#dreamiesnetwork

“Sorry, it’s Hyuck,” you nodded in understanding as he took the call. You took the time to admire the venue his band booked. 

It was just a simple off the wall restaurant that would host local artists sometimes. It wasn’t the most popular, but enough people flocked in on weekends looking for somewhere to go. You had been there a few times yourself; your friends and you would come in for bar food and to flirt with the other boys that frequented the eatery. 

“Yeah, take a left and you’re right here,” You tore your eyes away from the brick building to admire Mark’s relaxed side profile. He nodded again and turned to look up the downtown street, like he was expecting someone to turn the corner at any second.

You watched as well, curious, and absently took note that Mark ended the call with a quick farewell. Almost on cue, the boy in question appeared in your line of sight, ruffled honey hair paired with an expression that morphed into one of recognition. 

“Donghyuck!” Mark called, a lazy smile—almost tense, but he brushed it off quickly—presenting itself on his face as he went to meet him halfway with a confident stride. 

“Mark!” The boy answered almost mockingly, but he laughed a little forcefully as he met Mark and they proceeded to perform a handshake. Mark patted Donghyuck on the back when they finished, and he guided them back towards you.

Donghyuck’s confidence seemed to dwindle the closer they neared you and his gaze grew slightly guarded. “Hi, Donghyuck. It’s nice to see you again.”

He cleared his throat, but he spared a glance at mark before fixing you with a bright smile. “Likewise, yeah.” 

If there was anything questionable in the exchange, Mark didn’t seem to notice or care as he turned his attention to the venue. He took the steps two at a time and waited briefly at the door to look at his two guests. “So we still have like, thirty minutes before people start coming in, so just get comfortable.” He slipped his gaze to you solely and he smiled, “Get good seats; you have first pick.” 

Mark opened the door and you two followed into the whirlwind of setting up. His bandmates and workers were hard at work moving around seating and connecting the speakers. You had barely gotten two feet before a tall man with a black undercut on the stage saw Mark and stopped adjusting his guitar in favor of jumping down and coming towards you. 

“Yo, Mark.” the man called, his voice relaxed and low.

Mark snapped his gaze to the speaker and he instantly broke into a smile. “Johnny! Man, what’s up?”

The man—Johnny—glanced over Mark’s shoulder at us before focusing again. “You’re a little late; we’re just getting the amplifiers hooked up. Oh, and your guitar is in the back.” 

Mark thanked him and Johnny nodded before moving back to the stage where two other bandmates were practicing. Mark took another sweepover of the area before looking to you and Hyuck again. “So I’m going to head back and help finish up. Do whatever you want for now, I guess.”

You nodded and smiled, placing a hand on Mark’s arm, “I’m excited; we’ll go snag a table up by the stage.” Mark always smiled so wide towards you, but he kissed your cheek swiftly before leaving. You watched him go before looking to Hyuck with a friendly smile. “Let’s go sit down.”

Donghyuck agreed oddly quiet and trailed behind you until you reached the worn green leather stools. You sat across from each other and before you could pull up your papers, you took a sneaky glance at how awkward Donghyuck looked and decided against it. 

“So,” Donghyuck’s eyes snapped up from his phone towards you, “have you never seen Mark perform?”

“Ah, no,” He shut off his phone and tried for a little laugh as he continued, “He always said he never wanted to invite us, but I annoyed him so much about it last time he gave in.”

You snorted and glanced at the stage, “That sounds like him. He’s taken me to every one.”

Donghyuck nodded, but his bottom lip jutted a bit like a pout. “Not surprised.”

Again, you felt a smirk trying to crawl across your face so you opted to glance at your phone for a second. His weird attitudes didn’t shock you because you knew that the boy before you had had a crush on you since you met Mark. You were on friendly enough terms with him to have conversations, but his nerves and barely contained excitement always gave him away. 

“Does it never bother you?” you looked up quizzically at Hyuck, who pursed his lips and snuck a glance at the stage. “Your relationship with Mark?”

The smile on your face never left, but your eyebrows furrowed in a hurt kind of confusion. “What do you mean?” 

He opened your mouth to say something else, but the door opened to the first customers of the night. The mixed group of boys and girls came in boisterously before moving towards a booth near the other side of the stage. Your conversation with Donghyuck was momentarily forgotten as you took note of the missing band as that they were probably in the back until their showtime. Donghyuck seemed more relaxed with you now, if not a little put off, and so you two kept light conversation until the room filled with too many bodies and the lights dimmed. 

You and Donghyuck eagerly faced the stage as Mark and his bandmates came on, all in eyeliner and ripped jeans. Mark smiled charmingly and took the front mic, thanking people for coming out and promising a good show. He strummed his guitar for effect before the drummer counted down and the night of music began.

———

Each song played was better than the last, and the energy in the restaurant was thrumming. Even when the show ended and the room erupted in cheer, majority of the original crowd was still crammed in the small bar. But at the end, people slowly started to mingle and file out, heading home at the prime time of midnight. 

You stretched in your seat as you waited for Mark to come back out, and Donghyuck stifled a yawn from across you; you subtly quirked a brow because you humorously thought he did so to pretend like he could last longer than he could. 

When Mark came out and helped packup the instruments, you stood to go greet him. “Hey, if you need to drop anything off, we can do that before you take me home.” Mark looked up at you like he didn’t expect to see you before he snuck a glance at Johnny across from him.

“There’s an afterparty at Jaehyun’s house if you don’t mind; I know it’s last minute.” Mark frowned at you apologetically.

 “No I don’t mind, I guess; does Hyuck know?”

He blinked like he forgot that his friend was there too; he bit his lip. “I guess he has to; he doesn’t have a ride.” Mark groaned lowly and you rolled your eyes at him. 

“Mark, he came out here to see you, come on.”

He sighed and ruffled his hair. “The only reason I invited him here was because he kept begging; I’m sure his mom would want him home anyways.” “But he wants to hang out with you. He should come.” 

Johnny finally looked up from the case and shrugged, “He can come, we don’t mind.”

Mark frowned at his hands, and it took another second without a response before your earlier conversation with Donghyuck came to mind. You narrowed your gaze in concern. “Are you not telling me something?” 

Mark’s eyes snapped up to you, and he shot you a smile you knew wasn’t genuine. “No, of course not. Tell him he can come; it’s okay.” 

You weren’t convinced, but you left him to finish his work until he was ready to get in the car.

You had extended the invite to Donghyuck who agreed in a state of shock, but now as you were about to pile in the car, you noticed his apprehension and tense shoulders when Mark arrived. As Mark went around to unlock it, you placed a reassuring yet inquisitive hand on his shoulder before you sat in the passenger seat. After a moment, Donghyuck and Mark climbed in as well.

You took a glance at Mark beside you and cleared your throat, pointedly ignoring the off vibes between the two boys. “So was Jaehyun planning this, or was this spontaneous?”

Mark flicked on the car radio before meeting your gaze out of the corner of his eye. “Uh, he had talked about it, but he only finalized it when some people asked after the show.” You nodded and looked out the window as Mark started the short ride over. Hyuck didn’t speak much from the back seat during the drive, almost hesitant on asking Mark anything or unsure of what to expect. 

Mark parked and stepped out to greet Jaehyun on the porch, but you lingered back with Hyuck, bumping him in the shoulder. “What’s up? Aren’t you the life of the party?” You joked lightly.

Donghyuck wearily looked between you and the house with loud music and voices. “Yeah but—never at one with alcohol or whatever,” he looked down like it sounded dumb. 

You nodded in understanding, “Well, you can stick with us—”

“(Y/n)! Donghyuck! Come up here.” You tried to shoot the younger boy another bright smile as you led the way up the stairs. 

On the porch, it looked like the rest of Mark’s bandmates had come out, a bit refreshed from their long show. You had met them all before, but Donghyuck’s nerves seemed to return when he reached the top of the steps. 

“This is Taeyong, Doyoung, and Jaehyun. You met Johnny earlier.” Mark nodded at his bandmates in turn, with looks to kill in handsomeness and intimidation, even if they had all greeted you as well. 

Jaehyun nodded towards you and Hyuck with a quick grin, “Your girlfriend and friend, right?”

“Ah, no, no, bro; we’re just friends.” Mark laughed lightly and shot a quick smile. 

Jaehyun raised a brow and looked back at you for clarification but you just shrugged like it was nothing, even if his wording always kind of bothered you. You felt Hyuck’s eyes burning into the side of your skull. 

Mark motioned you over before Jaehyun could say anything. “Come on, (Y/n); let’s go check out the party.” With that comment, you really didn’t want to, but it felt like you had no other option as you forced your legs to move towards him and under his arm, much like a couple would. 

You were moved forward by his arm around your shoulders, but you heard a voice behind you and looked to see Donghyuck trying to follow you two through the crowd of sweaty bodies. His eyes were alarmed as he called for Mark to wait. You placed a hand on Mark’s chest to stop him. Mark blinked when he saw Hyuck, like he registered that his younger friend was at the party with him. 

“Uh, hey just don’t touch any alcohol, don’t talk to anyone you don’t know—”

“Mark!” Another of his friend’s appeared with a wide grin—Yuta, if you remembered correctly—and he wrapped his arms around you and Mark, separating you two and effectively cutting off Donghyuck. “You won’t believe the drinks we have tonight.” 

“Yuta, wait,” you and Mark tried to stop him and look back but the crowd had closed in and swept Hyuck away. You searched for him in dismay before Yuta had both of you in the kitchen and was pressing glasses of unknown alcohol into your hands. 

Mark looked at you helplessly before forcing a grin towards Yuta and downing whatever he had chosen for you for the night. Before you could question him or yourself, you followed suit and quickly gagged. “God, that’s strong; what was that?” 

Yuta smiled at you like a shark. “Vodka.” 

“Straight vodka?” Mark heaved and pressed a hand to his throat. “Is that even safe?”

Yuta shrugged and grabbed another glass, heading out into the living room, “It gets you drunk faster.” 

And you could see what he meant because you were already starting to feel its effects, your thoughts already a little scattered. You tried to shake your head as Mark found two bottles of beer to sip on. You nodded towards him and slipped your arm in his as you searched for seating. You found space beside a couple making out, but at that point, you really couldn’t care; you just wanted to sit down. 

Mark closed his eyes for a moment before taking a swig of his beverage. By now your feelings and thoughts were getting fuzzy, and the only thing your mind seemed to care about was Mark beside you as you curled into his side, placing your head on his shoulder and pressing a chaste kiss to his collarbone. 

Mark glanced down at you and cleared his throat, a little embarrassed. “You’re too close.”

You scoffed and laid another kiss in the hollow of his neck before reluctantly pulling away to speak, “When have you ever cared that I’m too close?”

“We’re in public.” 

“Everyone’s drunk.” Mark blushed but didn’t say anything, just took another slow sip of his drink. You pouted at him in his silence before absentmindedly wrapping your arms around his shoulders to play with the brunette hair at the nape of his neck. “We aren’t just friends, are we?”

Mark sputtered and toyed with his bottle cap, attempting to look you in the eyes but unable to hold your gaze. “Why are you asking?”

You shrugged like you had no real reason, but then you gently placed a hand on his farthest cheek, coaxing him to face you before taking in his strong gaze and then his parted lips. “Because friends don’t do this.” And you moved forward to press your lips to his. 

It escalated quickly; maybe because of the alcohol, maybe not. It was just your lips attached, held by your words prior until you cupped his face, and it was like wood added to a fire. You mirrored the couple beside you unconsciously; him pulling you into his lap and holding your hips firmly, him biting your bottom lip in his attempt to tempt you into deepening the kiss. It worked, seeing as you giggled into the kiss and tilted your head, pulling his hair back to tease him backwards. His eyes fluttered open as he stifled a groan and his eyes narrowed; in retaliation, he began to kiss at your neck and nudge your collar down. In that moment, you both knew things were getting too hot. You yanked Mark’s hair again lightly as he left your neck long enough for you to stand and pull him back up towards your frame. Reluctantly, you both separated to find somewhere private in your haze. 

Mark tugged you down a secluded hall; a bathroom to the left and, through the crack in the door, a bedroom. Mark drew you towards him again so you’re chest to chest before he spun you around, the wall harshly flat against your back. Mark zoned in on your lips again; your lip-locking became more and more feverish, more and more desperate. He pressed his body to yours and when he disconnected for air, his arms circled your waist securely and his lips tickled your jaw. 

Pants escaped from between your puffy lips as your eyes traced the ceiling; Mark switched places with you so you were leaning into him. You dropped your head to kiss him again, and Mark couldn’t find good footing as he kept stumbling back along the wall until he suddenly froze. He prodded you away from him, detaching your lips with an embarrassingly wet sound until you were at arms length. You furrowed your brows, trying to focus long enough to ask him why he ended it, but he was just shaking his head, panting. 

“We’re just friends,” he managed after a moment, unable to look at you or catch his breath. 

You stood there gaping at him, the words sinking in but not making sense. “I’m sorry?”

“You—you asked and—I’m saying that—” he kept shaking his head, wringing his hands and eyes darting between the ceiling and floor; obviously overcome by anxiety and panicked confusion. “We’ve never been a thing: we've always been friends. Haven’t we?” 

You felt anger spike in your being, hot and overwhelming. “We’ve always been a thing without the title, Mark. We kiss! We got out! We fucking act like we’re a thing and now you really want to say none of that matters to you?” 

Mark ran his hands through his hair, something akin to a groan leaving his mouth. “I never thought about it, okay, I’m sorry—I thought we were on the same page, wanted the same thing—“ 

“Then what the hell did you want? What the hell did you expect?” 

“I don’t know, I don’t know; I’m sorry!” Mark’s voice raised in volume as he abruptly turned back to you, helplessness in his eyes and distraught clear in his expression. He squeezed his eyes shut as he forced out his next words, “I thought we were just friends who acted romantically when we needed it.” 

You felt so dumb. So completely and utterly dumb. You were embarrassed, hurt and angry, and you’re sure it showed because Mark winced hard and dropped his gaze. “Look I’m—I’m sorry—“

“Stop apologizing. Just go.” Leave me alone. The resentment rung in your hoarse voice and Mark paused, biting his lip, before giving you your space and turning on his heel, disappearing into the crowd. 

It took a few seconds before you hiccuped an angry sob and you glared at the wall as you furiously wiped at the oncoming tears, a headache already forming. You were so upset with yourself, with Mark, with what you thought was a relationship for the past year. You could still taste him on your lips and you were starting to feel sick. You sniffled and swallowed back any more crying before heading back into the throng on people. 

You didn’t know your plan. You didn’t have a fucking plan. You didn’t understand how all of that had just transpired, it replaying in your head to help you figure out the trigger, figure out what you did wrong and whether you’d even really want to change it. Were you looking for Mark? Were you looking for an escape? 

“(Y/n)! Where’d you go—oh my God, what happened?” You felt two hands grip your shoulders and you followed them up to the face of Donghyuck. You hated yourself for forgetting he was here; you hated yourself for bringing him here; you hated yourself for coming here. 

You shook your head and wiped at your eyes again; you didn’t want the younger boy to see how weak you were to be crying for God’s sake. He called your name again, concern evident in his voice as he tried to comfortingly rub your arms. But it was white noise as you looked up and met Mark’s gaze by the door.

His jacket was in his arms, like he was preparing to put it on and head out. His eyes were locked on your form and swarming with different emotions; you didn’t know if he was regretful or as much of an oblivious, reckless mess as he was when he left you. It didn’t matter. You were hurt and anger bubbled up in you again.

Before anything could be done, Mark hastily looked away—ashamed, either my himself or you—and he was out the door, possibly out of your life for a long while. 

You felt another hiccup lodge itself in your throat and you know you needed something to overcome the thought of Mark. 

And that’s why you ignored Hyuck’s question in favor of cupping his face and kissing him. He let out a muffled gasp of shock and you knew his eyes had to be open, so you shut yours more tightly until he finally relaxed a little for his lips to move against yours. You felt more tears wallow in your eyes and when you pulled away, Donghyuck didn’t ask any questions—whether because he was too shocked, knew about Mark, or just thought it was the alcohol, you didn’t know nor cared to ask—he just embraced you in a hug until you calmed down. By then the party wasn’t fun for either of you, so Donghyuck walked you home in your drunken stupor.

Before he left he might have confessed to you but you weren’t sure, nor did you truly care about his feelings in the aftermath; maybe you just wanted to be as selfish as Mark.

———

You knew getting drunk on a school night was a bad idea, but recently you’ve made a lot of bad ideas. You dragged your hands down your face after your first class (that you quite honestly didn’t understand one word of) and made your way to your next class. Usually you’d walk with Mark; god, how you missed his jokes right now—your eyes snapped up when you caught a glimpse of tousled honey hair and a black graphic tee: Donghyuck. 

You instinctively called out his name and his head turned your way in the busy hallway. He didn’t move, seeing as he was by his locker, but he awkwardly waited for you to make your way over. 

“Hey, um, about last night—“ you scratched at your temple and the mere thought of telling Hyuck that the miss meant nothing made you feel as shitty as Mark left you. “The kiss, I uh,”

Donghyuck had still not moved, waiting with a sudden baited breath for your words, tense and hoping yet waiting for disappointment. It made your skin itch.

You scrunched your eyes shut. “I’m sure you know about Mark; so I got really caught up in the moment and I kissed you as a rebound, and I’m—I’m sorry, I guess I’m trying to say.”

You didn’t dare to open your eyes as the silence stretched on, and you were prepared to turn away, sure Donghyuck would hate you for playing with his feelings— “I still can be.” 

Your eyes snapped open and locked with his. Before you could question him, he rushed to continue, his hand slipping from his lock. “Like—I mean, I never liked how Mark treated you—your relationship—so if you need a rebound, I don’t mind being…” he huffed and collected his thoughts, his gaze almost shy, “If you need a rebound for yourself or show, I can be it.” 

You stared at him in disbelief. Here you were, looking like a hungover mess with an old hoodie, and him looking like a punk angel; you felt like this wasn’t how things were supposed to go. You were supposed to apologize after falsely raising his hopes and he’d never talk to you again, and yet he was offering himself selflessly for your own selfish gain. Something in the back of your head screamed to decline, to let him go and get over you and not get caught up in your mess, but, god, his offer was too good to pass up, not when you were this broken by Mark; he was giving you a green light to be selfish and wring him dry. 

You looked into his eyes for another second. “You’re sure about this?” 

“Positively,” And he breathed the words like he didn’t think you’d accept. You gave a curt nod to yourself but after a second's hesitation, you went up on your toes and brushed your lips against his cheek. 

“Alright,” you practically whispered as you walked past him, down the hallway and ignoring his wide eyes following your steps. “Boyfriend.” 

———

From then on, your relationship seemed a whirlwind of over the top displays. You couldn’t let him go, really; your friendship morphed into one almost fully consumed by a need for physical contact. Sometimes you’d feel guilty, thinking that he was only okay with this because he actually liked you. But those thoughts would soon be washed away when Donghyuck would laugh and meld his lips to yours, and you’d let your desires to be wanted take over. 

It was a month later that Donghyuck invited you out with his friends. You had froze; won’t Mark be there? You had asked. Donghyuck tried to feign nonchalance, we can just show him what he’s missing. And you secretly enjoyed the tingle that shot down your spine at making Mark jealous as you leaned forward to reward him with a kiss. 

“So they know I’m coming, right?” You questioned again once Donghyuck pulled in in front of the restaurant. 

He nodded as he unbuckled. “Yeah; I told Renjun and he planned it so that’s all who needs to know. No one will mind, I promise.” Except maybe Mark. 

You sighed again and stepped out, tugging down your skirt for good measure before closing the door behind you and walking onto the sidewalk. Donghyuck hooked an arm around your waist, but it was sharply reminiscent of Mark so you tensed and sped up your pace to open the door and walk in before your new boyfriend could hold it open for you. 

Donghyuck cleared his throat from behind you, so you let him pass you to lead you to the table the boys were at; a table for eight nestled near a window and bordered by chairs and booths alike. 

You’re prepared to head to the chair at the far end before you see the person seated across from it. Mark was sitting in the booth and fiddling with his phone but you took note how he still looked as good as ever; it made your heart constrict. Had your ‘break up’ not affected him as it affected you? Did he not miss you? You tried to push down your longing in hopes of feeling confident and making him miss you. 

Donghyuck passed you and moved to the seat beside the one you were eyeing earlier; you steadied your breath and made sure the rest of the table was preoccupied before you strode over to slip into the sea beside him. The sudden motion must have caught Mark off guard, for his eyes lifted and they widened when they saw you. You ignored his surprise in favor of turning Hyuck’s face toward you and planting a kiss smack on his lips. He wasn’t expecting it but he took it smoother than he had the first time; his eyes took his Mark’s reaction with a silent confidence before sliding closed as he kissed back with the same vigor. 

You bit at his lip lightly before pulling away, tilting your head in Mark’s direction so your bruising lips were on full view, even as Donghyuck continued to mouth at your jaw. “Sorry, I didn’t realize we were being obvious.” 

Mark didn’t visibly react except for a slight twitch in his jaw; his countenance was stone cold as his gaze flickered between you and Donghyuck. You hoped it was jealousy and not anger; doubt trickled into the pit of your stomach before you felt a hand land on your thigh. You stiffened before glancing to see that it was Donghyuck; he massaged your leg for a moment before entwining your fingers and turning to talk to the other boys at the table, gaining their attention at your end. You kept your eyes and smile on their conversations to avoid Mark’s searing, all-knowing gaze because anything would be better than breaking in front of him. Even if the only hand you wanted to be holding was Mark’s, you squeezed Hyuck’s hand until your knuckles turned white. 

Sometime during the dinner, your hands had made their way onto the table as you ate and laughter rung, yet the person in front of you had yet to crack a smile once, a tense gloom shrouding them and making it hard for you to enjoy your night too. To ignore your ‘ex’ and unconsciously feed your need to make him even more jealous, you laid your head on Donghyuck’s shoulder and overall enjoyed his warmth. Wherever you and Hyuck touched, Mark’s eyes followed. 

Mark finally tore his attention away long enough to cross his arms and lean towards Jaemin beside him, “Why is she here?”

Jaemin had obviously sensed Mark’s unhappiness and glanced between you and Hyuck with an unsure shrug. “They’re dating; he asked if he could bring her.” 

If possible, the aura around Mark grew even darker and his eyes narrowed and voice grew lower. “Even with my past with her?” 

Jaemin shrugged again helplessly. “I guess so, I don’t know—“ Mark pulled out his wallet abruptly and pulled out a twenty before throwing it on the table.

“I’m heading out; there’s my money for my meal. Knock yourselves out with what’s left.” 

“You’re leaving already?” Renjun questioned at the front of the table, genuinely concerned. 

You could tell Mark was trying to hold back a scoff and keep an even tone. “Yeah, I have places to be.” 

He stepped out from behind the booth and before he passed you, he leaned down subtly and his breath brushed past the shell of your ear. “Don’t play this game.” A shiver ran down your spine as he straightened and continued on.

“What did he say to you?” Donghyuck questioned you with furrowed brows; somehow his arm had found its way behind your chair. 

“I-I didn’t quite catch it.” You lied, turning your head to catch a glimpse of Mark steeling you with a strong gaze before he was out the door, and the painful deja vu of the party hit you hard as you roughly faced forward again. “We should probably go too,” you mumbled, letting go of his hand. Hyuck noticed and presses his tongue into the inside of his mouth before going for a bright smile as he said farewell as well. 

The cold air greeted you and you were almost happy for a change from the stuffiness of the restaurant, or maybe just the stuffiness of being caught between Mark and Donghyuck. 

“It’s...nice,” you glanced at Hyuck for elaboration. He swallowed and swung your hands. “Taking you out. Having conversations.” Your throat went dry. You were dating, right. You couldn’t just use him for kisses and as a pawn for your past lover. 

You tried for a smile. “Me too; it’s always fun going out with you.”

Hyuck read your eyes before he hesitated and went for a smirk, “Mark seemed really pissed off too.” 

You laughed lightly and grinned, but it  didn’t reach your eyes, “That’s always a plus.” 

You could tell Hyuck was searching for something to say even as you climbed into the car. You felt a sudden wave of pity and shame and maybe it wasn’t a good combination, but you knew you had to at least attempt to treat him better. You leaned forward and kissed his cheek, but you let your lips linger. 

“You’re too good for me.” 

Donghyuck froze beside you and looked at you with an unreadable gaze. He bit his tongue as he searched your eyes, seemingly conflicted before he went in to give you a chaste, lasting kiss back. “You only deserve the best.” 

And you smiled, but you couldn’t disagree more. 

———

A sweet laugh escaped from between your lips at a joke of Renjun’s about his latest piercing. You and Hyuck were on your way to your last class before you had run into the boy, and you managed to spare a few minutes to converse. 

After your exchange with Donghyuck the night before, you told yourself you’d at least attempt to maintain the relationship and treat it as you should; he knew he was a rebound, but you couldn’t just dismiss his feelings, right? He was doing this for you, after all.

You leaned farther into his side and held his hand that laid on your opposing shoulder. You hummed at their conversation, but let your eyes wander. You took in how many teens were still out; you maybe had another minute or two before the bell rung, and your classroom was only down the hall.

Except as your eyes glided over the lockers lining the wall, they connected with a pair of sharp, brown ones: Mark’s. He was poised by the next door over, a textbook open in hand like he’d been reviewing material before going in; funny, seeing as you couldn’t remember the last time he cared about his grades since freshman year. 

He was glaring at you, or, rather, Hyuck’s arm around you. You remembered his words to you in the restaurant and a surge of confidence ran through you. You quirked a brow at him and smirked, tightening your grip on Hyuck’s hand and leaning your head farther onto his shoulder. 

As expected, Mark barely reacted; his unamused countenance not shifting as he slammed his book shut and ducked under his classroom door. 

You felt a nostalgic tug on your heart to think that he used to be so expressive; you couldn’t so much as touch his hand without him blushing and stuttering. You tore your gaze away from where he disappeared to face your boyfriend and his friend again. You studied his face; did he care that he was betraying his best friend like this? 

You absently traced his knuckles with the tip of you finger and he glanced at you, sending you a warm smile. Before you could say something you could potentially regret, the bell rung. Your eyes widened and you swore, pulling away from the two boys as you tried to hurry to your classroom door before the teacher could scold you. Donghyuck laughed a little behind you, and you managed to send him a playful glare before he was out of view. 

As you stepped into the room and found your seat without getting in trouble, you couldn’t help the fondness you felt for Hyuck. He was a good guy; a good friend, a good boyfriend. And yet, you were not either. And you were afraid you were changing him for the worse. 

—

After your class, you had to go to your club. It would go on for another hour after school ended, but you still needed to finish your part. All of your club members dwindled until the last said goodbye and had to leave. By the time you were heading out, it was getting dark out. You sighed and shouldered your bag, preparing for the walk home. 

You had barely left the front doors and went down the steps until a silhouette appeared by the lower column. You took an alarmed step back, but they began to take shape until you rolled your eyes at who it was. 

“You know it’s pretty weird to wait outside a school after hours.” You drawled, your voice loud in the otherwise quiet dusk. Mark perked up and turned his head to see you descend the staircase. 

“We have to talk.”

You scoffed, “You need to get a life.” 

Mark’s brows furrowed, and for a split second you were afraid you hurt him, but his face smoothed out soon after. 

He sighed and pushed up from the column so he could stand upright and meet you by the railing. “Look, I know I hurt you at the party—“ 

“You’re bringing this up now?” You tried to feign annoyance but you’re sure your voice shook slightly. 

Mark sighed a little haughtily but nodded. “Yes, I am because this was our issue but now you’re dragging Donghyuck into this.” 

You narrowed your gaze to ignore the unease in your bones. “He was willing, thank you very much.” 

“You’re trying to make me jealous! I’m not blind.” Emotion flashed across his face and he groaned lightly, balling his fists and smooshing then into his coat pockets as he looked away from you. It went quiet and you hesitated.

“Are you?”

Mark looked back at you and you saw him wet his lips. “Yeah, I am.” 

You weren’t sure if that made you feel better or worse. You both just stared at each other, vulnerable yet apprehensive, watching the other only a few steps away as if it were a mile.

“You—“ Mark pulled a hand out of his pocket to place it over his mouth as he tried to gather his thoughts. “I miss you.”

He watched you for a response, a grimace already forming like he was prepared to be shot down. When you didn’t and continued to gaze at him with unreadable eyes and a hand poised precariously on the handrail, he continued. 

“I messed up; I admit it. I wasn’t clear or sympathetic, and I take responsibility,” for once. He licked his lips again, a nervous tick, and he ran a hand through his hair. “And if you’re willing, I’d like to try again; the right way this time.” 

Your mouth parted. He couldn’t be serious. Your feelings jumbled together and you weren’t sure if you wanted to run up and kiss him or slap him. 

Your silence made him shift uncomfortably, his eyebrows drawing in and he cleared his throat. “Isn’t that what you wanted too? I mean, all you have to do is tell Hyuck to drop the act, I’m sure he’d be fine with it—“ he cut himself off and stared at you, and that’s when you realized you were crying.

You slowly brought a hand up to wipe at the shed tears. “I—“ your gentle hand on your cheek turned rough, and you swiped so the skin was left red in its wake. “I can’t. I’m—Hyuck—it’s not an act.” 

Mark didn’t answer you, just gazed at your dark figure perched on the stairs. “You’re—you’re telling me you're dating my best friend?”

You shut your eyes in shame. “We had the agreement that it was to make you jealous, but it’s still—we’re still dating.” You wanted to fight him, call him out on him and Hyuck not being on the best of footing anyways, but you couldn’t find the will or words. 

Mark held a hand over his mouth again and another on his hip as he turned away from you for a moment. When he finally faced you again, all endearment for you had left his eyes. “You really just let him do this?” Before you could respond in your defense, he rattled on. “You knew he liked you, and now you used that to hurt me? To hurt him?” 

“I don’t want to hurt him!” You raised your voice, “I never wanted to hurt him, but whatever happened—it’s become more than I expected.” 

“More than you want too, right?” Mark narrowed his gaze and you winced. 

“At least he’s there for me,” You weakly threw back, “don’t act like you’re any better.” 

“I never said I was,” Mark frowned, his hands falling back to his side as he began to walk away from the school. “but at least I know better than to purposefully use someone.”

Damn him for hurting you yet always being moral. You watched him walk away from you and you bit your lip. “I know you still like me!”

He paused and looked over his shoulder at you, his eyes steely calm in the storm. “And I know you still like me, but look where that’s gotten us.” He trained his gaze on you for a second longer, to drive his point home, before he turned on his heel and his form grew smaller and smaller.

You finally found the strength to take the last step from the staircase once he was out of sight. You took a deep breath to try and calm your frazzled nerves and beating heart, yet you were sure it would take hours before you could calm from the incident. You gripped the railing for some kind of hold before mustering the will to finally walk home. 

Because after that, you needed something to cling to more than you ever did. 

———

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” You weakly called to Donghyuck as you eyed Jeno’s house. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” He answered, sending you a glance. He squeezed your hand. “It’s just a house party. And Mark will be there.” 

You shut your eyes and groaned inwardly. “That’s just what I was afraid of,” you mumbled, smiling at your boyfriend when he looked back in question for what you said.

It had been a few weeks since your encounter with the brunette, and truly, you weren’t sure if you wanted to see him. It would only stir up the feelings you had been trying to repress. And it’s not like Hyuck was really trying to push him towards you anymore; he had settled into the supposed relationship with you and you felt too terrible to attempt and leave him, afraid it would hurt him like Mark said. 

You bit the inside of your cheek as Donghyuck knocked on the door and it swung open to reveal Jeno’s smile. His eyes scanned you both before greeting you and letting you in. With a polite smile in thanks, you moved past him and checked out the room.

It was just in his living room for their group of friends; Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun, Donghyuck, and, tragically, Mark. Jeno had decided against inviting his girlfriend, and apparently Jisung was supposed to come and bring along a new friend of his, but they had to cancel at the last minute. Good thing, probably, seeing how majority of the boys weren’t good influences to begin with. 

Jaemin with his drinking and smoking problems, Renjun with his little tattoo and piercing parlor, Jeno with his old fighting bets, and Mark with his band and, well, relationship with you. Jisung really shouldn’t have even gotten involved with them; the worst he’s done is steal a candy bar from the grocery store, if you had to guess. Donghyuck was rather normal, if you thought about it; he would play pranks but was a rather average kid. Maybe that’s why you didn’t want to ruin him yourself. 

All of the mentioned boys were sat on the large sofa against the wall, or majority, since you heard some clanking in the kitchen. Before Donghyuck and Jeno could take you to the loveseat, you heard the voices in the kitchen grow louder and you turned your head to see Jaemin and Mark with a few beer bottles in hand. You straightened subconsciously and detangled your fingers from between Donghyuck’s as your eyes met Mark’s.

You hadn’t talked since your interaction outside of the school building, and the mere sight of him had your breath hitching in your throat. He had paused in his conversation and his eyes bore into yours, taking in your appearance. His eyes traveled between you and Hyuck before he started up his words again, brushing past you intentionally as they made their way to sit with their friends. 

You had to shake your head to manage some sense of normalcy and react to Donghyuck’s raised brow. 

You tried to smile brightly at him, “Would you like to go sit down?” 

His eyes subtly looked towards Mark before settling back on you. His expression was blank and you felt an incoming dread at the thought of him finding out that you’re not over Mark, but then he grinned back. “Sure.” 

You wearily took his arm and moved to the loveseat; you instantly made eye contact with Mark again, almost challenging in the way of him showing he’s not over you either. He frowned and faced away, his arm coming up to bring the bottle to his lips. 

Once Jeno was sat down as well, conversations began to flow. There was no rhyme or reason and multiple voices spoke over each other at the same time. It was almost a nice white noise to get you out of your thoughts and away from the obligation to Hyuck or the feelings for Mark. Everyone grew progressively louder and more boisterous as the amount of alcohol consumed increased, and it reached its peak as Jaemin raised a hand.

“Okay, okay, what about we play a game?” Jaemin smiled a lopsided, mischievous grin.

“What game?” Jeno hiccuped, his brows furrowing.

Jaemin took a minute to respond, almost like he was thinking as he fiddled with an empty beer bottle. He then placed it on the ground and spun it, watching it make its rounds. Then he smiled, that devious look in his eyes. “Spin the bottle.” 

Donghyuck shook his head, slowly but promptly. “(Y/n)’s the only girl; I’m not going to make her kiss all of you.” 

Jaemin shook his head, “it’s not just her; we could all kiss or if we want, it could be like a truth or dare type of thing. Like kiss, or do something else—hopefully even more undesirable, but you get the point. Are we game?” 

No one really responded until Renjun sighed and rubbed at his eye. “I’m gonna regret this, but let’s do it; why not.” But then he pointed at Jaemin with a scowl. “If you dare me to lick a toilet seat or something, I swear—“ 

“No promises, but I’ll start.” Jaemin laughed a little drunkenly as he took a strong go at the bottle. It spun widely and slowed till it settled on Renjun. His jaw dropped and he glared at Jaemin, who was smiling a little too wide. 

“Don’t you dare—“    

“I dare you to go lick the toilet seat.” 

“I will end you.” 

“Would you rather kiss me?”

“God, no.”

“Then get a move on.” 

Renjun’s gaze could have burned Jaemin alive where he sat before he disappeared down the hall. Jeno winced and followed him to make sure he completed the dare before coming back to take a long swig of his beer. 

“You’re terrible,” he directed his grimace towards Jaemin who only shrugged.

“He agreed to play.” 

Renjun came back around the corner and he was vigorously wiping at his tongue. “I hope you know I will get you back for that.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” Renjun hit Jaemin on the back of the head before sitting back down. Jaemin rubbed at the afflicted area nonchalantly. “Who’s next?” 

And so it went down the line; it went between a few of the boys like a battle and then the bottle would land on another every once in a while. You only had to do one dare of sending a pickup line to a random number and you were pretty content. You had then dared Jeno to drink a weird combination of beers, and he challenged Mark to balance a bottle on his finger for ten seconds. After he completed his dare, he spun the bottle leisurely, obviously not too enthused. At least, he wasn’t until the beer bottle slowed on you.

You sucked in a deep breath as Mark froze and met your gaze. “So, kiss or dare?” Jaemin teased. Jeno elbowed the boy in warning, bu Jaemin was too far gone to care. They all knew your history. 

Mark hesitated but didn’t look away from you. “Kiss.” He was tense, but his voice had a firmness to it. 

Donghyuck stiffened beside you. You nervously looked at him to see his narrowed gaze and deep frown. “Do you really think you should?”

Mark met his gaze, uncertainty but a want swirling in his own. Before he could open his mouth to defend himself or withdraw his choice, Jaemin shook his head. 

Chill, dude; it’s just a kiss.” Donghyuck met Jaemin’s gaze with a frown, but he looked around the room at everyone’s reactions before he unhappily silenced himself. 

With no other complaints, Mark apprehensively crawled over so there was only a little bit of space between you, where your air mingled. “Are you okay with this?” His voice was hushed; intimate, yet nervous.

“Yes,” you noticed how sharply Hyuck’s eyes turned to you. You tried to only focus on the boy in front of you. “It’s only a kiss.” 

Mark’s and Hyuck’s eyes burned into you until yours and the formers closed, his hands caressing your jaw as your lips grazed each other. 

“Okay, that’s enough.” Your eyes fluttered open to witness Donghyuck pulling on Mark’s collar. Mark’s eyes widened but he gulped, shaking his head. 

“Our lips barely touched, Hyuck.” Hyuck’s brows drew in as he looked to you for support, but you couldn’t even find it in yourself to try and see him side.

“That wasn’t a kiss,” You agreed, and you favored Mark’s skittish smile instead of Donghyuck’s glare; this was the only way you two could kiss without it being wrong. 

Your boyfriend let your ex go reluctantly, a diffident grimace crossing his face as he did so. Mark awkwardly settled back down in front of you, ghosting his hands over the back of your head before he gained the nerve to kiss you again. He held it; chaste, yet romantic—as best it could be, with all his friends staring, anyways. He parted from your lips but only by a hair; you both kept your eyes closed as you savored the moment, and his lips absently conjoined with yours again.

The second kiss lasted less than a moment before he was ripped apart from you by Donghyuck. You shot open your eyes with a gasp as you watched in shock as your kind, funny boyfriend pulled Mark away and to the ground, his eyes hard and frown firm.

All earlier signs of the fun party were gone as Jeno, Renjun, and Jaemin started to shout and try to separate the two boys. Hyuck was on top of Mark, threatening things that you couldn’t quite catch over the other boys. He  threw punches that the latter wasn’t expecting and managed to block. Mark’s lip was busted, but then his gaze hardened and he got a grip on Hyuck’s shirt. They rolled, and everyone scrambled to get out of the way, realizing their pulling on the boy’s’ clothes to be futile. 

They tumbled along the ground and Mark came out on top. Mark’s hold tightened as he stopped the rolling abruptly; he lifted the younger boy slightly to throw him back down, to knock the wind out of him, maybe to get him to calm down—

The sound of glass shattering ripped through like violent moment like lightning. Mark’s face morphed into one of shock and he stared in horror at Hyuck’s expression of pain, his eyes shut tight and breath coming out in shallow pants. It was like time had stopped as everyone stared in horror at the terrible scene.

But then time was thrown into fast forward as everyone tried to speak over each other, clambering to get closer to the injured boy. You weren’t able to move; everything happened so quickly and then here you were, watching the world tumble down. Mark was pushed off of Hyuck roughly by Jaemin, who had sobered up rather quickly to care for his friend. He glared at Mark before aiding Renjun in trying to help Hyuck sit up, so he was off of the glass pressing into and impaling his back; Jeno was across the room, talking hurriedly into the phone that you presumed to be 911. 

Mark was like you; unable to comprehend the situation nor recognize that he was the reason one of his closest friends was hurt. He opened and closed his mouth before his eyes found yours and he looked to you pleadingly, to understand that he didn’t mean for anything bad to happen; Hyuck’s howl of pain tore through you both and you dropped your gaze as your eyes watered. 

It was deja vu; Mark scrambles in a daze to pick up his jacket and move to the door, gazing upon you and the scene before him in shame because he had once again pained someone dear to him. He must have assumed his presence would not be appreciated there any longer so with one final look, he slammed the door like he had months before. 

———

You gently placed a hand on Hyuck’s shoulder as he started up the steps to the school building. 

“Are you okay?” You hesitantly asked, peering over your hand at his face. 

He craned his neck towards you and tried for a smile, but it was more similar to a grimace. “I’m fine; just a couple cuts, right?”

You sighed and came around to walk beside him, a steadying hand on his forearm. “Yeah, from glass that cut into your back,” you rolled your eyes, but squeezed his arm out of anxiousness. He paused briefly and glanced at your own side profile before squeezing your hand back. 

You and Hyuck hadn’t dared whisper Mark’s name or talk of your kiss of the party two nights prior. You and his friends had taken him to the hospital (since the ambulance was too much money), and had him in the emergency room at three in the morning. Thankfully, the glass hadn’t  injured him too severely like any organs, but it did hurt. Though his friends might have argued that the bill hurt their wallets more. 

And yet, you still felt like you and Donghyuck were walking a very thin wire; like you were tiptoeing over the glass that cut him when you were around each other. You knew he wasn’t blind; he had to have seen how you and Mark acted and yet he still hadn’t said anything about breaking up—you almost tripped when you thought of being accused of cheating. Because no, you were never supposed to be in a real relationship to begin with. And yet, how were you supposed to end things now? How did it get so muddled to begin with?

You began to wonder why Donghyuck would ever want to be with you in the first place.

            “Yo, how’s your back? Actually, are you both okay? You look kinda pale.” You were snapped out of your thoughts at Jeno’s appearance, his eyes furrowed in concern and hands on his backpack straps. 

“Uh,” you snuck a glance at Donghyuck and his distant expression before opting for a smile, “I’m okay. Just worried!” You forced out a laugh and winced at Donghyuck’s minuscule wince. You hurried to speak again, “his back’s doing okay; we changed the bandages this morning and it looks like whatever meds they used are working.” 

Jeno nodded but his gaze was fixed on Donghyuck’s. He managed to tear his gaze away in time to meet yours, but he had that same confounded helplessness in his eyes. He tried for a comforting grin, “Well that’s good. I hope it heals soon, man.” He fistbumped Donghyuck lazily before moving past you. 

You sighed quietly and coaxed your boyfriend to move forward with you; you had taken it upon yourself to make sure he got to his classes and take care of his wounds, since you felt like you were responsible for it. You were sure Donghyuck thought that too.

Not many people knew of Donghyuck’s injury, but apparently news was spreading seeing as how some teens were beginning to stare. You scowled to yourself and instantly guessed the blame was to be put on Jaemin and his need for the top gossip. 

Yet it wasn’t only random people staring; as you wearily looked about the hall, you made eye contact with the one person you really didn’t want to see. 

Mark’s gaze was trained on you and Hyuck like a hawk, his bottom lip sucked between his teeth and looking like he was about to head your way. You had only a second to take in his appearance before a random girl came up to you and the honey-haired boy beside you. 

“Hey! So I heard you fell on glass? How’d that happen?” Mark froze in his steps towards you. She was obviously excited to hear the details and it almost made you want to push her to the side and pull Donghyuck along. You would’ve too, if Hyuck didn’t perk up a little.

“Oh,” you felt yourself starting to feel sick. Was the truth really about to come out? “I just fell; nothing special.” And Hyuck laughed. 

“Oh,” the girl deflated and you looked at him in shock. You almost felt worse that Donghyuck chose to defend Mark instead of ratting him out; you wanted him to be mad at Mark, to be mad at you. It’d make it easier.

Mark must have felt the same way as you glanced back at him; his bottom lip had escaped to fit into a slack jaw, his eyes wide. His eyes met yours and his gaze grew into something darker, pained and stifled as he turned away down the other corridor, whatever he had planned to say to you out the window. 

It wasn’t until after school when you were leaving with Donghyuck that Mark made his reappearance. His expression was more determined, though a little unsure, as he stopped before you in the courtyard. 

“Donghyuck—“ he started, his feet moving in time to cut off the boy in question. Donghyuck didn’t seem enthused; his usual friendly disposition switched for something cold. “Hey, please give me a moment.” 

You warily watched the scene unfold; Hyuck finally stood still and his hand in yours went slack as his brows furrowed in dislike. “What.” 

Mark flinched but quickly recovered, “I hope you know I didn’t mean to hurt you—is your back okay?” 

He pursed his lips before replying, “yes, it’s okay.” 

“And about what happened at the party—the kiss, the fight—“

“I’m not talking about this with you.”

Donghyuck ducked around Mark and pulled you in tow. Mark followed him in disbelief. “Hyuck, we need to. That’s where the problem is—“ 

“What did I tell you about calling me Hyuck?” He turned abruptly with a dull fire in his eyes, and you bumped into his back in surprise. Mark gazed upon him in a vulnerable kind of puzzlement and exasperation. Hyuck gestured at him crossly, “and no, I’m not talking about this with her here. I’m not talking to you about it. The problem is not with the party, it’s with you.” Hyuck glared at him fiercely before drawing you along again.

You felt like you could’ve done something in that moment, as you looked between the two in disbelief. Hyuck, angry, and Mark, hurt, and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to stand up for either. Surely you could’ve broken away and said something for yourself, but what would you have done? So instead you chose to walk with your boyfriend, but unable to break through his stony exterior; you couldn’t place where everything went wrong.

———

Days passed. Hyuck smiled at you less and less, at least, less genuinely. And maybe you should’ve been happy; maybe he was finally getting over you and realizing how terrible of a person you were. And yet it only made you feel worse to know that even he could think so. You had all withdrawn into yourselves, choosing to be with your thoughts than with each other, yet neither were the most inviting places.

And so you decided to walk to school early on your own that morning instead of with Donghyuck; you bitterly thought that maybe he’d enjoy the time away from you—it’s not like he needed you much more seeing that his back was almost fully healed. You had sent him a quick text of your whereabouts though, in case he so happened to want to come early to be with you, but you highly doubted it. You almost hoped he’d break up with you soon just to ease your nerves. 

The colder air of the incoming winter nipped at your skin but was a welcome distraction from the turmoil in your heart and head. You dug your hands deeper into your hoodie pockets as you ascended the school steps; the lights were on, but no students mingled in the halls. 

You lifted a hand to pull open the door before you caught a glimpse of a person by the column at the top of the stairs. You kept your hand on the door but sighed mock-exasperatedly, “We have to stop meeting like this.” You pointedly turned your head to face Mark, who had nervously come out of the shadows. 

“I didn’t know how else to talk to you privately without hurting Hyuck.” 

“You didn’t seem to care when you kissed me.”

“Neither did you,” He bit, but there was no menace in his tone; only a flat tone of ruefulness. You lowered your gaze but stepped away from the door’s light and more into the shadows. He watched you with a dull want, “but that’s what we need to talk about.” 

“I’m sure,” you breathed, running a hand through your hair, “What are we supposed to do?” 

Mark shrugged, “I tried to talk to him; you were there. He won’t listen to me, so much as talk to me.”

“So what? Am I just supposed to break up with him? Do it like taking off a band aid?”

“No, but—ugh, I don’t know how else to do it,” He exhaled slowly and absently let his hand come up to twirl your hair; you didn’t find it in you to push him away. “I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I already have.”

“Do you think I do?” You scoffed with a humorless laugh but your voice lowered in tone, “but I think we’ve hurt him beyond what he can handle anyways.” 

Mark looked up to meet your gaze somberly, “I’m afraid you’re right.” He hesitated before his gaze subconsciously dropped to your mouth. You could see him struggle to lift it back to your eyes, knowing that if he were to kiss you now, it would solidify a promise a heartbreak. 

But it’s not like it could be delayed any longer. “I’ll talk to him today,” you apprehensively brushed your hand over his, “I think he knows anyway; I wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to break up with me already.” You forced the words out bitterly and Mark took notice, a sympathetic, sad smile gracing his lips for but a moment.

You stared at one another you before you both hesitated and slowly moved forward to slip your lips into place. It couldn’t have lasted very long; it was simple and short, just something to help you both through the decision you had made until you heard the displaced rocks crunch on the cement landing behind you.

You broke away, prepared to talk down to some random classmate before you made horrified eye contact with Donghyuck. He was bundled up in a sweatshirt you always teased that you liked and in his hand was his phone, open to the text you sent with your whereabouts. You shut your eyes in regretful defeat, his blank expression haunting as it engraved itself in your mind. 

“I should have expected this; my girlfriend with my best friend.” You opened your eyes to see his growing glower. Mark was wide-eyed beside you; you knew he was moral no matter how bad of things he’s done, so this had to tear him up inside. 

“Obviously I didn’t do my job as a rebound if you still went back to him,” Hyuck glared, “I wasn’t a good enough boyfriend if you didn’t want to be with me.”

“It wasn’t that—“ you tried to explain, your voice pleading. His expression grew more and more angered. 

“How is it not?” He hissed, arms crossed as his gaze traveled between you and Mark, a dull agony beginning to show in his eyes. “I’m not going to lie, I had hoped that maybe, just maybe I could make you like me. But Mark here was such a terrible person to you and yet you’re still in love with him. How can I compare when I’m constantly outshone?” 

“Donghyuck, that’s not it—“ Mark tries to cut in this time, a grimace taking over his expression. 

“Stop telling me I’m wrong when I know.” And you wished he would scream at you, point fingers, curse you out but he was bottling up his rage and hurt, poking out here and there but waiting to burst at the seams. “I’m still fucking in love with you, but you don’t see shit.” 

You had to look away from him, pressing your lips together. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this.” 

“I blame Mark.” Mark’s eyes widened as he looked helplessly at Hyuck, blinded by his pain. “If he treated you right, I wouldn’t have been with you. If he had stayed away, we might’ve been okay. Mark is the reason for this, and for that I’ll never forgive him. Because my best friend is the one kissing my girlfriend.” 

“Donghyuck, you can’t place all the blame on him, I’m guilty of cheating too.” You tried to reason, as much as you didn’t want to hurt him further, you knew it had to be said. And now that it was out in the open—that you were a cheater, a type of person you’d always despised—you couldn’t hate yourself more.

He shook his head vehemently, “But it’s Mark who—“

You shut your eyes in anguish, but your tone was firm. “I’m sorry I couldn’t feel the same way about you.” 

Donghyuck stumbled back a step, his anger subsiding but an overlooming expression like he was lost and close to his breaking point took its place. “You,” he retracted his hand and took a shaky breath, but his voice was unforgiving, “you said I was too good for you.”

You pressed a hand to your mouth to keep your composure as your eyes watered from shame. “You are.” 

He shuffled his feet as he let the words sink in. You were telling him that even though he was the best thing for you, you didn’t want him, or he wasn’t enough for you. And that had to be the last straw to break what was holding him together. 

His breathing picked up and his eyes found no place safe to rest. Mark put a hand out, trying to pull him back in, to comfort him but with one step forward, Donghyuck took one step back until he finally focused a watery, yet hardening gaze on you as he threw open the front door and went through. 

You and Mark made no move to go after him.

———

“Has he answered you?” 

“No. You?”

“Not once,” you sighed and placed down your phone, where eight unanswered calls to Donghyuck lay to taunt you. You were sure Mark had even more.

“Are you sure he hasn’t blocked us?” You questioned with a wince, and Mark only spared you a moment's glance as he began typing away at his screen again.

“My phone doesn’t say anything; until it does, I’m going to keep texting him.” You looked over at his phone and the blue stream of unread texts on his part. It’s been days.

You blankly looked at the rest of his band mates setting up to play their gig; it didn’t quite seem real. “I’ve heard he’s starting to drink with Jaemin.” Mark paused and bit at his lip but didn’t say anything. “We’ve ruined him, haven’t we?”

He closed his eyes and took in your distant tone. You knew he thought he was the sole one to blame, but you were even worse if that was possible. You looked back at him with your unreadable eyes. “We’re terrible people.” 

Mark finally turned off his phone and stared ahead at his untouched guitar before his attention made its way to you. He wet his lips. 

“We are.”

“Sir Donghyuck, you must get down.”

You weren’t surprised when Donghyuck didn’t show for your morning lesson that morning, but that didn’t make you any happier when the royal gardener informed you of the prince’s whereabouts.

“And why should I do that? I’m quite fine like this.” Donghyuck snips back, crossing his arms from his current upside-down position hanging from a tree branch. 

You narrow your eyes at him and place your hands on your hips. “We had a lesson this morning; I’m sure you must have forgotten, seeing as you didn’t show.”

He shook his head, but it looked strange from the angle you were at. “No, I just chose not to come.”

You close your eyes and try not to sign too heavily; you were expecting that response. “You are aware that your parents have decided to put you through these lessons, correct? I am not trying to have a sour relationship with you.”

Donghyuck purses his lips and meets your gaze. “I don’t quite care what my parents want for me,” He swings his feet so his whole body sways on the branch, “And that’s tragic; I would have loved to see you grow angry.” 

You can’t help the scowl that crosses your lips at his smirk and swinging figure. You hold his gaze for a few seconds before flatly saying, “You’re going to fall.”

“I will not.”

“You will; it’s not smart to hang like that. Doesn’t your head pound?” His face was indeed growing redder as you spoke, but he shook his head nonetheless.

“I am fine; I’ve done this before. I won’t—” There was a sudden crack and then his form slid from your vision as he fell head-first onto the ground, and the end of the branch made a thud against the grass beside his crumpled figure. 

Your eyes widen in shock and you step forward out of worry, but he lets out a groan that calms you back down. He lifts his head and presses a hand to his temple; he made eye contact with you and his slowly-paling face flushed again. A smirk of your own began to cross your lips, but you bring a hand up to try and conceal it. Donghyuck frowns and narrows his gaze.

“Do you not care that your crown prince just fell? Are you not worried for my health?” 

“No offense, your highness, but you seem fair enough to me if you’re able to move and speak.”

Donghyuck scoffs but looks away from you in favor of trying to tame his now tangled hair. You move forward to help him up and he hesitantly takes your hand. He brushes off his tunic of blades of grass before leveling an eye at you indignantly. “No word of this around the palace.”

You tilt your head and raise a brow. “I can only promise that if you come to your lesson.” 

Donghyuck glares at you. “I’m the prince; my command should be enough.”

“Sir Donghyuck, I work for your parents at the present moment, and I’ve been strictly instructed to tell them of any misbehavior of yours. If you refuse to comply with their wishes, I’ll be forced to—”

“Fine, fine,” and Donghyuck looks physically sick with how rosy his cheeks have become, “I’ll come to your lesson.”

You don’t even bother to hide your smug smile this time. “And the ones thereafter?”

He fixes a glower upon your figure, “I’m convinced my parents hired an evil witch to be my instructor; you seem mighty pleased to make a fool of me.”

“Oh I am quite enjoying this, but I am no witch, I can assure you,” you simmer down your grin in favor of turning and making your way back to the castle. “Your lesson is in a quarter past now; if you aren’t present, I will quite relish in telling the Highnesses of your escapade this morning.” You don’t stick around to see the prince’s reaction, but you can perfectly envision the fit he must be having at being at your mercy.  

You frowned at your cousin and puffed your cheeks, letting your gaze wander over the vast sea and your cousin’s lighthouse set on the high shore.

Your parents always thought it was a wondrous idea to send you to your older cousin’s lighthouse for the summer every year. It used to belong to your mother’s brother, but after he went to war and his wife died of a fever, their children took over the duties of the lighthouse. Before being sent over every summer, you hardly knew them. Sure, you’d play with Chenle as a child, but Doyoung? He was the stiffest boy you’ve met who’d always give you a look of disdain if you asked him to participate in one of your games.

But that’s years ago now. It looked like their father wasn’t coming home, and Doyoung has no problem shifting into the role of worker and caretaker, not that Chenle truly needed to be taken care of anymore. If Doyoung truly had a vulnerable side, you’d never seen it or nor did you think you ever would.

You brought your gaze back to Chenle, who continued to row the boat out as far as he was able to appease you. Now Chenle you liked; he was passionate and curious, more bright-eyes than the likes of others your age. He retained the characteristics of your childhood that you so wistfully wished for.

You placed your chin in your palm as you studied the blond, “have you ever wanted to go farther?”

Chenle’s movements stuttered and his focus flitted to you, “well, yeah, but it’s not safe.”

“Is that what Doyoung told you?”

“Yes, but I know it too,” Chenle smiled with a shrug, “besides, we’re still so far away from the lighthouse, a good couple hundred feet. Isn’t that enough?”

“I suppose,” you sighed, letting your eyes swivel back to the sight of the open ocean. “But going farther than allowed is always so exciting.”

Chenle didn’t respond right away, but you noticed his gaze shift towards the sea out of the corner of your eye. He darted his attention back towards rowing before you could notice, or at least he hoped, as he shook his head. “The boat isn’t meant to go out on those waves; they’re too rough.”

“Can’t we go just a little more?” You pouted, and Chenle gave a huff of laughter as he continued to row absentmindedly, “just a couple feet past the sand bar, then we can go back.”

“(Y/n), no; I’d prefer not to get scolded. And you know Doyoung has eyes everywhere.” Chenle laughed at his own response, but you knew from experience that there was truth in his words.

You sighed dramatically, “Fine, you win.” Chenle grinned at you toothily, but you turned your gaze away from the boy in favor of surveying the deep waves for as long as you were able; soon Chenle would decide it would be best to head back to the lighthouse, and you’d be whisked away from the gorgeous blue again.

Chenle began to drone on again, energetically informing you of what you could do around the coastal town as your gaze drifted over the shore and then onto the horizon like the breeze. With an exhale, you began to push off the side of the boat to give Chenle your full attention before you saw a glimmer in the water.

You furrowed your brows and leaned farther over the edge, trying to figure out what you saw and attempt to see it again. What could be shining this close to you in the deeper end of the water? You strained your gaze to see anything; was it a fish? You absently heard Chenle calling your name but you ignored him as you moved even closer, only a foot above the water—

And then your arms gave way and you fell over the edge of the boat. Your body went into a state of shock; it was summer, why was the water so cold even this far out? You resisted the urge to gasp for breath, trying to focus on holding whatever air you had in your lungs. The water soaked into your clothes and you kicked your legs to try and not sink.

You forced your eyes open and ignored the sting of the salt water as you swung your head about, looking for the surface, the sun, the boat—there it was again. The glimmer.

All panic momentarily stopped as your curiosity piqued. That was most definitely a tail, a tail too big to belong to a fish. It was iridescent, and you were unable to pinpoint if it was blue, silver, or purple. There it was again! This time to your left, closer is the deep, dark blue of the ocean.

You strained your eyes, tried to ignore your lungs preparing to burst to sate your curiosity and just before you thought you’d have to abandon hope you saw a pair of eyes.

It was like time had stopped, and already, you were floating, still in the face of the unknown. He was beautiful; golden bangs hovering around his forehead like a kind of halo, and expressive eyes of curiosity, fear, and worry.

But then your mouth opened and you inhaled water, and he darted away, his shimmering tail the last you saw of him as you desperately began to thrash in the water, pushing up and up until you broke through the surface with a choking gasp.

“(Y/n)!” You blinked repeatedly and scrambled around, trying to see and find the source of Chenle’s voice. You could barely keep yourself afloat before you felt two hands grip your arms and attempted to lift you up; you kicked and clambered for a hold on the boat and you practically collapsed once you felt like you were on a solid surface.

“Are you okay?! I was so worried! Can you hear me? Can you breathe?” Chenle’s worries voice and touch shook you into consciousness as you fully blinked the water and darkness out of your eyes.

You met his eyes and forced your tired limbs to lift and hold yourself up into a sitting position, even as you head spun. “I...” your tongue felt like lead. You coughed and cleared your throat, forcing your memory to rejog because you knew you saw something while you were under—

“I saw a mermaid,” Chenle stared at you, but you continued. “A merman, actually.”

His expression of apprehension, worry, and relief simmered to a blank look. “Did you drink too much sea water? Were you under for too long?”

You frowned at him, “no, I saw it. That’s why I looked over anyways—“

“God you’re not even thinking straight, Doyoung’s going to kill me...”

You drew your eyebrows together and pushed Chenle’s shoulder, “I am thinking straight! I almost drowned, but that didn’t mess with my head.”

Chenle just shook his head and ignored you, reaching for the paddles again. “We better get you back and let Doyoung have a look at you.”

You sighed and gave up trying to prove your sanity to your cousin, simply settling your gaze on the sea once more. It might have almost killed you, but it only drew you towards it more. A funny thing, adventure was. The shimmering tail flicked above the surface again, maybe just to tease you, and a quick look hidden by wet, golden hair seemed to call for you.

A potential suitor of your village―you didn’t like him, you always found something off-putting about him, which you were correct in your suspicions―had become so desperate for your hand that he got it through his delusional, vampire mind to turn you. So on your lonely trek from the market to your home, he ambushed you and had a direct path to your neck. But you had sweet blood, you remember him saying, and he couldn’t help himself but drink it all. In a matter of minutes, withholding against your screams and weakening struggling, he had drained you. In those few minutes, you died.

But he had turned you, and vampires don’t die. You had awoken on an alter days later with a scream being ripped from your throat. You saw the man in the front pew and you wanted to ask what was happening, why he attacked you, why did it hurt―only to be paralyzing with another searing wave of pain. It became so bad that tears silently streamed down your cheeks and onto the stone, your mouth open in an eternal silent cry as your body shook periodically.

You might have been a living corpse, but you still needed blood in your body if you were to have a silent heart. To reach such a point, your dead heart had to force itself to pump blood into your drained body. Your body convulsed with each beat, the terrible effort the muscle had to go through was too much for the dead, and yet you were to undergo it. It was the most excruciating experience committed to memory. It a terrible twisted way, it was almost bittersweet; it was your last moments with a beating heart. The last time you could feel alive.

After the ceremony was over and you felt your heart stop once and for all, the man had stood and knelt before the altar in front of you, asking you to spend the rest of your life with him.

That was the first time you had taken a life. Rage, grief and the overwhelming urge for blood overcame you and you launched yourself at your attacker, ripping through his neck in one swift motion; no remorse crossed your emotions when you tasted his blood on your tongue. You had taken your first steps away from the blood-spattered stone and left the church he had kept you in.

With religious parents, you knew they’d never take you back. They’d call the exorcist, call the executor, they’d get rid of the monster who took their daughter. And so you had to learn the hard way. You had to live among the shadows, travel and leave each town just before they became suspicious; a vicious cycle, life and death was.

And that’s how you lived through each century. Staying in the background, watching history unfold one year after the next, catching gossip from each town on your journey. And somehow, you settled in Seoul, Korea; a town rich in history you knew a little too well. It was nice to be in such a current, lively place; with no connections, you could practically stay forever, forever hidden in the crowds of faces.

And you thought that maybe you could get away with it. Just maybe. But even in a rundown house on the side of town, they still found you.

You were sitting on the floor on the balcony on the foyer when the door was unlocked and opened. You had perked up and gone still; you could feel your fangs poke at your lips at the prospect of new meat.

Being hunted was nothing new. A challenge, as the years went by. You didn’t particularly care about living at this point; or dying, to be frank. You had lived too many years for either to have much meaning.

You wondered who it’d be this time. A hero who would rid the world of vampires? The strategist who found himself too clever to be found by you? They all fell at one point or another; you’d play with them, but like Achilles, a fatal flaw will make itself present and lead to their downfall.

You peered below you into the foyer and your lips curved into a smirk at the human figure below you; it was comical, but it was new, which made it interesting. He was small; narrow shoulders, a thin frame, a slight tremor in each step he took. You held back a laugh at the knife in his hands, but behind your palm, your fangs pierced your lip and the stale taste of metallic blood only made you more curious to taste the mystery boy’s.

You waited for him to make himself officially apparent; introduce himself, state his reasoning, ask if anyone’s home. When he didn’t make any motion to do so and continued to dart his eyes around like a scared puppy, you sighed and slowly stood.

“Nice of you to join me,” you purred over the railing. The boy’s eyes snapped up; in the darkness, your eyes were probably like the Cheshire Cat’s from Alice in Wonderland, only a pair of gleaming orbs before being paired with a face and body following suit.

The boy moved into a defensive stance, rather quickly, you had to admit, and held the knife in front of his heart. You tried to bite back a smirk. “Relax, boy; state your business.”

When he stayed quiet, you started to grow impatient, your nails clanking at the rail. “You’re a vampire.” You almost doubled over, a shrill, short laugh escaping your mouth. “How very observant of you; are you only realizing that now?” You began to slowly walk down the stairs, and he instantly moved back two or three more steps. “But truly; I must know your purpose of being here, since you are indeed trespassing.”

“I’m here to kill you.” His voice was quiet, and you duly took note of how his voice shook no matter how much force he said it with.

“Is that so?” you mused, ceasing in the middle of the staircase. You raised a brow and a cruel smile grew on your face. The boy probably couldn’t see much in the dark, but his eyes never left your silhouette. “Do you want to rethink that?”

And with that, you swooped over the railing, landing softly on the ground before him and transfixing him with your gaze. He cowered, his eyes widening and weapon-hand already too tense. “Because if not, I hope you’re willing to face the consequences, honey.” And your words did drip with such a sugary content, the sentence rolling off your tongue in a purr.

Before you could even suggest that you’d let him attack first out of chivalry, he was bringing the stake down. With a silent gasp, you darted to the side and managed a short laugh. Maybe you underestimated him a little.

You had moved too fast for him to catch, leaving him turning to the side too slow and allowing you to grab ahold of his forearm in your icey grip. He shouted and tried to yank back his arm, but your nails dragged across his skin and left deep gashes. The sight of his blood sent your mind into a frenzy, your gaze turning slightly hazy. You blinked hastily and tried to focus, but the boy had dropped the knife and was cradling his wound to his chest. You took that as your opportunity to advance, and he scrambled back and tripped, slamming to the old wood ground of your foyer.  

He whimpered, and he blindly reached for his hip where he drew out a gun. You stopped, only three feet away from him. He was panting, and he stared wide-eyed; you narrowed your gaze at his trembling grip on the trigger.

“Are you going to shoot me?” And you thought he stopped breathing. “If you are, go ahead. You want to kill me, right?” He still didn’t move and you dared to take another step.

He squeezed his eyes shut. “D-don’t come any closer.”

“Will you shoot?” Your face showed no expression. With no reply, you had your answer, but you lingered back. “Who sent you?” The boy looked up with wide eyes. “Obviously you’re not skilled enough to come here by yourself; you haven’t had this planned. Who sent you and I might let you go.”

He set his jaw and dropped his gaze. You could still sense his heart beating rapidly, but now his mind was reeling to match that pace. “I.. can’t tell you.”

How amusing was he? He truly was full of surprises.

“Hmm, so you’d die for the people who sent you here, knowing damn well that you’d get killed?” You crouched down beside him and tsked. “They don’t sound like a group I’d want to protect right now.”

He bit his lip and you resisted the urge to lunge forward again when he drew blood. He seemed to realize your intense stare and brought the other hand to his mouth. “I-it’s not that simple.”

“Of course it isn’t,” you sigh. You stand and shake your head. “You can go.”

He didn’t move. He looked up at you warily; he must not have believed you. And in any other case, he’d be right to. “You’ve already admitted you’re part of a group, so you’ll be back. Or one of them will. I know what I need to know. You may leave.”

This time, he forced himself to his feet and sized you up. From your relaxed, distant posture, he must have gathered you weren’t a threat at the moment. He hesitated with choked breath before nodding to himself; he knew he messed up. The boy turned away and limped to your front door.

With a dark smile, you called, “See you soon.” He glanced back for only a moment before the old mahogany door slammed shut behind him.

―

The second time he came around, you were pleasantly surprised they had sent the mystery boy again. Was this a punishment to him? Well you wouldn’t kill him till his usefulness ran out; till he really posed to be a threat.

He had picked your lock this time, just as dusk had settled over the city. Your abandoned home was eerily quiet, and he must have agreed by the hair sticking up on the back of his neck. You had quickly morphed into the shadows, hiding by the front entrance much like you had the first time he saw you.

He took more care this time; carefully moving along to floor to avoid it creaking, cautious steps as he observed his surroundings. Maybe they taught him a bit more. But they didn’t prepare him as he stepped into the foyer, standing beside the wall you hid against.

You snaked your hand around his neck and pulled him in. Your nails dug into his throat as he twisted towards you with a choked sound. His hands had been empty and they came towards your own, prying at your cold fingers. You thought you had him; maybe you’d really choke him to death here. But he turned; over his shoulder, he managed to escape your hold with a maneuver you didn’t even catch. Your eyes widened as your hand felt vacant and now the boy stood before you, his legs set apart in a defensive stance, a stake now in his grasp and a narrowed gaze.

It was a pregnant air, and you clapped slowly, a smile tipping your mouth. “I’m impressed; look at you, better than you were before.” You purred the words, and admired the way he involuntarily shook.

You drew closer and ghosted your hand down his arm, watching him jerk away from the motion. “Do you feel better prepared? Come to really kill me this time?”

“Yes,” his voice was firm, and you couldn’t help the sadistic grin on your face.

“Very well.”

You lunged at him, and he stepped back in double time to avoid your razor sharp nails; the bandages on his forearm showed the scars of what happened last time he didn’t move quick enough.

You made up for the loss of contact by pivoting and coming behind him, drawing his wound arm behind his back in a vice-like hold. With his free hand, he grabbed at your arm and tried to break your grip; you readjusted, but in that quick moment, he spun around, a stake in hand. It all happened so fast. The next second, you were staring dumbfounded at the stake in your chest. The dark-haired boy was panting, staring wide-eyed at your shocked form. And then a condescending smile crept over your features.

“A stake? Did you still believe this would work?” You laughed at his horrified expression. You pulled at the wood lodged in your chest; it hadn’t reached your heart, maybe only ¾ into the skin, and you barely winced as your body already tried to heal the wound. “We get stronger with each generation. Have you never heard of evolution?”

“B-but, I stabbed you―”

“And it didn’t work,” you dropped the sharp wood, disregarding your blood on the tip. You advanced a step closer. “Did you not study well enough on vampires, honey?”

“Stop calling me that.” He took a step back.

You raised a brow and subtly brought a hand up to your chest; already healed. You dropped your arm and fixed your hard gaze on him. “What, honey? What would you like me to call you then, pet?”

He set his jaw at the second nickname and it sent a shock through you to see the fire behind his eyes. “Renjun. My name is Renjun.”

“Finally the prey has a name.” You smirked wickedly, faking a launch at him just so he would jump farther. You cackled and stalked in a circle around him. He tensed, but only followed your form with his eyes. “I take it they’ll keep sending you till I’m dead?”

“I’m sorry, what?” He finally turned his head to look at you warily. “How’d you figure that out?”

“Someone’s vocal recently,” you sung, and he instantly shut his mouth again and glared. You hummed in amusement as you stopped in front of him. “Seeing as this is a suicide mission for you to visit me, I’ve concluded that your group wants you dead or is testing you. Am I wrong?” You took his silence as your answer. You clicked your tongue and moved farther away from the front door. “We’ll see if you succeed or not.”

“Excuse me?” You glanced over your shoulder; the boy―Renjun―didn’t seem to understand the words you were saying, or he didn’t seem to understand the game you were playing, the concept of letting him go again.

“You’ll have to keep visiting me every night, right?” He gave a hesitant nod, and you watched the color drain from his face as your lips formed into a subtle but devilish grin. “We’ll see who kills who first.”

―

He had stayed truth to his word; being the mouse to your cat every evening. You could see the effects of your fights over time; the way his scrawny form had built, the bags under his eyes, the smooth defensive movements, his weary looks.You probably had changed too, or as much as a vampire could; you wondered if he took notice of your changes the way you had of his.

You admit that he had improved; he’d manage to nick you, once even leaving a gash in your leg, but he’d go home more beaten each time. Sometimes he’d come back the next night even worse than you had left him, but you wouldn’t ask; he wouldn’t bring it up.

Renjun didn’t try to sneak in anymore, walking in like he owned the place or instantly going in to catch you off guard. You would wait by the entrance, watching the clock tick down till the sun had set, then you’d watch the door for him, almost too eager to see the petite boy.

Much like any other day, you did the same thing. You licked your lips in anticipation and just as the door was opened, you threw yourself at him, catching him off guard. He dropped his bag, the two knives in his hand almost slipping from his grip but grazing your wrists. You tumbled back and forth, over under, like the wall was your floor.

Renjun had finally gathered his bearings and propelled himself enough to slam your back into the wall. You let out a grunt and smirked as he gathered your wrists in one hand, the other pressing the knife’s sharp edge into your neck.

“Well this is new; will you take the chance and kill me?” You batted your eyes at him and his grip wavered; in his second of weakness, you turned the tables and had him flush against the walls’ surface. He was left momentarily winded and you placed pressure on his wrists till he let out a cry and let the blades fall to your feet with a clang. You whipped your hair out of your face and focused on him, preparing a witty remark, but your voice caught in your throat.

A thin trickle of blood was trailing down the slope of his neck; he must have cut himself when you flipped him over, the knife to nick him rather than you. The longer you watched, the more permanent of a bloodline made itself present on his skin, and you didn’t notice how animalistic your gaze had become until you felt Renjun try to squirm out of your iron grip. Your hazy gaze fell on his lips where a slowly-turning-frantic sound escaped. Then your fangs came out.

And in his state of fear, he strained his head away from you. In such a motion though, he left his neck in perfect range of your fangs. They practically begged for a taste of his sweet blood from before, urging you onward and you had half a mind to just rip open his throat, let the liquid coat your tongue and move on.

But you weren’t the man who turned you, and neither was he.

You were jolted out of your trance from the memory, and let go of where you had been pinning his arms against the wall.  You forced a nonchalant laugh as you wiped your dusty hands on your thighs.

Renjun had slowly lowered his hands, a shaky breath falling from between his lips as you created distance between you. You felt sick; you shook your head to rid the bloodthirst from your system. Renjun rubbed at his wrists and met your eye; an unspoken look traveled between you, and you were terrified of what it meant; a guess had planted itself into the pit of your mind, and your already cold blood turned to ice. You were afraid that you didn’t want to kill Renjun, and that he didn’t want to kill you. He dropped his gaze, and you gulped back the question on the tip of your tongue.

―

He had left quickly that night. If you didn’t seem to understand him so well, you would’ve thought you scared him off. But he was like clockwork; coming back time and time again. He had entered quietly two nights later; so quiet you almost missed your cue to twirl around his figure and pull him into you. He had braced himself; you felt his back muscles constrict under your cold touch, but he gasped when you purposely pinned yourself to the wall, the knife from before placed in his hand and against your throat. Your own hand held his on the blade, and you didn’t break eye contact with him as he stared at you, too stunned to comprehend the situation.

“This is a perfect chance to kill me.” It was a fact, but he still didn’t move, rigid as a statue. “Kill me.” you demanded once more through gritted teeth, glaring at him and pressing the knife into your own skin harder. As the skin broke, it brought him to life. He snatched his hand away with a sharp breath, throwing the blade to the ground as he retreated to the opposite wall. His hand was surprisingly steady, but you could see in his eyes that he was still shaken, the distant, glossy look to them.

“What’s holding you back?” You whispered the words, the night too still to disrupt with such a loaded question. In a way your suspicions were being proven true, and you dreaded the fact, hoping that somehow he could prove his innocence with the following words.

Renjun’s gaze snapped up to meet yours briefly before he grimaced and faced fully away. “I don’t know.”

“I thought you wanted to kill me; you need to. What’s changed?”

“Nothing. Everything. I don’t know.”

“Why do you have to kill me?”

“I don’t know,” With how fast he twisted over his shoulder, you expected his voice to be loud; agitated. But it came out soft, like a breathy sigh of the breeze. His drawn brows smoothed over as he closed his eyes and took a heavy sigh.

He wasn’t the scrawny, scared boy you once knew. He had grown; in muscle mass, in maturity, in experience and skill. And maybe here too, he was starting to realize things.

“Renjun… sometimes you come more bruised than I left you. Do you remember how I asked how your group treats you?”

Renjun grimaced again. You two would barely talk usually; mainly only there for the main course, the battle. But even that’s a lie at this point, so what does it matter to waste a few moments in important conversation?

“It’s fine, it is.” He ran a hand over his face, messing up his bangs as he fixed you with mentally tired eyes. They had grown guarded in the past few minutes.

“Do they not like that you haven’t killed me yet?”

And telling from the way his shoulders stiffened, you reckoned you hit it right on the nail. You pursed your lips and softened your tone, hesitantly reaching out and placing a hand on his tense shoulder. “Why are you still with them if they treat you like this?”

He gave you a side-eye, but no response. He only shrugged off your palm and made his way to the door without a word. You made no motion to go after him.

You stayed glued to your spot in the foyer as he closed the door on you; you didn’t miss the way he drew into his own frame like a child, holding his wounded arm and hunching his shoulders like you would when scolded or beaten. For a second, your still heart constricted. And in that moment, you knew you had grown attached. In the most twisted of ways, you fell in love with your killer; maybe because you knew he wasn’t a killer. He was only a child they had corrupted to fit their ideals―you could see it. And whether he cared for you too―not love, no, too soon, too twisted to be―or just didn’t want to murder, you wanted to free him. That little innocence you had that died with you sparked to life, a low burn in the base of your chest. For once, you didn’t see yourself as a monster; but a monster you’d be if it was the way to show him the way.

―

It wasn’t easy to find him. Renjun stopped showing up; although worrying, you expected it. To make up for his absence, you had thrown yourself into your research, fueled by telling yourself that you’d be helping Renjun, even if he didn’t seem to want it. You had bitten your lip; you hadn’t felt anything for hundreds of years, and you feared that you were becoming obsessive too quickly. You couldn’t help it; vampiric urges were animalistic, growing stronger and more terrible the longer you went without sating it. You knew from personal experience when you were still a newborn; the hunger hurt so much from suppressing it that you had attacked a little girl. Never again, you thought to yourself, never again. You dug your nails into your hand as you read through another report; you were doing this for Renjun. And when even that made you feel guilty, you reminded yourself that they tried kill you. This was redemption, this was revenge.

It’s these thoughts that directed you to be hiding in the woods outskirting a tall-grassed field, a shack-like company building in the center. You had been staking it out for two days; not like anyone was waiting up on you. You did this to every group who came after you, you told yourself, there’s no need to worry. And yet your throat went dry everytime a patroller passed by you. You wanted to kill them; right then, right there. Just storm in, go on a killing spree. That’s what you normally did. But this wasn’t a normal time. This time you cared for someone in there, someone who didn’t belong in the scene you dealt in; no need to deal in the shadows or twisted honor these groups had created―He should have no part. And if only you could kill them all, not scare him off, maybe he could see the light, away from people like them, away from people like you.

You heard the tall grass ruffle ahead of you and you withdrew farther into the underbrush of the forest. Glancing out from behind the tree, you expected to see the same patrolman from the past two days but your eyes widened when they spotted Renjun. You almost darted out but stopped yourself, taking a weary look at the sky; it was dusk, dark blue stripes painting the sky, and you noted that the sun was at least hidden behind the tree line. You held your breath and emerged from the bushes, naturally creeping up behind him.

Renjun was strolling along the edges of the field, his eyes alert and trailing over his surroundings, a gun perched nicely on his belt, his palm over the handle. Quietly, you stopped behind him, ghosting a hand on the back of his arm to stop him. “Renjun.”

He whipped around, quickly withdrawing his gun and pointing at your chest with wide eyes. After recognizing your face, he blinked and lowered the gun a little. “What are you doing here?” His voice came out fast; harsh, hushed. You were expecting such a response, but a small frown tugged at your lips.

“You haven’t shown up for a couple days.” It was the perfect thing to say to shut him up. He instantly dropped his gaze, drawing in his lower lip between his teeth. “Is it because of what I said?” You took a step closer.

He sighed and glanced at the compound hesitantly before putting away his gun. It only further urged you to believe he didn’t want to kill you because he cared, but you reprimanded yourself; once the deed was done, you’d leave him be. With a pang in your heart, you thought that you needed to move on anyways; you’d have to leave Seoul.

“It is,” he finally managed, directly his gaze back on you. He lifted his head, looking down at you as he frowned.

“Is it because it’s true?”

He grimaced but didn’t deny it. He gave a curt nod. “Yeah,” his voice was soft; a little vulnerable, a little reluctant. He ground out the next words with more force, “I don’t... want to kill you.”

And your mind went blank. You felt your cold skin warm for the briefest moment as you met his gaze. Your throat grew dry and the silence persisted as you tried to formulate words. “Why not? What does that mean for you?”

He slid his eyes away from yours as he came up to rub his other arm. “I just… I don’t think I can do it.” Kill. “A-and I just, I don’t want to kill you.” HIs grip tightened on his other arm as he worried his top lip. “I’m not sure what it means for me here. Nothing good.”

You tried to resist your burning question: why don’t you want to kill me? But you knew now wasn’t the moment for such; your suspicions were already confirmed. “Then why do you stay? You should leave; go somewhere you’re supposed to be.”

He met your gaze with a raised brow; already you saw his guard fall. “And where might that be?” He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh and a quick glance around the field. “I had such a strong hatred towards vampires before you, but I can’t just up and leave; I’d be targeted just like you.”

You tried to bite your tongue, you really did. You could already taste the metallic taste of your blood as you tried to bite back the words, “You could come with me.”

His head snapped up, a choked sound escaping him. “Don’t you want to kill me?”

You tried to get over your initial shock, sputtering, “I thought I made it obvious―”

“Who’s there?”

You took a sharp intake of air as Renjun cursed and pulled you below the grass with him. “Get out of here.”

“What? Renjun―” You tried to sit up but he pushed back on your shoulder as he crouched.

“Please, just go.” With a parted mouth, you forced a nod and darted back to the tree-line, covered by the darkness that had settled over the clearing. You skidded behind your tree from earlier and watched with bated breath as three people approached Renjun, who finally stood from the grass; you tightened your grip on the bark as you watched his form tremble.

“Renjun!” The front person bellowed. “You were supposed to be back from patrol ten minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry,” he automatically responded, his hand ghosting over the gun nervously. “I must have been walking slower. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” the second sighed agitatedly, coming up to Renjun’s figure. He tensed and took a step back. “We thought we detected a vampiric presence over here. Have you seen one?”

“N-no, not one. How’d you figure that out?” You could practically feel Renjun’s heart beat a mile a minute from your helpless spot.

The person glared. “With the detector. Renjun, were you talking to someone?” They took a step closer and you knew Renjun was over.

“No! I wasn’t.” I promise. You could see the words forming on the tip of his tongue but he held them back.

“Liar,” the former snarled, coming forward and gripping Renjun’s collar. He yelped and reached for the man’s hands, trying to pry them off. “We saw you; who was it?” He threw Renjun to the ground and he let out a cry at the force of it. Renjun tumbled down the small hill, out of the tall grass into the small clearing before you in front of the trees.

You felt anger like a searing hot fire, but you tried to suppress it. You couldn’t let it control you; what if you hurt Renjun? Not right when things might have been going right. Your fangs strained to escape, and you hated being helpless, but for the greater good, you’d have to last.

The three vigilantes advanced down the hill, and you winced at Renjun’s grunt as he tried to sit up only to be pushed back down, the older man crouched over his form and a hand wrapped around Renjun’s neck. He gasped as the man growled, “We know it was a vampire, you traitor. Who was it?”

And that’s when he landed the first blow. Right to Renjun’s cheek, you heard the loud punch like it was a gun-shot. Then he threw another. And another. You felt your body shake with rage as these, these, monsters pummeled and beat the poor boy. He taunted Renjun; for crying, for not being able to stand up for himself, for being held down. The other two who came with him made no motion to stop the crime in front of them.

Finally, the man spat on Renjun’s bruised, tear-streaked face and stood. “I always knew you were a weak one; I can’t wait for you to join their fates.” And he pulled a gun out of his belt.

You lost it. You had been shaking, biting your lip so hard you knew blood had been drawn. You vision went red and it was a flurry of motion as adrenaline kicked in and took over. You leapt from the undergrowth and made a direct path towards the leader. With an animalistic hiss, you flew at him and ripped open his throat, spewing blood everywhere before he could even see you. Just like the first, you made your rounds to the other two accomplices; one, two, they were out like lights, falling to the ground in pools of blood.

With a heavy, shaky breath you shook off the effects of your angered bloodlust, their blood too sour to savor. You fell beside Renjun, cupping a bloody hand around his cheek, trying to wipe his tears but only smearing the liquids into a raunchy shade of pink. He pried open his eyes with a whimper and let out a horrified shout when he saw you. You immediately brought your hands up in alarm, watching his lip tremble as he choked out a sob and brought his bruised arms up to his eyes.

You realized what you did. You just killed in front of him; and the aftermath was painting clearly by the swaths of blood on your hand, clothes, and mouth. You were both frightened; for different reasons. You tried to wipe your mouth away and stared in horror as you only smeared the blood more. You brought your hands up hesitantly. “Renjun, please, I―”

“Go.” He swallowed back another blubber as he gritted out the word. It caused you to freeze; he had probably reached a breaking point. He had confessed he didn’t care for them, you saved him, but you had shown you weren’t good either. You closed your eyes in despair.

You looked up when you heard voices again and you reluctantly decided you had to leave. You hovered a hand over his shoulder as another sob wracked his aching body. “I’m sorry.” You settled on, letting the words flow from your tongue in the melody of regret as you fled for the trees.

When a flashlight shone on the murder scene, you heard gasps ripple through the crowd then the sound of grass crunching under boots as they hurried down the hill. Two reached for Renjun. “What happened? Are you okay?” Renjun only managed another muffled sob.

“They’re dead!” Someone called on the other side of the clearing where the three mangled bodies laid. The girl who helped up Renjun looked at him. “Was it a vampire?”

You stopped breathing. Renjun bit back his cry and seemed to hesitate too before he nodded. “She killed him.” his voice was hoarse but you caught it.

“Who? Who killed them?”

“The one I was assigned.”

Your heart constricted and you wanted to crumple. Her gaze hardened. “This is why we need to kill them. Come on, we’ll take you back.” And you watched as the group collected the bodies and retreated back to their compound. Your gaze burned into his back, and you hoped he felt it; from the way his step faltered and he almost turned his head, you think he did.

You fell back against the tree and stayed there for the majority of the night. With a pained scowl, you reminded yourself why you didn’t get attached. Nothing ever turned out good for you; he had betrayed you to save himself. But technically, was he wrong? Was it really betraying someone he didn’t know that well? You lifted your shirt to wipe the blood from your mouth and the new tears from your cheeks. You let yourself sit there and just feel what you hadn’t felt for centuries in the few hours before dawn.

―

He didn’t come back. You were expecting it. Weren’t you always? You were a monster; he had finally seen that with his own ideals. And he had―he was traumatized, and he had given you away, placed the blame on you, to the people you both despised. You wanted to hate him; you had a right to, and with your unbeating heart, it should’ve been easy. But it wasn’t. He had reawakened feelings you had forgotten, and everything made you think of him.

You closed your eyes and sighed, reopening them to take in the gorgeousness and tranquility of the full moon, shining on your face with the brightness of the sun, something you hadn’t seen for ages. You wondered what the sun even felt like anymore; warm? Welcome? Soothing? You let out another loud exhale as you slipped from the windowsill, stepping back into your broken home. You trailed your fingers along the grooves in the wall, taking in the beautiful old architecture, something familiar.

And then you heard it. The quiet squeak of your front door opening. You straightened and stalked down the hallway, narrowing your eyes as you rounded the corner. It had to be one of his vigilantes, come to kill the murderer of their leader, well―

You stopped in your tracks when you saw Renjun.

He looked to be holding his breath and he let it out when he met your gaze. Neither of you moved nor talked, too shocked by the sight of the other. The atmosphere too tense and fragile to break.

Finally, you had enough of him standing in your foyer like he had a right to be there.

“What are you doing here?” The words came out harsher than you meant, and his open mouth simmered into a short frown.

“I wanted to see you.”

“Did you really?” You narrowed your gaze and a wry smirk crossed your features. “Or do you need evidence that you killed me?”

He flinched and looked away, his hands gripping each other with a vice-like hold before you noticed the vial perched between his palms. “I don’t want to kill you.” The words came out needy, pleadingly, like he really needed to convince you.

Little did he know you didn’t need much convincing; you were wrapped around his finger, whether you would admit it or not. That was the struggle of becoming attached; you would do anything he asked.

“But you need my blood to convince them I’m dead?” He looked down at the bottle in his hands guiltily. “You can never cut your ties with me, can you?”

He lifted his head. “Look, I’m not going to force you, I understand that we―” He grasped for a word to describe that night and found none. “―aren’t on the best footing, right now, so if you can’t I can just say you disappeared―”

“I’ll do it.” His jaw shut with a sharp clank and his eyes widened, fixing you with a look you hadn’t seen before; a look of shocked appreciation, relief, admiration. “On one condition.”

“Anything,” He breathed; you hoped he was so thankful to see you rather than just your agreement.

“I want to bite you.” He froze, the relieved almost-smile being wiped from his countenance. You shrugged nonchalantly, but carefully watched for any expression of discomfort or fear. “It’s blood for blood; you can have mine if I can have yours.”

He was silent; he pursed his lips and stared at the vial in his hands for only a moment before looking to your mouth; your fangs tingled behind your lips. “Fine.” And you almost felt the negative charge in the air dissipate; the reluctance in his eyes was replaced by a look of weary curiosity as he approached you.

You waited, rested against the wall as you gazed at him steadily, hungrily, and you felt a pleasant feeling shoot through you as he shivered under your attention. You reached out and pulled him in, gently pressing him against the wood panels and reveled in his soft gasp in the hush of night.

“I’ll do you part of the deal first,” you whispered. Finally, you let your fangs out, the sharp pang as they slide into place and gleamed under the moonlight; Renjun seemed mesmerized by them. You brought your wrist up to your mouth and slide your teeth against the skin, letting blood ooze out of the self-inflicted wound. His gaze widened but gave you the vial quickly from your outstretched hand. You delicately placed the glass against your porcelain skin, watched as your blood tricked in and filled it to the top, before licking at your wrist and handing it back.

With wide eyes, he placed the cap on the bottle and once more, he was transfixed on the way your wrist had already started to heal. You raised a brow.

“Are you ready to uphold your end?” His beautiful eyes shot to meet yours and you had to force yourself not to hitch your breath. He gave a quick nod, quicker than you expected―maybe nerves―and you slowly reached out to hold his shoulder and tilt his chin up. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed harshly and you already felt your mind growing cloudy. With one last glance at his face, you kissed his neck and bit into the skin.

He let out a loud gasp and his hands flew to you hips, digging into the skin there with his nails. His blood flooded your mouth and you felt your senses go haywire; you could get drunk off his taste. After the initial breakthrough, he calmed down a little.

You felt him thumb at the bottom of your rib cage before his hands settled on your waist to anchor him, but even then, his fingers continued to knead at the skin there. You smirked when he whimpered; a pitiful sound mixed with pained grunts leaving his lips as he tilted his head back farther and scrunched his eyes shut. You felt his hips buck and you used your knee to keep his legs in place. You wouldn’t show that you were affected; instead keeping a steady hand wrapped around the side of his throat, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck while the other was placed on his collarbone. His taste was intoxicating; the little bit of salt just made his blood’s sweet taste that much more potent, and the smell alone had you seeing double. You had to close your eyes the longer you drank to keep your composure.

It lasted a minute, maybe two but no longer; you knew his limits. You separated with a gasp, and he let out a low whine as he almost slumped to the ground. You reached out a hand to catch him, and he regained his strength after a few seconds. He blinked warily as he took a shaky breath. As he gathered his bearings, you traced your bite mark on his neck; it looked like a hickey―almost was, in a way―and you relished that you were the cause of it on his clear skin.

“Are you okay?” You finally asked in a low tone. It felt too intimate still; his hands hadn’t left your waist, and you weren’t ready to take your hands off his collarbone. You dared to glance up at him after he didn’t respond and you came inches from his lips and hooded eyes focused on you. It was silent agreement as you moved your head further in the gap and met his lips with yours. He didn’t seem to mind his blood on your tongue, as he kissed you slowly and carefully, like you were doing something you weren’t supposed to. And you knew you weren’t, but he was too invigorating of a feeling, too tempting of a taste.

After a few kisses, he pulled away, looking just as drunk as you felt. He nuzzled your neck with his nose and you chuckled softly, bringing a hand up to hold the back of his head. “Will you start visiting me again?”

“Yes.” The words left his mouth like a prayer. “I wouldn’t dream of leaving you after this.” And with one last kiss, you bid him farewell, the vial clutched tightly to his chest.

―

He stayed true to his word. He had managed convince them that you were dead with the vial of your blood, and no one suspected that he had been bitten when he tried to hide his neck. He would go out on “strolls” where he would then slip off to find you, pulling you into a kiss and going out to look at the stars, or see the nightlife of the city, something you hadn’t experienced yet.

You had been too hesitant to go out in public, afraid of what would happen, what people would be like. But with Renjun, it added some normality to your life; something you had never felt. A sense of belonging. You hadn’t felt this alive in a long time, and it still floored you that Renjun was the cause of it.

But something you had always worried about was the topic of vampirism. You lived forever, and as you knew, it wasn’t pretty. Immortality was not something to envy. But Renjun had grown to admire your abilities; you healed quickly, you were stronger and quicker, you didn’t need to sleep or eat or breathe, and, most importantly, he was transfixed on the fangs.

When he would come to see you he would sometimes ask you to bite him. “You need it to survive, right?” And you’d warily agree but, he seemed to want you to bite him. Didn’t it hurt? You dreaded it each time more and more.

And this night was no different. You were laying on your roof with him, cuddling under the stars and you drifted in and out of sleep.

“Hey,” he whispered. You cracked open an eye and lazily hummed in question. “Don’t you need to drink? I haven’t offered mine in a couple days.”

You weren’t sleepy at all anymore, fixing him with both your eyes and a hesitant response, “Um, I’m not too… hungry, at the moment. It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” He sat up now and you were forced to raise your head from his shoulder. “I don’t want you to starve.”

“Renjun,” you sighed and brought a hand through your hair as you mulled over your words. “Why… do you ask me to bite you?”

He gave a small sound of uncomfortable confusion in the back of his throat. You could hear the force in his laugh. “I want you to be fed? Why else?”

You fixed him with a serious gaze and his smile wavered. “Do you want to be a vampire?” You felt his arm on your waist tighten uncomfortably as he stared at you with a slackened jaw. You rushed to add, “Because you always want me to bite you and I see the way you look at my abilities and I just want to say it’s not as good as you think―”

“So what if I want to be a vampire? You are.” You cut off your voice at his semi-stern tone. His eyebrows were drawn in defensively. You sighed and placed a hand on his cheek.

“Renjun, it’s a curse, not a blessing.” He didn’t tear his gaze away from yours as he kissed your palm. You bit your lip. “I have lost everything, okay? My family, my life, my generation, my―everything. I have had to pack and leave every couple years as to not be discovered and killed. I haven’t been able to form a relationship with anyone―”

“You have me,” he interrupted you, he kissed your wrist twice. “You have me.”

“I know,” you managed a small, weak smile. “But I haven’t felt anything before you. Time periods, come and gone, and I’ve lived like a living corpse, can you believe that?” You twiddled with his fingers when he went silent. “What I’m trying to say is, please don’t rush into this decision.”

“I want to be with you.” He firmly grasped your hand and you gave him a helpless look.

“I know you do; I want you to too, but―” You tried to blink, to will back any tears. “I don’t want you to become a vampire and realize you miss your old life, or to fall out of love with me.”

“Fall out of love with you?” He incredulously scoffed. “I couldn’t.”

“But you can,” You stressed. You gathered his face in both your palms so he was forced to meet your gaze. “Please, just go home and think about it. We… can talk more about it tomorrow, okay? Please, please really think about it though, okay? Promise?”

He hesitated but gave in, closing his eyes with a soft huff. “Promise.”

You offered a wavering smile and you leaned in and kissed him gently. He held your waist and pulled you back into his lap, holding you till dawn came, where he left you with a hushed “I love you,” then he was out the door.

―

“I thought about it,” He came in like a whirlwind, the words flying out of his mouth in a rush.

You raised a brow and tried not to let your worried anticipation show. “And? What did you come to?”

“I,” he kissed you quickly on the mouth and separated to meet your eyes. “Want to be with you. Forever.”

You held your breath. “You really thought it through? Everything?”

“Yes, yes, every pro and con. I love you, okay? And you knew this wasn’t going to work for us for long. They were going to figure out I betrayed them sooner or later, and don’t you have to leave every few years.” You looked up to stare at him when he cut off his rambling.

“Are you really implying…?”

“That we leave? Yeah, I am.” He saw you open your mouth to shoot him down but he pressed a finger to your lips. “I know you don’t think I’m ready but I promise I am. I really thought about this; I’m really sure.”

You parted your lips and glanced at his neck. “And you really want to be with me forever?”

“I do,” He gulped and you took note of the way his eyes dilated. “You’ll be the only one I love forever.”

Your breath hitched and you clutched the hem of his shirt. Your resolve was breaking; truly you wanted to wait. Wait for him to realize he deserved more than you, for him to realize love wasn’t going to last, that being a vampire isn’t some fascinating phenomena. But if it’s what he wanted, who were you to refuse? And underneath it all, you knew you wanted him too.

You tugged him to you softly, and he caved in towards you on your place on the stairs. He layered butterfly kisses your shoulder and looped his arms around your waist, as your fangs pricked your bottom lip; you opened your mouth and let them poke out, your hot breath fanning over his neck caused him to shiver.

You pressed your lips to his neck softly, taking in his scent and warmth in his last moments. You prayed it wouldn’t be a painful transition for him.

“No going back?” You questioned quietly, one last time. Just to be sure.

“No going back.” He answered; his voice firm and gentle.

Renjun shrugs, swirling his champagne glass as he looks over the edge of the golden railing, the ground far below your perch on the Eiffel Tower. “Well its just...”

“The movies?” You quirk a brow playfully as you take a sip of the shining liquid, letting its acidic taste wash over your tongue.

He flushed, and you briefly wondered if it was because of the liquor or your inquiry. “Well I might have hoped I could, you know, fly over the edge. Freefall then fly or shape shift and be cool, and all that.”

“Well I do hate to break it to you, but you’re stuck going down the stairs like I am.” The candle flickers from its place between you, the roses in the center of the table seemingly glowing. You let your eyes raise to encapture the view of your lover.

His already pale skin seemed to glimmer silvery in the night, his eyes perfectly reflected the stars above and the artificial lights that lined the steel railing. His dark hair wispily blew around his forehead due to the slight breeze, and the collar of his shirt weakly moved aside to show off the angle of his neck and collarbone. But your eyes were naturally drawn to his lips; red and a little swollen, his glass of wine coming back up to rest on the seal of his mouth. You wondered what would urge his fangs to leave their hiding place, to slice open his bottom lip in need of a taste of a coppery liquid.

It had been a few months since you fled Korea. A few months since you’d turned Renjun; since you were alone and unfeeling. And he was the reason for it all.

He had never once seemed to regret his choice, since the pain of his changing he had only seemed to feel curiosity and wonder, and he found joy in the little things you took no notice of.

You lost count of how many questions he had asked: how often did you have to drink, did you sleep, when can you go outside, what does blood taste like, and any other question you could have ever thought of, he had asked it.

Truly it was a peculiar but fascinating change, to have someone else with you at every moment. For centuries you had been alone and didn’t really care for anything, and Renjun had come in like an actual breath of fresh air; so enchanting and alive, he made you feel the childlike wonder at things you took for granted like it was your own. You could never possibly be opposed to his company.

And as you gazed at him, your chin in your palm as you admired his features, you felt oddly cheesy. Really, you felt like those cliche romances you watched occur with each generation, the ones that seemed to sweep you off your feet and leave you breathless. Because Renjun did that; he really did.

“Are you okay there? You’ve been staring for quite some time.” And you never missed his sense of humor. You smirked at the slightly snarky comment, not taking the hint to look away. The apples of his cheeks grew a soft shade of pink and he finally put his glass down. “Really, are you okay? Are you drunk?”

“I don’t get drunk so quick, I’m offended,” you finally lifted your head and leaned back, trying to fight the smile on your lips. He raised a brow and you gave in slightly, “I might be a bit tipsy though, you didn’t ask me that.”

He chuckled softly, looking back down at the park below, and even his side profile was elegant; the slope of his neck and hook of his nose, the glimmer in his eyes making you want to sigh lovestruck. “It’s so free up here; have you been here before?”

“Once,” you shift in your seat, with enough effort casting your gaze down to the ground below where he was commuting each sight to memory. “The World Fair? I think of...1889? If I remember correctly.”

You heard him choke, his eyes widening as they look to you and you felt bittersweet that he always forgot how old you were. After a moment, it clicked for him. “Right,” he said softly, more to himself and you just nod.

“It’s when the Eiffel Tower was built,” You add softly, letting your eyes grow foggy from remembrance, and Renjun listened intently, fascinated by the story or you, you didn’t know. “With so many people I didn’t think it’d be so bad to stick around for a bit, just to watch them create something so big and different; and the fair was so...fun. Bustling and loud and it’s probably one of the few times I felt like a normal person,” you laughed, but it wasn’t airy and carefree like it was before, since you felt so high up on the top. You absentmindedly thumbed at the railing before shaking your head to smile at your lover encouragingly. “But you probably don’t know what I mean, right? You’re always so bright.”

Renjun blinked at the change and sudden compliment, smiling kindly but for someone so young, you almost swore you saw the wisdom you carried in his own eyes. “I can understand what you’re getting at; it must have been a memorable time to...be at such a historic event is just—wow.”

You chuckled and stood, reaching for Renjun’s hand. “You’ll experience plenty of historic moments, I promise. I kind of have a knack for knowing what will go down in history books at this point.” And he laughed along with you at that, and you felt lightweight again as you gripped his hand, moving to the elevator.

There was something about Renjun that threw you back in time, the nostalgic feeling of memory lane. Something bittersweet yet romantic, something endearing yet wry. Like a photograph from the fair, he was faded and slightly browning on the edges, but he was captured mid-laugh, eyes twinkling and limbs full of movement. A photograph you would see yourself caressing with a soft smile and teary eyes.

And yet, he was in front of you, caught between life and death by your hands, the ones he was holding as he began to talk animatedly about running down the cobblestone streets at one in the morning, the old buildings he passed casting even darker shadows on his beautiful face. And you loved it. It was a moment you wanted to capture. You wanted to throw yourself into the shot with him, smiling wide and arms thrown precariously around his neck, your old dress flying in the wind at your sudden movements so you’d have no reason to stain the snapshot with tears of loss.

Because Renjun himself was a living memory. And in such moments, so full of life yet so not, you knew that it felt right. Because Renjun was your future, and he was your present, and he seemed to fit right alongside your past, almost accidentally associating him to each experience in which he was not.

And sometimes you wondered if it was wrong to change him, to be selfish and do as he asked so he could stay beside you. And maybe it was. But maybe it was selfish of him to inquire, maybe it was wrong for him to want you. But you had each other, now and always.

And as you giggled and broke into a sprint down the uneven sidewalk beside him, he knew he wanted to be with you every step of the way, living or dead. And maybe he hadn’t taken every path you had, experienced every feeling or event as you, but he wanted to make history with you, watch it unfold form beside you.

living with boyfriend!Jaemin would be.. interesting, lets say

first things first he is angel

but also a little demon

he probably popped the question about living together randomly, just chilling at the dorm with his head in your lap when he makes a side comment that it’d be nice to do that without the members around;;

and you looked at him and he smiled, saying that he wanted to live with you

you wouldn’t know but he probably thought about that for ages and asked all his hyungs for advice and permission ofc

and he just couldn’t wait to finally ask you

moving in was kind of crazy;; I mean, you had the help of 18 boys it went by pretty quick let’s be real

and Jaemin was super methodical about organizing everything right the first time, taking into consideration how you’d like to decorate.

You don’t like the white drapes? He’s already scraped them and bought three other kinds for you to look at. You want the bed against the wall and not in the middle of the room? Fine by him, he’ll just have to crawl over you to get to his side. 

Tbh you would have the prettiest home??? Bc I can see Jaemin being super organized and just having an eye for aesthetics like wow

And you’re not the only ones who think so, so be prepared for the dreamies to crash into your apartment without warning, saying ‘you came to our dorm now we get to come to yours’ (Jaemin would chase them out if you really wanted him to though)

alright now everyday;;

More often than not Jaemin would try to cook dinner for you?? Something homemade, whether something his parents made or trying something new.

If he can’t make dinner, he tries to make you breakfast or lunch. 

And if he can’t do that and you end up making a meal for him, you don’t even have to ask he’s already clearing the table and cleaning the dishes. 

he will w h i n e your ear off if you try to help him, saying he needs to do his share, my poor heart :((

If you’re not home for dinner and you didn’t tell him why, he will be worried. He trusts you ofc but he bites his lip and texts/calls you every once in a while until you respond. He can’t help but worry about your wellbeing.

And once you get home he practically tackles you in a hug, planting kisses all over your face, reminding you to tell him beforehand if you’re running behind or you’re in traffic or if you’re out with friends. 

Speaking of hanging out with friends, if you have to cancel plans with him apologetically, saying you promised another friend that you’d go out, he’d give you sass.

You remember how he mocked Renjun on dream vs dream for including Mark in his question? Yeah, he’d act like that.

‘Yeah its fine, go hang out with Brenda or whatever I’m sure our movie night wouldn’t be that fun anyways.’

And at your pout he laughs and breaks character, kissing your forehead and reassuring you that it really was fine; you’d watch the movie the next night or something.

He would also!! love to surprise you!!

Telling you to dress up out of the blue and he comes back from practice dressed nice and he takes you on a random dinner date?? Come home to some flowers or some knick-knack because it reminded him of you like the possibilities are e n d l e s s he wants to spoil you

And if you spoil him,,, there’s a good chance he’s going to turn red and giggly, trying to deny it at first but ultimately thanking you with cuddles. 

He esp loves the little things??? Like he will m e l t if you woke up before him to leave and he comes to the kitchen, a little love note written on the fridge and you’ve already made him coffee :(((

If he’s tired from practice, normally he’d try to put a smile on his face still fro you but it warms him when you understand, draw him a bath or set up a movie to watch together and massage his shoulders

Truly Jaemin would love the idea of like,,, movie night friday. he likes the idea that he even if he can’t see you all week, there’s that promise of Friday when he can hold you to his hearts content

OBVIOUSLY if you’re going to date Jaemin, you have to be fine with skinship. He’s holding your hand while eating dinner, he’s hugging you from behind while you cook breakfast, he is wrapped around you with your head on his chest while watching a movie;; he has to be touching you in some form at almost all times.

He understands when you need alone time, though, he needs it too, and that’s when you just shine soft smiles on each other from other sides of the room.

Honestly he’s fine not talking? I think he’d really enjoy the comfortableness of doing your own thing in silence but appreciating the others’ presence. 

And on sleeping arrangments, you sleep in one bed. He kept to his side at first, not sure if you’d want to spoon in your sleep, but by the end of the first week he was holding you like a koala, and by the second week, he was sprawled over you like a starfish. It’s endearing and annoying at the same time but his apologetic smile when he wakes up has you forgive him in an instant.

And you remember how Jaemin woke up Mark by saying ‘honey’ or something? Ofc he’s waking you up like that. Showering your face with kisses and he whispers pet names to you, softly rubbing your shoulder and giggling when you groan for a couple more minutes of rest. 

He would 100% carry you to bed if you fell asleep on the couch.

One of his favorite things to do with you too? Cook or bake together. It really shows how well you can work together, he calls it a “bonding experience” as you split up the work.

He likes dancing in the kitchen with you too omg hold me

You know Jaemin would be cheesy and still write you loveletters when he has to stay at the dorms for comebacks.

“you could’ve just texted me that you missed me.” 

“where’s the fun in that?”

Scratch that, he’s cheesy all the time. He probably has a journal where he writes everything about you that he loves (hint: he leaves it on his dresser so you can look in it “without him knowing”)

He knows comebacks can be hrd on him and you bc he can’t see you everyday and the threat of fans finding out or getting violent becomes stronger, so the guard is up for both of you

even the other members can tell that he gets distressed bc he can’t hold you and he stood infront of the coffee machine for 10 minutes bc he realized you weren’t there to prepare it for him to wake up to.

He tries to hide it from you (even though he stressed to you he valued honesty) bc he doesn’t want you to worry

And before promotions he swarms back into your home with a huge hug, laughing with relief and giving you hints of the song with his singing and dancing. 

Jaemin likes to go out on dates a lot, but he knows you’re limited bc he can’t be recognized;; so he gets creative

going to a cafe? haha have fun in your huge sweatshirt of his, a baseball cap and face mask, he’s obviously enjoying himself in his sunglasses, hoodie and hat. Tbh you gain more attention trying to seem natural lmao

Truly he just loves being with you and going out but he also loves it when you just veg and cuddle for 25+ hours. 

Since you’re living together ofc the older members are a little uhh suspicious, but you assure them with a laugh that you’re doing alright and being pg13. (the dreamies g a g)

And you laugh nervously with a blush when your parents bring up the topic of marriage, but Jaemin takes it in stride, smiling and saying he’d love to ask you to be his wife sometime in the future when he can really support you (take all my uwus)

I want to say that Jaemin wouldn’t argue with you much?? Like you wouldn’t get into too many fights?

Lol ofc he’s going to tease you and stuff so you’ll have lots of banter and petty squabbles.

And I have a feeling Jaemin avoids confrontation and hates fighting.

But if you were toe evr argue, it would be serious. He wouldn’t be the type of person to yell or storm out or ignore you. he tries to be civilized and settle the matter all at once; even toned and open-minded. 

If he were mad, I can see him gritting his teeth, setting his jaw, glaring off to the side bc he doesn’t want to direct his anger at you even if you were the reason. Balled fists on the table or in his pockets, but he tries to stretch them; he would actively be trying to calm himself down as he got worked up, he’s very aware of it.

And truly if you got in a fight, it would most likely be over one of your guys’ safety or health, or a matter of questioning the others’ trust/honesty/love. I don’t think he could handle the thought of you thinking he’s in-genuine or him thinking you are. 

Overall, I think Jaemin is the best boyfriend material. He will always try to make it work out, always put you first. He’s caring and kind and affection, reliable and funny and trustworthy. 

He would love you with all he has. 

And so living together with him,, would indeed be quite interesting.