Today I am pairing September 25rd with a Sweet Ass Riesling. With the flowery aroma, and high acidity, Rieslings are pure and seldom oaked deliciousness that desires to get into my mouth at all times.
I am definitely not a fucking wine snob. I drink boxed wine occasionally for heavens sake. Wine is a Liquid, thus we must stay hydrated.
My pet 7 year old is learning about the properties of matter in Science class. She then turns to me and asks, “ Mom are you solid?”
In the matter Science I suppose I am pretty solid. Mentally heh, not so much. I told her, “ Yup, Mama is solid.” She then replies like the savage beast she is, “ Well, for a solid you are kind of like a squishy solid. Like, your droopy rain clouds- they are squishy.”
Boobs. Tits. TaTa’s. Bassoomsas. It always comes back to these chestical ornaments.
I told her that if I was more solid, I would not be as fun to cuddle with because it would be like hugging a stiff noodle. She laughed at this of course. Momming is not for the faint hearted, especially with this gem I call mine.
Let me take you back in time to Friday, 9/18/20.
It is a Friday afternoon and I had left my 9-5 early to take my spawn to the Dr. for a check up regarding some bed wetting issues. As we sit waiting for our venture with the Doc, we play a little game of “I-Spy”. You would think that this fucking game is pretty tame, but let me tell you I was oh so very wrong. She looks at me with her smiling beautiful blue eyes, and the cheekiest smirk and says, “ I spy with my little Eye, a butt head.”
I automatically smile back and say, “ Hey- don’t talk about me that way! “
She then cackles and shrieks with delight as a miniature demon does, then goes, “ Nooooooooo mom! It’s Donald Trump,” As she points at the TV.
Mortified. Fucking mortified I tell you. I looked around and see 2 elderly folk gawking at me.
I then whisper angrily, “Please don’t talk like that. That isn’t the nicest thing to say in front of people.”
Now before you close out of this post because of political views, I just want to throw out I don’t condone talking about politics much in general as it causes too much unnecessary drama and everyone has and is entitled to their opinions.
You would think the trip of trips stops there but baby, we are just hitting the tip of the iceberg.
If you say you don’t love that movie you are a downright fucking liar!
After speaking with the Doc and such, she said that we should get a clean catch to make sure girlfriend did not have a UTI. To any of you that have never had to pee in a cup, OR are one of the best fucking pee-er’s and can handle this without pissing on yourself, you should probably enter America’s got talent and show this skill off and teach all to pee properly without getting urine on yourself.
Now, imagine trying to talk to a 7 Year Old and instructing how to do this. She was becoming frustrated so what do I do? I grabbed the cup, and held it under the golden shower.
Did we get some in the cup? You bet your ass we did. Did an abundance get on my right fucking paw? You bet your ass it did. I then clean the piss cup and such with a paper-towel and wash my paws for a straight 2 minutes.
You would think the ride would come to halt there.
We return to the Doc’s office for the nurse to give the pup her flu shot. As she sat whimpering on my lap in pure fear, the nurse began to dab her arm with the cool pad. The offspring then began howling, and ran to the door. Her shirt was then doused in tears and she was wailing like a wounded pigeon. The nurse locked eyes with mine and could sense the I-don’t-know-what-to-fucking look and said she would come back after a bit.
As the feelings of embarrassment, guilt, shame, and worry flooded me I hugged that wee devil and let her cry in my arms. We discussed the need for the shot and talked about how it will help keep her safer in the long run.
The nurse returned 15 minutes later, and wam bam thank you m’am ,we were done within 2 minutes. This“ short” doctor trip ended up being over an hour and a fucking half.
I will repeat myself again Momming IS NOT for the faint hearted.
I tend to remind myself on the daily, that she is only little once, and it’s okay to laugh these weird ass situations off, and that is part of life. Though tis part of life it does not make them any less fucking awkward.
And with that ladies, germs, and everything in-between,
Cheers and have a fantastical weekend made of bad choices and all the wine!
