#drunkinette

Characters/Pairings: Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng; Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng

Rating: Teen and Up

Summary: Luka should be sleeping.  It’s a big day tomorrow, after all.  Except his sister’s banging on his door after midnight with a special delivery…

Author’s Notes/Warnings: I was watching a clip from Fjord & Jester’s wedding, and it got me kicking something stupid around, and I was bored on hold entirely too long today.  Oops?  😂

“Big Day Tomorrow”

Luka was not expecting the knock on his door at…nearly one o’clock in the morning.

I am so sorry it took so long... but, well, Here you go!Quest for a Kiss

Marinette may have been tiny, but she could definitely hold her liquor. While her friends were getting progressively drunker, she was only just the other side of tipsy. They’d taken the youngest of them out to the club to celebrate her eighteenth birthday. Having just graduated, Marinette was enjoying the lack of pressure, the lack of schoolwork, the sheer freedom of being able to do anything she wanted for the last few glorious weeks before University started.

And what she wanted was an adventure. Marinette smiled to herself. She’d been hung up on the same guy for too many years. At the beginning of their final year, she’d decided she was done pining. Adrien was a friend, he’d never see her as anything more, and she had to accept that. She was finally free of any romantic thoughts of him and had set a personal goal of getting her first kiss before she started a new school.

However, school was starting up in three weeks, and she still hadn’t managed to be kissed. However, they were in a club, she’d had a drink or two, and there was a really hot guy over in the corner watching her, so her prospects were looking up. She excused herself from her friends and, liquid courage coursing through her veins, walked over to where the man was standing, leaning against the wall, a half-drunk beer in his hand, watching her approach.

Rating: T / PG-13 / Teen

Characters/Pairings: Jagged Stone, Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng; Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng

Summary: Luka comes home from a run to find his father has commandeered the apartment, effectively ruining the night’s plans with his wife.

Author’s Notes/Warnings: Written for the 11/24-12/1/21 @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers Sprint Challenge, using the prompt: “Too Much Family/Need a break/Hiding in the closet with the wine”. See. What I SHOULD be doing here is finishing up one of the other oneshots (like the Sexiest Man Alive one), but I wanted a quick palate cleanser before I jump into editing Checkbox, and sprint fics are just so great for that, right? 😂

Just a reminder: LBSC Sprint Challenge Guidelines: Three 15-minute sprints to write the fic. 24 hours to edit/post. (Come say hi! Join us in the challenge! It’s a great group full of cheerleading and spitballing and zaniness!)

“Ruined”

Luka stood frozen in the hallway outside his flat, his hand hovering with the key just outside the lock. He had just finished up his nightly run, and he had been looking forward to coming home to a nice, hot shower and a nice, hot dinner with his nice, hot wife. Just a peaceful meal in before they headed down to what was possibly the last record shop in Paris for the twentieth anniversary party of Jagged Stone’s Family’s Like a Stone album.

It was one of his best sellers, and one of Luka’s favorites. Luka could still remember waiting outside that same record shop with his ma the night of the release, eager to get his young hands on the next big album from rock’s current biggest name. Even if hindsight had slightly tainted the album itself (it was a little hard to swallow a Fuck Family album once you knew you were part of the family getting flipped off), it was still an amazing collection of music that had been crucial to his formative years as an artist, and when the record shop he used to loiter at as a kid had announced the twentieth anniversary event he’d immediately cleared his schedule.

And he hadn’t been expecting to see Jagged there, either. He hadn’t wanted to – they’d never actually discussed the album, even after years of working together. It had always seemed safer that way. He hadn’t been expecting to see Jagged at all today, actually. They were in between tours, and there was some technical hold-up on the new record, so technically Luka was in the middle of a few days off. Even if it was his anniversary party, Jagged probably didn’t know about the little hole-in-the-wall record shop Anarka used to work weekends at. He had his own anniversary shindig at Rolling Stone Records (because he had bought out the album’s rights years ago, refusing to leave any of his catalogue in the hands of Bob Roth).

It was supposed to be a fun, peaceful night of Jagged Stone’s music without…y’know…having to put up with Jagged Stone himself.

@lady-charinette This one’s for you!!

Marinette may have been tiny, but she could definitely hold her liquor. While her friends were getting progressively drunker, she was only just the other side of tipsy. They’d taken the youngest of them out to the club to celebrate her eighteenth birthday. Having just graduated, Marinette was enjoying the lack of pressure, the lack of schoolwork, the sheer freedom of being able to do anything she wanted for the last few glorious weeks before University started.

And what she wanted was an adventure. Marinette smiled to herself. She’d been hung up on the same guy for too many years. At the beginning of their final year, she’d decided she was done pining. Adrien was a friend, he’d never see her as anything more, and she had to accept that. She was finally free of any romantic thoughts of him and had set a personal goal of getting her first kiss before she started a new school.

However, school was starting up in three weeks, and she still hadn’t managed to be kissed. However, they were in a club, she’d had a drink or two, and there was a really hot guy over in the corner watching her, so her prospects were looking up. She excused herself from her friends and, liquid courage coursing through her veins, walked over to where the man was standing, leaning against the wall, a half-drunk beer in his hand, watching her approach.

Marinaked Archive

Chat Noir had not had a good day.

To start with, there’d been the whole Marinette problem. Every single time she so much as breathed behind him his chest had gotten tight, the tips of his ears burning, as he was forcibly reminded of what he’d seen, as well as the content of some of his filthier dreams; it was a wonder he’d been able to concentrate at all, to write notes beyond Naked Mari Naked Mari Naked Mari.

And then—and then he’d lost his shirt during the Akuma fight. Embarrassing enough on its own, but normally he could’ve expected Ladybug’s professionalism to keep the rest of the team in line. Instead, the attitude he’d respected since day one and come to expect as a given had utterly evaporated: Ladybug had been basically drooling over his abs. She’d been staring at him the way Plagg looked at Camembert right before he swallowed it whole, like she wanted to just—well. And then... he’d basically had to get naked again for Ladybug to cast the cure—only for her to get so distracted staring at him that she’d dropped the pajamas about four stories, and Queen Bee had had to swing down and grab them because nobody else had been in any condition to concentrate (especially with Carapace absolutely boggled over his sneak peek of his girlfriend’s outfit for the evening).

Too little sleep and the constant bouncing of his thoughts between the two women was frying his poor kitty brain. Honestly, he was lucky he’d made it to patrol at all, much less without tripping over his own two feet—or over something else that was making it rather hard for him to run.

Though his partner for the evening certainly seemed to think otherwise.

"Ugh!” Queen Bee yelled from a rooftop across the street, throwing up her hands. “You are utterly useless tonight, you know that?”

Chat shook his head, trying to dispel thoughts of Marinette’s fingers on his skin or Ladybug’s lips on his face. “S-Sorry!” he yelped. “I’ll... hang on. Be there in a sec.”

Queen Bee groaned. “What’s the point?” she said. She bent her legs, bounding across the street to land next to him with a scatter of shingles. “You’re just going to keep mooning over her all evening anyway, might as well stop here.”

Chat grumbled. He wanted to say he wasn’t mooning, but... he was. He totally was.

Queen Bee clapped his shoulder. “Come on, Hairball,” she said. “Why the long face? I figured you’d be happy you finally got with Ladybug.”

Chat narrowed his eyebrows and shot her a sidelong glance. “Got with?”

Queen Bee frowned. “Wait,” she said. “You’re not...?”

Chat snorted, shaking his head, and decided that standing was for chumps. He collapsed onto his butt.

”Oh, come on!” Queen Bee said, joining him on the ground/roof much more gracefully, crossing her legs as she sat. “We all saw the way she was looking at you today, you had to have done something.”

Chat shook his head and shrugged. “If something happened, I don’t know about it.”

“Well, damn,” Queen Bee said. She put a finger to her chin. “So... she’s still available...?” she said, more to herself than Chat.

“Bee,” Chat growled.

Bee’s eyes widened and she clenched her fists against the tiles of the roof. “I said that out loud?” she said, a horrified blush filling her cheeks.

Chat snorted again, the settled back onto his arms. “Hey, uh, Chloé?” he said. “You’re in the same class as... as Marinette Dupain-Cheng, right?”

Queen Bee blinked, then raised an eyebrow. “You know her?”

”Yeah, she’s a...” Chat bit his lip. “She’s a friend.”

Bee’s mouth dropped open. “Oh my god,” she said, shoving his shoulder. “You have a crush!”

Chat crossed his arms above his head and ducked, trying to ward off further snacks to the upper body. “I do not!” he yelped, but it sounded weak even to him. He could feel his human ears burning as his face turned red, and he sighed, lowering his arms and looking at Queen Bee with what he hoped was a plaintive expression. “Please,” he said. “Don’t tell Ladybug.”

Queen Bee placed her hand over her mouth, fingers touching her lips, trying to hold in her laughter but not really doing that at all.

”I’m serious!” Chat yelped. His face fell. “She’ll think I’m... she’ll... she’ll think I’m  a cad.”

”Oh, Chat,” Bee said, placing her hand on his shoulder. “You can do better than Dupain-Cheng.” She waved her other hand in a sort of half-shrug. “Besides, you wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Chat turned to her, questioning.

Bee sighed. “You know my friend Adrien Agreste? The model?”

Chat’s lips twisted upward in a wry grin.

Bee nodded. “She’s completely head-over-heels for him,” she said, and Chat felt his heart leap. Marinette... she liked him? Like... more than like?

He almost didn’t notice when Queen Bee looked away and her eyes grew somber. “Nobody else has ever been able to catch her eye,” she murmured, her voice dripping with disappointment.

Chat blinked. “Wait a second,” he said. “You—do you have a crush?”

”What!?” Bee shrieked, throwing her hands up, palms toward him. “No, I—I’m not—I don’t—I’m straight...” She trailed off, horrified.

Chat smirked. “Are you telling me,” he said, “that you wouldn’t kiss Ladybug if you had the chance?”

Bee grimaced. “That doesn’t count,” she muttered. “Everyone would.”

Chat opened his mouth to reply, but then his cat ears twitched at the familiar wizz-crack of Ladybug’s yo-yo. He turned, confused—it wasn’t her turn to patrol, what was she...

Ladybug tripped halfway up the roof, rolling forward and smacking straight into Chat's chest. They both stumbled, but he wrapped his arms around her, trying his best to hold her up.

"Thissss... it’s your fault, you stupid..." She jabbed him in the chest with her finger. "Stupid... pretty... face!" She giggled, then went limp, collapsing into Chat's arms.

"Ladybug?" Chat gasped. "Are you okay?"

"Mmmmmmfine," she drawled. Then she giggled. "Don't tell Tikki," she whispered. "She thinks I'm home."

"Oh my god," Queen Bee said, covering her mouth. "She's drunk."

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Marinaked Archive

AO3

*

Marinette woke up to a dry mouth, a swollen tongue, and a pounding headache.

"Blurgh," she mumbled, rolling over in her bed. Everything hurt, and everything felt weirdly sticky. "Tikki, can you—"

She didn't manage to finish her sentence. Instead, her throat seized shut on her words, her stomach attempting to leap straight into her mouth. "Urp!" She collapsed in on herself, squeezing her lips shut, and pressed her hand over her mouth to hold in her vomit.

She felt hexagon-patterned spandex press against her lips instead of fingerprinted skin, and her stomach flipped all over again. Oh, Tikki—had she fallen asleep as Ladybug? If her parents walked in on her...

She tore open her eyelids, blinked as the light speared through her eyes. "Gah!" she shrieked, covering her eyes with her arm. She rolled in bed, twisting herself in the sheets, turned towards the door—wait. This wasn't her room. Too large, too white, too bright.

"Agh!" a familiar voice yelped from next to the bed.

Ladybug's muscles all contracted at once, launching out of bed with a squeal and dragging all the sheets along for the ride. She squeezed her whole body, braced to hit the floor—but instead she felt herself slam into somebody's knee, tumbling bodily into the chair where the other girl had been sleeping and knocking them both onto the floor, and suddenly the Hero of Paris found herself pinned beneath the frozen—and steadily reddening—Paris Princess, tangled together in a confusing mess of sheets.

"Ch-Chloé?" Ladybug squeaked. Then all the blood rushed to her head at once with the pressure of Stoneheart's fist, and she groaned, squeezing her eyes shut as the light from the Hotel Grand Paris' floor-to-ceiling windows stabbed right through her eyes into the top of her skull all over again.

"I'm sorry!" Chloé gasped, and Ladybug felt a sharp spike of pain as Chloé's palm pressed hard into her shoulder; she was trying to pull away, only for her body to jerk taut against the sheets wrapped around her legs and other arm. "Just... just gimme a sec!"

"Take your time," Ladybug mumbled, turning her face away from the window and pressing it against the carpeting. Ah... sweet soft floor. Felt great against her crushing headache.

"Lemme just... hang on," Chloé said. "I, uh... Pollen? Help?"

The interior of the sheets flashed yellow. "Yes, My Queen!" a tiny voice said, and the sheets began to unravel from within.

Finally, after a minute of Chloé growing increasingly flustered, she pulling her hand loose. "Okay, I think I've got it."

Less than a minute later, the two of them were free of each other. Ladybug had elected to climb back into bed and bury her face into the pillow to block out the light. , while Chloé—who seemed to be steadfastly avoiding looking at her—was sitting on the ground, leaning against the foot of the bed.

"Did you seriously... sleep in the chair?" Ladybug mumbled. "Thought you had too much..." She raised her hand, spun it, trying to force the word through the cotton stuffing that seemed to be filling her skull. "...'Dignity' for that."

"Yeah, well," Chloé said, then huffed. "Someone had to watch your drunk ass to make sure you didn't, I dunno, jump out the window or something."

Ladybug groaned. "Akuma?"

Chloé snorted. "Nope," she said. "Far as I can tell, you got plastered all on your own."

Memories of last night suddenly flashed in Ladybug's head—she'd finally reached a decision to talk to Chat, to tell him everything, except then she'd pretty much gone into meltdown, and Tikki hadn't been able to talk her down. Somehow, in her panic, she'd come to the conclusion (which, she now realized with a squeeze of her sinuses, was definitely the panic talking) that since Drunkinette had been brave enough to tell Chat pretty much whatever she wanted, a little wine to sooth her nerves would be just right. And then somewhere along the line "a little" had turned into "a lot."

She was never trusting Alya's recommendation for "liquid courage" again.

"How bad was I?" Ladybug said, folding the pillow over onto her face. The walls probably wouldn't be able to judge her, since they didn't have brains, but she couldn't be too careful.

"You were fine!" Pollen said.

Chloé snorted. "Well, let's see," she said. "You showed up at patrol unannounced, basically molested Chat, spent most of the flirting with—with me—" Her voice suddenly broke. "And—and you somehow managed to completely forget my identity."

Ladybug stiffened. Oh, Tikki. Poor Chat. She could only imagine how uncomfortable he'd been—he'd stated, repeatedly, that he didn't think he could do what she did during Dark Cupid, not if she wasn't in her right mind. Getting exactly what he wanted in exactly the wrong way? It must've been hell.

"Flirting with Chloé" was another pretty good indicator that she had been utterly smashed. She'd never exactly made a secret of her attraction to girls—it wasn't particularly anyone's business, but she never really denied it—but she'd never found Chloé of all people particularly attractive, and she'd always... well, up until last night at least, she'd tried her best to avoid pushing Chloé out of the closet. Apparently, Ladydrunk either didn't need as much emotional attachment to get physically attracted to someone, or she'd somehow managed to get over the gratingness of Chloé's personality.

"Sorry," Ladybug mumbled. "I didn't... mean to make either of you uncomfortable."

"Well, you did," Chloé snapped. "What the hell was that even about?" She heard Chloé stand up. "You're the most responsible person I know, and you got wasted on a school night?"

Ladybug's muscles seized. "Oh my gods!" she shrieked, bolting out of bed and trying to ignore the excruciating rush of blood to her aching head. "It's Tuesday!" She tried to dash toward the window, only for her foot to slip on the sheets that were still piled on the floor. She barely managed to catch herself on Chloé's overnight chair.

"Relax! Yikes," Chloé said, checking her phone. "It's only... six in the morning. You're fine, you've got like an hour."

Ladybug frowned, grumbling. (Also, hour and 45 minutes, considering when she usually woke up, but Chloé didn't need to know that.)

"Seriously," Chloé said, "what the heck were you doing that needed to be that drunk?"

Ladybug closed her eyes, breathed in through her nose. "I... Um, over the weekend, I..." She pressed her palm agaist her forehead, sinking into the velvet of the chair. "I found out Chat's civilian identity is the boy I have a crush on."

Chloé stared at her.

"Oh my," Pollen said.

"Huh," Chloé added.

"Yyyyyep," Ladybug groaned.

Chloé pursed her lips, then nodded. "Pollen, go get Jean," she said. "We're gonna need a lot of coffee."

Marinaked Archive

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