#echthr0s

What are some of your OC's coping mechanisms during stressful or overwhelming periods in their life?

What is the most common feeling or emotion in your OC's life?

What is your OC afraid of?

How does your OC die, eventually?

oc ask game (always accepting)

oughhh why do you choose the ones that make my brain and heart hurt. lays down on the floor forever. (thank you for sending these i love you 🫶)

15. what is your oc's fatal flaw?

i wouldn't call it "fatal", but the reaper emperor's rigidity, paired with her arrogance, can sometimes work against her. despite her belief in organic life being special, she still plans on harvesting them, still plans to process them, or give them to her daughters to be used as hosts. such in the order of things, and such is the order all things must follow. she very much believes in and adheres to a hierarchy. (which is also, unsurprising, why she did very well in the military when she was the emperor-as-shepard.)

it is a trait that all reapers have, and i always go back to sovereign because it was perhaps the purest reflection of the reaper emperor's personality, reaching from beyond her growing-sleep. "we impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. you exist because we allow it. and you will end because we demand it." granted there is a difference between the chaos that is organic life and the chaos governed by entities like the great family and the chaos lords. organic life is unpredictable and messy. chaos is part of the order of the universe.

she doesn't get completely bent out of shape if things don't adhere to her system, but it is a little annoying. organic life can be very annoying.

17. what are some of your oc's coping mechanisms during stressful or overwhelming periods in their life?

in times that are so stressful and so overwhelming, the reaper emperor needs what essentially amounts to pure sensory nothingness. no sound. no light. no people. nothing.

thankfully there are rooms in the ziggurat where she can immerse herself in this pure nothingness. nyx will usually take over in her stead until she is ready to join the world again.

37. what is the most common feeling or emotion in your oc's life?

interestingly, contentedness. everything she feels is just a fraction compared to how she spends most of her day, which is in the ziggurat with her daughters and nyx. (one day shar will join them in the ziggurat permanently, but both the reaper emperor and nyx understand she is caught in an ongoing war against the light of her sister. one day things will be perfect and extinction, night, and darkness will rule together.)

the harvests continue. every day there is a xenomorph daughter asleep in her mother's arms. the great family tends to their domains and dimensions. nyarlathotep is doing nyarlathotep things. when things are operating as they should be, then the reaper emperor is content and she too falls asleep on her machine-throne, dreaming of her wives and new types of xenomorphs and reaper ships.

40. what is your oc afraid of?

the events of alien: earth was one of the worst fears of the reaper emperor made reality: that organic life would one day find a away to kidnap her daughters and hurt them.

and perhaps that was bound to happen one day. she lets them roam free through the galaxy, forces all organic life to bend to them. for all life is made to be hunted and the galaxy was made to be their playground, hunting grounds, every world and domain theirs to do what they please. perhaps she assumed wrongly that humanity would understand its place in the universe, so when weyland-yutani and the prodigy kidnapped her daughters it was one of the worst moments of her life, worst than the pain she endured daily as shepard. the kind of retribution she instructed nemesis to inflict upon yutani and kavalier was not enough to satiate her own swarm of emotions, she had to obliterate them herself, pull them apart and eat them.

granted without that event happening, there would be no margot, or nitzah, or thalia, or marcy. (or joe.) she just doesn't want her daughters to feel pain or be hurt, she wants them to be happy violent girls. she thinks all organic life should be grateful if they are chosen to be a host or are killed during a hunt. but now she holds them closer and tighter to her, worries about them more, and now is suspicious of anyone outside the great family that expresses an interest in them.

50. how does your oc die, eventually?

as long as there are worlds, realms, spheres, universes, there will always be extinction. one day she and her wives and her daughters will be as old as azathoth and shai-hulud, having seen countless of universes end and begin. and when there are none left, whatever created the three siblings will make more universes for them. cycles of chaos, eternity, and extinction that require infinite governance.

and when there are truly is no more universes left? then the reaper emperor, her wives, her daughters, and all of the great family go to whatever is the lovecraftian equivalent of the undying lands to rest.

(also, fairly certain nyx and the great family would have thee crash out to end all crash outs if the reaper emperor died. especially her siblings. nyog'sothep and nyarlathotep spent almost a year calming azathoth down when the emperor-as-shepard nearly died after the destruction of the first normandy. big emotions are genetic.)

but the reaper emperor has seen the other variations of herself, the ones who are human with different names and different background. she has seen the ones born on earth, trapped in cycles of gang violence in the depths of the great mega cities. she has seen the ones who do not survive mindoir or the skyllian blitz. she has seen the ones who die with the normandy, killed in the great vacuum of the outer void with their burning ship. she has seen the ones who's bodies are not recovered in time by liara. she has seen the ones who do not survive the suicide mission. she has seen the ones who do not survive the beam in london and arrive on the citadel a corpse waiting to be sorted. she has seen the ones who choose destroy and destroy themselves, edi, and all machines, all relays. so it goes, on and on.

6) name some tree or animal species endemic to your area you’re close to

10) what marks the change of seasons where you are?

14) for my animist friends, what spirits do you feel/hear most strongly now? Why?

🌻🤞🏿 hoping you find your lovingly gifted needlecase 🤞🏿🌻

Thank you!! Godddd if it doesn't turn up I'll be so sad and SO embarrassed 😔

1) what’s your cosmology like?

Oh wow big question hell yes. Hm so first off, this is not something that I think about that much in my day to day that was a lie, I do, but uh. Yeah let's just go and see where we end up.

I picked up a lot of neoplatonic and adjacent stuff growing up and that still remains with me to some degree, even if I'm kind of unpicking what about it I actually believe and what I just accepted in the past (there is religious trauma here!! But I found most of what I believed on my own, it just so happened that you could - or I could - find traces of it in the cult my mother was involved with. It's complicated). It has evolved through the years and currently, what it means for me is that I believe in some kind of creator force that is... bigger. Is it external to the universe? Maybe. Is it the universe itself? Also maybe (and importantly, if it is one of those, I think it has to be both. The will/force/word creating the universe, creating itself to observe itself). Is it what I think about when I think about capital G God? Kinda!

It is hard to write about this because words can't grasp it, just like the mind can't grasp it because it's just too much. The apophatics have it right - if you want to talk about it you kind of have to define it by what it is not, or by highlighting how its qualities contradict themselves and at the same time do not? As you can see, I find myself only able to refer to it as "it" - using the smallest word I can because by doing so I'm trying to capture it as little as I can. It cannot be captured, so why even try.

But! This thing (another vague word) is so incomprehensibly immense and so everything that it's functionally kind of meaningless? Not in a negative sense! But it's not something I can interface with in my practice (and yet, everything I do interfaces with it, does it not?), it's not something I can pray to (although I can meditate on it), it doesn't even have a will (but it is will). It just is.

If I am able to name it - it just means that is not the thing I am talking about.

The other big thing is the whole "we come from someplace else and we will eventually return there". I do believe that, but I don't agree with the idea that we need to do everything we can to expedite that - I believe we (all enspirited beings probably) chose to incarnate and that we all had our reasons for doing so. I chose to incarnate in a physical vessel so let's fucking explore!! I'm here to live! To experience things I could not as a discarnate being! Some experiences will be good and some will be shit and that's life. Now go play, eat sand, cook a banquet, dance, fuck, cry, make music. That's what we're here for.

As for the gods and spirits, I find plenty of room for them, and plenty of ways to interpret them. We are all different kinds of beings, having a myriad of experiences, transforming into one another and back like some big complicated cosmic dance.

6) name some tree or animal species endemic to your area you’re close to

Ouuuhhh I don't know about endemic... the species truly endemic to Sweden tend to be so because they are very rare and mostly only found in one small region - and at this point I'm not aware of any such populations near where I live. But I'll talk about a local tree!

Pilemor - Willow Mother - is an old name for willow in general in this region but also one particular willow that I like to spend time with down by the river. She is motherly like the moon is motherly - a distant sort of love, but always keeping an eye on me. She lives in two worlds and she teaches me to see them both. I have woven with willow, fences and trellises for the allotment, and I want to explore using her fibres too.

The standard Swedish name "pil" means arrow, so she's the arrow mother as well. Whole bunch of fun moon - arrow - Artemis associations to make from that but I haven't delved into that yet.

10) what marks the change of seasons where you are?

Winter into spring is wet, it's muddy fields and paths and the delight I feel when I see rain for the first time in a long time. It's snow drops and winter aconite, followed by crocuses and the promise of seas of scilla. It's the birds starting to sing - mostly great tits in my garden, but I heard a skylark on my walk last week and it was amazing - and the migratory birds starting to reappear from their travels: long lines of wild geese, the occasional magical trumpeting of the cranes that make you swivel your head to try to spot them.

14) for my animist friends, what spirits do you feel/hear most strongly now? Why?

what kind of music is stuck in your head a lot lately?

what's something you learned recently?

if you could give a TED talk on anything, what would you talk about?

-I see what you did thereeeeeee...I wish I played sports, but I was just not made to be athletic. I have no coordination and I've never been able to run, not even when I was a pretty physically active kid. So that rules that out! As for following sports well of course, I've been following football (I don't mean to sound pretentious but it feels so weird to call it "soccer" bc most people I talk about it with aren't from places that call it that) regularly for over 6 years now? So it's definitely the longest-lasting thing I've felt this passionately about for this many consecutive years.

It really lends itself to that for me! It's a fantastic conversation equalizer if you're someone who feels like they come from a different universe and thus aren't always sure what to say to people, if you meet fellow fans you sort of always know what to say? It's kind of like people complimenting each others band shirts at a metal/goth show. And to an extent it's kind of scripted, and if you live in fear of people asking you an "invasive" question (which by my standards could be basically any question), it's less likely to happen here. It's a natural community builder too! ALSO, I'm super emotional and this can really fuck me up, so it's fun to have something you can get really emotional about but it's still low-stakes in the end.

And of course, there's ALWAYS something happening, even when there are no games on. Transfer windows, wild rumors, former players acting up, twitter memes, current players getting into physical altercations at the club and being taken away in handcuffs...You know! You're never alone.

Also, as someone who should have been a cis dude but something clearly got confused in the process, getting to peek into these Dudes Hanging Out moments (or recreate it in writing) is like being a kid in a candy store. (Except for the moments of longing and sadness but that's how it goes hmm). It just hits the right spots. I know not everyone feels this way about groups of dudes broing out, but for me it's such a delight. Then there are the few players who I think are legitimately great role models for men!

-Music stuck in my head...I've had very specifically Harley David son of a bitch by Serge Gainsbourg, and Rusholme Ruffians by the Smiths (top 3 fav Smiths songs!) stuck in my head.

-Something I learned recently is that the weather in the Aleutian Islands is shitty and rainy and windy and that some (all?) Aleut languages have Russian loan words. Exciting!!! (sincere)

-I could totally give a TED talk on former president of Argentina Cristina Fernández de Kirchner...tbh some friends have already informally received this whoops. Ngl I could also do a TED talk on Justin Trudeau being a pathetic and fascinating example of uhhh This

GOOD YES JOIN ME IN HELL

penny and eliot are also my favorites teehee. they both get absolutely fucking ripped new assholes in the first couple of seasons especially <3 also whatever queerplatonic insane codependent nonsense eliot has going on with margo NEVER gets any less weird and in fact only gets weirder as the show continues and it is what i live and breathe for, especially when their relationship starts falling apart

The pool—a sunken blue pit in the middle of the square created by the motel buildings—was filthy. It was choked with floating cigarette butts, dead bugs, and leaf debris; the junk created a thin layer coating the surface of the water, a membrane of garbage. Aston stood in his boxers (bright yellow-and-green striped, the only clothing of his own he managed to retain from the swamp disaster) with toes gripping the damp, chilly plastic edge of the pool, centimeters away from the water’s surface. The air felt pleasantly brisk against his bare skin; he was delighted to finally be free from layers of clothing trapping gallons of sweat against his body.

For a couple of minutes, he stood there, head tipped back and eyes closed, arms held up to either side slightly, enjoying the rush of cold air over his body. Then he swung his arms up over his head and dove.

Instantly, a shock went through his entire body; the cold embraced him like an excited lover, gripped him, shook him, plunged through his skin down into his bones. There was a soundless rushing in his ears as he floated, suspended timelessly, reacquainting himself with the comforting feeling of ice beneath his skin.

WIP FILE NAME MEME

you've activated my wrestling ot3: rhea ripley x stephanie vaquer x alexa bliss 💜❤️🩷

the file name came to me as i staring at my screen and felt that it best matched the addition of alexa's vibe to this dynamic. especially when i listen to her theme music, the beginning sound is so sludgy and thick coupled with her saying "PAIN" and "PLAY."

but anyway. the tag team match on smackdown just before money in the bank was good that it altered my brain chemistry, especially the dynamic between rhea, stephanie, and alexa. they all has such great chemistry and synergy. and then the interactions between rhea and alexa during money in the bank? its been eating away at my brain for a while. so of course i've been writing something with rhea being sandwiched in between stephanie and alexa.

LOVE ASKS.

lets live life on the edge and do both 😎

THE REAPER EMPEROR

2. Is your OC at all romantic themselves? Or is romance something they expect others to perform for their benefit?

the reaper emperor, the great lord of extinction, the old machines, the mouth of god, immortal, infinite, and eternal is a a big ol' romantic. and she loves being romantic.

she loves sending nyx all kind of violet flowers for the vases in her corner of the house of hades. she loves appearing unannounced to kiss and adore her wife in the open. she loves making sure nyx has new jewels and the finest violet fabrics made for her by the mi-go. she loves spending time with nyx, she loves talking to her, being in her presence. she loves seeing nyx being comfortable amongst the rest of the rest family and feels immense joy in seeing her thrive as their empress.

(it also goes without saying that she also greatly enjoys having sex with her, as that is also an expression of their romance.)

perhaps most importantly, she loves giving nyx new daughters. she loves presenting them to her and letting her name them. she loves seeing nyx hold their nymph-shapes in her arms and press adoring kissing against their little faces. she loves watching nyx interact with the queens and the drones, who love her in return, pressing their faces against hers to return the kisses she gives them. nothing makes her happier than seeing the night herself resting against their first daughter, the queen's body and tail protectively curled around her.

4. Does your OC consider themselves to be attractive? Do they put much effort into achieving this?

yes, very much so. she thinks both of her forms are beautiful, the one she was born into and the one she inhabits to operate outside the black palace. she truly does love the way she looks; her face, her hair, her scars, her size, her bodies, her anatomy, her tentacles. she takes great care in maintaining herself as part of her daily rituals and routines. the great family also cares that she is happy with how she looks.

(especially lilith, she worked hard to make sure that the emperor's second shape came out the way that it did. a lot of that is also thanks to alucard's genes.)

but it's also important to her that nyx likes what she sees. the family already things of the emperor as beautiful as their most beloved member, but she also wants to look beautiful for her wife. she lets nyx chose what she wears, intrigued by how the goddess sees her, their shared beauty beyond compare, each other complimenting and enhancing each other's qualities. her routine is not complete without nyx's touch or input.

also, there's nothing like having your wife feel how big your muscled arms are.

6. Has your OC ever had their heart broken? Have they ever truly recovered?

you can't have your heart broken if you've only ever loved one (1) woman your entire life because you were literally made for each other. deep beneath her cold exterior is the happiest eldritch entity in the universe.

13. Has your OC ever written a love letter (or text message or whatever the case may be)? Perhaps they have even composed a love poem or song dedicated to their beloved?

all the time.

the emperor's written many poems about nyx, the night, the stars, the universe itself. she's written poems in greek and r'lyehian. poetry is probably her favorite way to use the written word to express her love for her wife. she writes the poems in little black notebooks that she then gives to nyx so she can read them whenever she wants.

she's also written many, many love letters for nyx to find waiting for her either around the ziggurat or on her bench amongst the vases filled with lilacs in the underworld. a lot of her love letters are incredibly sappy, but since nyx doesn't use an omni-tool (or email, for that matter) sometimes they can also be like "p.s. a reminder that hastur and cassilda are coming over for dinner."

14. If they wish to impress someone for whom they have romantic (or at least sexual) feelings, does your OC attempt to present themselves as more confident, wealthy, popular or otherwise impressive, than they truly are?

no. the emperor is very much a "take me as i am or not at all" kind of person. she doesn't want to present herself as something she isn't and she knows nyx doesn't want her to change either. she's perfectly happy with herself and everything she has.

ZARYA'TH LAVELLAN

2. Is your OC at all romantic themselves? Or is romance something they expect others to perform for their benefit?

i once described to @chubritza that zarya'th's personality is essentially that moment in burden of dreams where werner herzog says "the trees here are in misery, the bird here are in misery. i don't think they sing, they screech in pain."

so, no. she's not terribly romantic. if anything she found herself in a "me and the ancient elven god i pulled by being ominous and unsettling" type situation.

at the same time, she also doesn't expect the performance of romance. perhaps that is what makes her and abelas so compatible. he shows his love for her through acts of service: checking the seals and wards on every floor of the panopticon, ensuring that she eats regularly, that she's awake for inquisition meetings, that she takes breaks from her work to walk the levels, that her veil is on correctly whenever she has to go outside.

abelas takes care of zarya'th. she sees that as romantic and accepts it. besides, it also all she really asks for: someone who will take care of her. forever, ideally.

4. Does your OC consider themselves to be attractive? Do they put much effort into achieving this?

prior to tresspasser, i think zarya'th found herself reasonably attractive. her family always told her how beautiful she was, how she was so physically alike her beloved ancestor. she allowed herself to be dressed in her family's finest, chosen by the keeper to the first, never spoiled, but loved and shaped to be beautiful and haunting and the end of thedas.

she never disputed any of that nor had a crises over her appearance. if anything, there was an indifference. elven beauty was a mask she had to wear.

post trespasser, zarya'th does actively find herself attractive. something about finally being rid of an organic shape that didn't entirely feel right, ill-fitting, awkward, soft and fleshy. zarya'th sees herself now, with her xenomorph body and towering height and sees something she enjoys looking at. she feels like herself and she feels beautiful because the emperor's daughters are beautiful.

6. Has your OC ever had their heart broken? Have they ever truly recovered?

ha. ha ha ha. ha ha. lmao. lol.

(i'd say that she has moved on romantically, but she has been tasked with eating him so she's can't forget about him. she's been chasing him for the last 10 years, she's haunted him, she's made sure he's never truly escaped her presence. everywhere and nowhere, you know? if anything it's solas that hasn't moved on from her.)

13. Has your OC ever written a love letter (or text message or whatever the case may be)? Perhaps they have even composed a love poem or song dedicated to their beloved?

alas, no. zarya'th is not a love letter or poem composer. creative writing is not her strongest talent, she's tried to write poetry in the past. she's also either too busy with inquisitor duties, or reading her ancestor's entries in the necronomicon, or she's zonked out, fast asleep. sneepy xenomorph-hybrid.

if anything, she is the recipient of such acts of affections. very much thinking about the ways the solas showed his love for her. very much thinking about that unsent letter that was found in the lighthouse. nova'ra showed it to zarya'th and her response was for her to get rid of it and forget that it ever existed.

14. If they wish to impress someone for whom they have romantic (or at least sexual) feelings, does your OC attempt to present themselves as more confident, wealthy, popular or otherwise impressive, than they truly are?

theoretically, she is similar to the emperor is that she is a "love me as i am or not at all" kind of person. she won't change who she truly is for anyone, no smoothing of rough edges or wishing that things could be different. she doesn't want her elven body back, she doesn't want to leave the panopticon, she doesn't wish her magic wasn't so dangerous. truly accept her as she is, all of her strangeness and all of her horror, or not at all.

yet, her relationship with solas was in many ways based on keeping their ultimate truths hidden: he the dread wolf, she the descendant of one of the seven. it obviously failed because the two of them have their own goals, their own views about the fate of thedas and their people. even if solas still loves her, he cannot hide his horror at what she represents: extinction.