oh babey CAN I? It is what I LIVE for

love my mom and love that family

im so sorry this took so long holy shit the holidays are a mess pls forgib me

72. “Just smile, I really need to see you smile right now.”

—

“Bella, wake up. It’s Christmas, honey, don’t you want to open gifts?”

Six-year-old Bella blinked a few times, sleepily reaching her arms towards Renee. It was a typical Christmas morning in Arizona, a familiar 70 degrees. She lifted her child into her arms, padding down the hallway of their rental to the small 4 foot tree. Three colorful boxes were placed in front of Bella, now sitting eagerly by the couch.

Renee nodded encouragingly, “Go ahead, baby. Merry Christmas.”

A huge smile spread across her face as she examined her new gifts - two books, the beanie baby she had been fawning over, and pajamas covered with her favorite cartoon characters.

“I love them!” She exclaimed, hugging one of the new books tightly in her arms.

—

“Bells? Bella. Isabella Swan, hellooo?”

Bella blinked, slowly turning her head towards Charlie, “Yeah?”

“Bells we’re opening presents now, come sit.”

The beating of her heart fluttered erratically and Bella’s hand clawed at her own throat, afraid that by letting go she wouldn’t be able to breathe at all. An image of the last time she opened gifts flashed in her memory. All of her surroundings in the Cullen house were blurry, all but the tearing of both gift paper and her own skin.

Somehow, she shuffled her feet towards the couch and planted herself next to Jacob. Billy and Charlie shared a worried glance before handing out some of the gifts.

Jacob nudged Bella with a rectangular box wrapped in camouflage paper, but her hands began to shake as she reached out.

“Could you, um, open a corner for me,” she spoke quietly.

Jacob didn’t ask any questions and peeled tape from one side of the box until the paper was folded out.

He gave her a tight smile, “Here ya go.”

Ever so carefully, Bella pulled a heavy box from the paper without any incident. She sighed in relief but didn’t linger on the present much longer than to see that it was a box set of classic books she already owned.

“Thank you, Billy,” she didn’t meet his eyes, but he nodded understandingly.

Everyone else took turns opening gifts, mostly in quiet until Bella spoke suddenly, “I’m going to my room.”

Billy and Charlie exchanged another look before Charlie replied, “Bella…we’re at Billy’s house.”

“Oh, right.” She cursed quietly, wondering how she could even forget the awkward car ride to the Black’s residence.

Jacob stood up, “That’s okay, you can use my room.”

“Okay.”

Bella sat on the edge of his bed, bouncing one leg while attempting to calm herself down. She had gotten better at hiding her emotions with time, keeping her true feelings under control around the supervision of others. But this was the first time she had been to a gathering since her last birthday. Charlie had let her skip Thanksgiving after she feigned illness, but this time he insisted that she come.

She found that the cold against her skin helped her feel something in times like these, where she felt as if she could drift away from her own body at any moment. Ice cubes were the best tool, but there was no way she was going back through the living room full of humans to get them. Cold water would have to do. Thankfully, Jacob had a small bathroom attached to his room. Bella trudged to the sink and avoided looking in the mirror.

She knew that she hadn’t been taking care of herself. She knew that the purple circles under her eyes had grown darker. She knew that her hair was messy, having only been half-brushed this morning. She didn’t need a mirror to confirm all of these things again.

Instead, she looked at the sink basin and splashed cold water on her face, the icy droplets stinging her flushed skin. She did this again and again until the collar of her shirt was soaked. Unfortunately, the towel was next to the mirror, higher up the wall. She would have to look, at least for a brief second.

Her eyes trailed up the sink, taking in details of each element of the bathroom to distract her mind from her own image. The faucet was getting rusty around the handles, if only she had some steel wool to clean that….

Then she locked eyes with her reflection. But she didn’t hold that gaze for long. She gasped, feeling like the wind had been knocked right out of her. His face was there, standing behind her. She whipped her head around, but no one was there. Just an empty bathroom wall. Slowly, she turned back to the mirror, surprised when she saw his face once again.

It took a long moment for her to build up the confidence to speak, but she finally asked with a shaking voice, “Why are you here?”

“Just smile.” He replied. “I really need to see you smile right now.”

She chuckled darkly, “If you wanted to see that you shouldn’t have left me. Come back to me. Please.”

“I can’t. But I want to see you happy, at least for a moment. Please, Bella, smile for me?”

Her face contorted, one edge of her mouth raised slightly and then she sighed in defeat, “I don’t even remember how.”

“Yes you do, love. Please, for me.”

Tears flowed down her blotchy cheeks, she balled her fists and winced at the pain of her fingernails digging into her palms.

But then, after one deep breath, she smiled.

“Fine.”

He gave her a crooked smile of his own, “Thank you.”

And then he was gone.

“Wait. No, no, no, you can’t do this. Edward, you can’t do this to me - you can’t leave me, Edward!”

“NO!” Bella slammed her fist against the bathroom wall, splitting her knuckles open.

Charlie rushed into the room after hearing her screams and quickly held her hand under the sink, calling for Jacob to bring him some bandages. Bella smelled the blood and could feel herself getting faint.

She loved him. And she hated him.

“Just smile,” he asked.

Thanks sweetie 💕 @belllaculllen

▪️Overpass // Panic! At the Disco

▪️The Schuyler Sisters // Hamilton

▪️Natural Disaster // Plain White T’s

▪️1 2 3 // Sofia Reyes

▪️Decode // Paramore

▪️Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea // Fall Out Boy

▪️America’s Suitehearts // Fall Out Boy

▪️Crazy Bitch // Buckcherry

▪️Boulevard of Broken Dreams // Green Day

▪️What I Need // Hayley Kiyoko

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