okay so yes, i did technically carve your ego from your mind and use it to charge a magical amulet that imbues the wearer with that ego so i did technically do something that technically could be considered killing something that technically could be considered you BUT then i immediately gave you the amulet before you even noticed a difference! and it was in your best interest in the first place! im failing to see what the issue is here
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I think Laios and Kabru would both be into role play and would be comically serious about it. Kabru would obviously be the more natural actor but I think mapping out a specific scenario with set rules on how to behave would appeal to Laios, and he's definitely up for playing pretend. He'd be like, "What if I was a lycanthrope- that's a werewolf beastman- who's Lycion? Oh, that guy? No I wouldn't look like him, I'd look way cooler, like a proper wolf, here let me draw it for you- anyway, what if I was hiding from the authorities in an old woodcutter's cottage in the forest, and everyone in the nearby village just thought I was a hermit, but at night I would turn into my beastman form and go on the hunt and howl at the moon, and I wouldn't hurt anybody but maybe I would get carried away and take a sheep from the village, so they hire you to find the wolf monster in the forest and kill it." And Kabru, notebook balanced on his knee, is like, "Okay. Should I meet you first in your tallman form and just think you're a lonely and handsome woodcutter while you try to hide your beastman side, and we grow close before you reveal yourself to me? Or should I find you at night in your wolf form and try to take you down, but you spare my life after overpowering me?"
Then when it's Kabru’s turn he's like "So for this I'm going to be an ambassador trying to make peace between your kingdom and mine- you're a king still, it can even be Melini- and I don't trust my own king and suspect that he's going to listen to his warmongering advisors and break our treaty, so I secretly manuever against him to help your country be better prepared, for the good of all. Then he does try invade your territory while I'm still at court, leaving me to your mercies as a hostage." And Laios, taking furious notes, says, "Can I be a king who's also a werewolf for this one?" And Kabru is like. "Sure. Okay."
Work is fucking me over. What do I need to do to be a minion / miniboss? Fuck I'll take PTO as a frozen statue if it means my mind can rest during that.
Requirements for a job as a dungeon miniboss are:
1. Being a girl (or some sort of creature)
2. Willing to wear the slutty demon armor
3. Magic powers and/or sword fighting ability (we offer on-site training for both)
The job has high injury and mortality rates but we also offfer full coverage healing and resurrection services from our dark clerics including dental, and very reasonable hours
Job description below the cut. No experience necessary.
Primary duties:
Wait in the ooze for an adventurer to get close, then grab 'em, pull 'em in, and keep them grappled until they're dead either by drowning or dissolved in acid.
Remove debris from the ooze as it picks up random junk.
Deliver adventurer loot to Sorting and Distribution department.
Keep our other fleshy, dissolvable minions out of the ooze.
Secondary Duties:
If the ooze is defeated, finish off the adventurers.
Spot clean the dungeon of any non-decorative corpses and debris.
Light or extinguish any torches / sconces depending on the dungeon section.
Compensation:
Base pay 2 Silver coins per day.
Hazard pay of 0.5 silver coins per adventurer you encounter, up to a max of 8 coins.
Bonus of 30% total networth from adventurers defeated is distributed amongst minions monthly.
2 weeks PTO granted after first 6 months.
Holiday pay for Christmas, Lunar New Year, Summer, and Halloween events.
Free resurrections for slain minions with a free paid day of recovery after.
Final note: if you are hired but not already a skeleton, you will be reimbursed for the skeletonization process after 3 months.
Thinking about one of my colleagues back when I was sliming in the Tomb of Albenkardruel and the way she'd just??? Hold people???
This wizard after ran out of spells so my gal pal just engulfed everything but her head. And then didn't dissolve her. Just held her there for like a day before letting her go.
I asked her about it and she just told me some crazy about rehabilitating adventurers, which, I get it, they need some help, but, girl, you are a dungeon janitor with a low level security position, not a therapist. You cannot get that wizard girl get over her neglectful aristocrat parents, that is her demon to slay.
It's not breaking dungeon guarding rules, I guess. Maybe if I ever ditch the whole "masquerading as a solid person" I'll do my next sliming job pacifist-style.
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>be me
>message DM all week about whether or not we are having in person D&D to make sure we are actually having it
>stay up until almost 1am waiting on a response from DM asking host what time works the literal night before
>set four alarms to wake up at 8am and see message saying 9:30 works
>get coffee for self and best friend on our way to D&D
>arrive at host's house with absolutely no one there and no response from DM
>offer to get donuts for self, host and friend and hope that everyone is there by the time we get back
>drive back to host's house with donuts
>literally no one is there except the three of us
>kiki for a bit over donuts and coffee and video games while host messages DM in discord and also via Real Actual Phone Number
>still no response
>pack up around 11:15am to drop friend off and go back home
>we have not played in over a month
>we were supposed to fight a hag today
Happy Halloween everybody. In light of this Holliday i will be adding one☝️new bat 🦇 to the dungeon. Their name is scrimply. Any adventurer trying to find them will be bewildered, as there are a hundred other bats in here. Good luck!