#dunkaccino

THE GOOD

If you know anything about this movie beyond the negatives, it’s the hilariously cringeworthy Dunkin’ Donuts ad that closes the film. It being one of the few moments of the film that actually feels funny certainly helps, as does the fact it’s a pretty perfect parody of corny celebrity endorsements. Fun fact : This was originally supposed to be a Starbucks ad and thus Al would’ve become Frap Pacino. Unfortunately, Starbucks have no sense of humor, and the resulting change makes Al’s new name make no sense, but instead of ruining things it all just makes the ad even funnier. Somehow Sandler managed to make a pitch-perfect parody of cringey celebrity endorsements, totally radical raps performed by white guys, and egregious product placement all while still actually being product placement. It is one of the most ingenious and absolutely fucking stupid moments ever put to film, and I cannot say enough good things about it.

In general, Al Pacino is the best part of the film. He’s actually pretty funny, has good delivery, and even if he did this for the paycheck you can still tell he’s having a ball. It’s pretty hilarious how he lusts after someone as terrible as Jill, and the lengths he goes to for that Sandlussy are delightfully absurd. He also gets a pretty good joke in when his Oscar is destroyed… one that is hampered by the fact it was in the trailers, so if you saw those it loses the impact. No matter what, Pacino delivers.

Also, Adam Sandler isn’t terrible… as Jack, anyway. He’s just really good at playing tired Everymen who suffer a lot, and his performance isn’t devoid of that tried and true Sandler delivery. He also has several scenes where he berates Bucky Larson star Nick Swardson, and it brings me great joy watching Swardson suffer.

And I’ll just come out and say it: Adam Sandler doesn’t look half bad in drag. It’s just unfortunate that in this case his talents are being wasted on a character that’s, well…

THE BAD

Jill is easily the most annoying character Adam Sandler has ever played, which is quite an achievement. At least his other obnoxiously-voiced characters like Whitey or Nicky are ultimately good people; Jill is very much an obnoxious, overbearing, unwanted houseguest so it’s really hard not to side with Jack when he complains about her. Unfortunately, the narrative seems to think we’ll find her behavior charming, because at every turn Jack is shamed for his treatment of Jill. Keep in mind that when someone insults Rob Schneider late in the film Jill jumps to defend his honor, cementing her as wholly irredeemable; this makes Jack’s treatment all the worse.

But hey, maybe this film can be saved by its celebrity cameos! It has a ton and Al Pacino is funny, so surely one of them will score a laugh or at least be charming! Let’s see who shows up with Pacino in his debut scene:

Oh… Johnny Depp… Uh, let’s try a different cameo:

Pre-transition Caitlyn Jenner??? That might actually be worse. There has to be one good cameo here, let’s see…

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. This one is somehow even worse than it appears at face value because not only is it the cherry on top of the poorly-aged celebrity cameo pile, it also overlaps with the other glaring flaw of the film: Product placement. Like obviously any Sandler film is gonna be full of it, but it feels extremely egregious here because Sandler is playing an advertising executive. Sure, it justifies it to an extent, but it doesn’t make it any less lame. Even the Dunkaccino ad, funny parody though it may be is, is still an advertisement at the end of the day.

Plenty of Sandler films have unsympathetic and annoying characters, and all of them have product placement, so why is this singled out as exceptionally bad? The answer is simple: This film isn’t funny. Pacino scores a few laughs, but him aside? The film is a cavalcade of trite, bland gags you’ve seen a billion times before in other films where they were either executed better or just as unamusing. Look at the dinner scene when Jill first arrives, for example. It’s just simple slapstick and Jill embarrassing Jack for an absurdly long time; it drags on and on and on to the point where even if it actually had been funny, it would've been ruined.

Even the gags that flirt with being offensive pull back enough that you can’t get mad at them without feeling stupid. The portrayal of Mexicans, for instance, is pretty stereotypical, but at the same time they’re all more fun and likable than the main cast so it's hard to really feel offended. It’s just hard to feel anything with this movie. It’s BORING.

But worst of all? The cockatoo going into chocolate.

Listen here cum-slut, I bet you 5 million dollars that you don’t own a bird. But guess what? I own 7. And I can tell you right now that a bird would never just walk into something like a chocolate fountain. They’ll rarely walk directly into water.

That is not funny. That is not cute. It is animal abuse! BIRDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT CHOCOLATE! BIRDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE COATED IN CHOCOLATE! Why the fuck do you think birds who get coated in oil die? It’s for the same goddamn reason. You idiots can have all the chuckles you want over the fact that that poor animal is “living the dream” but I hope you also know that it probably died from that. And if you still find it funny then I genuinely do not want to associate you and can only wish upon you the most painful and awful death imaginable. 

...Oh, wait. It's just CGI. Disregard the last two paragraphs, that's actually fucking hilarious.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

While I don’t think this movie is quite the apocalyptic disaster you’d expect from its reputation, I can’t deny… it really does fucking suck.

This film is lucky it came out the same year as Bucky Larson, because any other year I wouldn’t hesitate calling this the worst comedy of the year. It’s annoying, unfunny, tedious, and most importantly it is BORING. It’s one of the most ball-less comedies Sandler has ever done, and the fact I can’t even argue with most of its Razzie wins is pretty damning.

That being said, I’ll at least defend Pacino in this. His scenes at the very least approach the realm of comedy, and at most get a chuckle, especially the Dunkaccino ad. I think this movie is shit, but he certainly helps keep me from hating it. So unlike Bucky Larson, I can say this film at least has a tiny sliver of value.

So ok, maybe Swardson should’ve won Worst Actor, Bucky Larson should’ve won Worst Picture, and Pacino shouldn’t have won for Worst Supporting Actor. But beyond that I think a case can be made this film deserved its Razzie wins, because even if it isn’t as unfunny as Bucky Larson, it is just as worthless. Safe and bland are not criticisms you should be able to levy at Adam Sandler, and so I’m gonna say that score is what it deserves. Not good enough to be higher, not low enough to scrape the bottom of the barrel… It’s just a dull time waster that you shouldn’t bother with unless you like reviewing shitty movies or are perhaps ranking every Sandler film ever.