#eclipse:julyeval

even though she’s constantly on the brink of falling asleep, it’s the end of the month evaluation that keeps her going. the fact that katie lee herself will be the one giving them criticism and pointing out all of her flaws -- some, she hopes that she can mask well enough that even she couldn’t spot by the time that moment comes around. but sunyoung finds that hard to do when the choreography for love whisper seems to be on another level than they’re used to -- feminine, sweet and yet very intricate, with footwork a plenty and lots of little jumps here and there that cause her to already exhausted state to worsen.

but perseverance is key -- and one of her fears is that their ceo would hone in on her age. one of the trainers enjoys pointing out how sunyoung seems to be a little late with her transitions and that her moves aren’t as fresh as yeri’s tend to be. ( and how the fuck are you supposed to make a move look fresh? should she widen her eyes more or plaster a fake smile the entire time she dances? ) as if she already wasn’t insecure about that before. this entire debut seems to point out the negatives of park sunyoung -- that’s she’s old and looks the part ( compared to the rest of unnie line, who look like they're struggling a lot less with the aesthetic of the song compared to her ), that her dancing has decreased when compared to the fire within her feet during the mgas, how her singing is okay, but not enough when compared to the vocal powerhouses that are taeyeon and tiffany.

it’s a lot to deal with, and it’s only the beginning of their preparations. that doesn’t leave high hopes for what’s to come.

so she finds herself constantly locked within one of the practice rooms of kt until the wee hours of the morning, struggling to hit that certain note without sounding like she’s yelling into the mic or making sure that her footwork doesn’t look sloppy and lazy -- and doing it all in peace, without having to worry about what goes through the other girl’s minds whenever they look at her or comparison that ultimately leave her in the dust.

a filler member -- sunyoung is trying to not call herself that, trying to keep the thoughts that caused her to spiral last year to bring themselves to the forefront. but it’s hard when the rest of her members seem to be better than her in almost every way.