#drunk wizards

-Sending drunk owls and howlers to people

-Trying to turn into an animagus when they aren’t one and not giving up

-Sober animgi changing their appearance to freak out their drunk friends

-Challenging people to duels but not being able to cast any spells because they’re slurring their words 

-Spiking booze with potions (cheering charms, love potions, etc) as pranks

-Designated apperaters

-Having to stop your friends from making an unbreakable vow about things that will definitely get them killed because they won’t remember it in the morning and it’s so trivial that they’ll definitely break it on accident

-Hangover potions

-Bertie Botts Every Flavored Beans as chasers. The alcohol won’t be the only thing making people puke

-the Night Bus as the Uber of the wizarding world

-FUI - flying under the influence

-alcohol being enchanted to taste like weird things and to make you drunk faster and to turn your hair blue or make you shrink/grow like Alice in Wonderland or make you speak another language without knowing it or levitate off the ground three inches

Wizard 1: ALRIGHT BRO I'M TOTALLY SLOSHED BUT I BET YOU I CAN PULL OF AN ACCIO RIGHT NOW!

Wizard 2: MERLIN GO ON MY SON, YOU ABSOLUTE LEDGE, DO IT!!!

Wizard 1: *does spell and tries to get broken tree branch to come over to them*

*BOOM*

Wizard 2: OH SHIT YOU ABSOLUTE PONCE YOU!

Purple Wizard: "Where did you say we were?"

Green Wizard: "We're in a 'Quaint, rural village' according to the guide."

Purple Wizard:"And making no progress with our task."

Green Wizard: "We only just got here. We'll find the bloody thing."

Blue Wizard: "Apparently the renegade warlock, Sordid, was last seen in this area. I hope we don't run into him."

Purple Wizard: "That's put me right off my beer."

Red Wizard: "I remember Sordid at the Circle. Right little oik. Glad to get rid of him."

Blue Wizard: "I wonder where old Calypso could be?"

Purple Wizard: "Yeah, odd him not being home."

Green Wizard: "He might be out collecting ingredients."

Purple Wizard: "We'll look for him in the morning. He might know something about the bloody staff."

Blue Wizard: "Sssh, our mission is top secret."

Purple Wizard: "Well, I'm bloody fed up of the damned thing. We've been searching for it for the last three months!"

Blue Wizard: "At least we know roughly where it is now."

Purple Wizard: "If you hadn't broke the detector thingy..."

Blue Wizard: "How was I supposed to know it wasn't waterproof?"

Purple Wizard: "Well, the Circle's going to have something to say about it. Delicate and valuable piece of apparatus that was."

Green Wizard: "Time for another game. I'll be the North Wind this time."

Purple Wizard: "So the prevailing wind is North, right?"

Blue Wizard: "Not at this time of year, East is far more likely."

Green Wizard: "But in the game, it's North."

Blue Wizard: "That's stupid if you ask me. Not very realistic at all."

Purple Wizard: "Nor is building the Great Wall of China to keep out Demons. Demons can fly - everyone knows that."

Blue Wizard: "Maybe it's a magical wall."

Purple Wizard: "I suppose it could be. Doesn't look magical though."

Blue Wizard: "Seems a bit heartless - us knocking it down like that… Right. Have we twittered the sparrows yet?"

Purple Wizard: "I don't think that bit is too important."

Blue Wizard: "Well, er... What's his name? You know, the short man, said that was very important."

Purple Wizard: "I think it just makes an awful racket. It doesn't sound much like sparrows either. Where did this game come from anyway?"

Green Wizard: "That short man with the strange eyes gave it to us. Remember."

Purple Wizard: "I hope we didn't have to pay for it."

Blue Wizard: "A nice man though, as I recall."

Green Wizard: "Very clever with his... wok, wasn't it?"

Blue Wizard: "That thing looked really sharp. I wouldn't dare mess with it."

Green Wizard: "I wanted to meet his confused friend he was always on about."

Blue Wizard: "He wasn't confused. He was called Confusion or something."

Green Wizard: "Judging by some of the things he is supposed to have said, he sounded pretty confused."

Red Wizard: "I had a friend who was confused once. Never saw him again."

Blue Wizard: "Let's have another go at this game then."

Green Wizard: "So I'm the East Wind, right?"

Purple Wizard: "I thought I was the East Wind. You're a Southern Breeze, I think."

Blue Wizard: "I think we're all winds."

Green Wizard: "I'd rather be a breeze than a wind. You can lose your hat in a wind."

Purple Wizard: "What you do is, tie it on with a piece of string."

Green Wizard: "It rubs against your chin though. It can give you a nasty rash."

Purple Wizard: "I've got two chows, two pungs and a kong."

Red Wizard: "Dab a bit of sulfate on it. It worked for me."

Purple Wizard: "So that's 44 points.”

Green Wizard: "Yes, but you double it for having a pair of concealed Green Dragons... I think."

Blue Wizard: "But I went My Gong, so don't I win?"

Purple Wizard: "You don't have any concealed dragons, though."

Blue Wizard: "But I've got an exposed kong of Red Dragons."