#dr oleander

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Irene hadn’t known the meaning of "off the clock" since med school. Days bled into nights into commitments into personal time into work. Her life was a cavalcade of sisyphean responsibilities. The thing was, most of the time, she didn't mind it. It didn't bring her joy, exactly, but a sort of satisfaction. A whole feeling, frayed at the edges but comfortable. That was, at least, when she wasn't being asked to do something competely ridiculous.

D, a nickname for Irene's local Stanford Pines, had been nervous during his last appointment. That wasn't uncommon for him; the man generally eminated the same energy as a wounded deer with a mild case of mange. He wasn't usually uneasy around HER, however. He was getting ready to leave when he finally worked up the courage to say what was on his mind.

"I-I'd like to make a request," he rasped. He waited for her assent to continue. Oleander bobbed her chin in a slight nod. D beamed at her, apparently overjoyed to be given permission to speak. "Thank you! Thank you. Ah, this doesn't mean you have to ultimately agree, of course, but I appreciate your hearing me out."

D's request involved one of his few friends, H. H was the one who had given D his nickname. Apparently, it stood for "domesticated." Not exactly a charitable title, but D didn't seem to mind it. It certainly cut down on confusion while talking about the two of them. Irene didn't know H very well, but from what she had seen, he was sullen, cold and violent (he was, after all, the Hand of God in his dimension.) For some reason, though, D adored him.

As it turned out, H had been having trouble drawing.

"I think he's depressed," D fretted. "I can't understand why, but he's showing a broad range of symptoms that would be likely to land him a clinical diagnosis." D kneaded his Bill necklace, its hard edges pressing lines into his age-worn skin. "I haven't had much success getting him to pursue creative endeavors myself. He says it's all pointless, and that he'd rather watch me draw. I don't know if that's true." Irene nodded. D could be surprisingly perceptive at times. It was all the more astonishing when contrasted against the remaining 95% of his life, in which he displayed the emotional intelligence of a brick.

That brought Irene to D's request. He wanted the three of them to draw each other. If it felt a bit like a game, he reasoned, H might be more tempted to join. Doubly so if he got something in return. Irene had almost refused outright. She was no artist. D's proposal would only end with her embarrassing herself with her lack of skill. But, well. D would have been crushed if she refused. He so rarely worked up the courage to ask for anything; this must have been truly important to him. And, if he was correct in his supposition, she would be able to make a positive difference in H's mental health with very little effort on her part. So she agreed.

H, Irene was told, had access to a computer. That made things a bit easier; traveling between dimensions could be a pain (she'd learned that through her efforts to reach Calamari's shows.) It was decided that D would draw H, H would draw Irene, and she would draw D. Once they were all done, they would share them with each other.

D, not having access to a computer himself, showed up at the office in person to have Irene scan his drawing. He'd arrived unexpectedly during one of Irene's other appointments (it had been with a Cipher loyalist.) The trip must have exhausted him, as he was still winded by the time she was able to speak with him. He grinned as he handed her his drawing of H. It was... really good. H, rendered in black and white, had the look of a roman statue; severe angles mixed with biological softness, imposing yet tender. He was surrounded by an abstract cloud of yellow; golden triangles dancing in god rays. The whole thing screamed with D's feelings of sincere admiration for the other man.

Irene exchanged D's drawing with her attempt at randering him (she had already scanned it to send to H, as D had wanted everyone to see each other's efforts). It was, frankly, terrible. She'd tried to elevate the piece beyond her comfort area of "stick figure." The result had ended up looking more like pancaked roadkill than a human. Still, D had been ecstatic at the gift.

"It's wonderful!" He beamed. "It is very charming!" Irene had never known him to be so good at lying.

So now there Irene was. Sitting at her laptop, adorned with one of her many sets of cat-themed pajamas. She'd emailed H both her and D's drawings the other day. Apparently he had responded during her drive home.

'Tell D I like his drawing. Yours is shit. You made him look like a potato. Here's yours.'

Embarrassment curdled in Irene's chest as she downloaded the attachment. She KNEW she couldn't draw, and it's not like her ego was riding on a skill she knew she didn't possess, but still. He could have at least had the grace to be polite about her kindergartener-level skills. When she opened H's drawing, it only drove home how vastly different their abilities were. Irene stared at her mirrored image on the screen. Unlike D's picture, it lacked any sort of creative flare. It was an exact replica of the photo of herself she'd sent to him. Well, nearly exact. The longer Irene looked at it, the more it seemed off. She couldn't exactly tell how; it was still very good, and for as little as Irene could critically analyze art, all she could say was that she looked like herself. There was a subtle sense of wrongness, though, like something was skewed.

"Alright I'll have your drinks out in a couple of minutes! Please take a seat at one of the tables while we get to making your order."

It was another day of weirdness, annoyances, and surprisingly no work.

The cafe was a small, comfortable size, scented strongly by a different array of coffees, teas, and other desserts it offered.

It was worn down for sure, but I suppose the different houseplants that decorated the place along with the "unique" pieces of art displayed throughout the shop and on the wall definitely gave it a unique charm.

At the very least it was much warmer and comfortable than the freezin' cold outside.

The weather had shifted to autumn again, although based on the bone chilling air it felt like winter could creep up from behind like an adult tooth following the baby one.

"Thank you, please keep the change."

Irene said, handing the barista an additional three dollars ontop of what she had already paid for our drinks.

(I really don't see the point in tipping for a couple of drinks, let alone during a time when it was difficult to have the money to spend on little luxuries like this.)

Still, it was her money, and she was the one covering the bill this time, so who was I to complain?

I was visiting a local coffee shop with my "friend" Irene Oleander. Maybe "acquaintance" would be the better word, but I didn't really have any kind of friends outside of the guys from the bar.

Irene herself wasn't the worst to be around, I'd say she definitely was one of the least annoying people to be around.... usually at least.

Today to my surprise she was wearing a different outfit besides her usual "t shirt and jeans" look when she wasn't off work.

From what I could see, she was wearing some kind of high-low cut orange boho-chic dress with black tights and knee high brown boots. Layered over her upper body was a dorky dark orange oversized sweater. On said sweater there was a picture of a cat wearing a cowboy hat and cartoony mustache with the words "Meowdy Partner" knitted on it. Covering everything was a dark brown overcoat which reached to her mid calf.

To top it all off, she was wearing a black greek fisherman's cap, with a big golden cat shaped pin attached to it.

Besides her usual glasses and earrings I hardly recognized the woman in front of me.

(I'm surprised she looks so... nice today. It's rare to see her look so put together on one of her days off. It almost makes me regret wearin' my t-shirt, jeans, and jacket combo... almost.)

"Alright Yusuf, is there anywhere in particular you'd like to sit?" Irene asked.

"As long as we aren't sittin' anywhere near the door I'm happy wherever."

"Alright then, how about over there near the window?"

Before I had a chance to respond further Irene promptly walked over to a table nearby the counter and plopped herself down.

"Eh why not?" I replied.

With that I followed suit and made myself comfortable as sat down and took off my jacket and gloves.

Irene took off her coat as well, although it did take her a couple of minutes to realize she was still wearing it.

"So... this is new for you. Is there any special reason why?"

"No, I've been wanting to try out different fashion styles lately. I'd have tried this sort of thing out sooner, but you know how work is for me."

(Boy did I ever know that, when she wasn't talking my ear off about how her work-life was, she was either talking about her cat or that weirdo patient of hers, Ford Pines.)

"What do you think about it by the way?"

(Honestly I'm surprised, Irene was really good at dressing professionally, but when it came to anything outside of that she usually struggled a lot to not look like a hot mess most of the time.)

"It's nice, it definitely fits you. Down to the cat stuff that I'm sure you couldn't live without" I teased.

"Well I'm glad my hard work paid off, and for your information the cat accessories was a personal touch of mine as they say. I read in many fashion magazines that doing that personalizes an outfit and makes you enjoy it even more, I'd definitely say there's truth to it!"

(It was really funny to catch her off guard sometimes, I enjoyed doin' it whenever I could.)

"Alright, alright, I get it. Ya look nice okay? I'm sure your "boyfriend" would say the same." I said with a snarky tone in my voice.

It took Irene a couple of seconds to realize who I was referencing. Her cheeks flushed a tomato red as her lips pursed together so tightly her lips almost disappeared.

"Shut it! He's NOT my boyfriend and you know it! I don't like him like that at all!"

(HA! I knew I'd get a reaction out of her with that comment.)

"How would you like it if I said Dr. Pines was YOUR boyfriend? He definitely seems to take a liking to you in a different way than me!"

(Oh she did not just say that. Sure, Ford Pines definitely did look handsome sometimes, and once in a blue moon I thought about him from the corner of my mind like an annoying tune from a commercial, but I did NOT like him like that! I hated his guts, it was just an unfortunate fact that he was the worst but was gifted with good looks and was occasionally, stupidly, charming.)

(I felt my face tingle with heat as I looked away from her. It was something a kid would probably do, but I'd be damned I'd let her see how well she used my own words against me.)

"Well I wouldn't say bein' gifted vermin is anything to be excited about Irene!"

(Wait a damn minute, FUCK we're TALKING WAY TOO LOUD RIGHT NOW.)

(Irene seemed to be on the same wavelength as I was because we both glanced around the room before turning back to facing each other with embarrassment.)

(Geez, we ended up arguin' like schoolgirls. Good one Yusuf... just hope it wasn't as embarrassing as it felt.)

It felt like ages before Irene cut the growing tension in the air.

"Haha, well I guess that was a bit childish of us both..."

(Ugh, there she goes again. She's taking responsibility for something that wasn't her fault.)

"Yeah... anyway I just want to get this outta the way but I'm sorry for teasin' too far."

"No, no. I know you don't mean it. I've just have a lot on my mind regarding that subject..."

Course it was, when it wasn't worrying about her cat lately Irene was working herself to the bone learning about that Stanford Pines.

(I really hope this doesn't come back to bite me in the ass...)

"What's been buggin' you lately?"

"Well... lately things have been going pretty well with you know who, but that's what's worrying me. During all of our sessions it's always kept a pattern to an extent. Mainly in the pattern of he'd have his ups before some pretty heavy downs. I'm worried about what kind of problems he'll be hit with when those patterns of good times eventually end for him."

(Bleedin' Heart Dr. Oleander is worrying about her patients to a personal level? You're kidding.)

"I think you're just bein' paranoid. Besides, it's been an ease off of both your shoulders and mine, you should really enjoy it while it lasts.

"That's true I suppose. I just really wish I wasn't hitting so many roadblocks when it came to him and just LEARNING about his background to begin with."

"Eh, you've gotten this far yeah? I doubt you'll be stuck forever. You're always persistent when it comes to work."

(It was one of your biggest strengths, and one of the things that was most annoying about you.)

"True..."

Our conversation was soon interrupted by the barista from before.

"Sorry for the wait, I had to fight both the coffee machine AND the espresso machine to get your order done. Literally."

Saying this they held up their arm, showing some burn marks from presumably the machines themselves.

"It's been interesting working with living machines now, but I think it's been an interesting experience! Weirdly enough the drinks have been tasting even better now that the machines are sentient. Anyways, please enjoy!"

With that the barista happily placed down our drinks onto our table, afterwards heading back to the counter. From what I could see they were bandaging up their burn marks while chatting with the next customers in line.

(I... eh nevermind. It was easier to just accept that some weird things were going to happen and some people were just weird enough to adjust to it quickly.)

Placed onto our table was a tray carrying two cups. The first was an average cup of coffee, the beverage was poured into a rustic looking coffee cup adorned with a checked pattern.

The second was a much cuter looking cup filled with a pumpkin spice latte, the coffee cup had a thematically fitting pumpkin design to it, with whipped cream on top and a cinnamon stick stuck into it.

I took the pumpkin spice latte while Irene took the normal cup of joe.

Say what you want about me picking a girly drink at a coffee shop, but goddamnit I wasn't going to deny myself a treat when quite literally the end of the world could be tomorrow.

As we enjoyed our drinks, we heard the bell of the front door ring as some guy walked in.

He was a tall, weedy, lookin' fellow who looked like he'd seen more than his fair share of troubles. His clothes looked as old as he did, looking like somethin' you'd find a cowboy from the old west wearing.

I wasn't sure what kind of glasses he was wearing, I think they were called Windsor glasses? I don't know, I've always called em' the old grandma style glasses.

(Was that... A rifle on his back?? Eh... I'm not gonna worry about it. That sounded annoying, not to mention you didn't exactly go around askin' someone if they had a gun.)

As the cowboy ordered something at the counter, I found myself looking torwards Irene with a smile.

"I didn't know pioneer day was so soon." I joked to her.

"Yusuf Ibis you cut that out!" Irene scolded in response, although I could tell by the tone of her voice she was muffling a chuckle.

(It was it's own reward to see Irene struggle to keep her usual professionalism.)

I'm not sure why, but after I pointed out that particular man, Irene couldn't help but look in his direction for a minute.

"What's up Irene? You know the guy or somethin'?"

"No... But I can't help but feel like I've seen him before... No, it's probably nothing."

"Whatever you say."

With that we enjoyed our drinks and sat at the table afterwards. I wasn't really sure what I was going to do after Irene and I's little coffee run.

A phone ringtone consisting of cat meows rang out, Irene immediately reached into her coat pocket to pull out her flipphone. She flipped it open and checked something for a good minute before closing it with a sigh.

"What was that?"

"Just a surge of emails I recently got from a bunch of different people regarding my Cat and Dr.Pines."

"Really? Your cat AND Mr.Pines have gotten people interested in you?"

"Yes, it's strange. I'm getting quite a few requests from one blog in particular about talking with them about my dear little Calamari in particular."

"Are ya gonna respond?"

"I think so, at the very least I'll thoroughly check the emails later. Although I can't shake the feeling that something bad might come from it."

"Heh like what? It's not like you'll be playing a part in starting a war or somethin!"

"I suppose that's true..."

With that, after some awkward chatter Irene and I parted ways. It was nice having some time off from working or talkin' about our certain little patient.

As I began to walk down the sidewalk from the coffee shop, my mind began to wander. Aside from the usual dread of returning to work, figuring out what I was goinf to do when I wasn't AT work, I couldn't help but worry a bit about Irene.

(She was so concerned about that one six fingered weirdo, but I didn't really get why she was aside from her usual bleedin' heart thing. She really needed to take a page from my book and stop involving yourself so personally with your work.

But convincing her of that would be like convincing a certain someone to NOT be obsessed with a certain demonic triangle.)

*Sigh* (I just hope that besides not dragging me down with her she knows when to quit.

Because after all, as the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat.)

(I hope this more fluffy focused fanfic turned out well! I had a lot of fun writing the more angsty Stan one I rushed to write, but I'm just a sucker for hurt/comfort or pure fluff fics personally!

Hopefully the winging I did with Irene and Yusuf was fun as well! I may or may not be having a lot of fun writing blunt opinions of different characters from the viewpoints of our lovely sour apple Dr.Ibis!

(Is he too mean though or not mean enough? I'm worried about him being too "mean girl esque" without the sweet side to balance it out as the Tsundere I'm headcanoning him to be lmaoo.)

I'm seriously excited that another anon was super inspired to write angsty fanfiction as well! That Ford fanfiction they wrote that was like a counterpart to my Stan one was HEARTBREAKING and I knew I had to try and tie it into this silly little fanfiction side-story thing I've been having a ton of fun writing for Jellyskink!

(Girl by the way in case I didn't mention it before I'm totally blown away from the love you had for my stan fanfic, I absolutely laughed my a** off when I saw the silly little doodle you drew for it! Would you be alright it I used it for a profile picture? I'll be sure to credit you if it's okay!)

That fake Internet flamewar you're having with is-it-cute-gf-au-edtion is totally hilarious and I'm definitely keeping a close eye on it while sending in some hopefully fun asks for it. (Personally I'm also a #TeamCalimari person. Sorry #TeamFord, I just think Calimari is my favorite option between the two.)

(Did Fiddleford do the very healthy, very normal thing of stalking and investigating these two doctor's after getting his coffee order? Will Calimari still continue to be an adorable menace to society? (Spoiler alert for that, most definitely.) Will the anons eventually team up to write more random fanfiction for Jellyskink?

Who knows? But tune in next time anyway for whoever's post follows this!

Yusuf is a sour apple Tsundere, for sure!! And of course, feel free to use that Stan pic! :D

I'M A FORD PINES BELIEVER! HE CAN WIN ONE SINGLE PET SHOW! I BELIEVE IN HIM!!!

“Dr. Pines, I was wondering if you can tell me about yourself” Dr. Oleander was leaning against the counter in her office. On the examination table sat a man she's only known for the past months. He was first brought to her with injuries so severe she was amazed that he was still able to move. She was worried for the man and asked him to make follow up appointments at least once a month so she can monitor him. For the most part he was good On his word but there we times he ether cut it close to this appointment time or did both showing up at all.

The next time they would meet he would he would express his deep apologies but his “Muse” didn't see the point to the more frequent doctor visits, after all he hasn't been to a doctor in over 25 after all. He only allowed the first after his “Muse” grew tired of him vomiting blood everywhere, and wasn't able to move after intense abdominal pains, as if they were the man's fault. After the second visit (the follow up to make sure the medication was working) they grew close and bonded over there love of science. And then on the third visit the man gave her a dead mouse as a token of his appreciation. As disturbing as it was it was endearing, and it reminded of her cat, Calamari, if it were any other patient she would be highly concerned for sure, but what little she did know about him she knew it was the only way he knew how to express affection. In short his life was more concerning then the dead animals he gave her. She desperately wanted him to seek mental help for his trama but he adamantly denied it saying nothings wrong and if he did he deserves it and how he should be grateful that his muse is merciful for putting up with his past problems.

She thought long and hard, if she were to help him she would have to get creative and probably break a few HIPAA violations. So after a few more visits to regain his trust she decided it was time. He was the last appointment of the day and asked if he could stay longer she told him it was to help fill in his medical charts and to record data, and promised him a lollipop for his help. These were two things he couldn't resist the promise of scientific research and food.

He looked At her confused with a lollipop pop in his mouth. She asked again, “Dr.Pines? Could you please tell me some more about you.”

To Ford what was originally routine physical Examination and quality time with someone he could trust, was turning well off. His Doctor had already been aware of himself, a man mid 60s he thinks it was hard to keep track of time in the bubble and time flew when he was with his beloved muse. He loved science and had an interest in biology, with a particular interest in lepidoptery (the study of moths.) And more importantly he did everything for his muse. He lives and breathes for the sake of him, he loved him and In return Ford knew he was special to his muse, and that made it all worth it.

“Dr. Pines I know this is difficult but I need this information for your chart.” The doctor continued. “Please start from the beginning, your childhood, if you would be so kind.”

The beginning. He didn't like thinking about any time before he came to his senses with his muse. To him they were the dark times, without the guiding light of his muse how did he even manage to live before his muse.

What was there to say really? He was born to an ex-concrete pourer turned pawn shop owner, and a pathological liar who made a career of being a fake phone psychic. He had 2 brothers, one older and one younger. The Doctor already knew about the younger one Stanley, his twin and the only one he had been in contact with post muse. They lived in a small beach town in Jersey. He was born a freak and was bullied all throughout his adolescent years, for it.

Then there was static. Then the next thing he remembers he was at college. He couldn't remember why he went to Backupsmore but he did and met a man he could call his friend. Fiddleford, he was a genius mechanical engineer, you name it he could build it. He supposed That was the reason Ford called him up one day to help him with a project. Again static.

It was a few years After his graduation he moved to a small town in Oregon. He spent many days hiking the surrounding woods in search of answers to the strange and unusual. One day he found it. From the paintings on a cave wall he found a way to summon a being from another dimension, the beings name was Bill, Stanford’s Muse, the light of his life, his shining star, beacon of hope, his lord and master. He informed Ford that there was a way to bridge his lowly inferior world to that of a gods'. And like the loyal man he was he got to work straight away. He called up friend who was squandering his potential with what he called a computermajig, a waste of time Ford thought.

The beginning stages were wonderful. His Muse, was lead them on the path of greatness, and with the aid of a friend the impossible was possible. That was until it all went…. More static filled the events that transpired on that day. He didn't like thinking about it to begin with. the day he-he… The thought alone brought him great shame to begin with, he hated that he once resisted… only flashes of anger, Betrayal, hurt, pain… an unbelievable amount of pain… he deserved everything second of it, after all he went against His muse. It was a rough 5 years. Most of it was spent chained up, starved, and severely dehydrated. More static. But in the end it was okay, thanks to his muse steering him on the correct path. How foolishly he was. After an eternity alone in a small dark room, his muse finally came and rescued him. He reward Stanford with his first meal in weeks and water life saving water he lovingly put more minerals in for him.(in reality the meal was nothing more then a dead rat and gutter water) He was always looking out for him even when he new he shouldn't have deserved it. But his Muse found it in his heart to forgive him so Stanford did the only thing he could think of to thank the being that saved him. He turned on the portal.

In the years since the activation of the portal. Stanford learned to be the perfect pet for his muse. When he was good he was rewarded with Jellybeans, and good dreams that served as revenge fantasies (take that Crampelter, 6 fingers are better then none, who's the Freak now). Sometimes he slips he doesn't mean too of course how could he intentionally do something that angerd his Muse. His Muse would try and correct the behavior, whether it be withholding food or isolation. Ford couldn't stress this enough it was his fault his Muse did this to him in the first place. He needed To be perfect for him, so he could finally recognize his devotion. So for now he'll sleep on a dog bed, eat the scientist Kibble, and attend the dog shows (which always ended badly and he spent the rest of his night sulking in the back of Dr. Oleander’s car.) He would happily do any of that if his Muse required it. He's fine what would a doctor know about this anyway. No one could understand.

Dr. Oleander was starting to regret this tactic. After she asked her patient a rather personal question, she just watched him stare off into space, his eyes devoid of any life. She tried to speak to him again, but nothing registered. It was 30 minutes of intense silence. The best she could do was work on the much need paperwork until her patient came through. It wasn't much longer after her final bit of paperwork was finished when a small voice apologized, thinking he might have dozed off for a second. She lied to him, saying that it was alright she saw how tired he was, and he deserved the sleep. She gave him his prescription and a few more of her lollipops for the road. The man seemed more interested in the sweets then the life-saving medicine. She led him to the front door and offered him a ride back. He politely denied the request, seeing how the weather was pleasant enough for a walk. She wished him the best and gave Him a date and time for their next appointment and reminded him to floss more as per Dr. Ibis instructions. He smiled politely back at her and continued on his way. Once back in the safety of her office, she took down a notebook and scribbled more notes on her patient. At the end of her notes, she put down one more thought like it was a wish to the universe. “I hope Dr. Pines eventually gets the help he needs.”

Maybe it's for the best he didn't actually say anything...

"Callie I'm home! And I got you a treeaattt~!"

Irene's voice rang through her studio apartment with a mix of excitement and weariness. She was finally done with work for the day, seeing her child was what she was looking forward to the most after today.

(Hm... I don't see her waiting for me at the door as usual, where could she be?)

Unceremoniously kicking off her shoes next to door, she tosses her jacket onto her sofa, after which she follows suit onto.

Today was just like any other, day in and day out from the medical office. The same car troubles, the same usual bickering with Mr. Ibis, the same dang stress of worrying how soon the world as she knew it was going to end, but on top of it all off, she had another appointment with Dr. Stanford Filbrick Pines that day.

(I just don't get that guy. Nothing about his lifestyle or even state of being makes sense! This is the first time in my entire career I can't figure out SOME kind of pattern with my patient.)

Dr. Pine's entire situation confused her, and the cherry on top was that his medical records were just as confusing and a mess to figure out.

(I just don't get it, there's such a wide gap of time between any kind of medical logs that have information on Dr.Pines. It's almost like he went MISSING for a while in his life.)

Thinking about this all really made her headache worse. Her hands reached up to her temples as she began to massage them gently. It didn't help much, but it was better than nothing.

Irene found herself sighing loudly as an adorably unearthly meow rang in her ear and she felt an otherworldly ball of fur lay on her head.

"mRrowww..."

"Daww hello my little angel! I missed you so much!"

Her hands immediately went from her own to the incomprehensiblely adorable ball of fur that gave her so much reason in her life. She was her baby, her adorable little cat Calamari.

Calamari happily purred in response to Irene's affection. Irene knew she was a walking trope of a lonely cat lady who treated her cat like her own flesh and blood, but she didn't care. Calamari was really the only family she had right now, and the foolish trope was one that was lame anyway.

"Guess what? I got you a treat while I was out today! It's your favorite! A tuna flavored cat biscuit!"

Reaching into her pocket, Irene revealed the cat biscuit to her fluffy friend. Before she had the chance to unwrap it, she felt it dematerialize from her hand like it was going out of style.

"Haha! I knew you'd love it! You're so cute!!"

Alright so Callie rarely ate with her mouth and preferred to absorb most food items into her third eye. It wasn't normal but it was very much still adorable! Even if staring into said eye for too long made you space out and question life for twenty minutes.

Calamari happily rubbed her head onto Irene's hand after finishing her treat.

(I know there isn't a ton of reliable studies that show animals such as cats can thank people, but Callie's a smart kitty, I'm sure she knows how! It definitely wouldn't be the weirdest thing she could do. Hmm, it is getting pretty late now, I should probably get dinner taken care of, I'm pretty hungry right now myself.)

With a sigh and movements as graceful as she could, she picked up Calamari and cradled her as she reached for her phone and opened up her flipphone.

(I... really don't feel like cooking today. You know what? I'm going to splurge and get takeout tonight.

But what? Chinese? No I need to watch my sodium intake... Spaghetti Bolognese from that one Italian restaurant a couple blocks down? Tempting as that is one of my favorite foods, and the owner does owe me a couple of favors themselves, but then again I get that a lot, I don't want to get tired of it by accident...)

Calamari flopped around in her arms playfully as she contemplated what she wanted to eat.

(Ah of course! Why didn't I think of it sooner! Pizza! It isn't the healthiest choice either, but I could seriously go for it right now! Now where did I put that one pizza place's number...)

After what felt like eternity waiting for her pizza delivery order, Irene heard a knock on the door as she opened it. The pizza she ordered placed politely on top of her cat shaped doormat, looking as much as a treasure as an ancient relic in the moment.

(Gotta say I'm glad I'm able to pay by card for this... I'm really not in the mood to talk right now to anyone.)

Happily taking the pizza into her home, Irene flopped down onto her couch, Calamari immediately following suit.

The pizza was as delectable as ambrosia in that moment. The crust was perfectly golden brown and spiced with italian seasoning, the sauce was the perfect balance of sweet and savory, spiced to perfection, and the cheese and pepperoni on top was the perfect way to end the wonderful layers of the pizza pie. And was that basil added on top? It was!!

The pizza was cut into squares, triangle pizza at least for the past year wasn't very popular with establishments or certain people, especially if it was just a cheese pizza, but that didn't matter at all to Irene.

Before she knew it Irene found herself eating the entire pizza, sharing some of the cheese and pepperoni with Calamari since that was her favorite part to eat.

(Ah I didn't mean to indulge so much tonight... well you know what? It was delicious! Who knows how long it's been since I last ate a nice meal that WASN'T something from the hospital cafeteria...)

Calamari at this point was sleeping next to Irene on the couch, satisfied and happily napping.

(Daw... I'm glad she liked it too, thank goodness the ingredients in this are alright to give to her in moderation, I have trouble saying no to my darling little Calamari!)

Noticing the time, Irene decided it was time to get ready for bed. There were patients to see and work for her to do tomorrow.

(I really want to wear my comfiest and favorite pajamas tonight, where are they? I know I washed them and had them in my pile of clean laundry on my bed... aha! Here they are!)

Irene quickly threw on her favorite pajamas, an oversized nightshirt with the words "Live, Laugh, CatMom" printed on it in cursive accompanyed by a silly picture of a cat Irene absolutely adored. Paired with it were her flowy and comfortable pajama bottoms, decorated with pictures of cats with silly mustaches.

(Finally done for the day, I really should fold my laundry and put it away... Ehhh I'll do it tomorrow. For now I'll just put the clothes and the basket on my dinnertable.)

Nighttime quickly began to set as Irene sat at her worn down antique vanity desk. The stars were beautiful at this hour, glittering throughout the night, they were one of the only things that stayed consistent and normal in Irene's life.

(Geez, no matter how many times I look at myself in the mirror I can't help but notice how quickly time passes. Stress really isn't doing your already awkward looks any favors... Maybe I need to change up my look again? But how?

Maybe I should get back into trying to learn makeup and more "modern" fashion... Or maybe a new haircut? Maybe not that latter option, I'm quite happy with my bob, it's certainly been easier to care for my hair lately, and I'm not sure I could pull off anything shorter or more... "Adventurous.")

"Mrrroww??" With a quick leap, Calamari jumped onto the desk, knocking over a few cosmetics, toiletries, and photos while doing so.

"Woah! Careful my dear! Haha you always seem to know when something is bothering me..."

*Sigh* "I suppose I'm just worried about myself again is all. You know me, whenever I'm not worrying about how I look, I worry about my work."

(I guess I just, never expected my life to go this way I suppose. Cipher really did throw a wrench into a lot of my plans in life. I mean, did anyone expect any of this to happen? I'm ashamed to admit I was arrogant in the beginning, I believed this all couldn't be possible, that it'd be solved soon if anything, I believed it couldn't cause as much problems and dangers to the world as it did...)

"You know what they say, every rose has it's thorn, although I certainly feel like I have more thorns than rose sometimes..."

(I'll never forget my first reaction to being sent out as a part of the group of doctors to help the people evacuating Gravity Falls. There was so much panic, so much chaos, and some of the wounds I had to patch up weren't anything you'd ever normally deal with even if you worked in the ER.

It almost seemed unreal, that any moment someone would say "cut" and it would end like a movie.)

(It's these kind of moments of panic that really make me childishly wish that the world of medical science was as simple as we believed it was as kids, that all it really took was being rushed to the infirmary, some rest, a bandaid, and some care to heal whatever was hurting somone.)

(But that wasn't how things were. It was much more complicated than that, and the kicker was that you always held your patient's life in your line like a tether. Whenever that tether broke and you couldn't help fix it no matter how hard you tried, having to tell the patient's family their loved one was gone... It's almost too much to bear sometimes.)

"I'm so thankful I have you though Callie, I really think you're one of the only good things to come out of this mess and into my life."

"Woof!"

"Haha!! That's a new one! You never cease to surprise me girl! That and the weird things you sometimes bring me home..."

(When she was younger it was normal stuff like mice, small birds, and insects. Nowadays it was much more... weird. When it wasn't something like a gnome panicking for it's life or an eyebat, it was random items.)

(At first it was pretty normal, like a sparkly pink ribbon probably used to tie up hair or something, black nail polish, or what I'm assuming is someone's art project for pins of what I'm guessing is a top hat and bow tie??)

(Then it became weirder and more varied. For example, she once brought home a weird plush that resembles Dr. Pines in a way. That one in particular was odd because I don't think I've ever seen Dr. Pines smile in such a showboating way, let alone wear anything that wasn't of any semblance to "his muse". The suit seemed normal but the fez was definitely the weirdest thing.)

(Most recently she brought home some kind of sentient gummy lizard-snake thing. It had jumped out of my hands when I had tried to take it outside to release it, and I still haven't found it to this day. Sometimes I swear spot it moving around somewhere from the corner of my eye while I'm at home...)

"Anyways, how about we head to bed? I know I'm tired today after an exhausting day!"

(I'll clean up my vanity later, it's certainly getting way too late for me to be up at this hour...)

With that, Irene promptly headed to bed with Calamari following in tow. She promptly fell asleep quickly after laying her head down, despite wanting to spend some more time thinking about things.

Unbeknownst to her though, up high in a corner of the wall of her apartment, was a cute little housespider sitting on it's web.

Of course the next morning Calamari would be found by Irene playing with this exact spider.

A cute little spider, with a strange pattern that strangely looked like a certain evil dorito with an eye. :)

(I'm really glad you and others liked my cringey fanfiction! It definitely surprised me and had me smiling ear to ear!

I hope you don't mind I kinda winged it with Oleander's character. I thought she kinda gave off the vibes of a tomboy/tomboy in her youth while also the vibes of the "determined doctor" trope. Hopefully this doesn't clash with your actual ideas for her? I love the idea too of her being a dorky cat lady too lol.

I seriously loved the details you made about Calamari! I thought it'd be funny if her teleporting power also let her travel dimensions for funsies, because imagine all of the mischief she could cause! Especially if she likes to steal Bill and Ford's stuff the most lmaoo.)

I LOVE cat mom Oleander!! And Calamari stealing stuff from other universes? PERFECT. I DEEPLY hope she steals things from other AU Fords!

And, Ford. Honey. Baby. Calamari isn't the reason you lost the cat show.

"Alright Dr. Pines, I'm pleased to report that your lab results for your bloodwork have finally been logged and updated to our medical system since the last we saw each other."

"H-huh? Oh! I'm certainly glad to hear that Dr. Oleander! Forgive me, I'm afraid my mind was wandering just now."

Sunshine shown through the windows of the medical doctor's office, bathing parts of the room with it's comforting warm rays. Outside, leaves of different colors and types scattered in the breeze with an air of playfullness to them. It was truly a lovely autumn day.

At least... it was as lovely as it could get lately. When it wasn't the occasional inanimate object coming to life to either cause mischief, panic, harm, or all of the above, the slowly randomizing weather definitely made it trickier to enjoy nature. 

Quite literally the other day it was a record-breaking freezing winter, followed the day after by a sweltering summer so hot that not only could you fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you could fry the chicken that laid it as well if you wanted to.

"That's quite alright, I just wanted to let you know that we did find some rather... interesting results."

"What kind of results? A-anything my Muse should be concerned over? I must inform him if there's anything that would cause him to worry over me!"

"Er, it's nothing as dire as that I assure you. I moreso wanted to let you know that in comparison to your first blood test, there's improvement to your overall health! I'm really proud of you that you're making progress."

"O-oh um thanks I suppose? I don't believe it's because of my choices truthfully. If it wasn't for my Muse's instance and kindness about my health I don't believe I could've done it on my own!"

"Dr. Pines I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit, only those who want help can accept it as they always say..."

"No, no! I'm serious! I'm truly thankful he's been stern that I see Stanley on a regular basis!

 I'm quite forgetful with taking care to see him regularly. Stanley's always worried about me, it pains me to see him filled with grief whenever I'm unable to talk to him for a bit due to my Muse and I's busy schedule.

Without him I'm sure my health and relationship with my Brother would be absolutely horrible!"

"..."

"Dr. Oleander? Is something the matter? You aren't speaking to me as much as you usually do."

"Forgive me Dr. Pines, I'm just a bit conflicted right now. I've just got a lot on my mind as well. On a similar subject, I do want to apologize for overstepping my boundaries with talking to you about your relationship with Mr.Cipher."

"..."

"I-it's fine. I know you didn't mean to be so crude on purpose. My Muse and I's relationship is often a subject to many due to it's complex and sublime love."

"Yes I believe you're right... Forgive me Doctor, I have a tendency to involve myself too much in my work."

"You d-don't need to apologize for that! It's a quality my Muse approves of you for! He wouldn't let just anyone treat any medical problems I have, the fact you have his trust is a sign you're great at what you do Doctor Oleander."

"... I appreciate your reassurance, though it still isn't very professional of me to be so casual with my speech with you about my troubles with my confidence as a medical practitioner."

"I don't mind! I swear!! I-I think you're a lot like the plant you share your surname with."

"I'm sorry?"

"Y-you know, Oleander? Also known as Rosebay? It's a perennial shrub and tree known and loved for it's vitality, resilience, and beauty. 

My Muse likes the fact every part of it is poisonous, it's definitely a kicker that's certain!

Personally I love the fact that certain species of caterpillars use the plant as both a food source and a way to defend themselves against predators! 

In particular, there's a species of moths known as the Oleander Hawk Moth, that does this! It's a very interesting and rare kind of Moth to see! I personally consider it to be one of my favorites!"

"Haha! Is that so? W-well thank you Doctor for that compliment and the accompanying fact."

"..."

"Ick are you two nerds just about done being boring together?"

"O-oh! Mr. Cipher! My apologies! We were just about done with Dr. Pine's appointment. It's my fault for taking longer than usual with his appointment..."

"You know Doco? Normally I'd be furious buuut this does mean Sixer finally has a buddy to talk about his more boring nerd things with! 

Congrats! You've redeemed yourself from me needing to find Sixer a new doctor!

This is definitely a blessing in disguise for me as you humans say! Now, be a doll and tell Sixer to hurry on home now? We've got places to be and mayhem to cause!"

"Of course Mr.Cipher. I'll be sure to do that right away."

"Oh and Doco before I forget, just know that I'll be keeping a closer eye on the time in the future. Fordsy's on a pretty tight schedule you know! I'd hate to have to CUT into both you and him over not keeping track of time. 

Although that would mean I'd have the chance to change things up when my pet needs a reminder that he needs to behave... And I would have the chance to really see how your meatsacks work without needing to worry about needing to harm a hair on Sixer's head... 

Whoops did I say that out loud? Haha! My bad! Anyways, pleasure talking with you Doco! Byee!!"

"Ugghh..."

"Dr.Pines! Er, I'm sorry to have to cut this conversation short, but Mr.Cipher has requested I let you know that you've been out for a while and must return back to him as quickly as you can."

*Gasp* "O-Oh no! Please forgive me my Muse! I didn't mean to forget to watch the time! I'll be home soon!! ThankyouforyourtimeDr.OleanderbutIsimplymustbegoing!!"

"Dr.Pines, I'll have your meds refilled and ready by hopefully the end of today!!"

*Sigh* "I really need to think about changing professions..."

(Just as soon as she says this, Mcgucket falls out of a tree very ungracefully, scampering after Ford. 

"???"

"What the-? Okayyy and now cowboy hillbillies are just falling out of trees now. Why am I surprised?? 

I'm going home early today, I deserve it. It's too early for this. I can't wait to just go back to bed and hug Calamari soon..."

(I hope you likes my attempt at some fanfiction! I wasn't sure if I should write it like a book or like a visual novel. The font stuff is probably really wonky because I typed this all around 1am and on my phone so my apologies for that lol.

I'm glad you liked my idea at trying to write some fanfiction about your au's Ford and Irene. Or would it be friendfiction in this case?? Anyways, I think I like the platonic route too. Maybe if Ford and Irene were to be a ship it'd be a friends to lovers thing or something? Idk. I was thinking about writing a more Irene and Calamari focused sequal to this, but I'm not sure if I should? Idk lmaoo.)

I especially wonder how much Dr. Oleander is like the plant she shares a last name with.

A plant known and loved for it's vitality, resilience, and beauty, but is also known and feared for the harm it can bring people with even a small amount of it's poison, which is a part of the entire plant.

Will she bring safety to Ford like an Oleander does for certain caterpillars, helping make them poisonous to predators that want to eat them? Or will she bring danger to Ford? Potentially harming or killing him or others because of her actions?

I apologize in advance if that's cringey!

Here's a quote from the Wikipedia page on Oleander that inspired me about this if you don't mind me sharing.

"Some invertebrates are known to be unaffected by oleander toxins, and feed on the plants. Caterpillars of the polka-dot wasp moth feed specifically on oleanders and survive by eating only the pulp surrounding the leaf-veins, avoiding the fibers. Larvae of the common crow butterfly and oleander hawk-moth also feed on oleanders, and they retain or modify toxins, making them unpalatable to potential predators such as birds, but not to other invertebrates such as spiders and wasps."

I JUST THINK IT'S A CUTE THOUGHTZ ESPECIALLY IF THIS WAS SOMETHING FORD WOULD TELL HER IN AN ATTEMPT TO IMPRESS HER OR SOMETHING.

I don't really see them working as a couple with how I'm writing them, but I would be SUPER interested to see any art or writing about such a scenario! Ford and Oleander work a lot better as a platonic ship, I think, as that seems like it would be more of a deepening of their existing friendly dynamic. Also something I'd love to see!!