pinky brain pt.4 | drew starkey
Warnings: fluff, angst and a little trauma
You were in the bathroom stall of the main campus hall, hands slightly trembling as they hovered over your little makeup pouch. The soft hum of fluorescent lights above barely drowned out the flutter of nerves in your chest.
You stared at yourself in the mirror. Pink gloss, light blush, mascara curled just right... But you were so nervous because it's your first ever panel.
Your outfit was carefully chosen: your version of âserious academicâ but still cute, still you. A flowy white blouse with little bows on the sleeves, high-waisted soft pink trousers, and your favorite sparkly heels that clicked gently as you walked.
A name tag clung to your chest with Y/n printed in serif font. Underneath it: âGuest Speaker: Feminine Aesthetics in Academia.â
You let out a long breath, adjusting your bow-shaped earrings, giving yourself a tiny pep talk. âYouâve got this... Youâre soft, not small. Youâre pink, not weak. Youâve got this, baby.â you whispered softly.
You texted Drew earlier in the day to tell him not to stress about the panel, that youâd be fine, that you knew he had filming. You even added:
âImagine me up there waving my glitter wand of knowledge đ
â¨â
âOkay maybe not a wand. Just nerves.â
âYouâre gonna slay baby. I wanna see that room STUNNED. Iâm proud of you, always đ.â
The panel room was bigger than you thought... Rows of students and faculty filled the seats, buzzing with chatter. You stood at backstage, watching other panelists chat amongst themselves: two PhD candidates and a visiting author.
Your heart thudded... Why were your hands cold?
You peeked through the curtain again and thatâs when you noticed it.
The last row, off to the side...
A black hoodie, familiar posture, long legs stretched and arms crossed.
âThere's no way it's Drewâ you said to yourself, but you blinked again to check if you were imagining things... But no, it was really Drew.
He was sitting low in the seat, hoodie over his head like he was trying to be subtle, which didnât help that much, because some students were already whispering about âthat guy from OBX in the back???â
His eyes, somehow, met yours and they shined.
Not just like "oh sheâs my girl" shiny. No, they gleamed with a kind of fierce, awestruck pride. Like he couldnât believe he was lucky enough to know you, like you were about to change the world and he had a front-row pass to witness it.
You just smiled and your hands werenât cold anymore.
Your name was introduced through the auditorium speakers and there were a round of applause.
You walked up with a polite smile, sat down with the other speakers, and tried to breathe as the moderator asked the first question: âWhat inspired you to write about feminine aesthetics and academic legitimacy?â
You had a microphone in hand, your voice trembled, but you spoke. "I think⌠when you're a girl who loves soft things like the color pink, glitter, bows, romance and that stuff, you get used to being underestimated, you learn to shrink yourself so you're taken seriously. But I wanted to write something that didnât shrink... That was loud in its softness.â
You made a little pause and continued. âI wanted to say: there is room for intelligence and sparkle, room for vulnerability and power. For me, it wasn't about rebellion, it was about recognition. Of myself, of people like me."
The room was still for a second, some students were already pulling out their phones to tweet quotes.
You couldnât stop smiling, you snuck a glance to the back row and Drewâs elbow was propped up on the armrest, fingers grazing his lips, eyes never leaving you. He mouthed: âThatâs my girl.â you just blushed.
After the applause. After the handshakes and polite congratulations. You made your way through a sea of âyou were amazingâ and âIâve never thought about academia like that.â in the lobby.
And then he was there, his back leaned casually against the hallway wall, hoodie off now, just in a soft charcoal tee and jeans. Understated, but those eyes were anything but subtle.
You ran to him without even thinking and he caught you, arms wrapping tight around your waist as you buried your face in his chest.
âYou came.â you spoke muffled against him.
He chuckled softly. âOf course I came, honey. Are you kidding? I got chills when you said âintelligence and sparkle.â
You giggled, pulling back to look at him.
âYou know you made, like, half the room fall in love with you up there, right?â he said teasing you playfully.
You smiled shyly. âOnly need one pair of eyes, remember?â
He bent down, pressing a kiss to your temple, then your cheek, then right on your nose.
âYouâre brilliant and brave. You lit that room up, baby.â he murmured softly.
You held his hands, swaying with him slightly in the emptying hallway, students and professors still chatting in the background.
âI was scared. But then I saw you.â you said quietly.
He cupped you jaw gently. âAnd now they all saw you too, just like I do.â
Back home, you're wrapped in a blanket on the couch, Drew sat behind you, your back pressed to his chest, his arms snug around you while you scrolled through Tweets and DMs together.
You read one aloud. ââIâve never felt represented until I heard her speak. Gonna wear bows to my next seminar in her honor.ââ you gasped. âSTOP! Thatâs so cute.â
He kissed your shoulder. âYouâre starting a bow revolution.â
âAnd youâre my emotional support himbo.â
âGladly.â he laughs while he tightened his arms around you. âNext time you talk, Iâm bringing a sign. âThatâs my baby.â In those big sparkly letters, you canât stop me.â
You laughed so hard you snorted. âPlease donât. Actually wait... glitter letters?â
âOnly the finest.â he said with a mock serious face.
He was brushing his fingers through your hair slowly, lazily. Like he never wanted this moment to end.
A soft acoustic playlist hummed in the background, but it was mostly the silence between you that felt loud in the best way. Peaceful, heavy with meaning.
You let out a soft sigh. âYou went too quiet... What are you thinking?â
Drew didnât speak for a second and then he shifted. With a shy little smirk, he reached toward the coffee table and pulled out a small, beat-up notepad. One of those pocket-sized things he always kept in his jacket or the glove box of the car. He tapped it against his palm.
âI⌠kinda wrote a bunch of stuff down while you were speaking today.â
Your eyes widened. âWait, really?â
He chuckled sheepishly, flipping through the pages.
âI was gonna wait to show you, but⌠you looked so proud and happy. And I was just... sitting there, heart completely wrecked and I needed to write it all somewhere.â
You blinked fast, heart thudding a little. âRead them to me? Please?â you asked softly.
Drew looked at you, searching your face as if to make sure. When you gave a tiny nod, he exhaled, opened the notebook, and began reading.
"She walked onto that stage like the room was made for her, but I know she still thinks she has to earn it. She doesnât, she is the room."
You blinked hard, lips parted.
He flipped the page, fingers trembling just a bit.
"She speaks in paragraphs wrapped in pink silk. Every word is soft, but sharp, like a sparkler on the Fourth of July. God, I love her."
You buried your face into a throw pillow, groaning bashfully. âDreeeew! Thatâs so sweet I could melt, stopppp.â you said.
He grinned. âIâm not done.â
He flipped another page and read slowly this time. "There are girls who dream out loud and girls who shrink into the corners of rooms wanting to be invisible. She used to be the second one, I think. Now she builds the room. With pink walls, velvet courage, and glitter in her eyes."
You looked up at him, eyes suddenly glassy. âI love you.â you whispered softly.
He met your gaze, steady, deep and worshipful. âI love you more.â
He flipped to the last page, hesitating just for a second.
He read gently. "One day someoneâs gonna study the way she made intelligence look like a fairytale. And maybe theyâll understand that softness was her superpower all along."
You were silent, just breathing. One hand covering your heart.
Then you leaned into him, crawling into his lap fully, straddling him slowly as your arms wrapped around his neck. He dropped the notebook immediately and caught you like he always did, like you were weightless and safe and entirely his.
You spoke with a thick voice, a little tearfully. âHow do you always know the exact words?â
He whispered against your hair. âBecause you live in my head, you never leave. You're every word I wanna write, every poem I don't say out loud.â
He kissed your cheek, then the tip of your nose, then, gently, your lips.
You melted into it, it was the kind of kiss that said thank you, the kind that said I see you. The kind that carried an entire standing ovation from one manâs heart into one girlâs soul.
Later that night the lights were dim, just the glow of a salt lamp and the soft flicker of fairy lights on your pink corner.
Drew was lying back now, one hand behind his head, the other running circles on your lower back. You were draped over him like a sleepy kitten, eyes half-closed, lips still pink from kisses.
âWhat if Iâm not always brave like today?â you murmured sleepily.
He looked down at you, lifting your chin gently. âThen Iâll hold the brave for both of us that day, you donât always have to glow, baby.â
The sun had dipped behind the city skyline, casting soft lavender shadows into the apartment. The warm glow of string lights along the curtain rods gave the room a dreamy, candle-lit feeling. You had your laptop open on your pink corner desk, a fresh Word document blinking at you, the title still unfinished.
You sat crisscross in your sparkly socks, wearing a cropped baby tee and your soft pajama shorts, typing and deleting the same sentence over and over again.
âUgh, I donât know where to start! Iâm supposed to make it feel personal but professional. Why is writing so hard?â you said groaning and flopping back dramatically.
From the couch, you heard Drewâs amused voice drift in. âIs that my soft girl having a genius meltdown?â
You giggled behind your hand, cheeks warm.
âDonât come over here! Itâs messy and embarrassing.â
You heard him cross the room and then felt the shift in the air as he leaned against the wall near the pink corner. He was wearing gray sweats and his hair was still slightly damp from his shower, curling at the edges. A small smirk tugged at his lips as he surveyed your little writing space, a mix of pastel chaos and creative brilliance.
He nodded at the laptop. âSo, what are we working on tonight, Miss Pulitzer?â
You rolled your eyes and closed the screen slightly. âItâs just a new article draft for the university website... sort of a reflection piece. I have ideas but no words.â
âGreat. You talk, I type.â he grinned.
You groaned dramatically. âNoooo, youâll mess it up! Youâll write something ridiculous like âOnce upon a time, a sparkly genius fell from the sky and saved all of academia.â
He walked over and gently tugged your wheely chair away from the desk, spinning it to face him. Then he knelt in front of you and rested his hands on your knees.
âThat would be an accurate opening, actually.â he said sweetly serious.
You tried not to melt, but your heart felt like glitter in a blender. âYouâre so annoying when you say stuff like that.â
âAnnoyingly correct.â
You finally laughed, nudging him with your foot. He stood up, grabbed a blanket from the couch, and came back, draping it over both of you before sitting on the floor at your feet, laptop now resting on his lap.
He spoke again, softly. âOkay. Dictate... Whatâs the angle of the piece?â
You hesitated, your cheeks are pink. âItâs about finding confidence as someone who doesnât always fit the typical mold. Like... Iâm smart and driven, but Iâm soft too. I like pink, glitter and being gentle. And I wanna write about how you donât have to be aggressive to be taken seriously.â
Drew blinked at you slowly, like he was looking at art in a museum. Then he typed while reading aloud:
"She wore bubblegum lip gloss and knew way more than most men in the room. And maybe the softness they mistook for weakness was the exact reason she got things done with heart and humanity."
âTitle: âSoft Powerâ
You gasped. âWait, thatâs... thatâs actually really good??â
He looked up at you with mock insult. âMaâam, I read scripts for a living. You think I canât deliver a thesis with spice?â he placed a hand on his heart.
You burst out laughing, nearly tipping the chair backward. âYouâre ridiculous.â
âRidiculously supportive.â he kisses you. âKeep going, whatâs next?â
You curled one leg up and rambled about how it felt to walk into rooms full of serious faces while your earrings sparkled and your notebook had Hello Kitty stickers on it. And how people sometimes made assumptions about your intelligence because you smiled a lot or spoke gently.
Drew typed everything like it was scripture, adding little editor notes like:
> (insert hot girl anecdote here)
> (use the âyou can be soft and sharpâ line, it's very slay)
> (make them cry and rethink everything by paragraph four)
Every time he read a new sentence back to you, it somehow sounded more powerful. You felt braver hearing your words in his voice, like they were already real and already worthy.
Eventually, the laptop slid off to the side and you both sat there, wrapped up in the blanket, sharing a box of strawberry Pocky and sipping cold tea.
Drew spoke again, quietly. âI hope you know... youâve changed how I see everything.â
âWhat do you mean?â you asked him softly.
He reached up and gently brushed your cheek with the back of his fingers. âYou made me want to be more gentle, more honest with myself. I used to think that strength was all... silence and stoic stuff. But you, with your fuzzy socks and glitter pens? Youâre stronger than Iâve ever been. And you never needed to get loud to be heard.â
You looked at him like your heart might float out of your chest.
âWhy do you always say the perfect thing when Iâm wearing my silliest pajamas?â
He giggled. âBecause youâre perfect when youâre not even trying.â
You kissed him softly, a lingering, slow thing and then leaned your forehead against his.
You whispered. âThank you for helping me write... Even if you type like a chaotic gay intern.â you laughed softly.
He looked at you deadpan. âYouâre welcome. Expect my invoice in glitter.â you laughed together.
The bass was low and sultry, reverberating through the ground of the hillside house, colored lights flickered across the pool water like candy sprinkles, music poured from massive speakers, laughter, clinking glasses, and the occasional pop of a champagne bottle echoed around the mansion.
You were at Drewâs side the entire night, clinging to his arm like a little koala, resting your head against his shoulder when you werenât dancing. You looked ethereal, a glowy, tiny thing in a sparkly blush dress, skin soft and kissed with shimmer, your cheeks pink from champagne and happiness.
Your low heels clicked on the patio tiles as you bounced between kissing him, giggling in his ear, and dragging him by the hand to go dance again. Every time he tried to take a sip of his drink, you tugged him somewhere new.
âYouâre not allowed to leave my sight tonight, okay?â you spoke a little tipsy but playful.
He laughed softly. âBaby, I couldnât if I tried. Youâve literally wrapped yourself around me like a vine.â
âYou're right... I really, really do.â he said with sparkly eyes.
He kissed you sweet and slow, cupping your cheek and you smiled against his lips, your arms wrapped tight around his neck, your fingers playing with the little hair at the nape of his neck. People walked by, some glanced, some smiled, others whispered, but Drew didnât care about that.
He kissed you like no one else existed.
You both stumbled inside to cool off from dancing. The living room was dim, lit only by ambient light and the glow of the city out the window. People were draped over couches, sipping cocktails, vibing. You nestled under Drewâs arm, curling into his side on one of the sofas.
He looked down at you, eyes soft with adoration, brushing a stray sparkle from your shoulder. âYou always smell like strawberry candy. Itâs dangerous.â he whispered gently.
You hid your face in his shirt, laughing, pressing little kisses along his chest. He held you tighter, his thumb stroking your arm absentmindedly.
You didnât notice her at first, but Drew did.
She walked into the room with two guys and another girl, glass of wine in her hand, makeup flawless, outfit minimal. It was the girl from the last party. The one who tried to offer you something you didnât want. The one who had a smug, snake-like smile... Harper.
She spotted you two immediately.
You didnât even look her way, you were too busy stealing one of Drewâs fries from the bowl in his lap and feeding it to him like a brat.
âSay "ahhh." Okay.â you said with a baby voice.
He bites the fry from your fingers, grinning.
âMhm, youâre lucky youâre cute honey.â
You beamed, climbing into his lap fully, your arms around his neck now, your thighs settled over his. He kissed your cheek, then your nose and your temple.
And then, the moment cracked. âAww, thatâs precious! Yâknow, I always wondered what a glitter-covered daddy complex looked like in real life.â Harper said with a loud and sarcastic voice.
The whole room went quiet for a beat, like someone dropped glass in a restaurant.
You froze, eyes wide, head still resting on Drewâs shoulder. You felt the heat in your cheeks turn sharp and cold, your stomach dropped.
Harper laughed a little, pretending it was a joke, swirling her wine. âI mean, no shade. But some girls grow up and heal. Others just find a hot older guy to cling to.â she didnât even look at you, she looked at Drew. âCareful, Starkey. You're gonna drown in sugar.â
Before you could even react, Drew gently but firmly shifted you off his lap. Not harshly, he touched your hip with care, like he wanted you to know this wasnât about you being in the way. It was about him making something very, very clear.
He stood up slowly, shoulders broad, jaw tight, eyes narrowed. âYou got five seconds to walk out of this room before I make the rest of the night real awkward for you.â he spoke low and calm.
Harper blinked, caught off guard. âWhoa. What, canât take a joke?â
âThat wasnât a joke, that was you being bitter and bored... Again.â
He glanced over his shoulder at you, his face softened for just a second when his eyes met yours, silently checking: you okay, baby? You nodded slightly, still stunned.
Then he turned back to her. âYou donât know a damn thing about her. And even if you did, youâd never deserve to say her name, much less drag her character.â
He said it so low that the room went still. You could hear the hum of the speakers and a girl whispering "oh my god" across the room.
âShe's not âclingy.â She's affectionate, sheâs warm, sheâs got more heart in her baby pinky than youâve shown in your whole career.
And yeah, sheâs younger than me. So what? She's smarter than half the people here, and sheâs not afraid to love out loud. That doesnât make her weak, that makes her real.
So if that makes you uncomfortable, maybe look at what you're lacking.â
Harper just scoffed and walked out, muttering something under her breath, but the tension lingered, heavy and electric.
Drew sat back down next to you, one hand still tight, flexing. His breath was a little shaky.
You reached for his hand, lacing your fingers with his quietly. âYou didnât have to do that...â you spoke soft and vulnerable to him.
âYes, I did.â he said immediately.
He turned to face you fully, one hand on your knee, the other still holding yours.
He speaks gently. âNobody talks about you like that, okay? Nobody. Especially not when all youâve ever been is good to me, you hear me?â
You nodded, lip trembling just a little. You hated confrontation, but the way he stood up for you made you feel so safe, so seen.
You speak again, your voice is barely a whisper. âPeople always say Iâm âtoo much.â Too pink, too emotional, too soft...â
âThey say that because theyâve never been loved like you love. And that scares the hell out of them.â he said pulling you close and cradled your face in his hands. âYou can be as clingy as you want, I want you glued to my side forever.â
You let out a watery laugh, blinking back emotion. Then you kissed him, right there in front of everyone. Deep, slow and sure. And when you pulled back, his forehead was resting on yours.
âOkay... but just so you know⌠if I am clingy, itâs your fault.â you spoke playfully.
âGood, I hope you never let go.â he smiled softly.
Back at your shared apartment, Drew helped you out of your dress like always, gentle, wordless, reverent. He handed you your oversized tee and helped untie your hair ribbon, placing it on the nightstand like it was made of porcelain. You curled up in bed while he washed off the glitter from his face.
He came back out in sweats and climbed in next to you, letting out a little groan as he sank into the pillows.
âGod, weâre not twenty-one anymore.â he murmured and you giggled, but it was quiet, tired and he looked at you. âWhatâs goinâ on in that head?â he spoke softly.
You hesitated, then shrugged a little, facing the window instead of him.
âI donât know. I'm just tired, I guess...â
But you werenât just tired and he knew that.
A minute passed, then two. You felt his hand slide under the covers, gently seeking yours. You let him intertwine your fingers, even though your own felt weak, trembly.
âBabyâŚâ he whispered.
You turned your face into the pillow, he heard your breath hitch.
âShe just said it so easily. Like Iâm some... thing, a label, a joke.â your voice is muffled against the pillow. He shifted closer, letting you talk. âAnd the thing is⌠I know it wasnât just about tonight. People say things like that because they see something in me... Something they think is weak, needy, broken.â
You sat up slowly, crossing your legs in front of you, arms wrapped around your own torso like a shield.
You sighed. âI used to hear it all the time. At home, stuff like: âStop crying so much.â
âStop being dramatic.â
âYouâre too sensitive.â
âYouâre too clingy.â
âWhy do you need so much attention?â
Your voice cracked, you blinked fast, but the tears welled anyway.
âI thought... that if I grew up and left, it would stop hurting. But sometimes it feels like Iâm still trying to prove to the world Iâm not... some broken little girl begging to be loved.â
Drew didnât speak, he just reached out and tugged you softly toward him.
You crawled into his lap without thinking, and he wrapped his arms around you like the safest home youâd ever known. His hand cradled the back of your head, the other rubbed up and down your spine.
âSometimes I still feel like Iâm too much. And not enough at the same time.â your voice is barely audible.
He kissed the side of your head. âYouâre not too much, youâre just... full. Full of feeling, full of love.
And youâre more than enough, youâre exactly what you were meant to be.â
You buried your face into his chest as the tears spilled quietly.
He didnât hush you, he didnât try to fix it. He just held you while you cried, slow and quiet. Rocking a little, letting you fall apart without shame.
His voice came again, low and steady, like the ocean. âYour softness isnât a flaw. Itâs the part of you that makes people feel safe. It's why I can breathe when Iâm near you.
You think youâre clingy? I hope you never stop being that way, I want you to need me... Because I need you too.â
You let out a broken little sound, gripping his shirt. âYou swear?â
He kissed your forehead. âI swear.â he sighed. âBaby... if people ever made you feel like being loved made you a burden they were never loving you right in the first place.â
He rocked you for a while, then helped you lie back down. He curled his body around yours under the comforter, tucking you into him like you were something fragile and rare. His hand rested over your heart.
âLet me carry this with you, okay? Youâre not alone in it anymore.â
You nodded and closed your eyes, finally letting yourself rest.