting him about them being together. Even without touching, he could tell from the body language that they were an item, from the slight way Mac was turned towards her, to the brief glances she kept shooting him from over her mirrored sunglasses, her face shaded by the large brimmed straw hat upon her head. Her legs were crossed, her summer dress slightly caught up probably revealing more of her calves than intentional, her toes painted in a perfect pink. Â It seemed almost laughable, the image of perfect femininity talking to a man more forearm than body, especially pronounced because his black t-shirt had the sleeves torn to show off his muscles. On his left bicep was an intricate watercolour style wild rose tattoo, framed by prairie grasses, the style of which changed into something more technical as the roots of the grass turned into pipes plunging into a dark black substance, which Ătienne assumed meant to symbolize oil. His hair seemed to be a dirty blond, mostly hidden by a beaten up ballcap with a faded Newfoundland flag on it. Freckles lightly dusted his sunburnt face, one that he could tell easily smiled, but from the lines around his mouth and eyes also had seen a lot of worry. He had some stubble across his square chin, probably a day of no shaving.
âSay, come and joins us,â Mac had turned to give a welcoming gesture to Ătienne, indicating the seat next to him.
Wondering why the hell this Northern Albertan man had a slight Newfie twang to his speech, Ătienne sat beside him, glad that the patio sun umbrella had been set up to give blessed shade.
âI know weâve been seeinâ each other at the odd meetup, but I donât think we have actually sat down to have a nadder, ye can call me Mac, and⌠I call you?â
âĂtienne.â
âGeezus, there is no way Iâm going to be pronouncing that correctly, I may know French, but those damn aspirated tâs always did me a harm.â
âItâs not aspirated.â Ătienne said, feeling defensive.
âHope you donât mind if I call you Stevie?â
âPlease donât.â
âHell, just Englishing your name a bit there, no need to be such a prickle, alright, even though you donât seem the knitted unicorn tea cozy type, how about we compromise, eh Etsy?â
Ătienne opened his mouth to protest this butchering of his name, only to be interrupted by Calvin appearing with a large metal tray with a cover on it.
âYou really pulled through with the Taber corn and elk there, buddy!â
ââCourse! Canât show up empty handed, plus Iâve been day dreaming about you grillinâ it up all week, isnât that right Sweet Pea?â
âHe sure did,â she agreed setting her magazine down. âIs Ed still in the kitchen?â
âHeâs getting the snacks together,â Calvin confirmed as he began to get the grill ready.
Sitting up, she slipped on her sandals, âI should go help him out then.â
âMe and Stevie here are gonna take Patches for a walk while youâre making the food,â Mac announced standing up, Patches sadly shifting off his feet. Signalling to Ătienne to stand up, Ătienne did so, somehow hypnotized, shifting as the other man slung an arm around his shoulders, pulling him down off the patio. Behind them, he could hear Patches give a soft wuff and lumber down behind them, âCanât be interfering in the kitchen with the lil darlinâs in there, hell last time I tried to help, Caroline nearly hit me with a wooden spoon.â
âNearly?â
âI ducked, of course,â Mac cracked a smile at Ătienne while propelling him out the front gate, waiting a moment to let Patches pass through and shutting it, âPlus with Brisy setting up the grill, figured might as well get to know ya better.â
âOh?â Ătienne responded faintly, not even sure who Brisy was, but guessing he meant Calvin. He was not sure how he was getting pulled into this situation, or why Mac was calling him Stevie.
âCigarette?â Mac offered.
âYes please,â Ătienne responded, glad that at least one vice was being allowed to get through this long weekend.
Taking two cigarettes out, Mac lit them, and then handed one to Ătienne, then took a long drag on his.
âCanât smoke there,â he explained, âChuck tries hard to quit, I catch him cheatinâ sometimes, but I donât rat him out. Brisebois is too squirrely about it, and ever since Caroline quit back in the early aughts, well mainly since we been seeinâs each other, she keeps badgering me to quit, but eh,â he took another drag, âmanâs gotta be allowed some vices, eh?â
Ătienne nodded, not sure how to respond to this verbal assault, just grateful to have someone who actually enjoyed smoking, âSo⌠why are you calling themâŚ?â
âOh, right, nicknames,â Mac smiled, âBrisebois is just Calvinâs middle name, he was an annoying lil fucker back in the day, and to spite him I called him that, and years later it sort of stuck as his nickname⌠and Chuck for Edward? Just one of those older nicknames yâknow?â
Ătienne gave a vague nod, sort of understanding, and took another puff of his cigarette.
Mac apparently had figured he had explained enough, as he abruptly switched topic, âSo tell me⌠Are you one of those queers?â
Ătienne was not sure how to respond to this sudden question, so he said, âYes? Well, I like everyone?â
âThis includes women?â
âAnd men, and⌠whoever else is a human?â Ătienne added slightly defensively, not liking this line of interrogation.
âFinally,â he broke out into a smile, âHell, I know Calvin likes the ladies, but heâs so moony over Eddy over there heâs not even half a bisexual, if you know what I mean. Iâm fine with the queers, well obviously just sometimes I just want to admire a woman and not be considered a minority.â
âDoes Caroline not admire women?â Ătienne asked amused.
âPretty certain she does, not sure if she wants to be doinâ the lil olâ in ânâ out if you knows what I mean, but we arenât sittinâ around admiring a fine piece of ass together, usually if I notice she slaps me on the arm, and I smiles at her knowing sheâs right about it.â
âAbout what?â Ătienne asked feeling himself drawn to this man despite the rough edges, there was something about him, at first impressions or rumours off-putting like sand paper on oneâs skin, but once you got past the bluster and bluff, you could see the hardworking man, the one who spent his days doing the hard labour to bring the results.
âSheâs the best damn thing that happened to me in the past three years and I better not be taking her for granted, thatâs what,â he bluntly said, âSheâs a hell of a lot better company than the paid ladies I used to consort with, and the men who I hung out with but yâknow not in that way, just the men who talked about sex all the time but never did anything.â
âAre you saying sheâs your first real relationship?â
âIf you mean romantic long term, yes,â Mac shrugged, âIâm not that good with ladies, my skills are lacking, but I think they are improving.â
âTell me, how the hell did you land a catch like Caroline?â
Mac gave Ătienne a sheepish smile, âHell, this is embarrassing.â
âEmbarrassing? Iâm even more intrigued,â they had paused in their walk to watch Patches gambol over to a tree and lift a leg.
âWell, yâsee three years back, she had come up to help me set up house again, my house got smoked out, there was some fire damage, figured hell, rebuild the damn thing, and once it was built up real nice, I gotta move back in there, so she volunteered to help out, being a nice gal and all⌠and she discovered that I really am the worst of bachelors.â
âThe worst? How so? Are you burning water as well?â Ătienne asked with amusement.
âAlmost, she nearly had a heart attack when she learnt even though I has the washer and dryer I donât know how to function them, I just gots mâself a maid, and she informed me that I could be saving myself 2k a month if I could figure out how to do this shit mâself.â
âYou are actually paying someone 2k a month to clean âyour house? When can I start?â Ătienne joked, âI at least know how to do laundry, food service not included.â
Mac scoffed, âHells, I donât need ya now, bây, I gots me a Caroline. So she decided to train me up, so I knows how to do the laundry now, but with setting up my house, and teaching me the basics of living â yâsee I spend most of my time in Camp, where things are a lot nicer and catered now than before where it was a tent and a pit in the ground, anyways, diverting, after about a month in my house, hell I thought she was just there for the weekend, she was helping me get my files all sorted, and she stared at my spendinâ lookinâ at me like I was a lunaticâand she informed me that I needed a woman in my life, and I says, I have many women in my life â to which she responded the prostitutes and strippers didnât count, a bit harsh yâknow these ladies work hard for their monies no need to be disrespectinâ, so I seys to her, where the hells am I gonna find a woman that ainât a stripper or who ainât married, other than goinâ down to the city, and she seys, hell what about me.â
âThat⌠sounds⌠romantic?â Ătienne hazarded as he focused upon the dog once wandering up ahead of them trying to hide his smile; for some reason the beginning of the relationship seemed almost too pure for words. Â
âWell, romantic enough for me,â Mac shrugged, âCount mâself luck everyday I wake up next to her.â
âSo⌠arenât you afraid of her leaving you?â Ătienne asked.
âSheâd be sensible to,â Mac sagely replied, âBut she seems to be genuinely sweet on me, so Iâll take what I can get while I can.â
âWhile you can?â Ătienne felt like there was more not being said and he was right.
âYâsee I takes it that I may not be the same man now as I will be in 2050, my best bet is I end up like Dawson City, a mere memory but remaininâ yâknow? With the oil running out no one will have a reason to stays with me. Ed says I should diversify, but itâs easy for him to say, heâs one of the remainers, Iâm just one of those one industry places, flourish and then bam, dead as a duck, so I figures, live it up while I can, while Iâm flush. Parts of the reason why I have a place here, no reason to have my own house in this city, my home is up north and always will be, but itâs always good to have a place to escapes to now and then. Hell, part of the reason I gave up being a city-â
âYouâre not a city?â Ătienne interrupted, genuinely surprised.
âGave that up back in 1995, I am officially a population centre in Wood Buffalo.â
âStill confused.â
Flicking some ashes onto the sidewalk, Mac shrugged, âMeans even when they leave Iâll still be alive, Iâm the one with the hospital. Those around in my area, even if separate by distances, will still have a reason to come to me when the oil runs out⌠well, I hope.â
âThis does not help me, what do you mean, what is a Wood Buffalo.â
âAlright, so, view it as a club, I got together with some other hamlets in the area, and instead of each of us having our own mayor, we just have the one, makes it easier for developments if weâre all on the same page. Sort of like a club, still our own identity, but working together with the same governance.â
âSort of getting itâŚâ Ătienne puffed on his cigarette, brow crinkled in thought as he slowly sorted through the explanation, âSo you find more benefit not being a city?â
âHell not all of us can be a cultural capital like you with fancy historic buildings,â Mac laughed, âYour fate is set in stone, mine is in that black sand, here today, possibly gone tomorrow. Hence working with Brisy in developing green technology, even when the oil is gone, gives me a better chance of survival⌠otherwise⌠there is nothing for people to stay for up north. At least with you, you have a diverse enough economy that when, say, the bullshit industry goes south you can relax on some cheese, eh?â
âBullshit industry?â
Mac shrugged, âPick one.â
âSay, letâs get rid of the mafia,â Ătienne joked.
âAhh right, doesnât Montrealâs cogs turn on old country corruption and tradition? That would be stripping away half your identity there, bud, might need to reconsider that.â
âTo hell with that part of my identity,â Ătienne spat on the ground to emphasize his dislike of corruption, âItâs done nothing but make life harder for my populace.â
âI know,â Mac shrugged, âThe minute I got money the gangs showed up too, making a killing on my people by killing them with drugs, but you canât control their decisions, just live at their whims. Hence, work hard play hard. Speaking of which, you have quite the reputation.â
âOh?â Ătienne responded a little guardedly, not sure which aspect of his reputation was about to be brought up.
âMmhm, heard it straight from the horseâs mouth, well, Chucks mouthâŚâ
âWhich was?â
âYou are even worse at cooking than I am!â Mac laughed, âHe was telling me some of the disasters, trying to make me feel better when I wasnât feelinâ so hot a few years back, I was glumly laying on his couch feeling like some sorta cripple, and I had managed to burn the toast beyond recognition, so he just sat there regaling me with all the fuckups you did, really cheered me up.â
âYouâre⌠welcome?â Ătienne was torn between bemused and embarrassed. Perhaps a little surprised, that instead of his loose morals being brought up it was some innocent topic about something everyone should know, but only those who actually paid him any damn attention knew.
âEh well, with how he speaks about you, figured you canât be that bad, even if we do disagree on how to fuel an economy,â he paused to stub the cigarette out under his shoe, and looked directly at Ătienne, âso even if we may disagree as to the runnings of things, think we could make a try and be friends?â
âYou make it sound like this will be a long-term commitment,â Ătienne joked, charmed at how forthright Mac was being.
âWell, if we do it right, it will be,â Mac winked, âHell, we should be getting back, my stomach is rumbling, the meat must be cooked.â
âHow do you know if itâs cooked?â Ătienne asked curiously.
Slowly, as if by magic, Mac lifted his wrist, revealing an expensive, but slightly battered, watch, âI kept my eye on the time, well, honestly, easy enough to track it by the sun, but watches are nice too.â
Turning down the block, Ătienne realized that they were not retracing their previous route. âIsnât this the wrong way?â
âNo, it turns down there, and we gets back a different way, retracing steps not quite my thing, do that too much at work,â Mac made a face, âwhen I can, I try to avoid repetition.â
âI can understand that,â Ătienne said, as he enjoyed the shade of the trees along the boulevard. The older neighbourhoods were some of his favourite, they had enough time to feel more settled, to have trees larger than a sapling to provide a canopy in the heat of the summer. Patches ahead of them rambled on, stopping now and then to sniff at something, before bounding back for a pet, and then forward again. âHow long have you had Patches?â
âHeâs about seven, a rescue,â Mac shrugged, âBest to give a chance to the life already livinâ than buying one not yet made eh?â
It took a moment for Ătienne to process what he meant, and he nodded, âThat works.â
âPlus heâs a great dog, even if sometimes he gets into a spot of trouble, canât have a better best friend honestly, do you have a pet?â
âI have a stray cat I feed sometimes,â Ătienne shrugged, âI donât think that counts.â
âCareful there, if you give a stray too much attention they adopt you,â Mac teased as he turned down the back alley.
âI would like to see it try,â Ătienne responded with some amusement, the scent of the food being cooked on the BBQ floating up to them. Without a word their pace quickened, as if in some sort of silent agreement they had decided that the faster they returned to the house the better.
âSo, do you like the house?â
âYes, itâs quite energy efficient,â Ătienne absently responded.
âYeah, it was sort of what inspired Caroline to get me and Brisebois to start up the business, sort of our kickoff project, and boy, Chuck was a terrible client, really bossed us about what he wanted concerning his little nest there,â Mac lifted the latch on the back gate, and opened it, allowing Patches to enter first, and then Ătienne before he followed.
Patches bounded up towards the hens, which had been briefly napping in the shade, giving a booming bark. Ătienne panicked, the dog was ten times larger than the hens, what if he ate them? Mary-Anne let out a squawk and ran away, which only inspired Patches to chase after her, snapping playfully. Not comprehending that no one was running to her defence, Ătienne jumped into action, quickly rushing forward and scooping Mary-Anne out of harmâs way, only to have her frantically flap her wings in his face, and then out of his grip, drifting to the ground next to Henrietta. Patches thinking that Ătienne was joining in the game barked joyfully, tail wagging like mad, before turning back to the chickens, barking at them.
Out from the far corner, like a freight train, Esther arrived to defend her distressed mates, giving a loud threatening growl. Patchesâ ears flattened down, and he lowered his head, and sunk down onto his front paws, allowing Esther to give him a smart peck on the nose, and scold him into silence.
Confused, Ătienne looked at the scene, with Henrietta and Mary-Anne acting as if nothing had happened as they primly pecked on the ground, then back to Esther, satisfied with her scolding, who turned her evil eye upon him.
âWha-?â he turned towards Mac, who was failing to suppress his laughter, and then to the people on the patio, Calvin, spatula in hand, a wide grin on his face, and Edward, who had been setting out the condiments, face screwed up in silent laughter, and then, he finally looked at the source of the loudest source of laughter- Caroline, hands holding a lidded dish, laughing fit to burst.
Managing to get some speech out, between some guffaws, Mac finally said, âPatches ainât got shit on Esther, sheâs the boss and everyone knows it.â This was all he managed to get out, as he gave Ătienne a hearty backslap, before proceeding towards the patio.
Feeling extremely embarrassed, Ătienne took a step forward, only to be met with a loud squawk. Looking down, he realized Esther had moved in front of him, and was flapping her wings, giving him a look. Confused, he looked up towards Edward, probably the only one who could interpret what she wanted.
âPick her up,â Edward advised, âshe wants to be snuggled.â
âHell no,â Ătienne responded, âDonât you remember when-â
Impatient, Esther pecked at his foot and let out another squawk. With a sigh, he bent down and awkwardly picked her up.
âHold her closer to your chest,â came the instructions, which Ătienne followed.
Preening for a moment, Esther settled against his chest and closed her eyes, Ătienne awkwardly stood there, until Ed informed him that he was allowed to walk and hold a chicken at the same time. Slowly he shuffled forward, and slowly up the stairs, every now and then shooting Edward a âhelp meâ look. Wiping his hands on his apron, Edward smiled, and shook his head, âSheâs yours now, Ătienne, youâre going to have to hold her till she is satisfied.â
âBut I want to eat food!â Ătienne exclaimed, as he slowly sat in one of the chairs.
âHmmm that is an issue,â Edward said in a playful tone, looking towards Calvin, âDo you think our guest deserves some food?â
Crinkling is brow as if in thought, Calvin said, âWellâŚ.â
âHell, just feed him, Eddy,â Caroline suggested as she opened up the butter dish, âItâs your chicken.â
âI- what-â Edward begun in confusion, looking at her.
âWhat she means is,â Mac patiently mansplained, âIf Ătienne has to pet Esther there, you gotta feed him.â
âYeah,â Caroline nodded.
âCorn is ready,â Calvin announced, placing them onto a plate.
Mac and Caroline helped themselves, and after a moment, Edward put the corn holders onto the corn, and added the butter, before sitting next to Ătienne.
âThis is really good corn from Taber, itâs known to be sweet and this is the best time to eat it, fresh from the farm,â Edward was explaining, as he held it out in front of Ătienneâs face, apparently deciding that he did in fact need to feed him.
Leaning forward, Ătienne took a bite of the corn, butter dripping down his chin as the sweet grain opened up in a flavourful burst in his mouth, he wanted another bite. Unfortunately, Esther had perked up to the corn nearby, and as he went to take another bite, her head appeared in view, scaring Edward, who accidentally dropped the corn onto the ground, which was leapt upon by Esther in a triumphant gesture, who quickly began to gobble it up.
A moment was taken, as they processed the scene, and then, giving a snort, Ed gave Ătienne a rueful look, and carefully joked, âTaber-nac, eh?â
âOh my god,â Ătienne snorted, and began to laugh, âThatâs terrible.â
âI know I know, but it means I can eat now,â Edward stood up, âYou should wash your hands, petting chickens is not always the cleanest.â
âYes sir,â Ătienne said as he stood up, âSo long as you guys save me some of that delicious corn.â
âAnd elk,â Mac added between a mouthful of corn.
âAnd elk,â Ătienne said as he went into the house to wash up.
When he came outside again, he was met with the unpleasant visage of the neighbour that tried to kill him before chatting to Calvin over the fence.
As he settled down with a full plate, he caught drifts of the conversation, deciding that it was better not to engage.
âYou serious? You said this started at three!â Edithâs voice penetrated the yard, and Ătienne looked to see her rounding onto the patio, pie in hand, looking irritated.
âSorry, they showed up early,â Edward apologized.
âYou better have saved me some corn, otherwise none of yâall are going to get my Flapper pie.â
âCorn has been saved,â Calvin reassured, turning away from his conversation with the neighbour, which seemed to have ended anyway.
Setting the pie onto the table, Edith grabbed herself a plate and stood pointedly next to Calvin, who filled it up, and sat down across from Ătienne.
âYou could have texted me,â she was still complaining to Edward, âYou always do this, just assume I just know the change in plans.â
âSorry,â Edward apologized again, âI figured you were coming here soon anyway-â
âWarm elk isnât as good as freshly cooked elk,â she scolded.
Ătienne looked over to Calvin, who was powering down the grill, as he came to join them and poured all the toppings possible onto his elk, scooping the cheesey mashed potatoes onto his plate, and digging in.
âEdith, is that a new tattoo on your sleeve?â Carolineâs voice interrupted the scolding, and Edith was having a favourable response to this, allowing the tension to easily dissipate. Instead of being on the sidelines, Ătienne found himself drawn into the conversation, discussing favourite tattoo artists with the two women, and getting into a heated argument with Edith over which artist had the best lacing technique.
It was a surprise when his fork hit empty plate, when suddenly the Flapper pie was being served out, the conversations once more changing and turning in the comfortable atmosphere, Edward deep in talk with Mac, about something Ătienne had no clue about, but it seemed business related.
As he looked towards Calvin, who was trying to defend the cowboy boot sandal to Edith, Ătienne found himself being engaged by Caroline on a different topic, unable to be neglected in this small group. A small part of him was jealous, jealous that at home, it was not as easy as this to get along with his family.
Limerence
2020 arc
Limerence:
lim¡er¡ence /limÉrÉns/
noun: limerence; plural noun: limerences
âthe state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.â
If there was anything that could be said concerning meetings it is that often, on the very last day, between the back and forth, rustling of paper, and long winded speeches, progress was finally being made. The morning pulled on thick like molasses, and Ed was relieved when lunchtime was announced. Ătienne had been following him around the past few days like a shadow, and today was no different as they entered the lunch room to heat up the leftover stew.
âAre we going to sit outside today?â Ătienne asked as he looked around the lunchroom.
âYeah,â Ed responded, âI have been trying not to stare out the window all morning, but the sunshine is haunting me. I need to get the D.â
âCalvin not providing?â Ătienne responded coyly enjoying the confused, and then embarrassed expression upon Edâs face as he realized what he had just said.
âUhh⌠Vitamin D⌠uhm⌠well, looks like our lunches are warmed up.â He opened the microwave, and then produced two small kitchen towels. He swaddled the bottom of each of the dishes, and handed one to Ătienne. âSo we donât burn our hands.â Placing his on the counter, he grabbed his bag and then picked it up again. âAny ideas for where to sit?â
âHmmn, well why donât we try on one of those benches on the other side of Churchill? Change things up a bit?â
âSounds great.â In well practiced coordination they headed out of the building, their pace fast as they walked towards Churchill, attempting to beat the other office workers with a similar idea. Edward was sad that this would be the last lunch with Ătienne, and while usually he did spend Fridays in the lunchroom he wanted to be able to savour this last time alone.
As they nabbed one of the benches, he made sure to sit not too far away from Ătienne, he did not want to give the wrong impression of avoidance. When Calvin had sprung Ătienne upon him a few days ago he had been conflicted as to how to feel. Yes they were friends, but he had not expected Calvin to pull a move like that. He had been trying to walk the tightrope between friend and lover. Did their level of friendship involve touching each other casually? Was he touching Ătienne too much? Calvin did not seem to mind him playing with Ătienneâs hair, so he had put that on the OK To Do list, but he was unsure whether hugging was alright. Perhaps it would be, but then he was not sure how he felt about the idea of hugging Ătienne. Everything was so confusing and he hated that every time he assumed it was figured out Ătienne would reappear and throw everything back into the air.
Staring towards rusted twisted sculpture of⌠he had forgotten what, he absentmindedly loosened his tie, and unbuttoned the first two buttons, loosening his collar, trying to cool down. The summer air hung hot around them, pressing in like an unwanted hug from the stinky uncle.
âGeez, I think Iâm going to melt,â he said, âRegretting having a hot lunch, no matter how delicious it is.â He waved his hand over it in a futile attempt to cool it down.
Beside him Ătienne had paused eating, his eyes locked upon the newly exposed neck. Slowly he brought the spoon to his mouth, as if thinking.
âWhat? Why are you staring at me?â Ed frowned feeling suddenly ridiculously exposed.
âAhemâŚâ Ătienne set down the container beside him on the bench, and then reached over, his fingers rebuttoning the shirt, âI am not sure how to say this, but I think you having the shirt open may lead to an embarrassing situation for you⌠mainly because of the large hickeys on the side of your neck and lower collar bone which were being exposed.â Deftly he also moved the tie up into a closer knot, and smiled at the mortified look upon Edâs face.
âUerhh, thank you there, I had completely forgot about that.â He managed to respond, trying to figure out the meaning behind Ătienneâs eyes; he felt like there was a message there he was not getting, but Ătienne looked away, breaking the contact.
âNo problem,â Ătienne had picked up his container and was once more eating his food like a starving person.
One of the perks of Ătienne visiting was the fact that he and Calvin had been having some very passionate sex. Edwardâs mind reflected on how last night Calvin had spent a very thorough time going over his body, marking it, whispering sweet words of possession. The entire thing had been very hot, but he had not wanted Ătienne to know or witness any aspects of that.
After a couple bites of his own food, Ed gave a snort of laughter, and upon Ătienneâs glance, he said, âWell I guess now you do know, Calvin is providing the D?â
âOhâŚâ Ătienne gave a small laugh. âTrue.â
âThank god this transit meeting is nearly over,â Ed switched topics, not liking how Ătienneâs voice seemed a little forced. The past three days he had felt helpless around Ătienne, where before he knew exactly what to do, now it was like watching his friend slowly crumble in front of him, with no amount of masonry to put him back together. Ătienne was secretive around him, he could tell he was holding back, words between them that once were so easy now tightly held secrets. It made Ed wonder how much they had managed to ignore by having sex. Had sex been connecting or separating? A method to not say anything that needed to be said? Having taken sex out of the equation, the gaps between them were achingly obvious, and he had no idea of how to bridge them. Was it actually possible to be friends from lovers?
âYeah, I am glad Edith has decided to spare my life today,â Ătienne lightly joked as his spoon scraped around the container searching for the remaining food.
Ed wished there could be some way where he could travel back in time, and begin at square one with Ătienne, begin simply as friends and develop that way. The thing with Calvin is he had not really needed to act around him, hell he did not think he had anything to lose on that end. It made the relationship easier, Calvin already knew about his odd habits. Their relationship was comfortable, like pulling on a pair of favourite boots. With Ătienne⌠well they had embarked on things at probably the worst time. Still he was thankful for him, thankful for what they had. The experience at least had been worth it, even if now the gaps between them hung suspended like unexploded bombs.
âMmm, I think she probably had a good breakfast, Iâve noticed that when she doesnât she is really nasty.â Ed was eating his food slower, and he watched as Ătienne placed the container away into the lunch pack and took out the bag of cookies.
âI will thank her breakfast then, I was concerned I would not escape this city alive with her breathing fire down my back.â
âI donât blame you. I would have used your body to fertilize my plants at least, give you one last purpose in life,â Ed teased.
âOh, is that the purpose of my life Edward? To fertilize your garden? And here I thought it was to have sex with everybody, I must have been doing it wrong.â
âWell, you seem to be having sex with everybody wrong Ătienne... you are missing a huge swath of the population.â Â Ed had finished his stew, and grabbed a cookie from the bag.
âThank you for shitting upon my one life ambition there, Edward.â Ătienne dramatically sighed.
âIf it really was your life ambition, you really are messing up. There are so many people in the world, with limited life spans, so it would not make sense for you to have repeat partners, just saying,â Ed shrugged, âSo you should have just had sex with me once, and then moved onto the next person in line.â
âI suppose you have pointed out the major flaw in my plans,â Ătienne mused, âBut you know, I only have repeat performances if I enjoyed the company. Call it a fatal indulgence?â
Edward shifted, the words somehow taking him by surprise, trying to keep his tone light, hating how his voice shook a little, he said, âCanât blame you there, glad I was included on that list.â
âMmmâŚâ Ătienne focused upon his second cookie, his posture a little awkward, as if he was not sure whether to be tense or relaxed.
Had he fucked up? Should he switch topics? Edward was stopped by Ătienne speaking up.
âI still enjoy your company,â Ătienne gave him a brief smile, âEven without any sex.â
Swallowing rather hard, Edward accidentally crumbled the rest of the cookie in his hand; embarrassed, he tossed it onto the pavement for some nearby pigeons, hoping that it looked like he had planned that on purpose.
âI enjoy you too, even without the sex,â he managed to finally respond, not looking at Ătienne, fairly certain that the back of his neck was heating up from extreme embarrassment.
âIf you didnât want that cookie I would have eaten it, I donât see why you should have given it to the pigeons. Am I not more deserving of the last cookie than the pigeons?â
âLast cookie? Werenât there six? I had only grabbed one?â
âAh, well you see, you were so slow I ended up eating them all.â Ătienne did not look one bit repentant about this fact, âFigured I wonât have access to them after tomorrow, so might as well indulge now?â
âYou make it sound like you are flying to the moon, Ătienne. Are you really planning on never visiting again?â Edward realized a little too late that his joke was in fact a rather earnest question, one that ventured into the unknown minefield he had been so desperately avoiding.
âI meant for the foreseeable future, of course I plan to visit⌠I hope you plan to visit as well? You seem to have been⌠avoiding m- MontrĂŠal?â the question was carefully said, Ătienne looking at the pigeons who had all crowded around the cookie crumbs.
âNot avoiding,â Ed sighed, âI just was not sure if you wanted me to crash your everlasting party.â
âReally, Edward? You have not been visiting for such a stupid reason? You think I only wanted you around for sex?â Ătienneâs face froze as the words slipped out, the last part no doubt not meant to be said aloud.
Edward, if he was wanting to be honest, would have replied Yes. However, he had the gut feeling if he simply said Yes, it would really hurt the other man, and he simply did not have the heart to drive a knife through his middle. He worried it would be a killing blow.
âNo, not that,â Edward shifted a little closer, somehow thinking that a closer proximity would make what he was about to say better somehow. Awkwardly, he placed his hand on top of Ătienneâs which was splayed atop the bench, âI just have no idea where we stand. What permissions do I still have, and where do I not? Would I even be welcome to drop by?â
âHmmm,â Ătienne thankfully did not pull his hand away, âWell, just for the record you can drop by any time. Even if we are no longer lovers, we are still friends.â
âAre we?â Ed asked the question softly, intensely staring at Ătienne, âBecause I feel like somehow we are still caught in between those two poles, not sure how the hell to move on.â
The seconds were silence, Edward fearing he had said too much, wishing he could take out the mixtape and manually rewind it, then tape over it again with something less idiotic.
Ătienne however, finally slid his gaze towards Edwardâs face away from the pigeon party on the sidewalk. Subtly he shifted so that he could look at Edward straight on, but he made sure not to move his hand from underneath Edâs. He reached out with his other hand, and brushed a strand of hair which had fallen forward out of Edâs face, his action deliberate, his fingers moving on to settle upon Edwardâs shoulder.
âEdward. You are overthinking things. I am sorry you feel that way, but I am fine with us being friends. Caught between poles of what? I have many friends who were past lovers, perhaps this is new for you, but trust me it is not for myself.â He gave a firm squeeze to Edâs shoulder, and he gave a reassuring smile, âThis is awkward for you no doubt, especially since you had developed⌠feelings. But thatâs all in the past now.â His fingers were pressing tightly into Edâs shoulder now, as if he had forgotten to let go. âYou know me, I fly like a butterfly from flower to flower, enjoying the gifts of every type. Do not worry so much about me. The awkwardness is mainly on your part of overthinking, we are friends. It is fine.â
Almost as if an afterthought, Ătienne removed his hand from Edwardâs shoulder. âAnyways, shouldnât we be heading back to the meeting? I think the clock is about to toll our late arrival.â Casually he removed his hand out from under Edâs and stood up, brushing any crumbs off his shirt. Barely looking at Ed, he gathered his lunch and briefcase. Â âHurry up.â
Slowly, in a state like waking up from an icy shower, Ed followed suite, and gathered his items, not saying a word as they walked back to the office. He knew he should, he could feel the tensions between them building once more, but he had no idea what to say. Of course he was being idiotic about this, Ătienne was right. Ătienne was Ătienne, able to fly away from any situation unscathed, continue on like some eternal butterfly, touching briefly but never settling. He should simply be satisfied that the butterfly had decided to linger around him, he should not have expected any more than that.
XXXXX
Ătienne wondered when he had become such a proficient liar. As far back as he could remember he was lying. He knew he had started as a small child lying over simple things, to the more proficient lies of an adult kindly spoken for the benefit of someone else. Todayâs lie had felt as if he was purposely rubbing powdered glass into Edwardâs sudden outpouring of confidence, but Ătienne comforted himself by saying that it was for the best. As much as he was annoyed at how things had turned out, he could see how happy Edward was in his life. What did he have to offer? He simply was not able to compete with Edwardâs new life, and he did not even want to. He was glad that on the way back Edward had been silent, he knew he had hurt him, but he knew that if a conversation had been tried to be carried he would have failed.
Telling these sorts of lies never came easily to him, and he knew that if he had been asked to speak as they walked up towards the Edmonton Tower he might have slipped up to reveal his crumbling resolve. It was not Edwardâs job anymore to patch over his mistakes, that was quite clear, and quite frankly unfair. Edward did not need to know about his feelings, nor was he obligated to extend beyond the basic courtesies of friendship. What he did not like was how much he had grown to depend on Edward to do exactly that over the years. There was a point in their⌠friendship, that like clockwork if something went Wrong, and he did not handle it Well, Edward would appear as if out of the black ether and pull him together, patching together the broken masonry like an expert builder.
Now he was creating his own lasting buildings, developing his own plans. Ătienne a mere speck in the shadows of them, watching helplessly as he turned into a bittersweet memory of the past, as growth twined around Edward, his roots merging so deep down that he could hardly be moved. When it came to Ătienne, he was adrift, his own city a stranger to him. Each day he spent there the more foreign it became, the people who he used to know so well changing so much he was seeing faces from the past who had long since been dead. How many times had he rebuilt himself, only to crumble, break down⌠Tiredness ached his bones and he wanted to lay down, take a well deserved nap.
The source of his drifting misery he was unable to pinpoint. It had slowly grown inside of him after the large 375, asked by the most innocent of questions from Ludovico. They had been sitting outside on the step smoking, the others having left; Ludovico, who had decided to tour Canada while he was there, had lingered. Â Their bodies were in that state of pleasant ache after good sex. Â It was one of those moments of the evening where the sun had set but the last of its rays lingered creating a pink bloom across the sky.
Ludovico had been lazily sprawled across the step, his long legs spread out like ancient bridges. â375, you are so young still⌠I barely remember mine⌠it wasnât such a big deal back then. I have seen so many people come and go⌠those who you think could never leave gone overnight it seems⌠others slowly drifting into nothing, the buildings bones of their bustling pastâŚâ taking a long drag of his cigarette, he looked over to Ătienne, who had been contentedly staring at him, used to the other manâs rambling.
âTell me Ătienne⌠whatâs next?â the question while innocent carried an undercurrent, something inscrutable which Ătienne could not quite place.
âNext? Well⌠perhaps a nap before the next round of sex?â he had responded with a tease.
âNo, no, you cannot just go through life as if itâs a joke, Ătienne, you need to seriously consider this,â Ludovico had waved his cigarette expressively, âWhat is next for you? You have accomplished much yes, but there is the future to think of as well.â
âDo I really need to think about that now?â Ătienne had asked fluttering his eyelashes.
âAllora, you are very frustrating,â Ludovico however had smiled at him, âI see you do not want to take this seriously, but here is my warning, if you do not take care, Ătienne, one day I will be remembering you as the past while someone else takes over. Things happen like so... pouf,â here he stubbed the cigarette out onto the stair, âTo people who kept looking the other way, ignoring their problems.â
âI am not particularly worried,â Ătienne responded with a small laugh, âI know how to survive, now then⌠perhaps we can renew our physical acquaintances?â
âOh Ătienne, you have much to learn,â Ludovico had shifted closer, his hand drifting up and settling upon Ătienneâs inner thigh, âYou are so sweetâŚâ
The conversation, which at the time he had wanted to forget, kept resurging. What was next for him?
From afar, he had watched with jealousy how the other cities continued to evolve, grow, the life seeming to spring up like newly born plants. At home, he had grown annoyed at Ălyse bustling about, her phone constantly seeming to ring whenever he wanted to spend time with her, her mouth moving a mile a minute as she made plans. When he tried to help her she had shrugged him off, âYou wouldnât want to deal with the fucking mess ofâŚâ Fill in the blank.
The feeling of uselessness had continued to grow, a suffocating vine from the smallest part of his brain and twining around inside of him, spreading out until he felt immobile, where everything he touched did not matter. Being in Edmonton was not helping him at all, watching how much Ed had grown and changed built up such a good life for himself. Bitterly he reflected on their time together, when he thought that perhaps they could have been something more, where he could have been the man fulfilling Edâs needs. Could he have been able to step up like Calvin? Would he have kept their relationship at a distance, the kilometres a comfortable space between them, where they could be together but also not at all? If things had been different⌠would Ed even have chickens? Would Ed actually be any better or would he have just been detrimental to other man? Ătienne moodily thought, detrimental. He was absentmindedly scribbling on a piece of paper so consumed by thoughts that he jumped when Ed jabbed him in the side.
Someone was addressing him, and he realized guiltily he had not at all been paying attention to the meeting. Stuffing these thoughts aside, he asked them to repeat the question.
XXXX
He had entered quietly, not wanting to disturb Ed. Originally he meant to announce his presence, but he realized that Ed was not moving, simply standing there staring out the window, gloved hands elbow deep in the water immobile.
Dinner had started out fine, Ătienne settling into his chair, eyes widening as he took in the fried rice, ginger beef, deep fried wontons and veggies. He had looked at Calvin as if he had somehow turned into a god. When Calvin had explained that these had mainly all been premade freezer meals â except for the rice and veggies - Ătienneâs expression was even more surprised.
Ed had chimed in then, mentioning how tedious making wontons was, so they simply put them together when watching sports to keep their hands busy, and then froze them in small batches so they could lazily fry them up when needed.
Calvin had been carefully observing Ătienne the past three days, noticing how sometimes, probably even unrealized by Ătienne, he would be sitting there attentively listening and looking at Ed, his careworn expression, which he had noticed had been carefully schooled, changing subtly. It was difficult to explain it, but usually after a beer, when Ătienne had managed to loosen up after dinner as they talked, the expression he sometimes got when he glanced over to Ed, was⌠would tender be the right word? When he had first witnessed it Calvin had felt his mouth go dry. Â
Really, after all this time? He had thought. Â Honestly he had wanted to ignore it, but today had simply confirmed it. The incident was small, so obscure that on a long timeline of incidents it would probably not even be written in. They had been sitting at the table, when Ed had looked up towards Calvin and cleared his throat. âCould you- ?â
In response Calvin had handed over the soy sauce, knowing exactly what he was about to ask. Across from him Ătienne who had been watching had dropped his chopsticks, hastily picking them up, his expression momentarily irritated.
âYou alright there?â he had asked.
Ătienne had looked at him, then towards Ed, taking a moment, as if to weaken his mood, âDo you think you two could tone down the gay? Getting blasted here.â
Ed had awkwardly laughed, âWhat do you mean? I just asked for soy sauce?â
âWith just a look?â Ătienne had responded, âNot all of us can tolerate such mind reading powersâŚâ
âĂtienne, you are being silly,â Edward had looked back at his food, dismissing the other man.
Calvin however had sensed the change in Ătienneâs mood, watched how as he quickly finished his meal, Ătienne after placing his dish in the sink had left the kitchen, the back door opening as he stepped out into the garden as if to escape them.
Hands in water, Edward had become distracted from washing the dishes. Intently he was staring outside into his backyard, at the odd scene before him. Ătienne had drifted outside after dinner, unusually quiet. Ed had simply assumed he was going to sit in one of the chairs drinking, but he had been wrong. Calvin had mentioned to him that yesterday he had found Ătienne amongst the chickens, but Edward had not thought there would be a repeat performance. However, there was Ătienne, lounging under a tree, Henrietta upon his lap, staring up towards the leafy canopy. Mary-Anne was pecking nearby, while Esther was sitting by a raspberry bush sleeping. It should have been a scene of peace and pleasure, but Edward felt sad looking at his friend.
âWhat are you staring at?â
âAh jeez, you startled me,â Ed looked towards Calvin, his worried expression clear, âIâm looking at ĂtienneâŚâ slowly he began to wash the pot in his hand.
âMm? Petting Henrietta again? When he goes we will have to count the chickens and make sure we have all three.â
âCalvinâŚâ a tentative beginning, âDo⌠do you think that there might be something⌠wrong with Ătienne?â
The question he had been dreading. Leaning against the counter, looking out at the man, Calvin took a moment to answer, âWhat do you mean?â Curiously he looked over to Ed, admiring how the slow setting of the sun brightened the brown in his hazel eyes.
âJust⌠he has not seemed himself while here, itâs hard to explain.â Edward sighed, remembering Ătienneâs words from before, âI could be overthinking.â
Arms folded, Calvin considered the situation, wondering how far he should go. âN-no. I mean I donât think you are overthinking. I agree.â
âYou agree?â Edward placed the pot in the drying rack, âWhat do you mean?â
âAh well yâknow, tired?â
âI think he needs more than a nap,â Ed responded as he placed the last dish onto the rack, and removed his gloves.
âYou know Iâm not good with this wishy-washy stuff Ed, but, maybe Ătienne needs to figure out who he is now. Times change and he needs to change with them.â
âVery practical of you to say that, but I am not surprised,â Ed paused as if he intended to say something more, instead he switched topic entirely, âDo you think he would like the freshly made brownies with ice cream?â
âHoney, if he doesnât I will eat his share.â
XXXX
The breeze was cool, a relief from the heat of the day. He had rolled over to face plant into the grass, stretching out his fingers as he grasped the blades, the shade of the large white birch half upon him, shifting as the sun slowly moved across the sky. Â If he could suffocate in the dirt that would probably somehow make him feel a little better over exploding like that over dinner. Mortified would not even be able to cover his turbulent emotions. He thought he was keeping it together fine, managing to ignore how intimate they were, how well they read each others emotions and thoughts, but goddam. Getting soy sauce without saying a damn word? Actions that were so smooth it was not even doubted they had been enacted many times before.
He could feel a chicken settle on him, but he did not have any willpower to move. It was fine, his life purpose was to be a chicken bed now.
There was a time where he had been that person, able to read Edâs moods, understand what he wanted. Now though⌠nowâŚ
A sharp painful tug of his hair made him swat the attacker, his hand landing on feathers and a sharp beak which had swung over to defend itself. The loud squawk made him look up to be confronted with a very angry Esther who looked out for blood, her beady eye peering into his, feathers ruffled ready to fight. The bird which had been gently napping on his back hopped off, sensing danger.
âExcuse me, you are not allowed to eat my hair,â Ătienne felt bad for hitting the bird, but that soon passed as she leant forward and took a chunk of his hair and tugged hard. âOW WHAT THE FUCK.â Violently he pulled away and sat up, mortified when he realized she had managed to pull a chunk of his hair out of his head. Rubbing the sore spot, he watched as she triumphantly waddled towards the chicken coop, hair waving in the wind like some macabre trophy. âFucking bird.â He grumbled.
Hearing laughter from the back porch, he looked over to see Edward setting some dessert on the table.
âThis is not funny, Edward!â he snapped. âIf I had not defended myself I would be bald!â
âCanât blame her, your hair is so curly itâs perfect for nesting,â came the response, âNow, would you care for some ice cream and a freshly baked brownie?â
Standing up, and brushing himself off, Ătienne restrained his initial reaction (vault himself to the table and eat the food), to look more calm and collected. âFreshly baked? When did this happen?â
âJust now? While I was washing dishes figured I would cook up a little dessert for your last night here, thereâs a secret ingredient.â
As he slowly sauntered up the stairs Ătienne looked at them suspiciously. âItâs not⌠not pineapple, is it?â
âOh my god, why would I even⌠no, itâs cinnamon.â
There were three plates laid out, each with a little spoon. Grabbing it from off the table, he settled into the chair (which he had claimed as his), and dipped the spoon into the rich chocolatey brownie. At first the cinnamon was not obvious, the rich dark chocolate of the brownie warm upon his tongue, then he tasted the cinnamon, a compliment to the chocolate. Taking another bite including the vanilla ice cream, Ătienne made a soft moaning sound. This was so delicious he was already regretting that he had to return home tomorrow. No doubt after he left Calvin would be consuming vast amounts of this delicious food, and he felt his stomach twist in discontent.
âLooks like you enjoy this combination,â Ed said with some amusement.
Opening his eyes (when had he closed them?), Ătienne responded, âVery much so. I have decided I love your cooking, it is always perfect⌠even when you were taking care of me back in the day. Your soups always made me feel better.â
Blushing in pleasure, Edward busied himself with eating his own dessert.
Behind them Calvin appeared carrying a guitar, which he carefully tilted against the wall before grabbing his dessert from the table.
âMy favourite!â he exclaimed as he dug in and literally inhaled the dessert in about five seconds.
âOh my god Calvin, you need to savour things!â Edward admonished, however the effect was lost due to his laughter.
Taking a sip of his beer, Calvin winked at Ed. âBut there is more inside, and I have already decided the rest of that pan is mine?â
âCalvin! We have a guest, maybe Ătienne wants seconds?â
âEhh⌠but does he?â Calvin innocently looked over to Ătienne who was halfway through his dessert.
âYes. I do.â came the firm response.
âYouâll have to fight me for it,â Calvin smirked, âI doubt you could even take me.â
âYou wanna bet?â Ătienne raised his eyebrows at the challenge. Punching Calvin in the face would be something he would truly enjoy at the moment, especially if it meant more of this brownie.
Placing his bowl on the table, Calvin moved and picked up his guitar. âCountry rap battle, right here right now.â
Ătienne nearly choked on his last bite. Coughing, he managed to finally get everything going down correctly. âC-country rap battle? That is laying the table heavily in your favour. Edward, this is not fair.â
Ed who had been watching this with amusement gave a shrug, âWell, what would you prefer?â
âHmm⌠music is not bad, but we can battle it out using styles suited to us?â
âThat sounds alright, I mean if Calvin isnât scared?â Ed teased lightly, and Calvin smirked.
âI ainât scared.â He strummed the guitar, setting out a lively tune, his voice picking up, âOh I am Calvin from the city, ready to fight, I am ââ
Edward started to laugh really hard, apparently unable to keep it together to even be supportive.
â- going to take you down, after showinâ the town. You try to steal my brownie out of guestful spite, but my buddy pal, yâaint got a man, yâaint got a gal.â He gave a little flourish on the guitar and looked at Ătienne with expectation.
Ătienne frowned, how was he supposed to compete with a guitar? Licking his spoon in thought an idea came to him, and he grabbed Calvinâs spoon. Fitting them into the proper position he gave Calvin a challenging look, ignored the hiccoughing giggles of Edward, and struck up a firm rhythm with them, as he saucily began to sing a well known folk tune, Â âGuest rights gives me the food, you get it everyday. Having no guy, nor gal doesnât stop the way. Your song is ridiculous, as much as your hair. Not giving me a guitar, that is no fair.â
Calvin strummed to pick up again, when finally, Edward choked out, âStop stop, oh my god, I canât breathe, please. You both win.â Â He was wiping tears from his eyes, his face red from how much he had been laughing. He glanced over to Ătienneâs spoons, âSpoons,â and began to laugh again, clutching his side. Apparently the fact Ătienne had decided to play the spoons was the killing blow for Ed, who was gasping for air as he laughed. It was contagious, and Ătienne began to laugh, realizing how ridiculous they must look, fighting over the brownies. He lost it when Calvin let out a rather forceful snort of laugher, and any thought of continuing the battle was lost as they collectively gasped for air, the laughter hard and true. The moment it would die down, someone would catch the eye of one of the others and it would start up again.
What felt like an eternity of aching sides later, when no more air was to be had, and the sky had turned a brilliant orange as the sun finally reached its lowest point before saying goodbye, the laughter had finally subsided.
âOh my god,â Ed stood up, âIâm getting us water and just bringing the tray out⌠and maybe some moreâŚâ he eyed the spoons, his mouth twitching up in a smile, âutensilsâŚâ he made his escape, but they heard him give a short laugh as he entered the house.
Ătienne drew his fond gaze from the retreating figure, and was surprised to have Calvin giving him a rather serious look.
âItâs been nice having you here.â The tone was serious, and Calvin was leaning forward, arm casually laying across his guitar, âYou shouldnât be such a stranger, Ătienne.â
He opened his mouth in surprise, not sure what to reply. Sure thing? Fly right on over to witness more perfect gay love?
âLook, I know things are a little⌠difficult,â Calvin continued, âBut hey, ainât no use crying over the past when the future is here for the taking, right?â
He was unable to respond because Ed had reappeared, and the serious Calvin had quickly dissolved into the hungry-for-more-brownie Calvin.
The addition surprised Ătienne, he had not expected Calvin to be so welcoming. It felt as if any issues of the past had been resolved between them, which made him annoyed. Why was Calvin so easy to forgive and forget? Was he really as smart as Ed said? Forgiving so easily made him suspicious, as if Calvin had other plans in mind, something that could result in an even worse situation for himself. What that could be, Ătienne had no idea. Â These thoughts dispersed however as he began to eat more of the brownie, and as Calvin lit the fire and picked up his guitar to actually sing some cowboy songs, joined in by Ed now and then for the chorus, he felt his mood mellow, no doubt aided by the beer. Hell, he even beat out a rhythm with the spoons and joined in, the fire crackling sending sparks up into the navy night sky, where spark turned into star.
Later that night, when he was in bed drifting off to sleep, he thought, it wasnât so bad being here. He could understand why Calvin stayed.
Suffocation
Edgary
XXXXXXX
Calvin looked as if he had just given him the largest Toblerone all the way from the Swiss Duty Free shop. His expression one of no expectation of a refusal, his grin so big he thought he would be consumed in it.
Ed was shocked and a little afraid that if he informed Calvin this was not the surprise he was actually wanting that everything he had worked so hard for would end up as burnt chocolate at the bottom of the pot.
âC-could you repeat that?â Ed asked, attempting to stall to have enough time to compute exactly what was being implicated for the next portion of his life. His nice happy life as a bachelor, with only the small interruption when Edith moved in.
âYeah!!!â Calvin bounced up and down in his seat slightly, his body thrumming with excitement as once more he laid out the proposition, âI can do my job as a satellite, going to my city once a week or so for meetings, so basically, if youâll have me, I can move in! And live with you!â
Move in!? Ed internally panicked. This possibility had never ever occurred to him. Due to being what they were, the idea of⌠living together had seemed out of the realm of possibility. Having this presented to him as a very possible reality threw him for a loop.
âUh, isnât this⌠too soon?â Ed managed to croak out.
Calvin shot him a withering look, âWe have been dating for a year, Ed. And we have known each other for how long?â A look of contrition appeared on his face, eyes nearly ready to swim in tears, âBut⌠if itâs too earlyâŚâ
Anything but a crying Calvin, Ed thought desperately, and with a tone of happiness that even surprised himself he replied, âNo! Itâs great! I⌠just never thought of anyone moving in with me⌠well, in that way! I was shocked.â
His boyfriendâs face brightened up immediately. Prairie storm clouds have passed, Ed thought in relief. Quickly tamping down the dark regret that had immediately appeared, firmly telling himself that Calvin was right â they had known each other forever, had dated for a year and⌠really what could go wrong?
XXXXXXX
When Calvin suggested moving in, Ed had not realized how much shit Calvin counted on bringing with him. Not only was Calvinâs truck full up, but Ed found his truck being filled up as well.
âDid you sell your place?â He asked as they stood outside his small house, getting ready to unload the stuff.
âHuh??â
âSell your place?â Ed made a sweeping motion at all the stuff in their trucks.
âNo way!!I just⌠wanted to make this like our shared place. Anyways I am renting my place out on Air BNB!â
Snorting Ed replied, âWho exactly would want to rent your place?â
âActually it got booked right away! Vernon wanted a nice vacation on the other side of the mountians,â he replied picking up a box, he brought it into Edâs small house, and set it down. He opened it and Ed watched with amazement as Calvin gently placed about five horse figurines above the fireplace, interspersing them among the decorations already there. Â
Calvin moving in felt strange. Well, it was strange after years of living alone, pottering around, suddenly having someone else there constantly. Another body in the house, coming across Calvin in the hallway, basement⌠bedroom⌠Ed had not realized the extent of isolation he was living until Calvin wormed his way in. It felt like all those empty spaces that had been silent for so long suddenly had an echo.
Calvin was casually affectionate, in ways that Ed did not realize he needed. A small caress in the kitchen followed by small comments or a laugh over the coffee. Someone to say hello to after a day of work, followed by complaining over situations that had never truly translated well across distance.
Theoretically, Calvin had his own bedroom. More often than not, Calvin ended up in Edâs bed, even if there was no sex and an early morning. Calvin would snuggle up to Ed and then inform him that he slept better next to him. When Calvin had to leave for a couple days, Ed realized to his own horror that he intensely missed having Calvin around, especially at night when all the thoughts he attempted to suppress appeared to eat away at his soul.
Theoretically it should have all been bliss, exceptâŚ
It was small things that irritated Ed.
Such as: crumbs in the margarine, snacks disappearing, toilet paper not being replaced, the Kleenex box in the wrong location and not wrapped up in its special hand-sewn container to match the aesthetics of the house. Calvin complaining about said hand-sewn containers, not only for Kleenex but for the tea pot and spare toilet roll as well. Such complaints registered as âtoo much extra workâ for âno reward.â Ed in response would pointedly place the Kleenex box in the most offensive hand-sewn container he could think of, that of a special edition print of Wayne Gretzky that was a once a pillow but revamped. Whenever Calvin caught sight of this particular Kleenex container, he always looked grumpy.
Perhaps what was the most irritating habit was that Calvin kept drinking water out of teacups.
Teacups were for tea. Not water.
Ed would find the teacups in various locations, no doubt forgotten as Calvin got distracted. He nearly stepped on a cup left on a stair. He felt like some odd teacup collector. His irritation mounted until he confronted Calvin about it, cracked teacup in hand.
âCALVIN!â
Calvin, who had just returned from buying some groceries, jumped.
âLook at this!!â
âI am looking!!â Calvin shifted the bag in his arms awkwardly. âThe pink flowery cup is in your hand.â
âDo you see this hairline crack?â Ed snapped.
Leaning forward Calvin nodded, not too sure how to react.
âDo you know why it is cracked?â
âUm? Itâs old?â Calvin asked hopefully as he began to walk toward the kitchen.
âNo!â Ed growled as he head butted Calvin on the arm, causing a couple of oranges to pop out of the grocery bag and roll out onto the floor. âITâS BECAUSE YOU LEFT IT ON THE FUCKING COUCH UNDER A PILLOW AND I BEGAN TO SIT ON IT!â
âAahh oh?â Calvin replied innocently, awkwardly bending in an attempt to hold the bag yet salvage the oranges.
âAre you even listening to me?! This is serious, Calvin!â
Managing to grab two of the oranges one-handedly, Calvin straightened, âAh yeh? Look can I put this down in the kitchen? There are some eggs and before you start head butting me some more I want them in the fridge.â
Letting out a loud huff, Ed followed Calvin into the kitchen, setting the teacup down on the counter and then crossing his arms as he grumpily watched Calvin put the food away. Finally as Calvin placed the eggs in the fridge, he turned to look at Ed. Attempting not to smile, knowing that it would provoke more anger in Ed, Calvin said, âOk, so you broke your teacup?â
âCalvin! My teacups are my precious collection and I do not appreciate how you use them for whatever and leave them around the house in odd spots! Frick I nearly died the other day going down the stairs and stepping on one!â
âSo⌠you are asking me not to use your teacups?â
âYES! And why do you always use a different cup when you need a drink? Like whatâs wrong with reusing the cup? It saves on water and soap if you use the same cup for water instead of leaving them around! This isnât that movie where we need tin foil hats!! THERE IS NO ALIEN INVASION, CALVIN!â
Bursting out laughing, Calvin let himself be punched on the arm by Ed who was seriously pissed at him.
âOk ok, oh my god, ok. Stop hitting me!â Wiping a tear from his eye, Calvin grabbed both of Edâs hands and annoyingly gave them a kiss. âI promise to stop using your teacups and leaving them all over the place and ruining your floral Gretzky aesthetic or whatever it is you are calling it. I also promise to reuse cups for⌠your green purposes?â
Ed gave another loud huff.
âAm I forgiven?â
âYou never said sorry,â Ed responded as he attempted to pull his hands out of Calvinâs grasp.
Leaning forward Calvin kissed Ed on the forhead, âI,â another kiss on the left cheek, âso,â a kiss on the right cheek, âvery,â a small peck on the nose, âsorry.â A gentle kiss on the mouth, âForgiven?â
Feeling Ed relax, Calvin released his grip, and gave a slight âOomf,â as the smaller man gave him a hard hug.
âYouâre stupid and Iâm still mad at you for the moment, but I will be better in about an hour after youâve made me dinner,â Ed muttered, as he quickly released Calvin and left the kitchen.
Smiling slightly, Calvin donned the nearest cooking apron, which happened to be Edâs (hand sewn of course with a fetching blue periwinkle design). Living with Ed was interesting; he had noticed that the other man had drastically cut down on his secret drinking. He was more alert and more the man he knew. Sure they fought but, it was nice to fight with him. As he sautĂŠed the onions his thoughts wandered. They fought but it was usually over small things, some of the larger problems unspoken. Sometimes Calvin wanted to bring them up, but something about Ed always stopped him. He was afraid if he did, that this sort of dream life he was living now would come crashing down around him. Ed seemed to have gotten his act together after their trip to Toronto â he wasnât sure what Lucas had said, but it had the desired effect. Still⌠he wasnât sure if he was being masochistic for wanting to know more about Edâs relationship with Etienne. He was curious. This secret relationship exploding onto the scene with all the force of an atom bomb. It sometimes felt like that while Ed had chosen him, he was some sort of runner up⌠With a sigh he added the BBQ spice.
Their relationship was something like a close friendship filled with secrets, where one friend was more honest than the other. Calvin realized that his major secret was that he was into men and women⌠and that Ed knew it now. He really didnât have much else to reveal. While Ed⌠sometimes Ed would make an offhand comment, such as while watching TV, a remembrance and Calvin would remember how much he didnât know. He remembered as a child, once their friendship was established, how he looked up to Ed and whenever they met how he would excitedly tell him everything that had transpired since they had last met. The security he always felt around Ed, the realization that for the longest time he was viewed as a child and that no wonder Ed never told him about certain things. Sometimes he wondered if any of that sentiment lingered⌠if perhaps⌠his love was one sided. If Ed was somehow just humouring him.
Setting the food onto plates, he carried them out to the table where Ed was sitting, texting on his phone.
âWho you talkinâ to?â Calvin set the plate down in front of him.
âEdith. She is trying to convince me that itâs a good idea to save some bridge down in the river valley.â
âOh? Are you?â
âEhhh⌠but⌠progress?â Ed put his phone away and looked towards the meal, âThis looks delicious!â
âItâs my special beef stir fry with a bit of a kick!â Calvin responded proudly, deciding to put his thoughts away. This was what he wanted, some simple domestic bliss with Ed. Moments he never thought would happen back in the nineties. When he tried so hard to shove that part of him away into the garbage. Focused on growing up and attempting to become some sort of ladies man â and ultimately failing.  There was a reason why Ed was the one who took his virginity â and it wasnât from his lack of trying. Mainly he kept chickening out, or something wasnât right or the lady would get bored of him. For some reason inevitably his topics of conversation would center on Ed⌠he didnât mean for this to happen, it just did. It was later when a lady responded, âIf you love this guy so much, why donât you marry him?â That, humiliated, Calvin attempted to explain away his topic of conversation. The words burned into him, making him realize that his crush had never left.
âEdâŚâ
âHmm?â
âWhat made you change your mind?â
âUh? Iâm still thinking about the bridge?â
âNo! I mean⌠about me?â
âWhat about you?â
âI mean! Why did you decide to have sex with me? Like⌠what changed?â
âOh uhâŚâ Ed set down his fork. âUhm.â He stared at Calvin squirming in his seat like some impatient child. âWell it was something someone said⌠I didnât believe it at first but then you knowâŚâ
âWho said it? What was it?â
Rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, Ed muttered, âEtienne said that you were in love with meâŚâ
The only sound was Calvin setting his fork forcibly down upon his plate. Slowly Ed met his loverâs eyes, wondering what the other man was going to say.
Shock and then a small laugh as Calvin said, âWho would have thought Etienne would have brought us together? Do you know why he said it?â
Ed shrugged, âNo.â
âWellâŚâ reaching over Calvin grasped one of Edâs hands, âIâm glad he did.â
Ed nodded, not quite able to voice âme too.â
XXXXXXX
Things seemed to be going too swimmingly, enough that Ed was forgetting to worry about their relationship. Hell he felt relaxed enough that when he returned from his bike ride, sweat running down his face in rivulets, he didnât even notice Calvinâs bad mood until he was half undressed. Wiping the sweat off his brow with his shirt, Ed noticed that Calvin hadnât greeted him in the usual cheery manner. He was sitting at the kitchen table arms crossed, frowning, a postcard in front of him.
Taking a sip from his water bottle, Ed wandered over to him, âWhatâs up, spud?â
âWhen were you planning to tell me you accepted the invitation to Etienneâs major birthday party?â Calvin responded, his voice cold.
âWh-what?â Ed felt like someone had just poured ice cubes down his spine.
âLook,â Calvin responded as he pointed to the postcard.
âUhmm?â laying down his shirt on the table, Ed picked up the card, realizing why Calvin was so angry. In fancy font the card stated the time and place of the birthday event, including thanks for accepting the invite. âAh well⌠I donât have to goâŚâ
âEd, itâs not that you are going to the party, itâs that you kept this a secret from me!â
âOh, did I?â
âDonât play dumb! You never really talk to me, Ed!! I feel like I am walking among landmines that blow up!â
âWhat the fuck do you mean really talk to you? What about? You want to know about me being registered and locked away? How I wanted to die? Or do you want all the gritty details of how Etienne made me realize it was alright to fuck men and be who I was? Or how about all of my life without you? Look Calvin, I donât know what the fuck you want! I had sex before I met you! Like not all of us can preserve their virginity for their first love!â
âDonât you fucking treat me as a child, Ed!â
âWell maybe if you stopped acting like one? Did you ever stop to think that being invited to this party was more than just me wanting to see Etienne? That maybe there was also important business to do? Or do you distrust me that much that the minute Etienne snaps his fingers I will come running to him? WHEN IT WAS FUCKING ME WHO BROKE UP WITH HIM!â
âWell maybe if you didnât hide your fucking drinking problem I wouldnât have to mistrust you so much?â Calvin snidely responded, leaning back on his chair, face getting redder.
âYou- you knew?â Letting out a gasp, Ed abruptly sat down, his legs hitting the wooden chair legs.
Voice chilly, Calvin let his chair thump back down onto all four legs, âEd, Iâm not a fucking idiot. I am more perceptive than you think. Just because I treat you nicely doesnât mean I donât pick up when youâre doing shit. Now then.â Calvin tapped the table with his fingers, âI have been straight with you about things, what about me? Why do you always gotta sneak around? I think itâs time youâre straight shooting with me. What will it be, partner?â
Going for a bike ride usually made Ed feel great. Instead all he felt was exhausted, being tackled by Calvin right after was not his idea of a good time. Plus, the whole total up-front honesty thing? Who the hell actually did that? Calvin really was like a small child in some ways. A simple man. For a moment Ed wondered if he made the right choice. The wind blew through the open window, bringing in the scent of flowers and the drone of bees, relieving slightly the hot sticky weather.
Finally, the words seemed to come out of him.  âI just⌠I need some space. I need to think. Without you. Without all your stuff. I canât do this anymore⌠I think⌠we need a relationship break.â
The words hit hard, like torpedoes out of a submarine missed on the radar, Calvin wasnât sure whether he was still breathing or half dead. This was not what Calvin had hoped for at all. He was hoping that maybe Ed would confess his undying love⌠not âget the fuck out of my houseâ. He was tired of this bullshit too.
Standing up, letting his chair clatter to the ground, Calvin responded, âFine.â
His packing was chaotic, interspersed with some tears which he tried to hold back, attempting to keep hold upon his cold demeanor, not wanting to let Ed know how much he had hurt him.
The daylight faded into night, highlighting the kitchen briefly in golden light, as Ed sat there in the chair as if frozen, only moving when finally he heard Calvinâs truck start up and leave.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Drawn back during an Edmonton victory in a Battle of Alberta game... No one bet me to draw anything, I just really wanted to draw Ed winning for once heheh
i know it's not from anything u tagged but i miss ur edgary art plz draw edgary k thanks
wow i dont draw them any differently than i did last year
Quatsch Made Me Draw Edgary Comics
so i am sorry in advance
also sorry about the panels that are really light on that one page where i had to temporarily switch to crappy dollar store lead i was too lazy to go over them because i didnt want this to see the light of day
blame the plot and the shoujo anime sparkles on quatsch the dialogue and the art is mostly mine. im sorry if you canât read my garbage writing or follow my strange panel structure- i literally wrote these as i drew them so idk i drew these while playing kotor ii so if they donât make sense its because i was fighting laigreks or something
queuing this for midnight ish when no one will see it


