i feel terrible for being too busy to be able to write lately. i can feel my fingers beginning to rust again and my longing to write makes the discomfort all the more apparent. sometimes i can't sleep because the urge to write is making me restless, yet i am also too tired to move. i have the entirety of Chapter Two of The Nightbloomer already thought out, all that's left to do is to write. to finish writing it after all these months. all i can offer the world now are these two unedited paragraphs.

Anyway, during that 4th year our school gave us students the chance to take the exam for the FIRST Certificate in English by collaborating with the Cambridge University. They held afterschool courses as well to prepare us properly, but in all honesty… it all was pretty expensive. I thought: "I want to give it a try. If I pass well that's great, and if I don't… whatever, I tried. But it would bug me a lot to spend all those money in case it won't go well". So I decided to sign in for the exam but avoid the courses. My parents basically agreed 100% with my thought (they didn't show too much enthusiasm about the exam either: I think they didn't even know what it was about), while my teacher immediately told me: "If someone can make it this way, it's you" and she told me this in such a confident way that I had to believe her. She also helped me a lot, giving me further homework and making me work a lot more in class as well (I was the one in charge of reading, chatting and solving most of the exercises during lessons).

What you may not know is that during middle school (3 years) I had only studied French, and the few months of English I had done during the last 2 years of primary school, had basically entirely vanished from my mind (except for a lullaby I still remember? lol). I basically had to start all over. And by this I mean that even pronouncing "business" has been a big deal during my first year (especially the first 6 months: I kept using french words/accent here and there). But she had been so patient and helpful, suggesting me to listen to music (with lyrics/translating them and singing), and making it all easier and better, putting me at work without having me notice it or feeling the weight of it all/feeling targeted. And encouraging me a lot also with grades. And you know, in my 4th year I made it. I took the FIRST exam and passed it with C1.

Funnily enough my friends, who had joined the courses too, passed with A2 and B1: this for a while confused me and made me think I made it with the bare minimum (I wrongly considered A the top level LOL)… it was only after few years that I realized the truth. And yet I couldn't say thank you to my teacher for believing in me and in my potential so badly. But at times we realize what happened and what we did only after years and that's okay. I hope y'all had/have/will have someone like her in your life too.

E io come faccio ad aver provato cotanta meraviglia? Ma abbiamo davvero tempo di stare qui a parlare di questa cosa? Ci interessa davvero?

Io e le parentele - una saga infinita

mia madre: "Sai chi è questa persona?" *di cui stavamo parlando* io: "Mmm no..." mia madre: "È la nipote della sorella del papà dello zio" io:

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Diary #3 (I think)

Me and kinships - a neverending saga

Woke up today feeling like it was friday but it is not friday ofc. I have been thinking about this info all the afternoon and I am still upset.