#drue

Blue stood behind the cameras, exhaling softly. He stared quietly at the decor he would be filmed in for the next hour with a lot of apprehension, if the subtle tremble of his body was anything to go by.

Stage fright was never a problem he had to face.

On the contrary, he craved the feeling of eyes on him. He craved the feeling of being gazed upon with admiration. He craved the eventual applause of the public, satisfied with his performance.

When he started filming, there was no more audience to immediately react to his work, but movie reviews were quite pleasant as they were not bound to a particular moment.

Filming an interview with a journalist was hardly any different, feeling wise. Many of them had tried to set him up before, but he always did his best to not give that satisfaction to whoever it was.

Yet, he now found himself trembling.

Why?

Honestly, he knew the reason why. It had nothing to do with who would be interviewing him, it had nothing to do with the cameras rolling, it had nothing to do with the worry of looking like a fool.

No, it had to do with the subject of the interview itself.

The first thing that a young actor such as himself learns, most times the hard way, is to put on a mask, even if you are not filming. You always must play a role, no matter where you are or with whom you are.

The public and journalists will grasp any straws to get your attention and above all, they will pick out any flaws, any part of your personality that they do not like and pick at it, desperate to make you break.

The more of your real self you put out there, the more it will hurt when backlash comes to hit you in the face.

That is, after all, the fate of any public figure.

Yet, here he was, about to talk about the person he had carefully buried deep inside his soul and hidden with a mask. He was about to throw out the window everything he had come to learn to protect himself.

He already had the feeling that he was about to bitterly regret doing this.

But he could not back down, not if his testimony could help someone struggling with the same things he did... has.

His breathing started to go funny again but before it could escalate into anything, soft fingertips brushed his knuckles, giving him something to focus on as that fleeting sensation quickly turned into a proper touch, a familiar hand covering his own.

He lifted his head, meeting golden eyes in which concern glistened like diamonds.

“Are you alright?” Dream whispered, his thumb stroking Blue’s palm.

He hesitated for a moment, before nodding, using his free hand to cover Dream’s. “I am now.”

He scooted closer to him, their legs touching before he rested his head on top of Dream’s shoulder, closing his eyes. “Thank you for being here.” He muttered, hoping that his whisper was enough to convey just how grateful he was to him.

Although, he had the feeling that Dream was going to misinterpret his words as thanking him solely for being here with him on that day when really, he was thanking him for being here with him since day one.

But that was okay, he would have plenty of time left to thank him again, properly this time.

Dream’s lips twitched upward in a gentle smile. “No need, it is only natural.”

It was not, not to him.

“Mr. Blue?” A member of the staff, so recognizable by their uniform, suddenly called out to him, putting an end to his conversation with his husband.

“Yes?” He quickly responded, already dreading whatever the crew member was about to say. “Is something the matter?”

However, the person quickly shook their head, much to his relief. “Not quite, I was just sent to warn you that the cameras will start rolling soon since you looked quite...” They glanced at Dream, stifling a chuckle. “... Distracted.”

Dream chose to ignore that last comment as Blue thanked them for the warning.

“If you need a break, tell me, okay?” That must have been the sixth time in the last hour that the actor heard that request from the other, but oddly enough, he did not mind the repetition. If anything, it reassured him.

“I will.” He squeezed his hand, hoping it would give him enough strength to fulfill the mission he was meant to complete by coming here. “Thank you.”

They fell silent as the lights went out and the decor lit up, the presenter finally welcoming the audience warmly as they gave a summary of who the guests were and the program for the day.

As the presenter turned to him, professional smile stretching their face, Blue took a deep breath. This sight was familiar to him, such charade having taken place for longer than he could recall.

“I am glad that you were able to make it today, Mr. Blue!” They then turned to Dream. “The same goes for you, Mr. Von Licht!”

Dream waved the comment away with the back of his hand. “Oh please, no need to mention it. You can ignore my presence for now as I am only here to support my husband.”

The presenter feigned a chuckle, making a comment on how heartwarming that gesture was, before ultimately focusing on Blue. He straightened his back, putting on the same smile the public adored and worshipped since he was a child.

“Your fans have a lot of inquiries for you and most specifically about your mental health journey.” They began, bending to the right as they took a hat that Blue did not even notice its presence and put it on their knees, revealing the small cards discarded inside of it. “Would it bother you to pick one of those cards?”

Blue nodded as an answer, clutching onto Dream’s hand for dear life as his free hand reached for the hat that the presenter put on top of the coffee table in front of them.

He fumbled around the papers for a few seconds with a shaking hand before he finally caught one between his index and middle finger, pulling his hand back and opening the card.

“What does it say?” The presenter asked, as Blue could feel Dream leaning toward him and reading the contents of the card behind his shoulder.

Blue bit his lip as he read the card silently before risking opening his mouth, hoping on all deities out there that his voice would not quiver so early on. “Do you or did you believe that starving yourself made you more beautiful?”

The gentle rubbing of Dream’s hand on his shoulders made him almost want to cry but he quickly regained his composure. “... Quite honestly, yes. I still have a lot of issues regarding dissociating my appearance to my diet and do feel more appealing when I go on about my day on an empty stomach.”

Each word he uttered out loud felt like a stab in the chest, but he pushed himself to continue, thinking of all the other people who could be in the same situation as he is.

He turned toward Dream, who smiled encouragingly at him, which ended up making him crack a smile as well.

“Luckily for me though, I have an amazing husband who would still find me attractive no matter what I look like.” He paused as his smile faded. “I doubt that my relationship with my body or food will ever improve, but I have at least come to accept that my looks aren’t all there is to appreciate about me and am doing my best to try and put my health first.”

“Thank you for your answer.” The presenter finally said, after making sure that Blue was done talking. They eyed him for a few seconds, without malice, before talking again. “It is a priority for our guests to be feeling as comfortable as possible so how would you like to speak about a more usual topic?”

Blue tilted his head on the side, his curiosity piqued. Even if it was, he probably would have latched onto that opportunity either way, considering the dull pain in his stomach had been worsening ever since he started speaking or did it just feel this way because he wanted to do it again and he knew his last words were a blatant lie?.

“Not at all, what do you want to ask me about?” They were most likely referring to questions regarding his career, but perhaps they could be able to surprise him this time?

“I think many of us had dreamed of becoming an actor or play in a theatre at least once in our life,” She started, giving right to Blue’s intuition. “We all have our weaknesses when it comes to acting but, as a professional actor, what is, for you, the most difficult emotion to fake?”

Well, that was certainly an unusual question. Blue tapped his chin in thought, trying to recall any moment he had any difficulty entering his role.

He glanced at Dream for a moment, the latter flashing him with one of his confused smiles that never failed to make his heart flutter. He had his answer now.

“Many people would think it would be despair, especially with how hard it is for most people to cry for a role.” He shook his head.

“However, I firmly believe it is one of the easiest. No matter what degree, we have all felt desperate. Whether it be regarding an absence of support, an inability to connect with other people, mistreatment, financial problems, the death of a loved one... We have all been in that dark place that some of us are still not able to claw their way out. Tears are not the only form this despair takes as well.”

Despair could take the form of letting a trusted one do whatever they want, what you wanted be damned, your comfort be damned, as long as they stayed with you.

It could take the form of a blade that you would drag on your skin and silence whatever storm was brewing in your head before tempting you for more hurt, for more blood to stop the hurt you felt inside.

It could take the form of vomiting the little food you had managed to shove down your throat, heaving and gasping for breath as you could feel your throat and stomach burning like they were attacked by the embers of hell.

It could also take the form of standing in the middle of the crowd and feeling just as alone and unseen as if you had been thrown into the void itself.

He looked toward the camera, the people behind it eyeing him with attention. “The hardest emotion to fake is happiness, true happiness.”

At the raised eyebrow he received, he continued his explanation. “We have all felt despair, but only a few of us know happiness. I am not talking about those fleeting moments of satisfaction or relief, I am referring to a safe happiness, that euphoria you can always go back to no matter where you find yourself.”

“You could be having the roughest day of your life, but the memory of that happiness would not make you resentful, more miserable, or bitter, it would make you happy. That happiness of course would not prevent you from feeling miserable, far from, but it would, it will be there for you when you do.”

The presenter stayed without talking for a few seconds before speaking again. “And did you find yours?”

Blue beamed at Dream, planting a kiss on his cheek. Startled, the latter’s cheeks turned rose as he stared at Blue in bewilderment. He squeezed his hand once more as his smile widened. “Yes, yes I did.”

He turned back to the presenter, this time, genuinely confident he would get through that interview unscathed.

He could fall as many times as he wanted, he could break as many times as he needed as well, it all did not matter.

He was out of that dark place, despair could try to drag him back there, it could tempt him all he wanted with that cursed picture in his mirror or those sharp blades, he would not stay there any longer.

Even if he fell once more, he would do anything in his power to claw his way back up.

He was damaged, that much was obvious.

The bed squeaked under Dream as he turned over, groaning. Blue couldn’t help but rake his gaze up and down Dream’s chest. Dream wasn’t extremely muscular, not like Cross was, hoo-boy, what a hunk that royal guardsman was, but he was toned, and Blue loved pressing his lips against his upper chest and collarbone. He also loved looking at him, his eyes were always drawn to Dream, no matter the situation, or what he was wearing.

“Did you make me roll over just to perv on me?” Dream whispered, an eyebrow raised as he ran a hand through Blue’s brown curls.

“N-No!”

“Mmmhmmm.” Dream pulled Blue close by his hips, wrapping his arms around him. Blue melted into the touch. Dream was warm, and he could feel himself wanting to drift off into slumber. “Did ya’ just want to cuddle? You know I’m more than happy to do that for you.”

“No, well I mean, yes, cuddles always, but no?”

“...Is it yes or is it no, B? It can’t be both. That goes against the English language, I think.”

Blue huffed, reluctantly pushing away from Dream so they could be face to face. He met Dream’s golden eyes, and smiled. Dream was absolutely gorgeous, in every sense of the word. How had he gotten so lucky? What did he do to deserve someone so kind and so handsome? He reached his hand out, pushing a portion of Dream’s hair back into his silk bonnet.

“Thanks.”

“I wanted to ask you something.”

“If it’s philosophical I’m going to sleep.”

“It’s not!” Blue laughed, allowing Dream to intertwine their fingers. He averted his eyes, burying the bottom of his face into his scarf. “Would you…um.”

Dream pushed back Blue’s bangs, “I won’t judge, just get it out.”

“Would you ever want to have kids…?”

There was a bout of silence, Dream’s eyes widening as he sat up in bed. Blue followed him, heart pittering in his chest.

“Kids?” Dream asked, raising an eyebrow. He wasn’t upset, that much Blue could tell. He set the covers down by his hips, revealing his bare chest to the chill, night air. On the other hand, Blue kept the blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

“Mhm.” Blue shrunk away into his scarf, his fingers fidgeting with the end of it with his hands. “I’ve just…been thinking about it lately.”

“Having kids?”

“I guess so.” Blue met eyes with Dream, whose body language was completely relaxed. “You didn’t answer my question.”

Dream hummed, putting his arms back against the mattress, and leaning back. “Yeah…I, uh, I suppose I’ve never really thought about it before. Not even sure I can have kids. Does the immortality ‘n shit cancel it out or…? I mean, I couldn’t even get you pregnant even if I wanted to because-”

“I think you misunderstood me!” Blue sputtered, slamming a hand over Dream’s mouth. Blood rushed to his cheeks as he let go, flustered at Dream’s sly smile. Any smile of his was enough to send Blue’s heart into a frenzy, before Dream gestured with his hand to elaborate.

“I’m not talking about like, the, ahem, ‘logistics’ of it all. I mean like…raising kids. Would you ever be interested in raising a kid? Ever? Biological or otherwise.”

“Mmm…” Dream hummed, itching the side of his neck as he thought. “I mean maybe. Like I said, I never really thought about it, but I could probably be convinced. Obviously not right now, but maybe when Nightmare is off of our asses, we could for sure talk about it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I guess I’m not really passionate either way.” His hands pawed through Blue’s hair, playing with his frizzy curls. “I like interacting with kids, they’re funny as shit, but I don’t know if…I’d be able to raise one well, y’know what I mean?”

“But you’d be willing to think about it.”

“I would.” Dream pushed Blue’s bangs out of his eyes, getting slightly closer. “Why do you ask? Do you want kids?”

“I think so.” Blue murmured softly, falling back against his pillow, hands neatly folded on his stomach. Dream crashed back as well, laying on his side, his head being held up in his palm. “I-I mean…there’s a lot I want to do. I just don’t think I have the time to do it.”

“Of course you have time.”

“Eighty years.” Blue whispered, turning his head to face Dream. “Maybe less. We both know that’s not a lot. Plus, who knows when Reaper will decide my time is up…”

“He won’t take you because I’ll beat him up the moment he tries.” Dream said as he cracked his knuckles. 

Blue cracked into a smile as he laughed, playfully hitting Dream’s shoulder. “No you will not!”

“How much are you willing to bet?”

“Quit it.”

“Fine.” He touched Blue’s cheek as his face fell back into its neutral state. “What do you want to do with your life?”

“Huh?” Blue paused, “Oh! Oh, um. I want to help people, protect them. But, I guess my worry is can I do that and raise a kid? A kid is an investment, well they’re a person, but you know what I mean, I’d hate to…neglect them in some way.”

Dream caressed Blue’s cheek, rubbing it with his thumb. “As if you could ever do that, accidentally or not.”

“It could happen.” Blue whispered, looking up at the ceiling. “Most people who do it don’t do it intentionally. And if I’m working to help other people all the time…”

“B, listen to me. You could never neglect anything, even if you tried. You wanna know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you are too full of love, you adore everything and anything around you. To even think about neglecting something, a kid, a pet, or whatever, would kill you. You could never.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. And I also know that you can do both because it's not like you’ll be raising a kid by yourself. I’ll be right there with you.” Dream spoke, pressing a kiss against his forehead. He opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated, instead deciding to bury his face into Blue’s shoulder. “You can do both. You can do anything you wanna. I’ll help you do it.”

Blue gently nuzzled their heads together, his body relaxing into Dream’s. “Thanks Dream…what about you?”

“What about me?”

“What do you want to do with your life?” Blue asked, running his thumb slowly over Dream’s arm. “Or, at least, this part of it.”

There was a moment of silence as Dream thought about it. He wrapped his arms around Blue’s waist, pulling him close. His hands slowly ran up and down Blue’s hips, slipping underneath his shirt to feel his skin. “Isn’t it obvious? I want to spend it with you.”

Once more, Blue found his cheeks coated in blush. He was surprised that he wasn’t always as red as a tomato. He shifted his own hands to rest on Dream’s torso, feeling his warmth. “Really? With me?”

“Yep. I want to be there to support you in whatever you do. Whether it’s…I dunno, being a hero, raising babies, I don’t care. What I want is to just…be there. With you.”

“Aww…” Blue murmured, pressing his lips against Dream’s cheeks. “Even when I’m old and wrinkly?”

“‘Course. Y’know, sometimes I…” Dream sighed, squeezing Blue’s hips. “Sometimes I wish I could, I dunno, grow old with you.”

“I know you do.” It took a moment of pulling to get Dream to detach from his waist, but he managed to hold his hand, his thumb pressing into the base of Dream’s palm. “But…let’s not think about that yet. We’ve still got time.”

“Right, right. Yeah. We do.”

“Would you prefer adoption or surrogacy?”

“Heh?”

“For a kid!”

“Oh!” Dream blew out some air, rubbing his thumb on Blue’s wrist as he thought. “I dunno. There are always kids looking to get adopted, but with our lack of documents that might be hard.”

Blue had forgotten. He would probably need records or something of his existence to adopt a child and both he and Dream didn’t have them due to their circumstances. He scowled at the ceiling, cursing the Multiverse and it’s weird bullshit.

“We could have a test tube baby. That’d get rid of all of the semantics considering we know people who know us and would be willing to do it, no questions asked.”

“We do?”

“Yeah. You remember when Cross broke your rib cage?”

“How could I forget?” Blue grimaced, putting his head into Dream’s shoulder. He didn't think he would ever forget, considering the massive scar left on his chest from the surgery that kept him alive.

“Well, those super high-tech guys who fixed you up could make us a test tube baby.”

“They could…” Blue murmured, “But why would they? They’re always busy with other super futuristic projects.”

“Seeing how the DNA of an immortal and a mortal combine would be a pretty interesting science experiment..”

“That’s true.” Blue looked up at Dream for the first time in a hot second, and smiled apologetically when he saw the exhausted look on Dream’s face. “Thanks for indulging me.”

“Always.”

“You can head to sleep now.” Blue said as he pressed a kiss to Dream’s forehead, snuggling closer into his body. Their arms wrapped around each other, sharing heat and closeness. “...Dream, you know, I-

“Uh, Dream?” Blue opened his eyes and a small smile grew on his face. Dream’s eyes were closed shut, his breathing rhythmic as he slept. Blue craned his neck to see outside the window, and he wasn’t at all surprised to see the top of the moon slowly rising over the horizon. He pressed another kiss to Dream’s face, relishing in everything the guardian had to offer. His own eyes slowly shut as drowsiness washed over him like a heavy blanket.