#e:rots

“Obi-Wan.”

For once, Anakin dropped the honorary title.

“As soon as you receive this, you’ll meet me on Mustafar. I don’t care if you’ve completed your mission. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

He bowed his head for a moment.

“I wouldn’t do this if I knew I could trust you,” he said at length, coming to a decision, and then stepped back, out of range of Artoo’s holorecorder. When his image reconstituted, his hands were full. His mechanical fingers gripped Nute Gunray’s severed head, the Neimoidian’s slimy features still twisted with fear. And his flesh hand was clenched in Johanna’s hair, dragging her forward. He flung her in front of him with nothing less than disgust.  “If you want her safe, you’ll come alone, and you won’t breathe a word of this to the Council.”

I used to write to you every day. I’d write in Huttese and hide it in encrypted programming files so Obi-Wan couldn’t read it. I think he knew anyway. He gave me a vague talking-to about releasing attachments, and I stopped writing. I wasn’t allowed to send anything anyway. Now I couldn’t send this if I tried. But in some cultures it’s a tradition to appreciate mothers today, and so much is happening right now, I needed to talk to you again.

I’m finally a Jedi Knight, helping people just like you taught me to. I’ve also realized that being a good Jedi and being a good person aren’t always the same thing. I’ve done some things I regret, but I’m trying to be a man you can be proud of.

Do you remember Padmé? You were so close to meeting her again. She helped us bury you. And you know why I’m bringing her up, don’t you? I remember the way you smiled when I talked about her. You knew I was in love with her even before I did. 

But what’s love without attachment? I told you I loved you, but I abandoned you. I couldn’t protect you. All my love couldn’t keep you alive. If I’d committed to you, though, if I’d come back for you… you see? The way we’re expected to follow the Code contradicts itself. And it’s so hypocritical as well, expecting me to attach myself to their Order but also forbidding attachments. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I married her. 

One more thing. I can’t believe I’m writing this. In a few months I’ll be a father. We haven’t told anyone, not even Ruwee and Jobal. They already have grandchildren and this will be your first, so I wanted you to be the first to know. I’m sure it’s a girl. She already recognizes my voice and I love her more than I thought possible. I don’t think I ever really appreciated how much strength it took for you to let me go until now, when I’m having a child of my own. You taught me bravery, Mom. I hope my daughter looks like you. 

I’m so glad you got to have a son again, before the end. I was distracted and didn’t really get to know the Larses. Now I don’t think I can bring myself to go back to Tatooine, maybe not ever. But I know they love and miss you as much as I do. That makes them family to me. 

I may have left you, but I never forgot you, and I never will. 

“You feel it, too, don’t you? The Council thinks it’s the Sith, but it’s more than that. More than the dark side. It’s like the entire Force is... I don’t know. Turning inside out. Fracturing.

[ Meme ]; Forever accepting yes please

Anakin hadn’t slept in days, but the visions persisted. He’d see blood in the edges of his vision, hear familiar screams echoing through the halls of the Temple, taste smoke and sulphur whenever he tried to eat. Even his dreams of his mother had never been this intense and relentless. Something was happening that the Force was desperate to warn him of, and it was happening soon.

He was supposed to be at another tactical meeting regarding a war he no longer cared about. Instead he was sprawled on the bed in Padmé’s apartment, half-dressed, too exhausted to stand but too afraid to sleep.

A soft pair of lips touched his side.

Anakin had never been able to rationalise his reaction to this kind of contact. He had been perfectly aware of where Padmé was in the room the entire time. He’d felt the shifting of the bed as she’d transferred her weight to it. Nonetheless, there was something about that ghost of a kiss just over his ribs that made his every muscle convulse and ripped the strangest snort of a startled giggle from his throat. Unfazed by his attempts to roll away, his wife followed up with an assault of lips and fingertips across his bare stomach.