Blog Post 9- The Takeaway
After reading and reviewing my peers’ essays, I was highly motivated to edit and perfect my essay. There were many grammatical errors that I did not catch, even after many times of proofreading. Also, I completely didn’t consider that age progression in the title could be misconstrued, so I’m reconsidering another title now. While I do believe the essay has good bones, it is far from complete. I’m taking what my peers have said and reconstructing it.
           First, I am going to take the suggestions given and start with my background and then journey into the process of cutting out sugar. Also, I failed to mention the changes that took place in my body due to the lack of sugar. The peer reviews also mentioned that I didn’t have a scene within in my essay, and this is true, so I am in the process of adding one. Both peer reviews mentioned adding a chart about the increase in sugar within the United States in recent years, and I do believe this would be a helpful addition in my essay as well.
           Visual rhetoric is also something I plan to add. This was something I didn’t consider beforehand, but I do believe it would add an extra element that would benefit the essay. The takeaway is this- I am thankful for the peer reviews because it brought more to the forefront than I wouldn’t have considered adding. I look forward to making this a more appealing work of art that encourages and inspires others to cut back on sugar and to live life to the fullest. Â
