#drunk!lwj

Which leads to the third thing, which is, according to Wen Qing, his “crippling self-worth issues”, and according to Jiejie his “disbelief that good things can happen to you”. Which… hm. Maybe there’s a kernel of truth somewhere, but also - hey!

He does think Lan Zhan can do better. Wei Wuxian is nothing but a messy ball of chaos, family issues, a criminal record because he was young and stupid and not yet the brilliant hacker he thought he was, abandonment issues and the occasional month or two of insomnia. And his Lan Zhan is just… so good.

A lock of hair has fallen across Lan Zhan’s face and moves every time Lan Zhan breathes out. Wei Wuxian smiles and gently tucks it behind Lan Zhan’s ear.

“Lan Zhan, what do you want me to do, when you’re this cute?”

Maybe Lan Zhan deserves better, but Wen Qing was also right when she said, brandishing a large kitchen knife (either for the vegetables or as a threat or both): “Lan Wangji surely deserves to voice his own opinion on the matter and if he wants to be with you, don’t deny him that just because you’re scared. And an idiot.”

Lan Zahn should have everything he wants in life, and if for some lucky reason this includes Wei Ying, he should do his best to make sure Lan Zahn doesn’t regret liking him.

So, he’ll confess and tell Lan Zhan that he, Wei Wuxian, is ready to commit to whatever level of commitment Lan Wangji is comfortable with. It’s the least he can do.

Well. First, Lan Zhan has to wake up from his drunken slumber.

“Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian softly strokes his cheek and then starts poking it, when there’s no reaction. “Lan Zhannnnnnnnnnn.”

Nope, nothing. Wei Wuxian sighs and pries the empty shot glass out of Lan Zhan’s fingers. Even like this, he’s devastatingly beautiful. Wei Wuxian takes a minute to admire this face he hasn’t been able to get out of his head since that first day at the library. And back then he didn’t even know yet, didn’t even know Lan Zhan could be gentle and caring and secretly funny and stubborn and hadn’t even seen him smile yet, corners of his mouth drawing up ever so slightly and putting anything Wei Wuxian might be carrying at the risk of falling to the ground, because he just. Can’t. Handle. It.

“What’s wrong with Lan Wangji?”

Wei Wuxian freezes and then slowly turns around to see Wen Ning staring at Lan Wangji, obviously concerned.

“Lan Zhan… may be a little drunk.”

“I was gone for no longer than thirty minutes.” Wen Ning comes over, stands next to Lan Zhan, and then pointedly looks at the tequila bottle on the table between them.

“It wasn’t my fault!” He may have opened the alcohol, but he didn’t tell Lan Zhan to drink it!

“Are you just going to leave him here?”

“A-Ning, this judgement in your voice is so unbecoming! What has Wen Qing been teaching you?” Wei Wuxian stands up and puts his arm through Wen Ning’s. “I was, of course, waiting for you! You’re so strong and tall and I’m merely a weak little computer wizard.”

Wen Ning, bless him, doesn’t even roll his eyes. He simply bends forward and carefully maneuvers Lan Zhan into a standing position.

Together, they somehow manage to drag-carry Lan Zhan into Wei Wuxian’s room and lay him down on the bed. Wei Wuxian takes off Lan Zhan’s slippers and arranges the pillow and blanket so Lan Zhan at least looks comfortable. Then he turns around to Wen Ning, who’s been hovering, clearly about to ask some annoying questions.

“So… did you… did you tell him? About your…?” Wen Ning gestures towards Wei Wuxian’s chest, possibly meaning his heart, which is endearing but also makes Wei Wuxian feel like a love-sick teenager. “Is that why he’s… like that?”

“I didn't quite get the opportunity to tell him, no. Also, why is everyone in this household so nosy?”

“I’m sorry. I thought it was okay to ask, because you’ve been talking to us about Lan Wangji non-stop for the past few weeks. I didn’t mean to pry.”

Wen Ning does his best hurt puppy face. Wei Wuxian knows he’s being toyed with while simultaneously being made fun of and he can’t help but laugh, because ah… shy little Wen Ning has come so far, he’s so proud!

“Fine, fine, don’t worry about it. Ask away, whatever.”

“Why were you even drinking? You don’t like tequila.”

That is indeed correct. Since Nie Huaisang’s 18th birthday party, Wei Wuxian cannot smell tequila anymore without having flashbacks of Jiang Cheng and him kneeling next to each other on the floor, vomiting into a bathtub. But the only other alcohol he could find was the beer in the fridge and that just hadn’t seemed like enough.

“A-Ning, I know you’re not the innocent little wallflower your sister thinks you are, so surely you’ve heard of the expression ‘liquid courage’, no? So, yes, maybe this gege of yours needed some courage tonight and yes, maybe I accidentally freaked out Lan Wangji somehow… but he ended up like that all by himself!”

They both turn around to Wei Wuxian’s bed, just in time to see Lan Wangji turn around on his stomach, his arm dragging across the bedside table and pushing Wei Wuxian’s alarm clock to the floor. That’s okay, he never uses it anyway.

“Good luck.” Wen Ning pats his arm and then leaves. Abandons him, basically. Rude. But it’s okay, he doesn’t need help or ‘luck’. Hopefully.

Wei Wuxian sighs, crouches down next to the bed, and gently rolls Lan Zhan on his back. Lan Zhan’s dark blue dress shirt is incredibly soft and shimmery, probably more expensive than all of Wei Wuxian’s clothes put together, and it’s already getting all wrinkly. Lan Zhan will surely be unhappy about that when he wakes up. Wei Wuxian can’t even offer to iron it for him, because they don’t own one.

“Lan Zhan, is it really okay such a person loves you? Someone with no means to straighten out a mess?”

Lan Zhan doesn’t reply, only huffs a little in his sleep.

“Stop being so cute, how many times do I have to tell you? Always trying to make me like you even more, attempting the impossible…” Wei Wuxian adjusts the blanket one last time and then gets up to fetch a bucket to put next to the bed. Just in case.

While Lan Wangji sleeps, Wei Wuxian plays a video game. It takes him a while to be able to focus on it though, because Lan Zhan is lying barely two feet away from him and he looks so soft. He’s also hesitant to put on his headphones, because what if Lan Zhan wakes up or makes cute noises???

However, Nie Huaisang assassinates him seven times in a row and Wei Wuxian cannot let that stand and spends about an hour showing Huaisang why Wei Wuxian’s necromancer would be ranked first on the server if he could actually be bothered chasing such dubious honours.

When Huaisang acknowledges his superiority by saying he’s ‘bored now’ and that he has ‘a hot date anyway’, Wei Wuxian stretches, takes off his headphones and treats himself to another look at Lan Zhan’s face. And almost has a heart attack, because Lan Zhan is sitting up and staring at him.

“Lan Zhan?”

Lan Zhan doesn’t say anything, only blinks slowly. Is he actually awake or doing some kind of sleepwalking or… sleepsitting? Wei Wuxian approaches the bed, Lan Zhan’s eyes never leaving his face, and then sits down on the bed, waving a hand in front of Lan Zhan’s face.

“Lan Zhan? Are you awake?”

“Mn.” Lan Zhan’s gaze is somehow simultaneously somewhere far away and intensely focused on Wei Wuxian. He’s still blinking as though his eyelids weigh several pounds.

“Alright… you can sleep more, if you want.”

“Water.”

“Yes, fantastic idea. Look at you, still so smart and practical, even when you’re drunk and sleepy. Wait here, I’ll get you some water.”

Wei Wuxian starts to get up, but Lan Zhan wraps his hands around his arm and drags him down onto the bed again.

“Wei Ying.” Is Lan Zhan… pouting? No, he is not allowed, that is too cute!

“Lan Zhan?”

“Water.”

“... Yes. I’m going to go and get some for you, okay? But first you have to let me go.”

“No.” Lan Zhan only tightens his hold. Oh fuck, he’s definitely pouting.

“Okay… but you’re thirsty?”

“Mn.”

“But I’m not allowed to get up?”

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan drags his hands down Wei Wuxian’s arm until he closes them around his hand.

“Right…” Luckily, Wei Wuxian has plenty of practice arguing with stubborn people who follow their own very special kind of logic, thanks to A-Yuan. “Lan Zhan, how about you keep holding on to Wei Ying then, and we both go to the kitchen to get water?”

“Mn.”

Wei Wuxian manages to get the blanket off of Lan Zhan’s legs and him into his slippers and on his feet without letting go of his hands and doesn’t even have to dislocate his shoulder to do so. Once he’s standing, Lan Zhan follows him obediently into the kitchen. He completely ignores his surroundings in favour of looking at Wei Wuxian’s face, so Wei Wuxian has to take extra care to avoid any of A-Yuan’s toys cluttering the floor.

In the kitchen, he awkwardly uses his free hand to pour Lan Zhan a tall glass of water and puts it on the counter in front of him. Lan Zhan does not pick it up.

“Lan Zhan… that’s for you.” Wei Wuxian points at the glass, then points at Lan Zhan’s face.

Lan Zhan looks down at their hands and shakes his head.

“I would hold the glass while you drink, but that would only end in a wet mess. So, you need to let me go so you can drink.”

Lan Zhan considers this for a second and then says: “Fuck.”

“Did you just swear???” This is truly the best day of Wei Wuxian’s life.

Lan Zhan lifts his chin in defiance, clearly ready to smite everyone who would dare tell him to stop swearing. Wei Wuxian… needs him to drink this water and then sober up immediately, so he can confess or whatever, and then make out with him for five hours straight. He can barely handle Lan Zhan on a normal day, but how is he even cuter when drunk? He’s cursing, because he doesn’t want to let go of Wei Wuxian’s hand to drink some water? Illegal!

“Lan Zhan… how about you keep holding on to me with one hand and use the other for drinking? Mhm? Is that a compromise you could get behind?”

Lan Wangji sighs, clearly agreeing to a great sacrifice, and finally drinks his water. Wei Wuxian makes him drink another glass and then leads him back to his room. Still only able to use one arm freely, he arranges the pillows and his blanket, so they can both sit cross-legged on the bed, while leaning comfortably against the wall.

“I didn’t know you cursed. How naughty!”

“All the time.” Lan Zhan looks at him as though he’s stupid.

“Whaaat, you do? But not in front of me? Should I take it personally?”

“Ah… Only in my head,” Lan Zhan frowns.

“I see… My Lan Zhan keeps a lot of things inside his head, hm?” Wei Wuxian uses his free hand to stroke Lan Zhan’s forehead until he stops frowning. Lan Zhan even closes his eyes and leans a little into his touch.

“Mn.”

“You can swear in front of me all you want. Let it all out.”

Lan Zhan opens his eyes after a while, looking somewhere into the distance and says emphatically: “Fuck.”

“Yes! Exactly! Fuck it up, Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian laughs happily. This is wonderful, Lan Zhan is wonderful.

“Fucking shitballs, “ Lan Zhan says, testing it out. The result seems to please him and he smiles.

“Amazing! I love it!” It’s also kinda hot and Wei Wuxian very much hopes Lan Zhan will keep this up in the future. The possibilities…

Lan Zhan spends some time simply smiling and muttering “Fuck” every few seconds, while Wei Wuxian tries really hard not to laugh. He wants to be supportive of this development, not ridicule it! When Lan Zhan seems to have gotten it out of his system, Wei Wuxian strokes his cheek to get his attention.

“Lan Zhan… you can tell me anything you want, you know? If there are things you’re tired of keeping inside, you can tell me. I will listen and keep your secrets.”

Lan Zhan turns his head and blinks a few times, until his focus is wholly on Wei Wuxian’s face again.

“Want to buy things for Wei Ying,” he whispers.

“... Huh?” What? Wei Wuxian didn’t expect these secrets to be about himself, but maybe he should have? He’d only wanted Lan Zhan to know he should feel comfortable opening up to him… This feels a bit like cheating, and he doesn’t want Lan Zhan to regret it in the morning. But knowing Lan Wangji wants to spend money is pretty harmless, as far as secrets go.

“Wanted to buy flip flops.” Lan Zhan is pouting and saying ‘flip flops’ in the most adorable way - this is a personal attack on Wei Wuxian’s heart!

“Ah… that’s terribly nice of you, but you really don’t have to! I know you probably feel bad because we clearly don’t have a lot of money here and -”

“No.” Lan Zhan scowls at him. “Want to take care of Wei Ying.”

“Oh… okay.” Wei Wuxian realises he cannot handle Lan Zhan’s earnestness any better when he’s drunk. It might be even harder now, because it’s completely unexpected. “Uhm… you’re very sweet, Lan Zhan.”

“Wei Ying is sweeter.” Lan Zhan miraculously lets go of Wei Wuxian’s hand, but only to grab Wei Wuxian’s face and pull him closer. “Fucking sweet.”

“Alright! We’re both sweeties! Got it!” Wei Wuxian must look and sound ridiculous, because Lan Zhan is kind of squeezing his face, squishing his cheeks and lips together.

“May I buy things for you?” Lan Zhan asks with such gravity, how could Wei Wuxian refuse him? How could he ever refuse him anything???

“Yes, yes, you may.”

Immediately, Lan Zhan looks terribly pleased, lets go of Wei Wuxian’s face and fishes his phone out of his pocket. Wait… is he literally going to buy something right now?

“Lan Zhan! What are you doing?”

He tries to grab Lan Zhan’s phone, but Lan Zhan only raises it high above his head, so Wei Wuxian can’t reach it anymore.

“Wei Ying said I’m allowed.”

“Wei Ying has done enough drunk shopping to know this is a bad idea! Give me your phone!”

Lan Zhan gives him his best “I’ll stare at you until you stop being an idiot” frown and Wei Wuxian sighs.

“You can buy me things tomorrow, alright? When you’re sober you can buy me flip flops, or whatever else you want, okay?”

Lan Zhan finally relents, lowers his arm and reluctantly lets Wei Wuxian take the phone from him. He puts the phone on the nightstand, leans back against the wall and suddenly… Lan Wangji turns around until he’s sitting with his back to Wei Wuxian and then leans back until his head is resting on Wei Wuxian’s lap. Oh? Oh.

“Hi?”

“Want to look at you.” Lan Zhan searches for Wei Wuxian’s hand and then presses it against his cheek. Wei Wuxian is still baffled by the fact he suddenly has a lapful of Lan Zhan, but not too baffled that he can’t indulge this drunk, earnest, adorable man and start stroking his cheek.

“I also want to look at you, so this works out nicely.”

“Mn. Like it when Wei Ying takes care of me.”

“Well, taking care of you is one of my favourite things, how convenient!”

“Mmh.” Lan Zhan smiles up at him, and Wei Wuxian really cannot believe this is his reality. These past few days he’s spent telling anyone who would listen, and even when they didn’t want to listen anymore, how he was suffering, because he was so in love with Lan Wangji, he didn’t know what to do with all these feelings and now it turns out he hadn’t even reached maximum feelings yet.

“Anything else you want to do I can help you with?”

“Mn.”

“Oh?”

“Kiss you.”

Wei Wuxian’s brain does the mental equivalent of running into a glass door. Fuck. How is he supposed to… ??!?!?!? Fuck.

“Arnhg… yes… uh, yes, we can do that.”

Lan Zhan’s smile deepens, both corners of his mouth curling up, oh no, help, he lifts his hand to Wei Wuxian’s neck and, oh shit! Wei Wuxian quickly grabs Lan Zhan’s wandering hand and pulls it down again.

“Tomorrow, we can also do that tomorrow. Or a later day. Whenever you want. Any day. Every day. Kissing is a-okay. Very welcome.”

Wei Wuxian keeps stroking Lan Zhan’s cheek, who looks disappointed, and he wants to laugh and cry, because Lan Zhan wants to kiss him. It’s not exactly a shock or a surprise but… if Wei Wuxian hadn’t been such a coward and confessed earlier and this whole tequila debacle didn’t happen, would they be kissing right now? But then he would have missed out on drunk Lan Zhan, which would have been a tragedy!

Meanwhile, drunk Lan Zhan continues to be a menace and turns his head slightly, so he can press a kiss to Wei Wuxian’s thumb.

“Want to fuck you.” And then he bites Wei Wuxian’s thumb.

If Wei Wuxian was holding something, he would have thrown it across the room. But the only thing he is holding is Lan Zhan, and he doesn’t think he could throw him, even if he tried.

“Fuck!”

“Mn.” Wei Wuxian’s thumb is still in Lan Zhan’s mouth.

“Well… yes, we can do that too! Ha… I mean, hell yes. But also, Lan Zhan, please have mercy on me!”

Lan Zhan stops biting him, thank fuck, though, well, it’s not like Wei Wuxian disliked it, but also this is not the time!

“Fucking hell, Lan Zhan…”

For a drunk person, Lan Zhan looks incredibly smug. Wei Wuxian closes his eyes for a few seconds, or minutes, trying to calm his heartbeat and hoping Lan Zhan will fall asleep again soon, so Wei Wuxian can get some rest.

When he opens his eyes, Lan Zhan is still looking at him, though he’s gone back to his slow blinking, which hopefully means he’s about to nod off.

“I hope you’re happy, you have accomplished what Huaisang’s assassin couldn’t, and completely defeated me.”

Lan Zhan hums, though it seems to be a sound of contentment, rather than understanding, and he takes Wei Wuxian’s hand and moves it until it lies on top of his head. Wei Wuxian smiles down at him and begins stroking his hair. Lan Zhan sighs happily, and the next time he blinks, his eyes stay closed.

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan… you should sleep sweetly, love. And when you wake up… we can start doing all the things you want to do.”

“Mhm.” Lan Zhan’s eyelids flutter and then he opens them under great strain.

“You can close your eyes, it’s okay.”

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan’s eyes are suddenly intense, despite the drunk and despite the sleepy. “Have to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“Wei Ying, I l-”

Wei Wuxian quickly puts his hand over Lan Zhan’s mouth, muffling the rest of the sentence.

“Shhh, gege quiet.”

Lan Zhan frowns, clearly unhappy.

“Another thing for tomorrow. Okay? Go sleep now, love, so we can get to tomorrow quicker.”

Wei Wuxian slowly lifts his hand from Lan Zhan’s mouth and puts it on Lan Zhan’s chest instead. Lan Zhan keeps staring at him, but his frown fades as Wei Wuxian continues stroking his hair. Eventually, he drifts off to sleep, hands holding on to Wei Wuxian’s hand again.

Wei Wuxian keeps stroking his hair and looking down at him for a long, long time. He can’t believe he is this lucky. Can’t believe Lan Zhan is here and wants him. Wants them to take care of each other. Ah, Wei Wuxian really wants to cry, but he doesn’t want to cry on Lan Zhan and there is not a fucking chance he is going to move now.

So he keeps smiling, which is nicer than crying anyway.