#drunk peter

Chris found him slumped at the end of Derek’s bar, a row of empty glasses in front of him. Derek just nodded toward Peter—your problem now.

Chris didn’t say anything. He got an arm under Peter’s shoulders, pulled him upright, and steered him toward the door. Peter mumbled something under his breath and let his head drop against Chris’ neck.

Chris’ jaw tightened. “Let’s go, Hale. You’re done.”

Getting him into the passenger seat was a fight against dead weight and flailing elbows. Chris wrestled the buckle into place, only to feel Peter’s hand clamp onto his coat.

Peter blinked up at him, eyes blurred and trying to settle. “He wasn't you,” he slurred, voice thick with whiskey.

Chris froze for a beat. Then he pried Peter’s fingers loose.

a drunk tom!peter parker who just can’t keep to himself. the second his eyes are on you, he’s on you. he has his arms wrapped tightly around your waist with his head laying comfortably on top of your stomach. he’s had you here for a while, ever since you forced him to leave flashes party and stop drinking. he was hung on top of you as you both walked home.

“y/n?”

“yeah petey?”

“i love you, so much, more than you can ever understand. thank you for being here, with me”

“i love you to pete, i’m glad to stay with you here forever”

you would look down to see his eyes closed softly and his breathing slowed. he fell asleep.

It had been going on for months now. Peter endlessly gushing about Tony Stark and how much he loved the older man. It was getting tiring for the pair of them. So much that MJ and Ned started to plan ways of getting their friend to actually tell Stark.

It wasn't until one afternoon while the three of them were drunk MJ and Ned spotted their opportunity to convince Peter to finally confess to Tony. Unfortunately for them a drunk Peter was a sappy Peter who really liked the idea of a big romantic gesture to tell Tony how much he loved him. Still they couldn't technically be held responsible for Peter's actions. Even of those actions include a giant love confession written in webs on a bridge. At least with this Peter couldn't talk his way out this one like he had a hundred times before. Especially as they had filmed and posted it online, as well as having tagged Tony Stark.

Although if the man's response on twitter of #ironspider was any indication it doesn't look like Peter will regret this at all

A request from @animefan1998-love

It was meant to be a fun night out after a long mission that was particularly nerve racking but here they where making a not so good name for themselves in the small tavern in who knows where in the middle of god knows where.

Tony and Peter were a known thing by now, Peter having revealed his identity after agreeing to marry his life long crush, so it wasn’t a big surprise when a few people congratulated the newly weds. Two males even sent them a round of drinks, apparently they were happy Tony and Peter had gotten married because it made it easier for them to do the same. Peter’s heart swelled and Tony literally had to stop the tipsy kid from hug tackling the other pair.

Of course this happy haven didn’t last long, it was a bar of course. Some local men had had just a few too many drinks, making the filter between mouth and brain disappear. These stupid brutes started to spurt out vile words about homosexuals and the depths of hell. The three of them had snickered when they had spotted Peter’s new favourite people holding hands. Before they could even try to move the spider had slipped out of Tony’s lap and situated himself between the couple and the offenders.

“Listen you stinky ass pieces of shit. You.. Better stop or see that sign.. It’s gonna end up, UP! Your ass!” His words slurred and watery but his stance held fast. Peter’s slim frame the only thing between the gay pair and the douches with a death wish. The tension in the air got thicker and thicker as the group eyed each other off, waiting for who was going to throw the first move.

“Move out of the way pretty boy. Stark doesn’t stay with someone more then a few months, you’ll see, he’ll be back to all those women again.” The middle man spoke, his breath pungent with whiskey and not even the good whiskey. But, his words hit a cord in the boy who looked like he was about to fry a nerve.

“YOU ARE THE REASON THIS WORLD IS A FLAMING PILE OF TRASH!! You can’t just live on with your day. No! You gotta degrade everyone around you, you gotta be the best but you can’t be because you’re shit. TRASH!! So you make up stupid reasons to degrade those happy around you. Why don’t you actually do something with your life instead of drinking cheap whiskey and pissing people off? Imma kick your fucking ass.” Peter surged forward, kicking the guy fair and square in the nuts but that’s where the fun stopped as two arms wrapped around his waist and tugged the furious spider out of the bar.

“No drinking for you with strangers. That’s good to know.” Tony’s voice sounded from behind the boy, who quickly turned around to check that his husband was ok.

“Let’s get you home Bambi.” Tony sighed as he gently guided the drunken superhero into the car.

“I wanna kick their dicks.” Peter mumbled from his position on the floor of the car, feeling very light headed.

Anon, this is nonsense but that’s nothing new! I had fun writing it and hopefully you had fun reading it. 

“No. Regrets.” and “How drunk was I?”

“Wakey wakey, Pete. Sunshine is burning,” a baritone speaks from above and right before a hand smacks his cheek several times. “I’m giving you three seconds to wake up or I’m sending your sister in and disappearing for the rest of the day.”

Peter groans. 

“At last! Hey, you. Lemme see those eyes.” 

“G’way,” he moans, trying to slap the voice away. 

His hand is held captive. 

He whines. 

“Oh no. None of that now. I need a play by play on how you managed to get your ass kidnapped, in broad daylight, dressed as your spidery alter ego, and managed to get drunk instead of drugged.” 

“Too loud.”

Tony sighs. “Lights are off, open your eyes, and I promise I’ll try not to ask all my questions at once, but you know I don’t have impulse control.” 

Peter squints, glaring up at Tony. 

Tony’s hand covers Peter’s face, lightly shaking him around from side to side, and Peter retaliates by licking his  palm. 

“You’re worse than your sister.”

“Is this a hangover?” he questions, but his voice cracks something fierce. “Am I dead?”

“Nope, not yet at least. You’re lucky my past is colorful otherwise you’d be getting an earful.” 

“What’s this then, a powwow?” 

“Cute, kiddo. Here.” he hands him a glass of water and Peter drains it. “Are you okay?”

He nods then groans, realizing that was stupid. 

Tony nudges Peter around until he sits behind him and then magic happens: he gets a scalp massage and Peter melts into Tony. 

“How drunk was I? Last night?” Peter asks into the silence, wrinkling his nose at the stench coming out his mouth. He also asks because he isn’t facing Tony and he’d rather not see any form of disappointment on his father figure’s face. 

“FRI, replay last night’s baby monitor footage.”

Tony pulls out his cell phone and a holographic image comes to life, showing Peter first in a makeshift cell but Tony tells FRIDAY to fast forward and then it skips to Peter singing Disney songs, both old and new. Sober, Peter doesn’t think he can even blame Morgan because he’s rather guilty to confess he hums catchy songs all the damned time. 

“Doesn’t he ever shut the hell up?”

“Well, he does hang out with Stark so my answer is not likely.”

Peter’s brows furrow and he turns to look at Tony, “What, do they think I picked that up through osmosis?” 

“Criminal masses aren’t always the most intelligent, you know that, bud.” Tony even looks apologetic until his grin widens then he looks downright ornery. Peter’s saw an identical expression on Morgan multiple times. “S’why I had to be a hero.” 

Peter halfheartedly swats at him. 

Tony cackles, easily pinning Peter’s arms until he’s hugging Peter’s back and pointing at the floating images. “Oooh, I like this part.” 

He turns to see his holographic self standing on Pepper’s dining room table, dancing clumsily, hands coasting up and down his body, then all of a sudden he stops and points out into the family room, “No regrets because I’m a SUPERSTAR!”

Peter groans, bowing his head. 

Thank you for the prompt! And thanks to @whumphoarder for beta reading.

For this one, let’s imagine that the fanfic community was in charge of the Endgame script and everyone is still alive after the final battle.

TWs for alcohol abuse and anxiety issues.

———-

Too Close to Home

“It’s going well, isn’t it?” Pepper’s hand comes down on Tony’s shoulder.

Tony turns around and smiles at her, his eyes gliding down her breathtaking blue dress before he takes in the scene around them. It’s the inauguration celebration for the reconstructed Avengers compound, and so far, Pepper seems right.

“I know how to throw a party, don’t I?” he replies with a smirk.

“Always so humble,” Pepper says, raising an eyebrow. “I think I’ll go and try to get Morgan settled - it’s way past her bedtime.” She motions at the visibly tired and cranky child currently stealing fries from Rhodey’s plate, smearing mayonnaise onto both his suit pants and her own dinosaur t-shirt.

“Yeah, before she disables his leg braces again…” Tony mutters.  “Or should I do it?”

“Nah, it’s okay. You had her in the workshop long enough today.” Pepper blows a kiss on Tony’s cheek, then walks over to save Rhodey from the mayonnaise monster.

Tony surveys the rest of the party-goers. There are Nat and Clint sitting in a hammock, talking quietly, seemingly lost in their own world. Next to the bar, Sam is trying to impress Wanda and Scott with a Falcon story, swinging his arms up and down in an imitation of his wings. Bucky and Steve are sitting further away in a corner, huddled close together as always, the ever-present tension on Bucky’s face a little less visible today. Tony is far from comfortable in his presence, but he hopes that Steve appreciates the fact that he’d invited both of them.

With a breath, Tony lets out the tension he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. The complicated relationships of love, guilt, friendship, and broken promises in this room would have any psychologist happily taking notes. But for now, at least, it seems that everything is working out. Tony gives himself a mental pat on the back.

He steps out onto the terrace for a bit of fresh air. Someone is sitting on the porch swing, lightly drifting it back and forth, and Tony recognises Peter’s curly hair and ill-sized suit jacket, the sleeves of which are not quite long enough to reach his wrists. Tony’s smile morphs into a frown when he notices a near-empty bottle of Bailey’s on the ground next to the swing.

Tony steps closer. The boy is swaying a little where he’s sitting, glancing around himself with a slightly detached glaze to his eyes. Tony doesn’t need his glasses to see that his protegé is clearly drunk off his ass.

“Oh, hi, Mis’er Stark,” Peter says with a grin when Tony’s shadow falls on him, his pronunciation more than a little off.

“So, Peter Parker. Welcome to the latest episode of What Not to Do When You’re Bored on a Friday Night.”