#droptheact

GreatPositive was honored to have Beth Thomas Cohen guest host our Tweet Chat #GreatPositiveChat to discuss the implications of not being yourself and how to #DropTheAct.

Beth Thomas Cohen draws her experience from being in the fashion industry for sixteen years and as a biracial woman, mother and wife working full-time. As cofounder of the public relations agency B' squared Public Relations, Beth launched new fashion brands and breathed life into older ones. She previously worked as senior director at Lividini & Co., in-house public relations director at the luxury/accessories company Lambertson Truex, and worked in the fashion department at O, The Oprah Magazine. She lives in New Jersey with her husband and children.  

Below is a recap of the Q&A tweet chat we held with Beth that reached over 190,000 people on Twitter.

Do you ever put up an act or know someone who does? How does it make you feel?

”I don't think anyone should play a role unless you are getting PAID!!!”  - Beth Thomas Cohen

The common consensus among participants was that people put up an act because of societal pressures, often finding comfort in numbers and familiarity and forgetting who they really are or want to be. There are stereotypes that we are fighting everyday and images we mistakenly try to live up to. Without admitting it, it bothers most of us that we have to play a certain role everyday. Unfortunately, the façade becomes reality all too often and at some point hiding behind "things" gets exhausting!

One of our participants even shared with us that she used to put up an act when she was younger, but as she got older and wiser she realized that her true friends and family accept her for who she really is. She learned the hard way and realized that one can only put on a façade for so long. It never works nor is it beneficial. With this knowledge, she now mentors teenage girls to help them embrace their true selves.

Why do you think people, women especially, feel the need to put up an act?

“We’re afraid of the truth, afraid of going against the grain and afraid of being the oddity when in fact it's quite liberating!” – Beth Thomas Cohen

There are a numerous amount of reasons why women especially put up an act, but society and media definitely play a big role. Women feel the pressures to conform based on how they think they should be viewed as. For instance, you don't want to be labeled as too sensitive, so you put up an act to appear stronger. And when you do hide your feelings to get ahead, you can get labeled as “hard.” It’s a never-ending cycle that just needs to stop.

But at the end of the day human race is the same. Gender doesn’t matter – it’s mostly about wants, desires and greed. People put up an act to get ahead in business, relationships and friendships.

And most of the time, the need and want to put up an act or not put up an act starts in the home – this is where you first learn about values, how to form bonds, and how to manage relationships.

Communities also play a big role in shaping this mentality, especially in smaller communities where “clicks” and the pressure to fit in are more prevalent.

It can be exhausting to put up an act with friends, your spouse, family and coworkers. How do we #DropTheAct?

“If I die tomorrow, I have 0 regrets. I have said all I needed to say to the people who matter to me and eliminated the rest” – Beth Thomas Cohen

Can you confidently say the same for yourself? Below are some advice by participants on how to #DropTheAct:

We need more encouraging campaigns to embrace individuality.

Learning to and loving your TRUE self is the best gift to yourself! You begin to want and only expect the best for you.

Self-esteem has a lot to do with everything in how you lead your life!

Appreciate your own differences and the differences in others.

Be sensitive to everyone's situations. You never know what they may be going through. DO NOT JUDGE! That HAS to stop!

"You can't judge a book by its cover!" Old adage that still works!

Like everything else in life it takes time, but know that it feels great to stop the bullshit!

Take it one step at a time. First try it with your best friend and then try a co-worker and so on. It'll get easier to #DropTheAct over time.

Be honest with each other. This can be hard, but it works.

Pick up Beth’s book, “Drop the Act, It’s Exhausting.”

Improving the world takes collaboration. How can we all help to further the cause?

@BethThomasCohen

Begin by loving and accepting EVERYONE for who they are not what they are!

Stop hiding behind your labels, $ and materialistic things and start focusing on the more important things in life!

We think we have come so far, but in actuality we really haven't..I talk about that quite a lot in the book.

A lot of the change starts in the home.

Women lifting other women, putting down the mask, loving people for who they are not what they are or have!

I thank EVERYONE who reads the book, it was so important to me for so many years to get this message out...

@CLuong708 

Perhaps, turning to your friend, loved one or coworker and letting them know it's okay to be 100% real to you?

@WunderDanielle

Start simply. Be a better person to the people around you and the positivity will spread

@whoisjenp

We can't save them all, the boat just isn't big enough! I believe in the old saying of "if I can just change one," and then that one commits to changing someone else ... so on and so forth ... working together to change one and spread!

@BGUnscripted

By putting differences aside and helping others. STOP looking at what others have.

@WunderJuliette

If we support others in dropping the act, we can make our community more comfortable with being themselves.

Thank you for reading through the recap of our “Drop the Act, Ladies. Be Empowered. Be You” tweet chat. Please email us at [email protected] if you have any suggestions on a topic or a guest host.

Missed our last two tweet chats? Read the recaps here:

Breast Cancer Tweet Chat with Guest Host Donna Deegan

I have spent my entire life gearing up to speak about all of these things, even before I realized it. I want “Drop The Act, It’s Exhausting!” to start conversations that are candid, relatable, real conversations with women (and men) who want to live a more freeing life. I hope that I am vocal enough that those people who feel “less than” can feel “more than,” and that people who appreciate knowing what really goes on in all areas of life will appreciate the honesty the book has to offer. I want them to know that not everyone has to live parallel lives with other women/men to feel good about themselves; they can (as Oprah says), “Live their best life” accepting all of their strengths and weaknesses and know that people share in their shortcomings. We can teach the younger generation that it does not matter how much money you have, where you go to school, what designer you wear that if you are good person -- NONE of that matters in life. What matters is being real with yourself and others so you can be the most out of your relationships and life.

3. What request do you have for our readers?

“love people for WHO they are not WHAT they are, and remind yourself that the decisions you are making are what’s best for you.” 

Take some time to figure out if you are really the person you want to be, or if you are someone that fits into a particular mold you might not even like. If you are a mother or a father, remember to teach your children to love people for WHO they are not WHAT they are, and remind yourself that the decisions you are making are what’s best for you. Remember that you can be loved just as you are and that no one should ever make you feel like you need to change who you are -- not your clothes, your hair, your view, nothing. My hope is readers will take a moment before they judge other individuals based on race, religion, socio-economic standings and everything in between.