#dutchies

Designed a silly parody sticker based on my favorite Northwest coffee chain! Shares appreciated! :3

Preorder links: https://lobitoworks.bigcartel.com/product/dutch-angel-dragons-sticker-preorder (ships to US and Canada)

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1545994096/dutch-angel-dragon-sticker-preorder (ships anywhere)

warnings: this one is slightly darker than what i normally write and may be triggering for some as it somewhat implies depression

word count: 1012

summary: based on the song Falling Apart by Michale Schulte

Falling Apart

I am sleepless for a weekend.

So I start to say goodbye.

Say goodbye to all that we had.

Say goodbye to what we lost.

Sitting up, you pull the covers off yourself. You couldn’t sleep. You hadn’t been able to sleep without her. Tossing and turning, she haunted you in everything you did. How could she not when everything reminded you of her?

Tears fell from your eyes as you took in your dimly lit bedroom. Pictures of both of you smiling brightly from happier times covered the walls. The sheets which you had refused to change, clinging to the last vestiges of her once comforting smell.

You didn’t move for a moment longer, committing everything to memory, tucking it away to be kept till you could remember her without hurting.

******

It wasn’t enough. As hard as you tried, you couldn’t live in the same place where you had shared a life with her. You couldn’t breathe, the walls of the apartment pressing closer and closer with each passing hour. Walls once adorned with pictures of a past life, the same images burned into your memory. It hurt to think about the night you had frantically packed them away. A huff of self deprecating laughter leaves you as you shake your head. It was foolish of you to ever think that such a simple act could make you forget her.

You didn’t flinch when the door shut behind you with a final click, passport and plane ticket in hand.

There was nothing more left for you here.

******

We don’t talk.

We’re not enough.

And the storms slowly arise.

When the light turns.

And the cold terms arise.

It was cold. Scotland was really really cold. You had taken to watching the sun set, seeking solace in the way the darkness swept in, taking all the warmth with it. It froze the pain, leaving you blissfully numb.

******

And we were running out, through the storms, through the night.

We were running in the dark, we were following our hearts.

And we would fall down and we would slowly fall apart.

We would slowly fall into the dark.

Jackie had been like sunshine. Her bright smile had been what first drew you to her. She lit up a room just by being in it, her laughter quickly becoming your favourite sound.

Falling for her had been the easiest thing you had ever done. It had been natural to give your heart to her.

When she left, she had taken all the warmth with her. Now you were here, in the endless cold dark night with only the shattered pieces of your heart to keep you company.

The cold terms arise.

And the cold terms arise.

******

It is hard to let it all go.

Let the past just disappear.

Try to untie from an old life.

But it always drags me down.

Glimpses of her were unexpected in your new life. She was rather popular after all. Her face and those of her teammates had been on the front page after she won the Euros. You were happy for her, that she was doing well. She deserved to have her dreams come true. It didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt to see how successful she was without you.

******

We don’t talk.

We’re not enough.

And the storms slowly arise.

When the light turns.

And the cold terms arise.

It was raining heavily the day you received a notification that she had requested to follow you on Instagram again. You weren’t proud of the way you had instantly clicked accept. Staring out the windows, at the dark clouds and the rough gray sea beyond, you wondered if you could ever truly move on. A whole two years had passed and yet here you were, letting her back in once more.

******

And we were running out, through the storms, through the night.

We were running out in the dark, we were following our hearts.

And we would fall down and we would slowly fall apart.

We would slowly fall into the dark.

‘Wake up! Goedemorgen my love!’ She jumps onto your barely awake body, pressing a flurry of kisses onto your face despite your weak protests. It doesn’t last long, the both of you dissolving into laughter.

When you open your eyes, it still echoes in your ears, that carefree laughter that once left you breathless. Despite everything that had since happened, you find yourself reaching across the sheets to the empty place beside you.

******

And we were running out, through the storms, through the night.

We were running out in the dark, we were following our hearts.

And we would fall down and we would slowly fall apart.

We would slowly fall into the dark.

‘How’s my favourite sunshine?’ You tease, setting down two hot mugs of tea onto the table and draping your arms around her neck.

She grins, closing the laptop in front of her and tilting her head up to look at you.

‘Much better now that you’re here.’

Now you sit alone at your table, windows open to let the cold in. The tea in your mug hasn’t been hot in a long time.

******

And we were running out, through the storms, through the night.

We were running out in the dark, we were following our hearts.

And we would fall down and we would slowly fall apart.

We would slowly fall into the dark.

‘Things just aren’t working out between us anymore! We’re barely spending any time together and when we are, we’re arguing all the time!’ Jackie yells.

‘Maybe if you actually tried to be around, things would be different!’ You scream back.

‘Tried to be around? I’m no longer happy when I’m with you.’ She snaps angrily.

You freeze unwilling to acknowledge that you too were unhappy around her.

******

The cold terms arise.

And the cold terms arise.

It may be cold without her. You may be falling apart and hurting without her. But maybe things were better this way, even if you no longer had your sunshine.

Dutch Translation: