#durrty

The Dinner Play by Play, Continued (it's so much easier to do it this way) -Emily returns to the table -Rory pulls Jess into another room where she continues to accuse Jess of a transgression she made up in her mind -Jess denies the accusations -Rory declares "bull" (lol) -Jess says fine believe whatever you want. -Because of this imagined transgression and Jess standing up for himself against false accusations, some person out there who hates Jess has declared him "Toxic" or something. Probably. -Instead, Rory will believe Jess when he actually lies and says he has friends and plays football and she has also declared that Dean would never instigate a fight, with some not so light foreshadowing:

In what kind of upside down, topsy turvy, Season 3 Episode 19 kinda world would Dean ever think about punching Jess for no reason? Jess sarcazzes that Dean would never instigate a fight because he wouldn't want to get his cowboy hat dirty. I guess Rory's loins aren't the only loins quivering with desire tonight. Loins. -MiloSpeak: DURRTY. -Rory shifts gears onto Jess being rude to her grandmother. Fair enough. -Jess didn't want to come (we've established this) -Jess is "Doing his best" (debatable) -Rory insists "no one forced you to come" -Jess argues that she sort of did (but he sort of rolled over for her to get his hands on that moldy old book she was reading) -Jess contemplates what the everloving fuck has his life turned into lately

-Rory calls Embarrassment. -Jess declares Has Had It. -Rory, too, declares, Has Had It (what exactly have you had it with, though. You started an argument with Jess over a made up scenario in front of your grandmother, and you're the only one who ever mentioned Dean)

Just fuck, already.

-Jess calls Rory Is Harping On This -Jess calls I'm Leaving -Rory won't know how to explain to her grandmother why Jess had a black eye and was late and is leaving now. Oh well.

YASSSSSS. Jess leaves, leaving his ugly green thrift store coat behind for good for one of Emily's maids to use as a bathroom rag. Emily offers prime rib leftovers for Rory to bring home to Jess, not knowing that Jess is a little vegetarian bunny rabbit.

My sweet, ALEX!!!! I'm going to miss you. Lorelai is donning a vaguely AmyShermanPalladino looking hat. Lorelai, Sookie and Jackson declare the musical they just saw "magical", but when Alex declares it "The worst piece of crap I've ever seen", everyone changes their mind and admitted it sucked. He just has that kind of influence on people.

Jess would rather have been here tonight, grabbing a nice tofu dog from the cart behind them.

He was so cute. Argh. Lorelai interrupts her date with Handsome McCutiepie to call Rory on her flip phone, to which Alex reminds Lorelai that she specficailly asked him to stop her if she tried to call Rory in the middle of their date. Rory is 18 years old. Lorelai's reasoning is "I have to call her because She Has This Boy." Fuck you Lorelai Q Gilmore. I need to get in as many Fuck You Lorelai's as I can before I finish this series, okay? Would Dean ever be "this boy"? No! I wrote "Like calling would have stopped them from fucking", but Rory literally runs away from potentially fucking Jess to talk to her mom in a few minutes, so. Guess it might have worked on Rory. In a shocking twist, Lorelai puts away her phone and does not call Rory. This pleases Alex. The only one who matters. Cut to Rory asleep at Emily's, where she receives a call from Lorelai from her hotel room in New York. At least someone got lucky.

Lorelai "I don't want Jess to drive you home because you might fuck in the driveway" Gilmore assumes "Emily made Rory stay overnight because (Emily) didn't want Jess to drive Rory home, she's so untrusting!" REALLY?! Is this some sort of self referential jab from Lorelai like haha look we're both equally suffocating even though you're a legal adult, isn't that funny Rory? Isn't it funny how your grandmother and I both share the same ridiculous unfounded paranoia about you losing your virginity in the driveway? Remember when I freaked out a few days ago about the driveway fucking? Eh? Eh? Another play by play: -Rory tells Lorelai that Emily was on her best behavior at dinner, Jess was late to dinner, and it was Emily's idea for Rory to stay overnight -Rory declares her fight with Jess "The most horrible fight she's ever been in in her life". That complete nothing-burger? (which again, was completely of her own creation)? She's had tiffs way worse with ol Saint Dean in the last 3 years. He's dumped her twice, once in public, in addition to other public spectacles, threatened to kill Tristan, crashed her night with Jess and Paris and Paris had to intervene so he wouldn't hurt her. Most horrible fight ever, girl you're tripping. -Lorelai "can't believe" Jess and Rory would ever have a fight, instead of immediately calling for the guillotine for Jess with no judge or jury like she usually does. Are you okay, Lorelai? It must be all those post-sex hormones from her wild night with Alex. -Rory: He showed up with a big black eye. Lorelai: A big black guy? -Still having absolutely no evidence whatsoever that Jess was in a fight and no less that it was with Dean, she proceeds to tell Lorelai that even though Jess adamantly denied he was in a fight, he was "standoffish" so it must have been a fight and it must have been with Dean. That was super-duper smart, Rory. To tell Lorelai that Jess has been punching her boyfriend Dean, with no proof. Knowing Lorelai will believe it. Harvard material right there. That's real fair to Jess too. This is going to go so well. Screw you both. -Emily gets on the phone with Lorelai

I love it when Rory's relatives call Jess a thug and a criminal. I LOVE IT!

(Lorelai had to bail out all three of these people) -Emily continues to rant about THAT FUCKING CAR ACCIDENT (the episode aired in April 2002, we are now in February 2003. Almost a full year later). She refers to said Deathmobile as "a heap of a car". Wasn't it Dean's heap that Jess crashed? Emily also takes issue with Jess not having a cellphone in an emergency. If Rory and Jess are together in said hypothetical emergency, wouldn't Rory have her phone on her? This is what Emily thought of Jess not having a cellphone earlier in the episode:

Lorelai is just letting Emily rant about Jess on the phone while she reads the newspaper in bed instead of butting in and agreeing with her that Jess should be covered in honey and fed to a hoarde of hungry bears. Wow! Post-fuck hormones again?